月亮与六便士 10.6 - 10.7 | The Moon And Sixpence 10.6 - 10.7

I think sheadded this to explain her attitude to me, but I thought it was due to a verynatural jealousy rather than to maternal solicitude."Are youin love with him still?""I don'tknow. I want him to come back. If he'll do that we'll let bygones be bygones.After all, we've been married for seventeen years. I'm a broadminded woman. Iwouldn't have minded what he did as long as I knew nothing about it. He mustknow that his infatuation won't last. If he'll come back now everything can besmoothed over, and no one will know anything about it. "It chilled me alittle that Mrs. Strickland should be concerned with gossip, for I did not knowthen how great a part is played in women's life by the opinion of others. Itthrows a shadow of insincerity over their most deeply felt emotions.It was knownwhere Strickland was staying. His partner, in a violent letter, sent to hisbank, had taunted him with hiding his whereabouts: and Strickland, in a cynicaland humourous reply, had told his partner exactly where to find him. He wasapparently living in an Hotel."I'venever heard of it, " said Mrs. Strickland. "But Fred knows it well.He says it's very expensive. "She flusheddarkly. I imagined that she saw her husband installed in a luxurious suite ofrooms, dining at one smart restaurant after another, and she pictured his daysspent at race-meetings and his evenings at the play.我想她最后加添的话是为了向我解释她为什么要采取这种态度，但是我却认为她这样做与其说出于母爱不如说由于极其自然的嫉妒心理。“你还爱他吗？”“我不知道。我要他回来。如果他回来了，我可以既往不咎。不管怎么说，我们已经是十七年的夫妻了。我不是一个心胸狭小的女人。过去我一直蒙在鼓里，只要我不知道，我也就不会介意这件事。他应该知道这种迷恋是长不了的。如果他现在就回来，事情会很容易弥补过去，谁也发现不了。”思特里克兰德太太对流言蜚语这样介意，叫我心里有些发凉，因为当时我还不知道旁人的意见对于女人的生活竟有这么大的关系。我认为这种态度对她们深切的情感投掷上一层不真挚的暗影。思特里克兰德住的地方家里人是知道的。他的合股人曾通过思特里克兰德存款的银行给他写过一封措词严厉的信，责骂他隐匿自己行踪；思特里克兰德在一封冷嘲热讽的回信里告诉这位合股人在什么地方可以找到他。看来他正住在一家旅馆里。“我没听说过这个地方，”思特里克兰德太太说。“但是弗雷德对这家旅馆非常熟悉。他说这是很昂贵的一家。”她的脸涨得通红。我猜想她似乎看到自己的丈夫正住在一套豪华的房间里，在一家又一家的讲究的饭店吃饭。她想象他正过着花天酒地的生活，天天去赛马厅，夜夜去剧场。“象他这样的年龄，不能老过这种生活，”她说，“他到底是四十岁的人了。如果是一个年轻人，我是能够理解的。可是他这种年纪就太可怕了，他的孩子都快长大成人了。再说他的身体也受不住。”愤怒同痛苦在她胸中搏斗着。“告诉他，他的家在召唤他回来。家里什么都同过去一样，但是也都同过去不一样了。没有他我无法生活下去。我宁可杀死自己。同他谈谈往事，谈谈我们的共同经历。如果孩子们问起来，我该对他们说什么呢？他的屋子还同他走的时候一模一样。他的屋子在等着他呢。我们都在等着他呢。”我到那里该谈什么，她句句都告诉我了。她甚至想到思特里克兰德可能说什么话。教给我怎样答对。“你会尽一切力量替我把这件事办好吧？”她可怜巴巴地说，“把我现在的处境告诉他。”我看出来，她希望我施展一切手段打动他的怜悯心。她的眼泪一个劲儿往下落。我心里难过极了。我对思特里克兰德的冷酷、残忍非常气愤，我答应她我要尽一切力量把他弄回来。我同意再过一天就启程，不把事情办出个眉目决不回来。这时天色已晚，我们两人也都由于感情激动而疲惫不堪，我就向她告辞了。