All the Fucks

Today, we're playing coy about some exciting stuff on the horizon--but definitely not about strange men on the street who sneak up on you! Fuckbuddies, join Jen + Lillian today as we take you through some of our most magical places and spaces of youth--from bedrooms (your own or your bestie's), to public libraries, to forest forts, come remember our incubators of this exact brand of feral insanity. And don't forget--plug in the fairy lights, death to the big light!

Well fuckbuddies, this episode feels a little bit like wearing crotchless Spanx. Or a snap-bottom leotard. Or a boilersuit that you can't get off when you have to pee! Jen & Lillian get hot under the collar of all things uncomfortable--air travel, Atlantic City casinos, parking garages, field days (50/50), and walking in full sunlight. Kick back somewhere soft and be glad you're not there!

Yo ho ho and a freezer full of Viennetta, fuckbuddies! Your pals Jen + Lillian are nostalgic for sweet moments of yore--both the frozen dessert and cult classic VHS variety. Only Charles Grodin's winning performance in 1993's CLIFFORD can save us from the woes of AI slop, class action lawsuits over dubious weight loss drugs, "cringe culture," and the constant disappointment of gig-based food delivery.

What We Did on our Summer Vacation, by: Jen and Lillian! Summer 2025 has been a swampy, wet mess--between poop cruises and killer rip currents and planes falling out of the sky, has there been much time for revelry? Sometimes your bad luck saves you from your worse luck, Fuckbuddies. Let's make our own fun with ren faire raves, sketchy indie waterparks, and cobbling together public transportation from eBay!

Oh boy fuckbuddies, this one is a sausagefest! Two queer femmes walk into a Pittsburgh greasy spoon… and immediately find themselves in the middle of a flirtatious restaurant encounter, the halls of a haunted hot dog king, and the Warhol Museum’s most wonderfully weird exhibits. Roll through the Hot Dog Country of Jersey with Jen + Lillian, waxing rhapsodic over being clocked as femmes, retro butch cruising, and Pittsburgh potties. Plus: cutting class to get YOCCO'D, ditz camp, and the tale of the Worst Lobster Ever Painted by Warhol and Basquiat.It’s equal parts queer joy, hot dog rapture, and forever-weird Pennsylvania (served with a side of mustard relish).

We're back today with a blast from the past, fuckbuddies! If this sounds like old news, it is--a lost episode from Summer 2024 that was finally ready for her big debut. This time last year, we're talking shady Jersey City politicos, summer fun in the Pine Barrens, and the heartbreaking fate of space robots.

Hear that clickety-clack, fuckbuddies? Join Jen + Lillian in a free-fall rollercoaster frenzy of stickers from our youth, a rabid case of acrophobia, and the jolt of pure adrenaline that is summer!

Like a morning glory, today Jen + Lillian discuss a topic near and dear to our hearts: queer late bloomers! As fat femmes, we get really granular with how and why queerness can stay elusive for so long (hint: you know it's fatphobia and misogyny!). Come for the TED Talk, stay for the wayward perms and butch longing. PS - It's Babies' First Episode on new software, so we know this one sounds a little funky! We'll get it much better next time.

It's non-binary awareness week, and Jen + Lillian devote this episode to all the theydys and gentlethems! Hop on a (basically free) crosstown bus with us as we yap about stranger danger, the gorgeous spirit that is-was-will-always-be poet laureate Andrea Gibson, and how viscerally hot female train conductors are.

It's a kink potluck, fuckbuddies! Join Jen + Lillian for a nerdy breakdown of all the hottest proclivities this summer has to offer: feet pics, cake-sitting, and barbershop music.

Where were YOU in 1999, fuckbuddies? Because Jen + Lillian were exactly where you'd look for them: pining, and pining hard. Today we read you excruciating, mortifying passages from our journals, ripped from moments better left forgotten in high school and college. Hear about Secret Admirer fails, drunken Florida men, and some choice poetry from angsty beatnik Lillian Bustle. For tickets to BOUNCE HOUSE on June 28: tinuryl.com/bounceshow

It's a wild, expansive midsummer out there, fuckbuddies--and Jen + Lillian are here to sweat it out with you! From Pride events to a brand new Bounce House; from feature films to Y2K dance parties--we get dreamy about all the fun (and boob sweat) to come.

A late-season cold snap brings Jen + Lillian right back to the archives of Jezebel's scary stories! We'll set your spinal stun gun to 'tingle' with tales of nefarious Germans, Amityville apparitions, and sinister Lake Superior. Who wants chili?

Follow your nose, wherever it goes! For Jen + Lillian, it's a walk down memory lane from their salad days at LUSH, a top-secret speakeasy perfume gallery, and the magic of Special Little Treats.

2025: What a time to be alive! Jen + Lillian reconvene after a thrilling off-Broadway production, melt into their couches and watch both good and terrible TV, and grapple with some hard shit.

Hey fuckbuddies! It's a little amuse bouche from your fab fat besties! We've been busy getting Maiden Mother Crone ready for its off-Broadway run, but we're here to invite you to play with us this Sunday, January 19th, for some riotously fun Jackbox Games! If that doesn't work for you, you can always donate to our Fractured Atlas, or come to the show this February at The Flea!

Happy spoOoOoky Halloween, fuckbuddies! Here’s to another year on the ol’ hayride with Jen + Lillian, with stories to tingle your toes and freeze your bones! But really--is anything scarier than Temu?

It's a new dawn, fuckbuddies--well, maybe? We'll see? Today, Jen + Lillian wax cautiously-optimistic as we discuss the DNC, the agony of confronting your attachment issues, and rage over the decades of buffoonery and quackery that have masqueraded as women's health. Grab your hand mirrors, dive into this episode, and get ready to find your clit!

There's nowhere to go but down when it comes to these delivery apps, Fuckbuddies. Join Jen + Lillian as they break out the Mortified card game, I Can't Believe I Did That, and spin tales of concealed weapons, prom dress flops, jazz hands, and psychotic teachers.

Wrap a flag around you and hop in the Seine, fuckbuddies--today, Jen + Lillian are discussing all things Olympics! From teams who are definitely fucking, to the uncontested Best Event Ever, to the sexual awakening that is women's rugby--your best theatre kid friends are here to make the Olympics hornier than ever. Viva la France!

Ah, summer--let's grab a cold lemonade and let's go mudboggin' fuckbuddies! Today, Jen + Lillian spin cotton candy stories of their favorite farmer's fairs, hometown ho-downs, and county carnivals. We recommend you enjoy this one with snacks, because you're gonna get hungry!

Take a deep breath with us: *Ahhhh.* Feel that, Fuckbuddies? That's the absence of 100*+ heat indexes slapping you in the face! Today, pop a cold one as Jen + Lillian safely discuss the perils of our hottest summers from the blissful purgatory of 81* and cloudy.

Fuckbuddies, what is 2024 Face and why is it everywhere? Why are we still wearing heels in hell? And is Pete Davidson truly likeable? (Answer: absofuckinglutely.) Join Jen + Lillian as we avoid The Thing That Happened and talk about literally anything else!

It's high summer, fuckbuddies--carefree sun, fun, and... Jen + Lillian cowering in this unending heatwave! Welcome to another season (?) of All the Fucks: with even more badass burlesque, queer fabulosity, and titillating theatre than ever before. So jump in a cold shower and let us heat up your summertime!

**NOTE: There's some unboxing happening from 8:00-14:50, in case you wish to skip!**Bring the holly jolly with your hosts, fuckbuddies! Today Jen + Lillian remember disastrous yules of yore, talk perfect gifts (and unforgivable ones), and do some very niche unboxing!

Happy holidays, Fuckbuddies! Well, Jen + Lillian meant to bring the merry and bright, but instead succeeded in bringing the creepy and horny. It's a Christmas miracle!

Gobble gobble, fuckbuddies! Who are we kidding? Thanksgiving is *hard.* Being on earth is *hard.* Come cuddle with Jen + Lillian and listen to us re-regulate and re-parent after a lifetime of holiday trauma!

Now that spOoOky szn is over, Jen + Lillian are nesting cozy and diving deep into some of the best ways to take care of ourselves, through the holidays and beyond.

Happy SpoOoOoOky Halloween, fuckbuddies! We're back with more spine-tingling tales for a very scintillating Samhain! So turn off the lights, grab fistfuls of candy, and remember that whatever you are for Halloween, you are obviously the Sexy Version.

We're back from summer vacation, fuckbuddies--and all we got was this darn COVID. Stories of maladies, melodies, and no-undies galore in our grand return, plus: spOoOoOoky Halloween!

We're fat as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore! (Thanks to IN-209, New York's new legislation protecting workers from size discrimination!) Today, Jen + Lillian celebrate this landmark win, advocate for body neutrality despite being unreasonably hot, and talk a whole lot about the labor revolution that we find ourselves in. And actors--you can be part of it RIGHT NOW! Vote YES to this strike authorization: https://vote.ivsballot.com/sagaftra2023/

Happy spring, fuckbuddies! What a time to pack up a pic-i-nic basket, stroll through the Meadowlands, and find... an abandoned asylum? Join Jen + Lillian as they uncover one of the weirdest places in North Jersey--Snake Hill. (Spoiler alert: it's basically the plot of POLTERGEIST!)

Hop in the back and come on down to the Pine Barrens of New Jersey with Jen + Lillian! Don't worry if you forgot your flashlights--the blazing red eyes from the creatures in the woods will light the way! Today, we dish on the trouble with Wife Guys, the many storied creatures of the Garden State, and the bird app that you actually *should* download.

It's true--we're still back, baby! Today, Jen+ Lillian discuss the transformative EAT, PRAY, LOVE trips of their lives. From nostalgic camp memories to fleeing nuclear fallout, the stories today are cathartic, cinematic, and a little ridiculous.

WELCOME TO SEASON SOMETHING! What season is it? We don't know! But we've been hugging your ears for 3+ years, and this is a glorious return from a long hiatus, so here we are. Jen + Lillian kick off this season with a boatload of feelings and hormones as we deep-dive into the works of Judy Blume--a woman who wrote your whole adolescence, but who is infinitely more amazing and radical than we ever knew. The incomparable Judy leads us down a path of our own puberties, sex ed, and so much more. (Also--the documentary JUDY BLUME FOREVER premieres on Prime 4/21/23!)

We can't let November begin without one more send-up to spOoOoOky Halloween! We talk Jen's first proper adult Halloween, definitively rank the best horror movie baddies, and try to fight the siren call of maternity pants--all before we chill you to the bone with more terrifying stories from beyond the veil.  

Are you ready for another spOoOoOky Halloween with Jen + Lillian, fuckbuddies? We are thrilled to bring back the infinitely creepy Jezebel stories, true tales from dubious dating apps, chilling chateaus, and--as ever--fucking Florida. 

While convalescing bedside--respectively from un-COVID and knee surgery--Jen + Lillian wax rhapsodic about high school reunions, the joy of Amazon Slime, and exciting fat representation on TV. 

After an impossibly frought and endless sojourn in the Midwest, Jen finally rejoins Lillian in the land of the  ̶f̶r̶e̶e̶  pizza--New Friggin' Jersey. Listen to a tale of an unbelivable move that gets more and more bonkers as we go!

Yes we know it's been 5 weeks, but have you seen planet Earth recently? THIS PLACE IS BONKERS. Catch up with Jen + Lillian right before things went absolutely hogwild (why yes, that is an early tidbit of next week's episode) as they process some of the most fascist, doom-mongering shit 2022 had to throw! But there is a silver lining... and it tastes like Jamba Juice. --Want more information on fake clinics? Click here!

Here it is, your first brand new episode from Jen + Lillian! There's no theme today, fuckbuddies--just two best friends who haven't done a full "I can't even" download for seven whole months. Learn about why we've been gone, Southern colonial dinner fare, and who's getting hot and heavy (spoiler: it's a puppy!).

In a final unaired episode, Jen + Lillian explore their journals from their first intrepid days in the world as Grown-Ups (read: freshly 23, and brand-new in New York City with a BA in Theatre Arts). And oh boy, does the Big Apple have some adventures in store for these two young, green, pie-eyed gals. Get ready for tales of questionable student films, early days of Ani DiFranco, and all the multi-level  ̶c̶u̶l̶t̶s̶ marketing you can handle!

What smells like Sun-Ripened Raspberry? In this unaired episode, Jen + Lillian return to their hometown malls of yore: neon-laced atriums with Corndogs on a Stick, Suncoast Video--and a Wet Seal, if you were really lucky. Long live our abandoned pigeon palaces! (Related: The Life and Death of the Phillipsburg Mall) 

Jen + Lillian are BACK, Fuckbuddies! And to kick off a brand new season (?), we present to you Jen's favorite format: My Best Friend's Best Friend. Today, meet Kay Koch, the Jim Henson to Jen's Frank Oz. Kay and Jen wax rhapsodic with Lillian about walrus fails, chivalrous sheep, and how many pelvic exams are too many?  |  The Weirdos Next Door

OKAY SO WE KNOW THIS IS WEIRD. We know it's been 196 days since we checked in, said hello, kept you company in the car-shower-kitchen-dark. Lots of you are asking: is All the Fucks over? Nay, fuckbuddies--WE ARE BACK! We're here, we're queer, we're taking our meds and trying our best! Get ready for the return of your (we hope favorite) rad fat fairy godmothers as they process a whole lotta life and trauma together. 

Fuckbuddies, it's Lillian's birthday! Join Jen + the birthday girl as Jen paints a glorious picture of Capricorn Excellence, we reflect on some of the best internetting for our mental health, and we chase our desires for the year ahead. 

What's that, fuckbuddies? The world is one giant FOX Christmas tree on fire? Let Jen + Lillian distract you with a great big Dollop of Christmasy proportions--1986's BABES IN TOYLAND, starring an eerily on-the-brink Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves in his most adorable role of all time! And if you haven't seen this epic, traumatizing gem, don't wait one more moment--it's on Prime right now. You're welcome.

Fuckbuddies, we know--it's shaping up to look like another superspreader Christmas. Whether you are hunkering down, testing positive, or avoiding a long-awaited flight, Jen + Lillian are here to bring you a little bit of comfort and warmth, and a reminder that not absolutely everything this year was horrid. As we remember our high points of 2021, we encourage you to take inventory of the blessings that may have befallen you this year. Stay safe, be well, and happy holidays, everyone! 

LOLOL. Well fuckbuddies, what more do you expect from our second Christmas in quarantine?! A journey down Kris Kringle lane gets interrupted by a tech snafu, and Jen cobbles together something for your virtual stockings from the peaceful oasis of Newark Liberty Airport. Ho Ho Ho! 

Welcome back, fuckbuddies! Ever mock up a hall pass or fake a headache to get out of dodgeball? Today, Jen + Lillian reflect on those seemingly innocuous childhood tendencies that, frankly... should have warranted a bit more adult intervention. With our collective goldfish memories, social withdrawal and chronic IBS, the kids are not, in fact, all right.