PODCAST · comedy
Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
by absolutecutspodcast
A weekly movie podcast hosted by stand up comedians Ryan Cullen and Mark Nelson.Join them as they pick apart their film of the week. They might discuss movies, they might not, it’ll be a laugh anyway. Argumentative, unqualified and very very funny. Cullen and Nelson are Absolute Cuts.
Episodes
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Absolute Cuts #147 - WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP
“I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest” Episode 146 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Jeopardy-ing, slam dunking, yo mamma-ing classic White Men Can't Jump. Ryan and Mark talk about sexist tradesmen, decorating the Sistine Chapel and whether Rosie…
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Absolute Cuts #145 - CONGO
"Stop eating my sesame cake" Episode 145 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 hippo attacking, sign language-ing, gorilla lasering classic Congo. Ryan and Mark talk about the dark web, U2, and Laura Linney wiping out an entire species of mammal. Please get in...
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Absolute Cuts #144 - 9 TO 5
"You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot." Episode 144 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1980 gun-toting, sexually harassing, boss tying classic 9 to 5. Ryan and Mark talk about Ed Sheeran, an alternative Wizard of Oz and why Dolly's breasts are…
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Absolute Cuts #143 - MIAMI VICE
"Let's take it to the limit one more time" Episode 143 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 mojito-ing, Ferrari driving, Go Fast boating classic Miami Vice. Ryan and Mark talk about how Nelson's cruise, Cullen's tattoo and whether this is a good film or a cool...
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Absolute Cuts #142 - A TIME TO KILL
"Yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell" Episode 142 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 vigilante justicing, drink driving, constantly sweating classic A Time To Kill. Ryan and Mark talk about how much you think people would pay for your…
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Absolute Cuts #141 - JURASSIC PARK
"Life, uh, finds a way" Episode 141 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 DNA cloning, velociraptoring, 65 million years in the making classic Jurassic Park. Ryan and Mark talk about what you would do if you trap skin in your zip, Nelson being attacked and why...
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Absolute Cuts #140 - SCARY MOVIE
"Did you just say you went "poopie"?" Episode 140 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 mass ejaculating, hoover humping, horror spoofing classic Scary Movie. Ryan and Mark talk about escape rooms, the best names for substances and 6 reasons why this film would...
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Absolute Cuts (Patreon Sneak Peek) - THAT'S MY BOY
A special peek behind the curtains of what our Patreons are getting as Mark And Ryan discuss the 2012 dodgy teachering, Vanilla Iceing, close relationing classic That's My Boy. It is safe to say it is the wildest film we have ever seen so we thought it was too good to not get out to the public as...
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Absolute Cuts #139 - GREEN STREET (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"You don't run, not when you're with us... You stand your ground and fight" Episode 139 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 West Haming, Yank Journaling, callinng it soccering classic Green Street. Ryan and Mark pitch their new film Dr Congo, Nelson talks…
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Absolute Cuts #138 - THE FOOTBALL FACTORY (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"Are you trying to mug me off in front of my pals?" Episode 138 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 granny smashing, Chelsea booting, Zeberdeeing classic The Football Factory. Ryan and Mark talk about Scotland fans in Boston, Nelson's constant anxiety and...
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Absolute Cuts #137 - GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'
"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward" Episode 137 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 chain wearing, bullet proof vesting, gangsta rapping classic Get Rich Or Die Tryin. Ryan and Mark talk about Christian Eriksen exploding, our holiday in Croatia...
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Absolute Cuts #136 - CON AIR
"Put the bunny back in the box" Episode 136 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 Billy Bedlaming, Diamond Dogging, Cyrus Da Damn Virusing classic Con Air. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's worst death for years, whether people who jump in front of trains are...
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Absolute Cuts #135 - BLOODSPORT
"Time to separate the man from the boys." Episode 135 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 constant montageing, face gurning, leg splitting classic Bloodsport. Ryan and Mark talk about sober podcasters, removing skin tags and the greatest uppercut in cinema...
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Absolute Cuts #134 - THE GREEN MILE
"I tried to take it back... but it was too late." Episode 134 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 mouse circusing, dry sponging, fly spewing classic The Green Mile. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen making tea when he is drunk, Nelson's trip to Australia and why John...
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ABSOLUTE CUTS SPECIAL LIVE EPISODE FROM AUSTRIA
Our first ever live show recorded at the top of the Alps in Maryhofen, Austria. Yeah we were surprised as well. We are also joined by our first ever special guest, the wonderful comedian Paul Smith. We talk about naked saunas, Aperol Spritz and delve into Paul's first ever acting role. Please get...
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Absolute Cuts #133 - STARSHIP TROOPERS
"The only good bug is a dead bug" Episode 133 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 communal showering, brain sucking, SS costuming classic Starship Troopers. Ryan and Mark talk people not having kids, sex at JP Morgan and why this is one of the most intelligent...
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Absolute Cuts #132 - CLIFFHANGER
"You want to kill me don't you Tucker? Well take a number and get in line." Episode 132 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 girlfriend dropping, human sledging, stalactite maiming classic Cliffhanger. Ryan and Mark talk Cullen's worst ever meal, breast...
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Absolute Cuts #131 - PULP FICTION
"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing" Episode 131 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 Jack Rabbit Slimming, bring out the Gimping, Ezekiel 25-17ing classic Pulp Fiction. Ryan and Mark talk about robots running marathons, the Michael Jackson biopic and...
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Absolute Cuts #130 - INVASION USA
"One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die." Episode 130 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1985 constant bazooka-ing double denim-ing, roundhouse kicking classic Invasion USA. Ryan and Mark talk about our live show…
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Absolute Cuts #129 - FALLING DOWN
"I'm the bad guy?" Episode 129 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 car ditching, roadworks bazooka-ing, Whammy Burgering classic Falling Down Ryan and Mark talk about the first episode of SNL UK, why Nelson won't order cocktails and which of the film's…
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Absolute Cuts #128 - SMOKIN' ACES
"Dog-pile of piss-poor physique on top of a small cock and hereditary alcoholism" Episode 128 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 facial reconstructing, calfskin jacket jizzing, Alicia Keysing classic Smokin' Aces. Ryan and Mark talk about their upcoming live...
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Absolute Cuts #127 - VARSITY BLUES
"Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina" Episode 127 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 whipped cream bikini-ing, mass concussion-ing, hook and laddering classic Varsity Blues. Ryan and Mark talk about Nelson being...
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Absolute Cuts #126 - WEDDING CRASHERS
"The painting was gift Todd" Episode 126 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 purple hearting, motorboating, under the table jerking classic Wedding Crashers. Ryan and Mark talk about cartels, the furore at the BAFTAS, and whether lying to get your hole is…
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Absolute Cuts #125 - DICK TRACY
"Around me, if a woman don't wear mink, she don't wear nuttin'." Episode 125 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 tommy gunning, tramp beating, flat-topping classic Dick Tracy. Ryan and Mark talk about Cullen's Valentine's Day card, joining the French foreign...
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Absolute Cuts #124 - STREET KINGS
"How can you shoot a guy taking a dump? I mean, seriously, that's sacred" Episode 124 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 Korean insulting, double crossing, cop snitching classic Street Kings. Ryan and Mark talk about how overrated cake is, the Superbowl and...
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Absolute Cuts #123 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" Episode 123 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1991 liver eating, jizz flinging, Buffalo Billing classic The Silence Of The Lambs. Ryan and Mark talk about Epstein island photographers, sleeping in an...
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Absolute Cuts #122 - A FEW GOOD MEN
"You can't handle the truth" Episode 122 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Code Red-ing, softball bat thinking, Guantanamo Bay-ing, classic A Few Good Men. Ryan and Mark talk about smelling your clothes, Netflix almost broadcasting a snuff film and whether...
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Absolute Cuts #121 - THE MASK
"P-A-R-T-Y? Cos I GOTTA" Episode 121 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 red dress smouldering, wolf whistling, Cuban Pete-ing classic The Mask. Ryan and Mark talk about how pathetic Andrew Tate is, getting a hair in your mouth and why The Mask is the villain…
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Absolute Cuts #120 - VIOLENT NIGHT (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"I steer a little bit, but the reindeer do most of the work" Episode 120 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2022 Santa vomiting, hammer wielding, chimney disembowling classic Violent Night. Ryan and Mark discuss Cullen's Dad committing crimes, the worst possible...
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Absolute Cuts - BEST OF Vol 1
Here you go Cuts. The best of all the episodes so far. Our funniest clips so far as chosen by our wonderful patreons. Apologies for our absence. This is due to circumstance massively out-with our control. All will be explained. Mark and Ryan will be back next week with the last of your Christmas...
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Absolute Cuts #119 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION (Christmas Special)
"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full" Episode 119 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 tree felling, sled crashing, cat frying classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Ryan and Mark discuss Mick McCarthy, why some kids shouldn't get Christmas presents and…
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Absolute Cuts #118 - JINGLE ALL THE WAY (CHRISTMAS SPEICAL)
"PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, NOW" Episode 118 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 neighbour shagging, reindeer lamping, Turbomanning classic Jingle All The Way. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas gigs, the World Cup draw and how this film has the most inappropriate...
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Absolute Cuts #117 - GREMLINS (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical" Episode 117 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 bright lighting, wet getting, after Midnight feeding classic Gremlins. Ryan and Mark discuss the various gifts that Cuts fans…
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Absolute Cuts #116 - THE VAN
"Do heavy metalers eat chips, Larry?" Episode 116 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 nappy battering, dog flattening, Packie Bonnar penalty saving classic The Van. Ryan and Mark discuss Scotland's triumphant return to the World Cup, Wicked and how we have now...
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Absolute Cuts #115 - GOLDFINGER
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to die" Episode 115 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1964 ejector seating, bowler hat tossing, Pussy Galoring classic Goldfinger. Ryan and Mark discuss why bullying needs to return, whether it is illegal to suckle on a cow or Bill…
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Absolute Cuts #114 - JARHEAD
"Hey, look! It's a cock, but smaller" Episode 114 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 pink misting, Deer Hunter viewing, bored in the deserting classic Jarhead. Mark and Ryan talk about how Nelson's tour is going, argue over who is the most handsome actor and...
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Absolute Cuts #113 - THE GODFATHER
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." Episode 113 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1972 horse heading, tollbooth massacring, connoli taking classic The Godfather. Ryan and Mark discuss Christmas ads, Lily Allen and the size of Sonny Corleone's dong. Please…
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Absolute Cuts #112 - THE OTHER GUYS
"I am a peacock, you gotta let me fly" Episode 112 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 TLC quoting, Gator pimping, Dirty Mike and The Boys-ing classic The Other Guys. Ryan and Mark discuss first getting Sky TV, where we rank in ugly podcasters and the comedy...
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Absolute Cuts #111 - THE EXORCIST (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"The power of Christ compels you" Episode 111 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1973 head spinning, pea soup vomiting, Mother sucks cocks in hell-ing classic The Exorcist. Ryan and Mark discuss their Halloween costumes, misogyny in the car and why we love big...
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Absolute Cuts #110 - THE RITUAL (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"My old scoutmaster used to say 'If the shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route" Episode 110 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2017 off license murdering, Swedish hiking, sacrifice to a massive goating classic The...
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Absolute Cuts #109 - ROCKY
"Aaaaaaaddddddddrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnnnn" Episode 109 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1976 meat pounding, stair running, Italian Stallioning classic Rocky. Ryan and Mark discuss online trolls, Chat GPTs writing us some jokes and the morals of allowing...
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Absolute Cuts #108 - FOUR LIONS
"Rubber dinghy rapids bro." Episode 108 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 bleach buying, crow exploding, Dancing In The Moonlighting classic Four Lions. Ryan and Mark discuss taking photos at Auschwitz, Donald Trump impressions and why this is the darkest...
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Absolute Cuts #107 - INDECENT PROPOSAL
"Would you mind lending me your wife?" Episode 107 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 old man pumping, brick metaphoring, hippo auctioning classic Indecent Proposal. Ryan and Mark discuss memorials, dirty talk in bed and ask why the fuck Billy Connolly is in...
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Absolute Cuts #106 - BRAVEHEART
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM" Episode 106 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 primo noctusing, York sacking, hung drawn and quaretering classic Blraveheart. Ryan and Mark discuss soap operas, multiple celebrity deaths and try to figure out whether anything in this…
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Absolute Cuts #105 - BLACK SWAN
"I just want to be perfect" Episode 105 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 pirouette-ing, plié-ing, arabesque-ing classic Black Swan. Ryan and Mark discuss pickling things, what you would do if you won the lottery and why most actors don't deserve to win...
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Absolute Cuts #104 - SE7EN
"What's in the box"? Episode 104 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 force feeding, Wild Bill leathering, deadly sinning classic Se7en. Ryan and Mark discuss being in the Outer Hebrides, how you lamp someone and the best way to prevent being sexually assaulted...
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Absolute Cuts #103 - SUPERMAN (1978)
"Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton." Episode 103 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1978 earth spinning, cape swaying, fortress of solituding classic Superman. Ryan and Mark discuss the Fringe, unappreciative children and whether...
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Absolute Cuts #102 - HARD BOILED
"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God." Episode 102 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 bird cage smashing, library assassining, shootout baby carrying classic Hard Boiled. Ryan and Mark discuss losing to the homeless,...
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Absolute Cuts #101 - RESERVOIR DOGS
"Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" Episode 101 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 ear-slicing, Like A Virgin-ing, Super Sounds of the 70's-ing, classic Reservoir Dogs. Ryan and Mark discuss their festival weekend, The Lionnesses...
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Absolute Cuts #100 - JAWS
"Here's to swimming with bow-legged women" Episode 100 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1975 child eating, barrel raising, farewell and adieuing classic, abd GREATEST FILM EVER MADE Jaws. Please get in touch and let us know if you enjoy the podcast, what guests...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
A weekly movie podcast hosted by stand up comedians Ryan Cullen and Mark Nelson.Join them as they pick apart their film of the week. They might discuss movies, they might not, it’ll be a laugh anyway. Argumentative, unqualified and very very funny. Cullen and Nelson are Absolute Cuts.
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absolutecutspodcast
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen have?
Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen currently has 138 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen about?
A weekly movie podcast hosted by stand up comedians Ryan Cullen and Mark Nelson.Join them as they pick apart their film of the week. They might discuss movies, they might not, it’ll be a laugh anyway. Argumentative, unqualified and very very funny. Cullen and Nelson are Absolute Cuts.
How often does Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen release new episodes?
Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen publishes regularly with 138 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen?
You can listen to Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen?
Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen is created and hosted by absolutecutspodcast.
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