A hora milagrosa

"Kyle Shanahan, you don't even know what day it is." Our picks are in for the first Against the Spread of the NFL season. Dan shares his thoughts on The Athletic finding no bias in Dianna Russini's reporting about Mike Vrabel, JuJu reveals his Top 5 Cheaters in Sports History That He Can Think Of, and we unveil the winners for the 2026 Suey Awards!

"Does it smell like a cheap baby?" Funniest Thing from the Sports Weekend is back, Jack! Nothing this weekend made us laugh, grimace, and send shivers down our spine more than this trailer for the Nathan Fielder-made documentary about Elizabeth Holmes. Amin joins us to weigh in and share his Weekend Observations, which include his thoughts on college football, how he found out the Chicago White Sox were good this year, and his anger over influencers attempting to overtake the US Open.

"David doesn't make the rules of Judaism." With the dust settling a few days after the NBA handed out one of the biggest punishments in NBA history to the Los Angeles Clippers, the gang breaks down the reaction. Dan wonders whether Pablo would get more credit if he worked at a bigger outlet like ESPN, and whether Kawhi Leonard has hung Steve Balmer out to dry by not standing by him and accepting a settlement with the NBA. We also react to the absurdity of umpire Doug Eddings telling St Louis Cardinals pitcher Hancel Rincon not to wear his hat to the side.

"Do you know what making a ruling with prejudice means?" According to Zaslow, it was not that great. He explains why the Week 1 slate of college football disappointed, despite crazy finishes in Auburn-Baylor and Michigan-Western Michigan. Is it unethical for bigger programs to start their season with glorified exhibitions against smaller programs? The NFL returns tomorrow, and Tua has been named the starter, but how long will that last? The gang also discusses whether Bill Belichick is on his way to getting fired at UNC and the interesting way David Samson eats French toast.

"I ruined Shiva, alright. Get it right." Dan took too long to arrive at the Miami Hurricanes party last year, so he is making sure he is well ahead of it this year. After the Canes drubbed Stanford 45-6, Dan and the crew examine Malachi Toney's impact on the program and where his legacy could end up, how Darian Mensah compares to Carson Beck, and where expectations lie for Miami this season. David Samson returns today and joins us in the studio to tell us how Chris Cote and Roy ruined Shiva.

"Eagle Eye Nicoletti is the most important and charismatic person I've ever met in my entire life, and if I was in prison, he'd be my first phone call." Mike Ryan debuts his Top 25 People, and Matthew Berry takes real issue with it. But despite the growing feud, Matthew gives us some of the most important Fantasy Football info possible, including helping Dave make an actual pick during our show's Fantasy Draft. Also, Kevin Clark stops by to settle a score.

"Why am I bunkmates with Mussolini?" It's time for the world premiere of The Diary of a Personable Fella, now streaming. Then, let's play Mr. Lister around QBs from the 2000s and Miami Bowl losses, name some QBs who started Super Bowls with two first names, hear some name-dropping from Dameshek, and ask an important question: are you in your own Top 25 Best People?

"I'll dip into the 70s if I have to, on your ass." Joe Jerivicius. Dave Dameshek is in the driver's seat, but how will he handle the show's fantasy draft as it goes across the course of the show? Mike Tomczak. Jeremy has a teaser for his new country song before the full debut next hour. Mark Bulger. Mike wants to see BACKUPS for Miami tonight as they destroy Stanford. Chris pitches non-humiliating names for Hurricanes. Matt Cassell. Roy smiles. Seneca Wallace. Today's cast: Your ol' pal Dave Dameshek, Roy, Chris, Jeremy, and Mike.

This week on Because Miami, Billy Corben dives into news of the Ron DeSantis administration's misappropriation of funds dedicated towards the Hope Florida Foundation with Seeking Rents writer Jason Garcia. The city manager of North Miami was ousted by the city council in a way that went against the city charter and the Florida Sunshine Law...but there is much more behind this story. North Miami resident and advocate Eileen Bicaba joins the show to talk about the lawsuit that she filed. And Rob Piper, who will be in a runoff vs. Vicki Lopez for a commission seat in District 6 of the city of Miami, comes on to tell the residents why they should vote for him.

We have reached the final month of the MLB season, and Pitch Clock has you ready to go for the stretch run. David Samson returns to tell us which team he believes is most likely to blow their division down the stretch, weigh in on the Ketel Marte drama in Arizona, and whether the Chicago Cubs' offense can carry them to a deep playoff run. And after last week's epic disaster, Jeremy tries to redeem himself and build a better rotation than Chris in this week's game.

"I was so worried about you, big bro." JuJu has takes on the Clippers, Kawhi Leonard, and the show intro from earlier today, and he has some show awards that infuriate Dan. Plus, we hear from Fibula.

"I need your support." So, Tony asks for a do-over in his tire toss against Matthew Coca. Is that a good idea? Absolutely not. Chris tells Dan his concerns about his editing for the Best Story category. Is that a good idea? Absolutely not. Dan, Zaslow, Dave, and Jeremy want to ask some remaining questions around the Kawhi Leonard scandal. Is that a good idea? Absolutely not.

"When did your voice get like that?" Noah Eagle works hard, and despite Dan's belittling introduction, he's here for a good time to talk NFL divisions with the most wiggle room, his original dream job, his stats guy, his former employer, and Nick Collison, for some reason.

"We had a strategy meeting." David Samson has read the entire investigation from Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz and shares what he found most interesting about the entire saga. Was this a death blow to the Clippers? Did the punishment change because of Ballmer's repeat offense? And what does David find interesting in MLB?

"I LOVE THIS COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well, the day has finally come. Adam Silver and the NBA levied their punishment against Steve Ballmer, Gillian Zucker, Lawrence Frank, Kawhi Leonard, and the Los Angeles Clippers, and we have the man who started it all, Pablo Torre, on the show to share ALL the details. How did we end up here? What's the most interesting piece of the investigation's findings? Does Pablo know how to pronounce Gillian Zucker's name? Today's cast: Dan, Your ol' pal Dave Dameshek, Roy, Chris, Jeremy, Tony, and Zaslow.

"The answer is: it's a Black and Mild dummy." JuJu accuses Dan of committing a HIPAA violation for revealing that he thought Roy brushed his teeth with cool ranch Doritos.

"There's something going on with the planet." Florida Panthers' goalie Jacob Markstrom joins the show to discuss his return to the franchise and how it has grown since he departed 13 years ago. He also plays a game of 'Douche or No Douche' with us and creates a new tradition with Chris. Plus, our gang at the DraftKings gas station ran into Chad Ochocinco--who invites Dan to strip clubs with him--and wraps up their very hot day out there. We then listen to the Suey nominees for Best Laugh and discuss whether or not Indiana being ranked #6 is disrespectful to the defending national champions.

"The weird one is when people say 'it's colder than a witch's tit.'" We head back out to the DraftKings gas station, where it is still hot as balls as Tony, Coca, and Zas go head-to-head in the windshield-wash relay. While that's happening, Dan can't help himself and wonders whether balls are more hot or swampy. Jess joins the show to share her thoughts on CFB Week 0 and tells us what she is most excited for in the upcoming Week 1 slate. Are we currently sitting on our balls? You know about that Kacey Musgraves giant disco scrotum? Plus, Dan responds to the reaction to his comments yesterday about premier NFL analyst jobs predominantly going to white former players.

"I genuinely hate Dan Le Batard right now." We continue the discussion of Cam Ward following Jared Stillman sharing his assessment that the former #1 pick 'sucks'. Is Ward's preseason play something to be concerned about, or will he break out in a big way in his sophomore year? We go back out to the DraftKings gas station for a tire toss, and Tony turns in a shameful performance as we kick off four hours of DraftKings giving away free gas! But the highlight of the hour is the nominees for Most Uncomfortable Moment, including Dan calling Jess 'twerk queen', Tony taking things in an interesting direction, and Greg Cote getting all choked up.

"You look like Steve Irwin after." We are putting the gas in gasbag today as we celebrate DraftKings Gameday! Jeremy, Tony, Zaslow, and Matthew Coca are out at a gas station in Miami competing in our show Olympics, which is free to play now on the DraftKings Sports App in all 50 states! The first game up is the Perfect Pump, as we see which of our guys can get closest to a gallon of gas. Plus, Jared Stillman, who was banned from Tennessee Titans practice over a recent exchange with Cam Ward, joins the show to tell his side of the story and why he's not necessarily sure he cares that much.

"Gettin' busy." Before he updates the Polls, JuJu is here with some TV show recommendations and theories on what really happened during Double-Torn-Hamstring gate.

"Flipping tires." The show is giving away free gas tomorrow along with DraftKings. No, seriously. Plus, Mike is ready for a day with a RIDICULOUS lineup for The Hurricade, the crew debates the merits of a Minor League Football feeder system, and a loaded Suey category as we finally get to Best Limited Fake.

"I don't want to say his name because he's a great friend, but after I broke the guy's jaw..." Michael Irvin enters the show with a 2027 Suey Nominee for Best Laugh and sticks around to discuss his love for his Miami Hurricanes, Malachi Toney's excellence, how Mario Cristobal is a true blessing to The U, and the Canes "flippin' more pancakes than a Waffle House." Also, Dan gives a lesson on social media and the three nominees for Greg Cote's Suey Award for Back in My Day.

"Here's the thing men never think about with dating: murder." Comedian Jared Freid has a new special on the Millennial-to-Boomer relationship, inspired by his relationship with his parents, but he can also deliver top-tier dating advice and swat away Dan's body shaming. Plus, it's not just the body shaming: Dan is in peak form with thoughts on broadcaster salaries and racist undertones from WEEI. Also, let's play a game of Real or Fake Podcast!

"I did give up sweating." Have you met our friend D$? He's here to talk Canes Football for 12 hours this afternoon, but Dan is NOT invited. Then, Klay Allen, Dan's thoughts on Pelle Larsson's potential ascension (that Jeremy told you about last week), Greg Cote's cruise, and Mike Ryan's trip to the Coke Zero Sugar 400. Plus, it's time for the Suey Award Nominees for Best Revelation. Today's cast: Dan, Zaslow, Roy, Chris, Jeremy, and Mike.

"Who the hell told you that?" JuJu delivers his Jokers of the Weekend to Keenan Allen, Jayson Tatum, and Daejon Love. He ALSO has flowers that he had no choice but to give himself, and updates a wild day on The Polls.

"Just clock in when it's time to f***." Amin is here for his Weekend Observations, but he is struggling to get through them with [redacted]. Plus, Jeremy updates Dan on what he missed recently in Major League Baseball, and we get to a variety of heavier topics across the sports landscape, including Josh Jacobs being placed on the commissioner exempt list for battery charges. Content Warning: This Hour discusses domestic violence, which may be distressing or triggering for survivors or those affected by abuse. If you or a loved one has been a victim of DV, help is available at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

"No, doggy style." Zaslow dismisses Kirk Herbstreit's advice to couples on how to guarantee you will have a boy, and speaking of, it's time for a LOADED Suey Category: Best Dismissal. Plus, Tony gives the crew detailed information about the wrong coach at the wrong stadium, we pay tribute to Will Levis after the Titans cut him, and Jaylen Brown gets the Key to the State.

"Massage near me." It's time for the first category of the Suey Awards, but first, Dan wonders why the entire crew is dressed in red T-shirts and backward hats, and Jeremy introduces his pivot to a country music career with his single dropping Friday titled 'The Diary of a Personable Fella.' Plus, how did a new Nicholas Cage movie get stolen? And Dan tells a story about a Larry David situation he came across while in Los Angeles.

"They wash their underwear..." Dan is back, and while he heard a lot of our show while he was gone, nothing confused him more than the AEW wrestler who's been making Greg Cote references. He also teaches the crew a hotel hack he learned from pilots and flight attendants, marvels at Messi, predicts a De'Von Achane injury, is surprised by Zaslow's thoughts on Tua, and, oddly enough, thanks Awful Announcing. Today's cast: Dan, Zaslow, Roy, Chris, Jeremy, and Tony.

"I've never felt like more of a man." Jeremy recommends a TV show for the crew and tells the story of becoming a fixer-upper in his own home. Dameshek tests the crew's football knowledge with a game of "Who That Is?" that sends him into a frenzy. Tony introduces a scam from a fake 49er. Zas wears his championship rings. Roy knows things. Chris... just sits out.

"I don't know why I said he's the GOAT." New friend of the show Andy Cortez stops by to give us details from his trip down to Scotland to see all the gameplay for Grand Theft Auto VI, but Tony's distracted by how much he sounds like ANOTHER friend of the show. Plus, Dave finally saw The Odyssey, Amin has the Top 5 previews he saw before his showing, and Chris makes one of his worst mistakes ever.

"T.C., baby!" Zaslow is frustrated that his wife skipped ahead of him on a show they're watching, but Amin has a solution. Plus, why did the Panthers get compared to the L.A. Dodgers? And a look back at how the Heat went from a miserable roster to a contender in the year and a half since Jimmy Butler demanded out of Miami. Today's cast: Zaslow, Your ol' pal Dave Dameshek, Roy, Amin, Chris, Jeremy, and Tony.

Adnan Virk is along for his latest appearance on the Pitch Clock to discuss the wild playoff race in the American League. Does anybody want that final Wild Card spot? Does anybody actually want to win the AL West? Which team has the best chance of winning the World Series from the AL? In this week's game, Jeremy and Chris put together their best power/speed combo teams and Jeremy makes a legendary flub that will go down in Pitch Clock history. 

"The 'I've never seen those glasses' award..." We toss JuJu the ball in the post, and he goes to work: Thursday Thunder, a Top 5 list of Villains No Matter What Roles They Play, some show awards, and an update on today's one poll.

"How about those young hoes from Washington?" Mike has a NASCAR update, but he, Zas, and Amin are a bit distracted by a certain celebrity on a jet ski. Plus, Amin explains how Kawhi Leonard could end up in Toronto on the cheap, JuJu and Trysta tell the rest of the crew about the WNBA's young hoes, and an Elementary School teacher has a great new creation.

"Somebody get this TICKER out of here." The NFL has added some more rules to keep players "safe," but is that even possible in this sport? Plus, yet another icon has passed away, Zas reminisces about Spice and Adam & Eve, Mike tells us about the new singer for Soundgarden, and Amin is apoplectic over people on the show not understanding references.

"I love you guys." David Samson is here to explain what it's like to be booed, then share his thoughts on Deshaun Watson, the Pro Bowl being given the boot, his new Oura ring, Kwanza Jones and the Padres, the elimination of pro scouting departments, and what Jed York did wrong.

"Jeremy got that thing rockin'." Zas expects Dolphins fans to greet Tua with boos during his preseason homecoming. Is it fair? Is it because of his play? Does Zas look like a booer himself? Draymond Green tries to defend Klay Thompson by insulting who he is in 2026, Amin tells the crew about the podcasts he listens to, Jeremy responds to yesterday's show, and JuJu shares the details of going to the Marlins game last night. Today's cast: Zaslow, Amin, Roy, Jeremy, JuJu, Mike, and Trysta.

"It's like I'm facing a Southpaw." Greg wins an award for his all-time odd vibes day today and also straight-up doesn't know what catchphrases are on his catchphrase list. Plus, the results are in, and we have a supermajority on whether or not Zaslow should drop the 2.0 in Zaslow Show 2.0.

"I'm sorry, I just ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." How mad is Dan going to be when he gets back and finds out we talked about football and head injuries without him? Another highly concerning study has come out regarding the connection between football and CTE, and we discuss how it has, and will, change the way we watch football. Jessica Smetana is here to discuss the latest mess in college football and what's this world we've come to, as this weird situation between Lane Kiffin and Todd Monken takes another twist. Also, Zaslow reveals he had never had an Uncrustable until 6-8 months ago???

"You can sing 'My Way', but don't claim you didn't know it was a Sinatra song." The vibes are still weird after that awkward interview last hour with Clark Connors. Did Greg Cote think he was too good for a professional wrestler? Did he talk down to him? Did he come out of that looking bad? He tries to get back on track today by revealing Nos. 6 and 5 on his catchphrase list, and it works to perfection because these are some heavy hitters. Plus, Trysta sets up a great video of Lonzo Ball and Michael Porter Jr., and Zaslow may have snuffed Marvel out with the upcoming release of Avengers: Endgame Encore.

"Have you ever had thousands of people line up to see your toenail encased in glass?" We are painstakingly close to the start of college football, and predictions are rolling in, including one that has the Miami Hurricanes winning the whole thing. Is this a good sign for Miami or is this rat poison? The SEC has made a ruling on players returning to college from the pros, and it is bad news for LSU. Plus, AEW wrestler and the man we believe is stealing Greg Cote's catchphrases, Corey Connors, joins the show for an extremely weird interview as we attempt to get to the bottom of what is happening over there.

"If the owner is spending less than $200 on a prostitute, it's okay to leave trash in the stadium." The legendary Dolly Parton passed away yesterday at 80 years old after an incredible life. Greg Cote is here to discuss the impact she had on all of our lives and what made her such an icon. We also discuss Klay Thompson signing with the Miami HEAT further after he was introduced to the Miami media and traffic yesterday. Plus, Trysta says something about an NBA player that none of our other cast members could say about a WNBA player, Greg Cote almost steps in it, and Mike poses an important question, which is more intense: Handmaid's Tale or The Bear.

"Whenever my hair go, Beijing look me up." JuJu tells us why you have to play within the rules, and in the rules of human life, you can get a hair transplant.

"These poor people of New York have been through so much." ESPN senior writer David Dennis Jr. joins us to break down the Deshaun Watson situation in Cleveland further. He tells us why there is no logical reason for Watson to start and how things would be different if he were playing at a high level. He sticks around for a discussion of Lanterns, the Marvel movies, and why Enes Kanter is one of the biggest losers in sports history.

"You look like you're bout that gas." Zaslow tells us a story from the early days of fantasy football that reminds us 9/11 took place in 2001. Trysta also tells us about a fantasy league she is in that was founded in 1976 and sounds awful. Chris tells us everything that everybody knows about Zaslow, Mike Ryan eats one meal a day, Zaslow tells us where he would meet with sex workers if he were a billionaire, and we break down video of two police officers using Uber to catch a criminal.

"The lion, the b***h, and the wardrobe." Lane Kiffin has spoken as it seems his LSU Tigers are bringing in multiple players who have been on NFL rosters during the preseason. Do we believe anything he says? Deshaun Watson apologized to Cleveland Browns fans for his press conference Saturday after being named the Browns' starter. Do we believe anything he says? Plus, Chris is doing a slow fantasy draft, the best college backfields of all time, and Trysta and JuJu tell us why Angel Reese is a good basketball player.

"And then he called me a wench." Zaslow keeps fending off Mike Ryan's attempts to force Weezer on him and reveals he doesn't want to listen to new music. Trysta has joined us in studio, and she and JuJu weigh in on the Miami Heat signing Klay Thompson with two VERY different predictions for Miami's season. Plus, we actually talk about the Miami Marlins!

"The song that also Pitbull did in Aquaman." Zaslow refuses to let Mike Ryan get him excited for the new Weezer album and claims that the song 'Africa' by Toto sucks. JuJu tells us about the worst hair in sports history, and Chris describes what his hair looks like when wet.