A Song of Babys and Puppys

I don't know... they all want me to write the book but do they even really care about me? I'd rather write the next Dunky novella. They want to make more seasons of that show and I sure like to see that bald child... but they told me I need to finish Winds first. But writing is so hard... and it's my birthday.... maybe I'll kill off Tyrion next. I'm glad I don't have any children so they can't fuck up my legacy. I thought Ryan Condal was my son but now he won't speak to me anymore. My real son is Tyrion anyway. Chapters: ADWD Cersei I, The Queensguard Outro music: Cut-Out Witch by Guided by Voices

we go on r/boobs for some reason Chapters: ADWD Daenerys IX, Jon XI Outro music: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette

SIX SEVEN!!!!!! Chapters: ADWD Daenerys VIII, Theon I Outro music: Numbers by Kraftwerk

In the time since we set up our tumblr someone has already screenshotted it to call us "stupid incels" and blocked us. This will of course only make us stronger. We also finally get into a much needed discussion of one of George's obsessions: how EXACTLY are nipples measured? Plus: Purge Wedding! Chapters: ADWD Jaime I, Jon X Outro music: Bless the Telephone by Labi Siffre

This is the episode where we look at pictures of guys who had botox injected into their nutsacks for cosmetic reasons. Chapters: ADWD A Ghost in Winterfell, Tyrion X Outro music: The Vampyre of Time and Memory by Queens of the Stone Age

Everybody thought we were SO CRAZY for accusing big name YouTubers Glidus and Alt Shift X for plagiarizing our famous "Spoiler Zone" segment. Well, it looks like the bit stealing bastards have struck again coming for another one of our beloved retired segments. I have no pleasure in announcing that what could have been a friendly rivalry has now turned into all out War. A couple of powerful influencers backed by the YouTube-industrial complex vs one scrappy podcast - it all comes down to you, dear listener, WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON? We also talk about how hot it is when a woman gets equal pay, and, oh yeah, we also read two chapters of the book! Chapters: ADWD Jon IX, The Blind Girl Outro music: Mosquitoes by The Beths

Honestly, George fell off. TWOW might not even be good. It might be bad, if these two chapters are any indication! We'll still keep reading that garbage. Chapters: ADWD The King's Prize, Daenerys VII Outro music: Linda Ronstadt - Poor, Poor Pitiful Me

We check in on Theon's number of balls (unchanged) and discuss whether Barbrey should fuck him or someone else (yes). Chapters: ADWD Tyrion IX, The Turncloak Outro music: No Joy by The Beths. because it was a tyrion and theon episode

Cersei is plotting, Doran is plotting, the Sand Snakes are hissing and the Watcher is watching. Meanwhile, back at the Wall Jon is doing everything he can to make as many enemies as possible while alienating his remaining friends. This can only go well! I say "Oberon" instead of "Oberyn" a million times in this episode for some reason. So close! That's Shakespeare. Chapters: ADWD The Watcher, Jon VIII Outro music: Skulls by Misfits

How many women does the Feminist fuck? A thousand women, and one. (somberly) the one women is Roose Bolton's wife Chapters: ADWD Daenerys VI, The Prince of Winterfell Outro music: Sober to Death by Car Seat Headrest

Just like Bran in this chapter, we take a glimpse into the past... into the distant year of 2024, when "Hawk Tuah" was all the rage. Jon is also here and uhhh, well let's just say, he really fucked up this time. That's right, he introduced heterosexuality to the Night's Watch boys. If you ask me, he really deserves to die for this. But hey, that's just my opinion! What do YOU think? Maybe tell us by going to our BRAND NEW bluesky account, where you'll be seeing the listener question posts for every upcoming episode! And hey, would it kill you to give us a follow while you're at it? No, of course it wouldn't. Now THIS is how you write an episode description. Chapters: ADWD Bran III, Jon VII Outro music: Wild Boys by Duran Duran

Kay edited this one so I have no idea what the title means nor do I have any memory recording it. Here's what Kay says about it: "the episode is called ASOBAPBBQ. it's about theon hears some very cool stories from roose and tyrion hangs out on a boat. the song is will anybody ever love me" Chapters: ADWD Reek III, Tyrion VIII Outro music: Will Anybody Ever Love Me? by Sufjan Stevens

We're back once again talking about the greatest literary character of all time. That's right, it's a Melisandre chapter! Dany is also here and I'm gonna be honest I already forgot what happened in her chapter. Let's say she had a talk with Skahaz and Mo Reznak and cried about Missandei's dead brother. Oh and she has child slaves now, but in a cool woke way, not like the slavers she just outlawed. Chapters: ADWD Daenerys who cares how many at this point, Melisandre I Outro music: Deeper Well by Emmylou Harris

a new episode!!! this one is called "Pussy Fetus Magic". it's the jon chapter where melisandre touches his "wolf" and davos turns out to be alive and gets his boyfinding mission. the song is char ga kuru by koichiro hori

I swear there was at least 10 additional minutes of Forrest Gump talk that I cut out. Somebody get us theatre tickets we're getting desperate. Chapters: ADWD The Wayward Bride, Tyrion VII Outro music: Gump by Weird Al Yankovic

Welcome back to your favorite podcast about the Performing Arts. Theater, opera, musical, we got it all covered! This week we brush up on some of the important theater terms, and then we meet a whole lot of guys. Who did JonCon fuck in the Golden Company? And what are all the sellsword companies like? Are they normal? The answers may surprise you! Chapters: ADWD The Lost Lord, The Windblown Outro music: PIMP by Bacao Rhythm and Steel Band ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

We are all still grieving the death of many of our favorite characters such as Missandei's brother as well as Dany's favorite harp player, but at the end of the day we must move on and continue with the podcast. This is an episode where Tyrion does the worst thing he's ever done and he's still not the character we hate most. Then, we argue why Dany should have done child murder and at least one of us earnestly suggests that Cersei would have done a better job governing than Dany. So basically it's a great time for everyone involved. Somebody PLEASE get us those theater tickets, Chapters: AFFC Tyrion VI, Daenerys IV Outro music: I'm Dancing in the Show Tonight by Ween ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

This New Theon Greyjoy Theory Will Blow Your Mind! Chapters: ADWD Reek II, Jon V Outro music: Redesigned a Million Times by And So I Watch You from Afar ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Hey everyone George is doing a play in London about the tourney at Harrenhal and we want to get free press tickets to the premiere so we need to be taken seriously. Hold on let me just see what I named this episode Chapters: ADWD Tyrion V, Davos III Outro music: When I Get to the Border by Richard & Linda Thompson ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Stop me if you heard this before but we're reading Dany and Jon chapters this week. Dany sees a sex show with a gay man and then Jon looks at some meat slabs with a different gay man. George is once again hitting us with the parallels across different chapters, and in this case the parallel is "gay men". Let's give it up to the gay men, everyone! Chapters: ADWD Daenerys III, Jon IV Outro music: Lonely Eyes by the Front Bottoms. guess who edited this one ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Tyrion gets horny, plays chess and does a cartwheel. Davos eats a nasty apple. Plus: everything you always wanted to know about urinal etiquette! Chapters: ADWD Tyrion IV, Davos II Outro music: Pissin' In The Wind by Jerry Jeff Walker ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

A stinky boy AND a baby boy? George, you're spoiling us! Chapters: ADWD Reek I, Bran II Outro music: I'm Your Man by Mitski ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

The two main characters of this book are very bad at politics. That's themes, probably. We discuss some of the terrible decisions Jon makes, and then imagine a reality where the Dany chapters are good. Tune in next time to find out who "Reek" is. Chapters: ADWD Jon III, Daenerys II Outro music: Dire Wolf by Grateful Dead ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Chapters: ADWD Tyrion III and Davos I Kay was cursed by the Red God of Covid (19) and lost the audio for the last episode, but luckily we're back to give you a super quick run down of what happened! Maybe these episodes could be shorter?? Anyway, here's Tyrion. Outro music: "Play the Hero" by NAOKI ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

We find some SHOCKING new revelations about when The Winds of Winter is going to be released. Then we check back in with our favorite boy who isn't eating anyone and Tyrion is also here. Chapters: ADWD Bran I, Tyrion II Outro music: Cannibal's Hymn by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Chaz is our friend and she doesn't deserve the bullying she gets from certain cohosts who definitely isn't me Chapters: ADWD Daenerys I, Jon I Outro music: Bad Sneakers by Steely Dan ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Tyrion drinks but does not know things. Plus: an epic guy. It's time we begin the dance Chapters: ADWD Prologue, Tyrion I Outro music: Change in the Weather by The Beths ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

You know what it is. Respect Dick, Outro music: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Haters said it can't be done - we finished A Feast for Crows! Chapters: AFFC Jaime VII, Samwell V Outro music: King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - Mr. Beat ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

we're all trying to find the younger, more beautiful queen who did this Chapters: AFFC Brienne VIII, Cersei X Outro music: Mitski - I Bet on Losing Dogs ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Chaos is a ladder, Alayne. Chapters: AFFC The Princess in the Tower, Alayne (from Seinfeld) II Outro music: Iron Horse - Ocean Breathes Salty ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Time to check back in once again with the Lannister siblings, where everything seems perfectly normal! No real singers were harmed in the recording of this episode. Chapters: AFFC Jaime VI, Cersei IX Outro music: Warren Zevon - Poor Poor Pitiful Me ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

We learn about a new sport. Brienne learns about a new boy. Cersei learns nothing. Chapters: AFFC Cersei VIII, Brienne VII Outro music: Bends by Carly Rae Jepsen ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Sam is well. Chapters: AFFC Cat of the Canals, Samwell IV Outro music: My Body Betrayed Me by Black Wing ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Every single technological problem happened during the recording of this episode, but nevertheless we persisted. Cersei is no longer winning even in her mind, and Jaime finally has a good time. Plus: a behind the scenes revelation that changes EVERYTHING. Chapters: AFFC Cersei VII, Jaime V Outro music: Alice Cooper - Feed My Frankenstein ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

This episode is coming to you from a distant past where there was much uncertainty whether Hot D will be good or not. Maybe it would be bad! There was simply no way of knowing. In this week's chapters, Jaime is on his redemption arc bullshit and Brienne is on an island. But watch out! There might be a mystery to solve! Chapters: AFFC Jaime IV, Brienne VI Outro music: Vampire Weekend - Harmony Hall ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

The biggest brains in podcasting return to talk about the biggest brains in Westeros. Chapters: AFFC Cersei VI, The Reaver Outro music: Moby Dick by Jakey ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

No offense but y'all listened to one hundred of these? God bless. Chapters: AFFC Samwell III, Jaime III Outro music: This Ain't The Summer of Love by Blue Öyster Cult ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

The beginning of what historians will deem "the ASOBAP MPREG era". Chapters: AFFC Cersei V, Brienne V Outro music: These Boots Are Made for Walking by Nancy Sinatra ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

The numbers don't lie: 100% of the emo boys on this podcast are bisexual. This week, we ponder what it would be like to go back to the ocean like Kevin Costner, wonder what it's like to grow gills like Kevin Costner did and what Kevin Costner would say about this Arya chapter. Then we check back in with Alayne from Seinfeld. What's the deal with Lyn Corbray? Chapters: AFFC Arya II, Alayne I Outro music: To All the Crowded Rooms by Senses Fail ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

We lose some of our favorite guys as Brienne does an epic murder and Arianne's failsafe plan goes wrong against all odds. Chapters: AFFC Brienne IV, The Queenmaker Outro music: Ween - Waving My Dick in the Wind ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

It's Kingsmoot time! And who has a better story than Euron Crow's Eye? Chapters: AFFC The Iron Captain, The Drowned Man Outro music: Illés - Te kit választanál? ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Welcome back to another edition of Keeping Up With the Lannisters! This week, Jaime says bye to bones and Cersei keeps on plotting shitty plans. Chapters: AFFC Jaime II, Cersei IV Outro music: Nine Inch Nails - Closer But It's Funkytown By Lipps Inc. mashup by Wiliam Maranci ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Do you think Stannis will come back as the (K)night King or did you like season 8 of Game of Thrones? In this episode we meet some new types of guys and create our own original character (do NOT steal) (but feel free to send us fan art). Chapters: AFFC Brienne III, Samwell II Outro music: Big Sky by The Kinks ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

This episode is all about big nipples. Take it up with George! Chapters: AFFC Cersei III, The Soiled Knight Outro music: Body by Megan Thee Stallion ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

We check in on how Sansa, or as she's now known, Elaine from Seinfeld is doing, and then we go over to the Iron Islands to see a guy who's epic for reading! I sure remember this episode that was recorded two months ago. Chapters: AFFC Sansa I, The Kraken's Daughter Outro music: Untitled (cont.) by The Brave Little Abacus ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Jaime hasn't slept for a few days, and we ALL know what happens when you do that: he starts imagining other men's bodies. Brienne finds a little boy. Chapters: AFFC Jaime I, Brienne II Outro music: Who Needs Sleep? by Barenaked Ladies ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Welcome back to the Cersei show! Believe it or not, she is still winning. This week, she's still very normal about Margaery and then she meets a sexual woman. We're so excited for her! But before that, we take a trip to Braavos to find out what Arya does to that worm. Chapters: AFFC Arya I, Cersei II Outro music: The Hearse Song by Rusty Cage ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

Brienne meets many types of guys. Sam reads and Randyll Tarly is canceled again. Are you Team Antz or Team A Bug's Life? Chapters: AFFC Brienne I, Samwell I Outro music: Naruto Shippuden OST - Hyakkaryouran ASOBAP is brought to you by Good Episode Productions. Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/w8APyXe2a2

The woman respecters have logged on. Chapters: AFFC: The Captain of the Guards, Cersei I Outro music: Maria by Scooter