2 Blondes 1 Brain

Episodes

1. 41

   Eye Twitching Through It

   It’s a shorty but a goody. A prequel, if you will. Hazen, the embodiment of Link from The Legend of Zelda, and Erika, the devil—as some surely envision her, are back. With a hasty cup of tea. We’re reuniting in a week and will provide all the thoughts we had after we ended this recording, with…

   more
   May 26, 2023

   20m
2. 40

   Toyota Crayola and Mist

   Our entire lives are spent coming up with subpar drag names for ourselves—we can never have enough identities. This week, experience Mr. Ring as Erika did, and Hazen as he shares the dangers of being a mail man. Happy International Bear Convergence! (Also if you’re a skinny white boy in southern...

   Mar 1, 2023

   38m
3. 39

   You Know She’s a Girl, Right?

   Listen to what Hazen got Erika’s little sister and brother into over a weekend in Palm Springs, how Hazen served an unassuming Craigslist woman more than just tea, and Erika complain.

   Jan 29, 2023

   29m
4. 38

   Is Erika Even Canadian?

   Erika shares some TMI couple’s advice, while Hazen takes notes. Apparently Canadian’s don’t believe in a tick (Erika actively gagged upon googling when a picture of a tick popped up) related disease? Hazen said so, so it must be fact. Don’t fault us for not knowing anything—we’re hot.

   Jan 4, 2023

   29m
5. 37

   Go Away Grandma

   Hazen is back in Utah! For the day. Erika demonstrates what petty vengeance is to a family member who previously struggled with the definition of it (she has 3 immediate family members blocked at the time of this message), and both of the blondes apologize to Edgar.

   Dec 15, 2022

   35m
6. 36

   Season 32

   Or whatever. What’s up bitches, we’re back, again, once more, today, with an episode. Consider it our re-re-entry into podcasting. Hot girl summer was giving winter downies this year with temperatures from hell thanks to global warming, so that’s what we’re blaming our absence on. But stfu…

   more
   Nov 16, 2022

   27m
7. 35

   ABORT ABORT

   hello season 3! Thank you for surviving this long after we took a hot break, but we’re back ya boobs. Today Hazen shares his exclusive estate sale endeavours, and Erika is still grim. Enjoy! xx

   Aug 21, 2022

   28m
8. 34

   High Demand Hazen Hazard

   As titled, this is a hazardly Hazen episode and we are thriving vicariously thru his antics. Featuring Kasey today! Tune in for an update on the movement we started at Ol*ve G*arden, why Hazen needs to lower his standards, and which doormats give Erika nightmares.

   May 28, 2022

   24m
9. 33

   After ‘borty Brecky

   This week, a recovering Hazen and a namaste Erika tackle an old foe (who never showed up to fight), covered why str8 men are not long for this world, and discussed the world’s most heinous professor. Do tune in. Remember to rate and review! Follow us on instagram: @2b1b.pod

   Apr 24, 2022

   27m
10. 32

    Watermelon Boob Bitches

    No holds barred, the team is introducing a new segment that’s already Erika’s favorite: Rewind and Roast. As a reformed bully, she’s ready to redirect to wreck the deserving troglodytes and ravage their egos. Hazen dishes on his one drag appearance, and mentally prepares to gather content from...

    Apr 15, 2022

    35m
11. 31

    Mormon Lore, Part 2

    Concluding the results of the polls re: things people grew up believing in the Mormon church. As always, topped off with our Trauma or Treasure segment!

    Apr 8, 2022

    47m
12. 30

    Mormon Lore & Dickskin Gore

    Exactly what the title says, sorry. But also a top tier episode if you’re fascinated by the weird things some mormons believe/teach. Also listen about Erika’s ex, Hazen’s churchy experience, and the ironic reasons why some men wouldn’t take birth control.

    Mar 31, 2022

    59m
13. 29

    Miss Dishonorable Discharge

    Surprise special guest! He speaks on his life in the navy (barf but we love him), and compares notes between Vegas/California proms vs. Hazen’s Utah promenades. Trigger warning: flesh pedestrians; google it if you don’t know but apparently don’t say it out loud! Also, both blondes single-handedly...

    Mar 19, 2022

    44m
14. 28

    The Birds & The Heebee-jeebees

    Introducing our new segment: Trauma or Treasure! You can guess what that’s about. We also break down how the algorithms work—are our phones listening to us?! And some work anecdotes! The dramaaa.

    Mar 8, 2022

    1h 02m
15. 27

    International Bear Convergence

    If you don’t know what it is, get ready to find out. Also, listen to part of the reason why Erika quit her ridiculous job and now chooses the life of worklessness.

    Feb 28, 2022

    40m
16. 26

    Focused: Modern Pronatalism

    Learn what that word means, what a current senator says about women, and how to shut down an invasive Irene. (Hazen literally fell asleep recording this episode.)

    Feb 17, 2022

    43m
17. 25

    Move Over Craig Krush

    Hazen is a sickly sand crab in Mexico and Erika dives into some Canadian ragrets.

    Feb 8, 2022

    46m
18. 24

    Bulbasaur Bitch

    Erika quit her hellscape job! 10/10 recommend just leaving a note and blocking your boss. Hazen is an NFT gal.

    Jan 21, 2022

    39m
19. 23

    Soaking Seamonkeys

    Back to spill some workplace happenings and educate the fans on Utah-based religious Virginity clauses.

    Jan 12, 2022

    52m
20. 22

    Erika’s Invisible Roommate

    Decide if Erika has a roommate or if she’s just unmedicated, while Hazen’s husband becomes a swamp witch—I mean movie star.

    Dec 6, 2021

    45m
21. 21

    Tara Hyman in a Tesla

    Tune in for our first attempt at long-distance podding and the tea on Hazen’s clientele.

    Nov 19, 2021

    34m
22. 20

    High-five My Butt

    SEASON 2 TWEEDLE DICKS. We’re back, we’re angry, we’re confused. It’s fine and Utah is still as fun as a dog’s unexpressed anal gland. You’ll get it I promise.

    Nov 10, 2021

    39m
23. 19

    Slutty Cow Summer

    Erika and Hazen rejoin the podcast life to bring their loyal listeners some reality checks (or reminders to dish out the reality checks to local yocals). #babymodel and drone daddies.

    Jun 1, 2021

    44m
24. 18

    Blondes for Pokémon

    Recently re-obsessed with Pokémon GO (make sure to add us—trainer codes on our Instagram @2blondes1brain.pod), Hazen and Erika camp next to another construction site to yell about Dr. Seuss, white men, and Hazen’s middle name. And other things.

    Mar 26, 2021

    37m
25. 17

    Blondes in the Field

    Hazen and Erika—feeling risky—park next to a construction site at night to record this one.

    Mar 2, 2021

    30m
26. 16

    The Final Bath Bomb

    Sing it like “it’s the final countdown” and then listen to the episode and you’ll get it.

    Jan 29, 2021

    41m
27. 15

    A Woman Named Hotpot

    We haven’t seen each other in a minute so ENJOY (you aren’t allowed to not) us being p(r)etty muah

    Jan 6, 2021

    43m
28. 14

    Bleach Babes - Feminism Edition

    2 + 1 = ...a lot of bleached scalps, discussing their experiences with feminism across state and country lines. Featuring our first guest, bitches xo

    Dec 3, 2020

    47m
29. 13

    Ugly Equines & Astigmatisms

    Hazen gets Twitter famous and dives in on his astigmatism we didn’t know he had! Erika calls her horse and her sister’s (recent) ex boyfriend ugly. Tune in for the local tea!

    Oct 11, 2020

    28m
30. 12

    That’s Hot.

    Paris Hilton is a genius??? Also local drama, how to take a shot, and Hazen poisoned himself to avoid recording this episode.

    Sep 19, 2020

    34m
31. 11

    Cryptids & Chuckwallas

    You’re just going to have to listen to understand. V educational. 10/10.

    Aug 9, 2020

    37m
32. 10

    Normalize the C word

    It’s a meme format on Twitter you get it you get it. We almost lost this episode but Hazen cast a spell and it re-appeared xo

    Jun 27, 2020

    39m
33. 9

    Goodbye to all our friends’ racist moms

    If you unfollowed us for posting about current events and how we h8 racists, good. We also cover our thoughts on The Bee Movie, 90 Day Fiancé, and Erika’s wild employment status.

    May 31, 2020

    36m
34. 8

    TMZ and Murder Bees

    We discovered our intro! See also: current events ft. Homicidal hornets and pervy married cops. Old men really are all the same.

    May 4, 2020

    29m
35. 7

    Crispy Areolas

    It’s the part of the tit that encompasses the nip. Is that how you spell that fucking word or what because google is giving me so many varieties

    Apr 25, 2020

    32m
36. 6

    Nordic Blonde or Iodized Salt?

    Miss Rona is featured in today’s episode, with a surprise celebrity summoning as well!

    Mar 24, 2020

    33m
37. 5

    Happy Endings

    Roe v. Wade is this week’s learning topic! We also discuss how little we value our lives via buying cheap plane tickets in today’s pandemic world.

    Mar 9, 2020

    32m
38. 4

    BOOM you’re educated

    Just kidding. We thought we had structure this time and instead we talk about old white men and other ronchy catastrophes. We’re still cuter than the cartoon versions of us that we bought this week (cruise our Instagram) so it’s fine!

    Mar 2, 2020

    32m
39. 3

    He Wants the Salad

    Sick and Sicker are here this week to discuss Wicca, voting habits, phantom managers, and how much Hazen’s husband wants a salad.

    Feb 23, 2020

    35m
40. 2

    how’d we talk for 53 minutes

    The pair loudly tiptoes around some controversial takes, with some work drama thrown in—WHAT’S NEW.

    Feb 9, 2020

    53m
41. 1

    EPISODE ZERO, bitches

    Hello, unwarranted rants! We’re so sorry you’re listening to this, but less sorry if you’re negatively featured in it xoxo episode 0 because we’re virgins hi

    Jan 17, 2020

    17m