Badly Written Boy

In Episode 32, we hear about the new job, pursuing the secretary, intense scanning, the eyes of desire, throwing pies at a hypnotist, stapling torn pants together, drunk and disorderly, sleeping in a corridor, and rocking a CD player.

In Episode 31, we hear about big breaks, big bras, cool cars, boom boom, bad beats, banking fiascos, emerging talent in the world of literature, lesbians, gym daze, pool king, and premature consumption of advent calendar chocolate.

In Episode 30, we hear about attempts to become a lifeguard, and alternative careers in t-shirt design, a scriptwriting, film making, ebay trading, and receptionist. We also slag off blue collar workers, judge women, and discuss toasters.

In Episode 29, we hear about aspirations to become a lifeguard, aspirations to move away again, an interview to become a landscape architect, retro game trading, a new cat, road navigation before GPS, and signing a contract with confidence.

In Episode 28, we hear about a lads trip to Turkey, wearing a skimpy towel in a spa, chasing women in the sea, scuba diving, and general hatred for a rotund store manager.

In Episode 27, we are joined by my sister to hear about working in a convenience store, booking a holiday, getting fancy haircut, pursuing a colleague, holding up queues, jogging, and excessive consumption of Lucozade.

In Episode 26, we hear about the prolonged laying of a patio, photo albums, a dead cat, a local shop for local people, illusions of grandeur, moments of clarity, alighting, delighting, and insulting pretty much everyone.

In Episode 25, we query the existence of eagles in Australia, ponder the thought of becoming a director on the back of a GCSE in Media Studies, wonder why the pool is closed when it is still hot, determine sensibilities of cryogenic sleep, and cry over two old roses. Maybe you will too.

In Episode 24, we hear about an unlikely reunion, being kicked out by a pensioner, what you should spend your last $4.42 on, cleaning a car for free, serving coffee for free, planting trees for free, and telemarketing for free.

In Episode 23, we hear about a short lived career in telemarketing, an all too predictable dumping, lodging with pensioners, and more championship manager.

In Episode 22, we hear about leaving home, a terrible email, a seizure, the follies of unemployment, poor money management, being a bad boyfriend, the big day out, and a restaurant opening.

In Episode 21 we hear about being 21 today, getting down and doing the bad thing, allegations of laziness, being laid off, not having the perseverance to be a samurai, crashing into a yacht with a kayak, and putting on a speedo show at the retirement village pool.

In Episode 20 we hear about going in too deep, bludging, waitering, packing, how not to eat a mango, and antics on the Gold Coast.  

In Episode 19 we hear about reunions, exhaustion, intolerable cruelty, a tick, a cockaroach, old school scam emails, my first thai curry, my first cappuccino, and an ultrasound. A special guest episode with Matt Wilson.

In Episode 18 we hear about cherry popping, breaking curtains, scam jobs, modelling, being skint, dodgy piss, disgusting fish, and Dunlop K26s.

In Episode 17 we hear about a leaving do, a dead deer, destruction of a diary, pre-departure defecation, floppy disks, VHS entertainment, and me time.

In Episode 16 we hear about graduation, the porn virus, racializing a fashion label, lifestyles of the demented, film critiquing, and a cat scaling a fence. A special guest episode with Jarrod Hart.

In Episode 15, we hear about Mark’s degree results, candles, fairy lights, back pain, a tramp under a tree, another whimsical infatuation, and a cup of vomit. A special guest episode with Sinead Lyons.

In Episode 14, we hear what a tv adaptation of Badly Written Boy might entail, how Mark would fail at getting cast as himself, the final university course submissions, booking flights to Australia, man flu, more self-pity, a man vs wasp encounter, and the multiple roles of the humble couch.

In Episode 12, we hear about seizing the light, studio masturbation, the topshop voyeur, nicely pressed shirts, quiche boy, polaroid cameras, headbutting, and waffle stomping.

In Episode 13, we hear about the university course finale, strip poker, political stuff, spooky stuff, sticky videos, rejecting toxic masculinity, female friends, a hard day’s work, and quitting

In Episode 11, we hear about nipplegate, drunken admissions, an actual idiot’s guide to blagging essays, the landscape ball, flirtatious dancing, unrequited love, apprehending shoplifters, and kebabs.

In Episode 10, we hear about virgins, driving tests, manovers, paternosters, indie boy and his brown corduroys, trivial pursuit and dithering heights.

In Episode 9, we hear about Math, Bonbon, Mr Pie, Dunlop K26’s, Cold Call Dating, and Faking Aids.

In Episode 8, we hear about the Heaven’s Gate Cult, Comet Hale–Bopp, the spoken english of Swedes, a poem about caravans, irritating kids on long haul flights, and a bad date.

In Episode 7, we talk French, TV before streaming, bus wankers, nonce teachers, and x-factor.

In Episode 6, we hear about the old testament, welsh brothels, a class full of pigs, amazing speeds and a badly sung boy.  

In Episode 5, we discuss wearing trainers for school, first dates, holding hands, getting off with people, and terrible Yorkshire accents. Its absolute filth to be honest.

In Episode 4, we discuss mucus, indecisive German girls, cheapskate dads, chicoozis, and a guy from Mumbai who is kept locked in a cupboard.

In Episode 3, we discuss babes, bizziness, the art of perswassion, stationary, and defecating at school. We'll also hear about the mystery of Grampa's car key, Mark's suspension, and other vital information.

In Episode 2, we discuss losing at the lottery, computer rooms, my greedy aunt, conkers, the Isle of Skye, magnificent landscapes, and how I get my thrills in 1995.

In Episode 1, we discuss gifts on a budget, the national lottery, citadel miniatures, and the all-round excellence of Saturday night UK TV in 1993.