Absolutely Not

On this episode Heather brings hilarious comedian and friend Jay Jurden to the pod.  Jay and Heather go all the way back to the undergrad theatre department at Ole Miss.  They reminisce about their hate for Lane Kiffin, being a theatre major together and how their paths lead them to Netflix is a Joke festival.  You can catch Jay’s latest special, Yes Ma’am, on Hulu. Episode Sponsors:Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.Support your gut health and overall performance with Momentous’ Fiber+ and get up to 35% off your entire first order at livemomentous.com, promo code absolutely.Head to Biologica.com/ABSOLUTELY to get started. Take their Quick Hormonal Life Stage Quiz to find the formula that’s right for you. And right now, subscribers can receive up to 32% off their purchase. Go to Ro.co/ABSOLUTELYNOT to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.Stop settling for wines that don't quite hit the mark. Head to TryFirstleaf.com/absolutely to sign up and you'll get fifty percent off your first box PLUS free shipping for an entire year.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this replay episode, Heather tells us what really happened at Netflix is a Joke in 2024. She gives a full recap of her time in Golden state and spills the tea from the comedy shows, after parties and more! She opens up about how her life has felt like a sprint and she just made it through the finish line, yet feels hungry for more. She also answers some of the best Absolutely Not's and Yes's we've had to date!Episode Sponsors:Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase at k18hair.com with code HEATHER.Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/absolutely or download the Acorns app to get started. Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today.Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective—and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20 at STORYWORTH.com/absolutely. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes Suzanne Lambert to the podcast to chat about all things growing up in Georgia, the drama of politics and spray tans.  The commiserate about sorority life, hotties in the senate, and Connecticut Karen’s. Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.You don’t have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely. Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELY.Head to Knix.com and you’ll see why I love Knix. Don’t forget to use code ABSOLUTELY for 15 percent off your order – get leakproof undies, amazing bras, and more! You’re going to thank me!Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in full overstimulation mode as she juggles work chaos, no WiFi, and a rogue bird. She explains why “we’ll cry in June” has become her current life motto and is ready to launch a full investigation into the missing scientists. She then gets to your calls about birth conspiracies, offline shopping problems, and frat formals.Episode Sponsors:Head to Biologica.com/ABSOLUTELY to take their Quick Hormonal Life Stage Quiz to find the formula that’s right for you. And right now, subscribers can receive up to 32% off their purchase. Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodVisit yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY to enter and upgrade your freezer! Find full giveaway details, rules, and regulations. Yasso awarded as product coupons. No purch necessary. Open to 50 US/DC, 18+. Ends 11:59pm ET 4/30. Rules: yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY  Download Polymarket. Now available in the United States. More markets are coming every day…so be the first to trade on them using code absolutely - and get $20 free upon deposit.  Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code ABSOLUTELY at mudwtr.com/ABSOLUTELY! #mudwtrpodLululemon does limited color runs, so when those new styles drop every Tuesday, they go fast. You don't wanna wait. If it's not for you, lululemon offers free returns, no risk. That's lululemon.com. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode, Heather is back from her unreal show at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.  She chats about the afterparty on Broadway where she was pouring lemondrop shots for the girls where she is brought back to her days behind the sticks. After having a conspiracy dinner in the Turks, she came home to binge watch multiple documentaries.  She takes voicemails from people with a workplace crush, a weird request from an uber driver,  and someone looking for alternative experiences in their relationship. Episode Sponsors:Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely.Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in 3–6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com/absolutely.Ready to do your own spring reset? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first three orders plus you’ll get a FREE $60 gift.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is down in the basement and going through a lot right now.  Her fat kneecap is fat, but a visit to the Dr.’s office leads to hearing a missing puzzle piece about her Dad.  She also chats about the Buff City Soap mafia coming for her.  We hear voicemails from one of our Love on the Spectrum favorites, a mom debating about using her kid on TikTok and a royal family hater.Episode Sponsors:Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepodHead to livemomentous.com, and use promo code absolutely for up to 35% off your first orderVisit yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY to enter and upgrade your freezer!! Go to RO.CO/ABSOLUTELYNOT to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.Here's the thing you need to know: lululemon does limited color runs, so when those new styles drop every Tuesday, they go fast. You don't wanna wait. If it's not for you, lululemon offers free returns, no risk. That's lululemon.com. New drops every Tuesday. Go now. Learn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.Help protect your home systems – and your wallet – with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to HomeServe.com to find the plan that’s right for you. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In honor of Masters Week, we are replaying a 2023 episode where we join Heather as she sits down with the ultimate scammer, Raymond.  We discuss how they scammed their way into the Masters tournament, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They get into just how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank!Episode Sponsors:Yasso awarded as product coupons. No purch necessary. Open to 50 US/DC, 18+. Ends 11:59pm ET 4/30. Rules: Yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.Learn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.Ready to do your own spring reset? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first three orders plus you’ll get a FREE $60 gift.Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/absolutely or download the Acorns app to get started.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes Becky Robinson back to the podcast studio after breaking the hard news that Becky cannot join us on the Absolutely Knot Cruise 2.0. They chat about the happy memories from the cruise.  Becky lets us know how she lets loose when she comes home from the road. Episode Sponsors:When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in 3–6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELYCaraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Caraway. Non-Toxic kitchenware made modern.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is at the LA studio and welcoming her first live callers! These hussies really bring some wild spring break Absolutely Not’s to Heather and we are forever changed! We have callers that were down at the Villages, on a hetero bachelor party in Baltimore, wheelin’ and dealin’ in Daytona as a newly crowned amateur stripper, a near miss on girls gone wild Gen Xer and someone who voluntarily went on a Greyhound for over 24 hours.Episode Sponsors:Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepodLearn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.Visit yasso.com/absolutely to enter and upgrade your freezer! Find full giveaway details, rules, and regulations. Yasso awarded as product coupons. No purchase necessary. Open to 50 US/DC, 18+. Ends 11:59pm ET 4/30. Rules: Yasso.com/ABSOLUTELYReady for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes Jeff to the studio to discuss all things Japan!  They go through their wagyu dinner reservations, baseball with Ohtani, treats from 7-11 and overall Japanese culture. They give you everything you need to know before heading over to Japan for the first time. Episode Sponsors:Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Head to Knix.com and you’ll see why I love Knix. Don’t forget to use code ABSOLUTELY for 15 percent off your order – get leakproof undies, amazing bras, and more! You’re going to thank me!Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in Robin's Basement and ready to take on the chaos of the week.  She has some exciting news about an upcoming live voicemails episode- make sure to take notes on how you can be chosen to chat with Heather.  She has fresh highlights, lashes and is contemplating how a government shuts down.  She chats about life as a tee ball mom as well as her newest internet troll. Episode Sponsors: Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.  Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodCaraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back from Japan and has already put on her Nurse Ratchet outfit.  There is no rest yet, she has to now take care of a toddler, figure out what to do with a frozen Christmas ham and get a surgery scheduled.  She takes on voicemails about the origins of tiramisu and men holding their own baby showers.  Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.This deal is exclusive for our listeners. Caraway. Non-Toxic kitchenware made modern.Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.Ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for 30% off your first order plus a FREE $60 gift!Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode from March 9, 2022, we hear Heather go on a real tear about International Women's Day. Coming off of a great weekend in Albany slinging jokes on tour, she's back with attitude and some Heather health advice (we all know she is not a Dr., but wears a short white coat). Heather also takes voicemails from the hotline. Episode Sponsors:Visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes fellow comedian Nicole Byer. They chat about meeting in the NYC comedy scene, the Heated Rivalry boys, and disassociating while on stage performing. They take on a voicemail about having sex dreams about a boss. You can find Nicole’s new crowd work special on YouTube, out on tour and or on any of her many podcasts.Episode Sponsors:Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepodRight now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather has skeeted into the house fresh off a nose bleed.  She is ready to take on her birthday month of March! She shares details of an upcoming shoot she is nervous about and her shows in Texas and her roots in the rodeo. Heading to Japan soon, she is ready to adopt Punch herself.   She takes on a voicemail about the theatre kids version of the high school sport team. Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELY.Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at Piquelife.com/absolutely. Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely.Go to Ro.co/absolutelynot to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes back your rich BFF, Vivian Tu, back to the pod.  She is ready for all of you to be well-endowed, but wants you to make sure you don’t fall for the traps of online marketing.  Vivian wants you to ask yourself- are you buying the thing or the feeling? Heather goes to her threads to ask Vivian what the people have questions about. Episode Sponsors:Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.If you want clearer insight into your health, go to ForHers.com and schedule your labs today.Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is fresh off her sleep apnea test and ready for Chinese New Year. While she is awaiting results, she is fully immersed in the nail-biting world of the Winter Olympics. She takes voicemails from listeners who want to know more about going on WWHl and how Andy Cohen feels about her, as well as a reluctant cat daddy and a MIL who is just trying to help!Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!Ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for 30% off your first order plus a FREE $60 gift!Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at piquelife.com/absolutely.It’s time you get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at ForHers.com.Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodSign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/ABSOLUTELY or download the Acorns app to get started.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes the iconic CNN white house correspondent, Kaitlan Collins to the pod.  We get to hear all about flying on Air Force One, being in the press room, and of course her recent question and reaction she received from the President. They touch on the Epstein files, the presses’ relationship with Karoline Leavitt, and knowing which Truth social posts are actually coming from Trump.Episode Sponsors:Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepodFind poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back from a wild weekend in St. Barths. She leaned in and was ready to go, but of course got bamboozled while partying. She chats about the island experience, what you need to know before you go and how you need to always ask for an itemized receipt. She takes a voicemail about Robins’ lives and chats about her new special taping that she cannot wait for this spring!Episode Sponsors:Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/absolutely — and make sure you tell them we sent you.Go to Ro.co/absolutelynot to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/not10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code NOT10 at checkout. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather checks in from an icy, chaotic winter weekend. She gets deep into mahjong, considers stepping away from TikTok, and reflects on the current political landscape—speaking honestly about the fear, frustration, and responsibility that come with it.Episode Sponsors:Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com.Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at piquelife.com/absolutely.Save 20% off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepodJoin the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely.For a better buzz without the booze, check out https://www.senoritadrinks.com/discount/HEATHER20 Must be 21+. Please enjoy responsibly.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather chats about nesting at home in Atlanta. She is out at the home goods, eating mushrooms she finds at Home Goods, and wearing cozy sweaters. She reminisces about jam band concerts, ahead of the summer concerts she is excited to go to and also the possibility of a Spice Girls reunion. She dissects voicemails about St. Barth's STD’s, age gap relationships, chronically late friends and this generation's Juicy Campus.Episode Sponsors:Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com.Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.If you’re curious about swapping tequila for THC, this is your sign. Señorita makes it easy. It gives the perfect social lift without any of the next day “why did I do that” disappointment. Plus, they’re fast-onset and come in 5 or 10mg. With low calories and real ingredients, truly, THC never tasted so good. You can get these margs shipped right to your door at SenoritaDrinks.com. Treat yourself, treat your friends, treat your tastebuds. Your cabana awaits.Must be 21+. Please enjoy responsibly.Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi—soda’s back, but so much better!For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program. Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely.Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at Piquelife.com/absolutely.Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/ABSOLUTELY or download the Acorns app to get started.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is on the “becoming Chinese” side of tik-tok, where she is being motivated to eat something warm in the morning and work out ( like everyone else at the year).  She chats about the Ole Miss loss, why she isn’t at the Golden Globes and her healing titty wound.  Voicemails from you guys get her yapping about pasta, the gym and sorority spring recruitment.Episode Sponsors:Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com. You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save $15 off your first month’s subscription. This is their best offer anywhere and is only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus FREE shipping on every order.Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodBecome a Fora Advisor today at foratravel.com/ABSOLUTELY — and make sure you tell them we sent you.Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase or use code NOT10 at checkout. Caraway. Non-Toxic cookware made modern.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes 2026 with a fresh calendar and a fresh injury—  her burnt titty. She celebrates the highs of Ole Miss making a national run and the lows of credit card points betraying her Japan plans. She then dives into your voicemails full of fresh starts, fiery horses, and big “new year, same bitch” energy.Episode Sponsors:Shop in store and online at NordstromRack.com.Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.If you’re curious about swapping tequila for THC, this is your sign. Señorita makes it easy. It gives the perfect social lift without any of the next day “why did I do that” disappointment. Plus, they’re fast-onset and come in 5 or 10mg. With low calories and real ingredients, truly, THC never tasted so good. You can get these margs shipped right to your door at SenoritaDrinks.com. Treat yourself, treat your friends, treat your tastebuds. Your cabana awaits.Must be 21+. Please enjoy responsibly.Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi—soda’s back, but so much better!BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is ringing in the New Year with her favorite people, YOU! 2025 has been a series of ups and downs, but as we all know we can attribute this to not finishing the Vision Board last year.  Heather is giving the best practices for you all to make your own vision board for 2026.  She also goes through what everyone chimed in with what their 2026 goals are.  Episode Sponsors:Give Big. Save Big. Shop for everyone on your list at Nordstrom Rack stores now.EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/absolutely-podcastHead over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Go to RO.CO/ABSOLUTELYNOT for your free insurance check. See if your insurance covers GLP-1s — for free.Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode from the Christmas of 2022, Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows as well as doomsday prep for 2023. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was. It is too touchy of a subject and they will push onto their therapists 10 years down the road.Episode Sponsors:Give Big. Save Big. Shop for everyone on your list at Nordstrom Rack stores now.Just in time for the new year, Prolon is offering ABSOLUTELY listeners FIFTEEN PERCENT off their 5-day nutrition program for your post-holiday glow-up when you go to ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY.Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Save big during their Winter Savings event – SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION NOW AT SONOBELLO.com/ABSOLUTELY.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back from her Parisian getaway with Jackie Schimmel. She chats about her very adult gift decisions, how she tried to bamboozle the Hermes sales associate, the French version of Erewohn, and where she wants to travel to next. She takes on your voicemails about grandparents during the holidays,secret santa woes, and of course, Christmas trees people. She then chats about the Bamboozled Tour.Episode Sponsors:Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Give the gift of confidence this holiday season with Nutrafol. Whether you’re treating yourself for someone on your list, visibly healthier, thicker hair is the gift that keeps on giving. Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and use promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes friend and interior design extraordinaire, Jared Hughes. Jared and Heather chat about how he got into design with his 6th grade bedroom, how to make sure you get the best antiques from your aging relatives, and how to work an estate sale. They take on the voicemails about holiday etiquette and gift giving.Episode Sponsors:Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.The holidays are closer than ever, so make sure you order by December 16th to get their gift (or yours) underneath the tree in time! Visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Non-Toxic cookware made modern.For a limited time, Prolon is offering listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Shop my favorite pajamas at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you’re looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list - the SKIMS Holiday Shop is now open at SKIMS.com. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in LA and welcomes Atsuko Okatsuka to the pod. Heather has shown up to the recording dress in her last dusty Brooks and Dunn t-shirt, while Atsuko is in a full conductor designer outfit with a shrimp bolo tie. They debate whether or not they are brain rotting being on their phone all the time on tour, ridiculous personal Yelp reviews, and if it's better to have a bird in the hand or two in a bush. They also connect on their love of Lucille Ball. You can catch Atsuko on tour as well as her new Hulu special, Father.Episode Sponsors: Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCAMixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsuranc.com/absolutely. This is a Paid Advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or UnitedStates Fire Insurance Company, and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency, Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.Goodwipes is giving away FREE wipes! Want to try a FREE pack of Goodwipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger — or your local store—then head to goodwipes.com/absolutely, text them your receipt and get reimbursed! Goodwipes —because butts deserve better.Get yourself and your loved ones the best gift of all - the gift of clean with Branch Basics! For a limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and Free Shipping on their premium starter pack when you use code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com/ABSOLUTELY. PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. Get Branch Basics this Holiday Season, because cleanliness matters.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode replay from 2021, we're having a post-thanksgiving bitch fest because everyone has been forced into unwanted family-time and now we're all chain-smoking near the garage. IT'S A MESS. It's time to reboot bitches, and take some time for yourself-because if we don't, we won't make it out of the holiday's alive!Episode Sponsors:Shop my favorite pajamas at SKIMS.com. and if you’re looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list - the SKIMS Holiday Shop is now open at SKIMS.comGo to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.For Absolutely Not listeners, you can get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com/absolutely with code absolutely.You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE WhisperVibe™ OR a FREE Rose toy with any Whisper™ order at https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/absolutely-podcast.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is suffering from a wine headache, but ready to recap her weekend in Oxford for the Ole Miss game. She chats about the Lane Kiffin conspiracies of Gators, LSU and Theo Von. She takes on the voicemails from people seeking gay bar advice, an unlikely cease and desist, and what it’s like to have your life flash before your eyes.Episode Sponsors:Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.Visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Treat yourself or someone special to the most comfortable and innovative bras on earth this holiday season. Save 20% off sitewide at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY.For a limited time, Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your subscription.For a limited time only, our listeners get 15% off and Free Shipping on their premium starter pack when you use code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com/ABSOLUTELY.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is coming off the high of the LA show, as well as the Dodger’s World Series Win, but also the low of fighting for her life with some sort of stomach bug in Austin. Heather also has a HUGE family announcement that is causing anxiety but all the excitement. She takes voicemails from Ole Miss tailgaters, Trader Joe’s virgins as well as a show-goer who needed medical attention.Episode Sponsors:Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.For a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. Go to JoinBLVD.com to learn more.Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in NYC after a slew of shows across Texas, Kentucky and Ohio. So many characters came out to the show, but nothing like Midland Moms drunk on Mountain Dew Margaritas. We also get a Texas Tony update! She takes voicemails from an unlikely DUI charge, doulas dilemmas, debates about starting a travel show.Episode Sponsors:Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Want to try a FREE pack of Goodwipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger—or your local store—then head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY, text them your receipt and get reimbursed!EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order at https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/absolutely-podcastHead over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather and Raymond welcome Dog the Bounty Hunter and his late wife, Beth to the pod. They threw together their costumes in 20 minutes to make for a ridiculous take on these two TLC legends. The chat about their favorite movie theatre snacks and how they will never be as put together as Mary Beth Barone and Benito Skinner. They take a voicemail about a very controversial type of baptism. Episode Sponsors:You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.For a limited time, Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your subscription. Get started free, plus get 20% off your first 6 months at Quo.com/ABSOLUTELY.Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we’re taking it back to one of the most iconic episodes in Absolutely Not history: Burnt My Grundle. In this replay, Heather relives the madness of a piping hot Starbucks to the lap, and goes through some of the most chaotic voicemails. If you’re new here, buckle up. If you’re an OG, you already know this one is a classic.Episode Sponsors:Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com.Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutelyTo explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Visit join joinBLVD.com to learn more about Boulevard and book a demo to see if it’s right for your business.Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after the UNWELL weekend in Vegas . She had two insane shows in Florida, flew Breeze nonstop to the Cosmo, and then hung out with Alex Cooper and every housewife you can imagine. While God is good, someone is testing her or has put on a voodoo hex.  Rigs is back in the VET ER, Macaroni maybe has a UTI and the rest of our pets heads are falling off.  We get voicemails from someone that's newly engaged and someone that is debating about dumping their boo over their shower routine.Episode Sponsors:Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCA Mixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.Head to BranchBasics.com to shop the Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com.For Absolutely Not listeners, you can get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com/ABSOLUTELY with code ABSOLUTELY.Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is fired up about the new Taylor Swift album, seeing Tate McRae in concert and all things that make being a girl the best. She chats about her amazing show in Seattle followed by a humbling flight home. She takes voicemails from other TSwift lovers, bad ass women driving themselves to their own delivery and who pilates is really made for. Episode Sponsors:Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.For a limited time, Prolon is offering listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. This World Mental Health Day, we’re celebrating the therapists who’ve helped millions of people take a step forward. If you’re ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. My listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/ABSOLUTELY.Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.Goodwipes is giving away FREE wipes! Want to try a FREE pack of Goodwipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger—or your local store—then head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY, text them your receipt and get reimbursed!Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Want to see more of our adventures, laughs, and post-round FRESCA Mixed vibes? Follow @FrescaMixed on Instagram and YouTube for more.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back from the Ryder Cup with a few things to say. Episode Sponsors:To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutelyFor a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. Visit JoinBlvd.com to learn more.Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Don't be the friend who's always complaining about feeling like garbage—do something about it with LiverMD! Head to 1MD.org and use code [ABSOLUTELY] for 15% off your first order.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.Find Stouffer's in the freezer aisle today.CAKES body covers have become a staple in my wardrobe this fall. To try them for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off your first order.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is excited for the week ahead at the Ryder Cup. She is headed up to New York to host a party at the 1st tee and needs all the single girlies to come through. She also cannot wait for you to see her in the custom Ralph Lauren fits. She chats about upcoming shows- have you gotten your tickets yet?! She takes voicemails from listeners with viral video trolls, Turo rental car woes, and magnesium intake.Episode Sponsors:Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsUse Coupon Code ABSOLUTELY for a $10 telemed Appointment at Addyi.comHead to BranchBasics.com to shop the Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com.Find Stouffer’s in the freezer aisle today.You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after hosting the EMMY’s Live from the Red Carpet for E! She chats about how hot this carpet was, the celebs and friends that she saw, and what after parties she got to hit. She dreams about her future in television and how she would crush Dancing with the Stars. We have voicemails from yacht sellers, girls with jealous SIL and a girl that finds herself in an episode of The Hunting Wives. Episode Sponsors:Go toSquarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.For Absolutely Not listeners, Cure is offering 20% off your first order! Stay hydrated and feel your best by visiting curehydration.com/ABSOLUTELY and using promo code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Over 1.5 million people are already giving their livers the support they deserve. Don't be the friend who's always complaining about feeling like garbage—do something about it with LiverMD! Head to 1MD.org and use code [ABSOLUTELY] for 15% off your first order.Find Stouffer’s in the freezer aisle today.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is coming to you from her hotel room in LA.  She chats about her shows this past weekend in Omaha and Denver as well as the exciting week ahead where she will be back working with E! on the EMMY’s red carpet. She dives into your voicemails from fans in the front row, to buying an international home and whether your nail lady has your back. Episode Sponsors:This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.When you enroll in an ASPCA Pet Health Insurance plan, you could get a $25 Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you’re doing something great for your pet. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just 3-6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.com/absolutelynot.For a limited time, you can be first in line to experience the new Next Gen at special savings. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELYOpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in Atlanta and gearing up for a couple of wild upcoming weeks. She chats about the stresses of still living with Robin and solutions like joining a dojo or becoming a kickboxer. Decision fatigue has fully set in.  She takes your voicemails about psychotic husband behavior, how to be a good neighbor, southern pronunciations, what the heck is happening with Sacramento show as well as the Unwell weekend.Episode Sponsors:Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Absolutely not going to let your liver down anymore? Head to 1MD.org and use code [ABSOLUTELY] for 15% off your first order of LiverMD.To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.Trust me, you need some GOODLES mac & cheese in your life! Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.Want to try a FREE pack of Goodwipes? Just buy a pack at Target, Walmart, Kroger—or your local store—then head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY, text them your receipt and get reimbursed!Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com and SKIMS LA Flagship on Sunset Blvd.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after getting back on the road with The Bamboozled Tour in Memphis and Charlotte.  The Showgirl is back on the road and another showgirl is engaged! She chats about what went down in each city and goes down sorority rush memory lane.  We get back to the voicemails where she takes on another type of wedding proposal, airline chicken etiquette and if too much baby oil is a thing.Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout to take an additional 10% off your next purchase.Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com.Don't be the friend who's always complaining about feeling like garbage—do something about it with LiverMD! Head to 1MD.org and use code [ABSOLUTELY] for 15% off your first order.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!Ready to clean up your home and your health? Head to BranchBasics.com to shop their Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com.Addyi is the number one prescribed treatment, it’s helped thousands of women. Put your lip gloss on. A little self tan. And look into Addyi at addyi.com.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcomes her fabulous friend, Retta to the pod! Retta and Heather met at a friend's birthday in Mexico and connected over margaritas and steak. They chat about auditions, how Glen Powell smells, and what’s a must have in her dressing room. Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Go toSquarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Treat yourself to the most comfortable and innovative bras on earth and save 20% Off sitewide at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we’re reminiscing tales from Heather’s last tour ahead of some stops in Tennessee and Texas. In this replay episode, she breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in at the Memphis airport. She also ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more!Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.For a limited time, you can be first in line to experience the new Next Gen at special savings. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to cornbreadhemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after her annual European summer vacay.  She has weeded through her tik-tok trolls only to realize she has come out ahead as America’s Unc. She relives her boat days, her Air France journey home, and her back to school shopping memories. She takes voicemails from girls on a best friend trip to Italy, gift giving and golf bag woes, and why she is going to Iowa. Episode Sponsors:Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.You can shop Caraway Risk-Free! Enjoy fast, free shipping, easy returns, and a 30-day trial. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is recording straight from a pool house in Mallorca—armed with nothing but her phone, a questionable Wi-Fi signal, and enough acid reflux to ignite a small fire. She’s giving us a mid-vacation dispatch packed with thoughts on travel etiquette, her ongoing battle with GLP-1, and a passionate tribute to the unsung pop legacy of Brooke Hogan. Plus, a quick tour update and a reminder that boat days are the best days.Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration and so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home!Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this replay of the pod from almost exactly 3 years ago, we get Heather fresh off her extra long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending too much time with her new husband, Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again (which she currently is doing in Portugal).Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.Give your summer closet an upgrade—with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and 365-day returns.To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes the one and only Robin McMahan to the studio. Robin is back from Portugal with a group of fabulous older women and bestows some advice before Heather's trip. They discuss the infamous EGG HAT, European Zara’s and the price of seabass. They obviously go into Robin’s dating dilemmas. They take your voicemails about boomers, summers at Chateau McMahan and the amount of virgin piña coladas Heather used to drink.Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsHead to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELYTo find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise. Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully). Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/absolutely.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is on the up and up after the events of the last few weeks. She chats about how turtles and cardinals are now showing up as signs, what it was like 100 years ago, and how she plans to spend her time in Europe. While her life may be hectic right now, she turns to your voicemails to bring her back to reality. She hears about Louisiana gay uncles, how comfortable people have gotten in public and totally unhinged church facebook group requests.Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.