Battle Royale: French Monarchs
by Ben Clarke and Eliza Sommers
Passing judgement on all the Kings and Emperors of France from Clovis to Napoleon III. Each episode, Ben recounts the story of a monarch to Eliza, then together they decide on how to score them in 5 categories. But who will they select as the crème de la crème, and who will they send to the Guillotine? Proudly inspired by the Rex Factor podcast.
Episodes
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71 - Napoleon III, Part 1
It's the LAST ONE!!! Of all the exiles we've had over the last few episodes, Napoleon III's is by far the most entertaining. His rise (and fall) is the most satisfying. His moustache is the biggest. But will this be enough to see him become our final competitor in the tournament? ⚜️ Outro music...
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70 - Henry V (Henri, comte de Chambord)
Born as "the Miracle Child" who saved the royal family from extinction, Henri's abortive 7-day reign as a young boy was followed by a life of exile and uncertainty. We will also get into his mother Madame de Berry's scandalous attempted coup. There's a lot to admire about this guy, but did he...
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69 - Louis Philippe I
As a king installed by a revolution, Louis Philippe's reign is full of contradictions and difficult choices. With his wise sister Adélaïde gone, will Louis Philippe be able to survive the calamitous year of 1848? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by...
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68.5 - Adélaïde d'Orléans, Part 2
Adélaïde’s continued work behind the scenes will quietly shape French history from 1830 through to 1847, and yet history seems to have tried to erase her contribution. Does she deserve to sit alongside the great matriarchs of French history that came before her? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode...
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68.5 - Adélaïde d'Orléans, Part 1
This unassuming spinster who "won the throne for her house" through sheer tenacity and courage. This episode, we cover the House of Orléans's history, and Adélaïde's long and often tragic life up to the heady days of the July Revolution, when she vowed to "share the fate of the Parisians". ⚜️…
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68 - Louis XIX, ft. Marie-Thérèse
The Duke and Duchess of Angoulême finally take centre stage... for possibly the shortest reign in world history. As the last surviving Bourbons of their generation, these mismatched cousins struggled to be the power couple the nation needed. ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score…
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67 - Charles X, Part 2
This episode, Charles meets his ultimate fate in the wake of the much-anticipated July Revolution. ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on Instagram, our Facebook Group or BlueSky. Make sure you leave us a review on Apple...
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67 - Charles X, Part 1
Charles, comte d'Artois, has been a meddlesome troublemaker for the last 50 years of French history - surviving exiles, wars and revolutions like a cockroach. What fresh hell will ensue now that he finally has the chance to be king? ⚜️ Battle Royale's intro music is "Dansez" by Fasion. Go…
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66 - Louis XVIII, Part 2
From idle prince, to bankrupt exile, to his glorious restoration ... how will Louis XVIII measure up to his forebears in an age where the king must reconcile with the new France that the Revolution created? And how long will this ailing king even last? Check out David's show The Siècle to get...
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66 - Louis XVIII, Part 1
While Napoleon rose and fell, the old royal family wander Europe as exiles for over 20 years. This episode, we explore their side of the story. ⚜️ This week's outro music is "Richard Coeur de Lion, Act II: Si l'univers entier", an air from a favourite opera of Louis XVIII by André Grétry. From...
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65 - Napoleon II
You know Napoleon I. You've heard of Napoleon III... But what about the other one? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on Instagram, our Facebook Group or BlueSky. Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts,...
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64 - Napoleon I, Part 3
Will Napoleon be enshrined with the greats at the Grand Tournament, or will we send this outlaw to the guillotine? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on Instagram, our Facebook Group or BlueSky. Make sure you leave us a...
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64 - Napoleon I, Part 2
Starting with his grand coronation in Paris and stunning victory at Austerlitz, we follow Napoleon from his zenith to his ultimate decline as all of Europe conspires against him. Next episode, we will at last rate Napoleon and get into further detail about one of history's most epic and...
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64 - Napoleon I, Part 1
From obscure Corsican officer to Emperor of the French, this episode we chart the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte in the first of his 3 episodes. There is so much about this man to cover, and we have still only scratched the surface. Fitting that this episode is coming out on Easter, since Napoleon…
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63.5 - Maximilien Robespierre, Part 2
We have reached the dramatic apex of Robespierre's career, as the French Revolution spirals into its most violent phase: the Reign of Terror. But how long will this reign last? And how will Robespierre's legacy compare to those of the monarchs he destroyed? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode…
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63.5 - Maximilien Robespierre, Part 1
This episode we get deeper into the French Revolution, from the eyes of the radical politician Maximilien Robespierre. Society is about to change rapidly and shockingly in the leadup to the Reign of Terror, including a new calendar which will leave Eliza outraged. ⚜️ Visit our website for…
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Madame de Pompadour (Patreon Exclusive)
Go to patreon.com/battleroyalepodcast to listen to Part 2, and our entire spinoff series on the French royal mistresses. Jeanne Antoinette "Reinette" Poisson was born into a disgraced middle-class Parisian family and thanks to her own beauty, charm and wit managed to climb the greasy pole to…
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63 - Louis XVII (the Lost Dauphin)
We unravel the mystery that haunted Europe for over a century: What happened to the son of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinettte after they met their tragic end? It's a real True Crime mystery that will take us from the worst days of the Reign of Terror to the deepest depths of the American West. Only...
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62.5 - Marie Antoinette, Part 2
It's now time to rate one of history's most notorious queens! ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on Instagram, our Facebook Group or BlueSky. Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you...
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62.5 - Marie Antoinette, Part 1
By popular demand, we have an in-betweeny episode on the most famous woman in all of French history. How much was she really to blame for the disasters leading up to the Revolution? This episode we go through the main events of Marie Antoinette’s life. Next time we will rate her and leave behind...
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62 - Louis XVI, Part 2
This episode, we will rate and review Louis XVI, the last king of France before the Revolution blows everything apart. Will he get through to the Tournement, or will he be guillotined a second time? ⚜️ Visit our website for episode images, score summaries and more! Contact us by Email, or…
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62 - Louis XVI, Part 1
This episode, we finally get to the beginnings of the French Revolution and how it affected one Louis XVI, a King of France who was in way over his head, to put it mildly. Why did the revolution start in his reign? What weird hobbies did he indulge in the meantime? And next episode, will we be...
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61 - Louis XV, Part 2
It's time to get down to brass tax and rate Louis XV. Was he the do-nothing king later historians have tarred him as? And are good intentions and pretty art enough to save him from the guillotine? ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Contact us by...
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61 - Louis XV, Part 1
Not quite the Sun King, not quite the Revolution guy, Louis XV sits between two way more famous kings of France and is often a forgotten footnote of history, despite ruling for a very long time during France's great Enlightenment period. Will he stand toe-to-toe with other kings, or will he get...
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60.5 - Philippe II of Orléans (the Regent)
Louis XIV is dead, and his heir is a 5-year-old child. With so many deaths occurring in the royal family, it falls to an unlikely royal nephew, Philippe, duke of Orléans, to govern France until Louis XV comes of age. Completely unlike the callous old Sun King, Philippe is a man of the people who...
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60 - Louis XIV, Part 3
Now that we've finished Louis XIV's life, we're going back to fill in some details and decide what score the Sun King should get. Will he escape the guillotine? ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on...
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60 - Louis XIV, Part 2
This episode we talk about the zenith and slow decline of the sun king. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Contact us by Email, or follow us on Instagram, our Facebook Group or BlueSky. Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify…
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60 - Louis XIV, Part 1
The Sun King is risen. This episode, we chronicle the first half of Louis XIV's life, from his earliest years of civil war and turbulence to the apex of his power. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple...
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59.5 - Anne of Austria
You've heard of the Sun King, but what about his mother? From Infanta of Spain to Regent of France, Anne of Austria's 50-year career is a rollercoaster of intrigue, family drama and civil war. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you…
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59 - Louis XIII
The Louis XIII of Alexandre Dumas's "The Three Musketeers" is a comically naïve and easily manipulated do-nothing king, dominated by his scheming chief minister Cardinal Richelieu. But as we're about to learn, the history is a little more complicated when you consider that Louis did have military...
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58.5 - Marie de' Medici
After seizing the regency upon the death of Henry IV, will the second Medici to rule France be as successful as the first? Get ready for court intrigue, family drama and shocking twists of fate. To view Marie's most famous series of depictions, Rubens's "Marie de' Medici Cycle", head to the…
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58 - Henry IV, Part 2
How will "Good King Henry" fare as we rate him? We know he spent his reign fighting, drinking and womanising, but what did he do for France? And more importantly, was he really the second coming of Hercules?Let is know what you thought of Henry, and whether he deserves the fate we've given...
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58 - Henry IV, Part 1
We're back!!! And we're starting off a new royal line with Henry IV, the first Bourbon king. Is this stinky, ill-mannered heretic really the hero France has been waiting for after 30 years of civil war?Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, when we will rate Henry and decide whether he deserves the...
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57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 2
It's time for Margot to truly REBEL.How will Margot's rollercoaster end, and how will she rate compared to the rest of the Valois clan? ⚜️Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more!Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you...
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57.5 - Marguerite de Valois (Queen Margot), Part 1
The last surviving of the Valois, this beautiful and intelligent princess is often seen as either a victim or a villain, but the memoirs she left behind and the reevaluation of modern historians show a different side to her story. She was a woman who struggled to find agency and…
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Ranking Roundup #3 - The House of Valois
Au revoir, Valois! We have now ranked all the kings of France belonging to the House of Valois, the cadet branch of the Capetian dynasty which reigned supreme from 1328 to 1589. Before they take a well-earned break and start gearing up for the Bourbon kings, Ben and Eliza step back to re-examine...
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57 - Henry III
This week we delve into the treacherous, tumultuous and frankly bizarre reign of King Henry III, who is certainly unlike any other king we've seen thus far! Will his entertaining shenanigans earn him a place in the tournament? And how much of his scandalous legacy is historical fact? ⚜️ Visit our...
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56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 2
This episode, we close out Catherine de' Medici's life and give her a score. How does this notorious queen measure up against the likes of Charlemagne and Philip Augustus?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple...
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56.5 - Catherine de' Medici, Part 1
In our first part of the endlessly fascinating life that is Catherine de' Medici's, we chart her rise from an orphaned Italian "merchant's daughter" to the Queen-Mother of Europe's most prestigious kingdom. Next episode, we will conclude the story and ask ourselves, is she really the scheming...
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56 - Charles IX
There will be blood.⚜️A summary of the major political figures in this episode (most of whom will be dead by the end):Catherine de' Medici, ruling on behalf of her son Charles IX, a moderating force between the factions (at first)The Ultra-Catholics: Duke Henry of Anjou, Charles IX's precocious...
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55 - Francis II (ft. Mary, Queen of Scots)
After the sudden demise of his father, young Francis II struggles to grasp his new responsibilities as King of France. Meanwhile, his ambitious young wife Mary Stuart and her relatives, the Guise family, make their first big bid for power. And the rumbles of religious unrest in France are only...
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54 - Henry II
He's the husband of Catherine de' Medici, the lover of Diane de Poitiers, the father-in-law of Mary, Queen of Scots. Can Henry II stand out in a period dominated by these legendary women? How will he fare against the might of the Hapsburg Empire? And how will he reconcile his religion with the...
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53 - Francis I (Part 2)
It's time to pass judgement on Francis I, deciding whether or not King Big-Nose deserves the guillotine! With this monarch, we enter a new age of Protestant rebellions, American colonialism and Hapsburg domination. Did Francis rise to meet these new challenges, or was he just a blustering fool?⚜️...
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53 - Francis I (Part 1)
The long-awaited Renaissance king has finally arrived! This episode we go through the big moments his life from birth to death, from his famous meeting with Henry VIII at the Field of Cloth of Gold to his disastrous imprisonment in Spain. Next episode, we will be examining Francis's reign and...
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52.5 - Louise of Savoy
From unwanted daughter to first lady of France, this episode we chart the gradual rise of Louise of Savoy - the mother, mentor and "great regent" of King Francis I. We'll see how she measures up to other French rulers of her time, and see whether she gets to sit in the VIP Box with our other...
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52 - Louis XII (Part 2)
Now that we've done his life, let's pass judgement on Louis XII, AKA the Porcupine! Does he deserve a place among the great kings of French history, or is he just another snack for the guillotine?⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you...
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52 - Louis XII (Part 1)
After a life spent in second place to his royal cousins, how will the Duke of Orléans fare with his new promotion to King of France?Stay tuned for Part 2, where we discuss Louis's legacy and rate him, with special appearances from porcupines, vipers and bees (oh my!). ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for...
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51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 2)
In Part 2, we learn of Anne's second marriage and her ultimate fate! Does she deserve the score she got? Were the unicorn tapestries inspired by her? Was she the Taylor Swift of her time? Flock to our social media and let us know! Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact...
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51.5 - Anne of Brittany (Part 1)
This episode, we take a brief detour from the Valois boys to visit gorgeous Brittany and give our latest queen, Anne, her own episode, as she was also a fierce ruler in her own right, and fought for her independence from a very young age.In Part 1, we learn about Anne's early life, her dangerous...
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51 - Charles VIII (Part 2)
As we reach the shocking end of Charles the Affable, we'll see how he measures up to his fellow kings of France. ⚜️ Visit our Wordpress for episode images, score summaries, contact details and more! Make sure you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. You can also...
About this show
Passing judgement on all the Kings and Emperors of France from Clovis to Napoleon III. Each episode, Ben recounts the story of a monarch to Eliza, then together they decide on how to score them in 5 categories. But who will they select as the crème de la crème, and who will they send to the Guillotine? Proudly inspired by the Rex Factor podcast.
Hosted by
Ben Clarke and Eliza Sommers