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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

by PodcastOne

Comedy

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by siblings Xandy and Christine Schiefer.

From the show's RSS feed, refreshed Oct 21, 2026. Source feed.

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Episodes

  1. 412: Reviews of Ant Farms

    I'm going to bury you with your comrades. We're on tour! Get your tickets for our remaining Louisville & Nashville shows at beachtoosandy.com Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life! Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe. For 50% less…

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  2. 411:  Reviews of Olive Garden

    Does your eggplant come with skin? Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Visit rula.com/beachtoosandy to get started. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your...

  3. 410:  Reviews of Bookstores with Lauren Kilby and Karen Whitehouse

    I wouldn't ask for underwear if I didn't need the underwear. Listen to Who Shat on the Floor at my Wedding? And Other Crimes wherever you get your podcasts and visit whoshatontheflooratmywedding.com for more! Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an...

  4. 409: Reviews of Coffee Creamers

    A belly full of white dog turds.

  5. 408:  Reviews of Froyo with Michelle Collins

    I hate when they put wang in my food. Follow Michelle on Instagram at @michcoll or @The Michelle Collins Show We're going on tour! Buy tickets at https://www.beachtoosandy.com/

  6. 407: Reviews of Deodorant

    A stained crotch is not the experience we wanted for you.

  7. 406: Reviews of Novelty Ice

    The Mona Lisa, a dildo, or a pug?

  8. 405: Reviews of Mini Golf

    Just a bunch of angry elves. Support Smoking Werewolf Productions here: https://gofund.me/5766bf50d

  9. 404: Reviews of Tiki Bars in Hong Kong (Patreon Re-Release)

    R-r-r-r-remix

  10. 403: Reviews of The Container Store

    Anything that contains and can contain is contained within the container.

  11. 402: Reviews of Toothpaste with Roz Hernandez

    Even Kazoo people use toothpaste.

  12. 401: Reviews of Fitness Trackers

    Two people wanted to vomit and no one did.

  13. 400: Reviews of Summer Camps

    If they don't care about ducks, they don't care about you either.

  14. 399: Reviews of Running Shoes

    How do you think shoes feel about being entered by feet?

  15. 398: Reviews of Diners with  Jessie "Jetski" Johnson

    A cucumber is not an avocado.

  16. 397: Reviews of Lululemon

    Statistically speaking you're probably no longer a listener.

  17. 396: Reviews of Energy Drinks

    This stuff literally tastes like blue cheese and smells like cat piss.

  18. 395: Reviews of Bath & Body Works

    Nothing about carrots makes me think bougie

  19. 394: Reviews of Raising Cane's

    Soggy White Bread was my nickname in high school.

  20. 393: Reviews of Costco

    If they remove the froyo it'll make my life a living hell.

  21. 392: Reviews of Shakespeare or Smut

    Shakespeare coined that term hangy downy bits. Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy for 50% OFF your first box and free dessert for life! Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to myskylight.com/beach. Visit progressive.com and give the Name Your Price®...

  22. 391: Reviews of Smut

    Hyperspermia, which was new to me Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. For a limited time, Honeylove is offering up to 50% off sitewide during their Memorial Day sale. Use our exclusive link to shop at honeylove.com/beachtoosandy. Start your business today with the...

  23. 390: Reviews of Shakespeare

    Get thee to a gnomery! Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy. Head to quince.com/beachtoosandy for…

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  24. 389: Reviews of YMCAs

    Look at them yo-yos, that's the way you do it.

  25. 388: Reviews of Home Goods with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

    Debbie's getting off on this power trip… as she should

  26. 387: Reviews of 7-Eleven

    Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring....

  27. 386: Reviews of Umbrellas

    Rumors have gotten started that I have irritable bowel syndrome.

  28. 385: Reviews of Caves with National Park After Dark

    A world of regret awaits you at Mammoth Cave

  29. 384: Reviews of Airport Shops

    Sarah what the fuck is your problem?

  30. 383: Reviews of Easter Egg Hunts

    She could probably beat up some seven year olds and she could definitely beat up some zero year olds

  31. 382: Reviews of Allergy Meds

    Aries are going through it right now

  32. 381: Between You and Us

    It's the moon, but worse.

  33. 380: Reviews of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives with Bridger Winegar

    I got humped in the face Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/beachtoosandy code: BEACHTOOSANDY Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach ASPCA: Go to...

  34. 379: Reviews of Dude Ranches

    The cookies didn't compensate for the abuse.

  35. 378: Reviews of Televangelists

    You can't spell spent without repent!

  36. 377: Reviews of Jewelry

    Don't worry, we fired Diane for that.

  37. 376: Reviews of Party Buses

    We're going to Ibiza! Talkiatry: Head to talkiatry.com/beach and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes

  38. 375: Reviews of Benihana with Byron Marin and Ryan Bergara

    Chef name was Edwin, very sensual and playful with his entertainment. Watch For Your Amusement at https://www.youtube.com/@fyapod and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts!

  39. 374: Reviews of Puzzles

    I put a 2 million dollar puzzle together and all I got was this lousy QR code

  40. 373: Reviews of Novelty Kitchen Tools

    We told you not to put the egg topper in the dishwasher.

  41. 372: Reviews of Locksmiths

    Call the Locksmith!!!

  42. 371: Reviews of Old-Timey Candy

    Guess what, busters! Guess what, busters?

  43. 370: Reviews of Hangover Cures

    Happy wonderwall to you and yours and bApp. -- SPONSORS: Check out https://boxiecat.com/beach for a discount on BoxieCat's self-cleaning litter! -- We have merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy.store

  44. 369: Reviews of Mall Santas

    2 surfs,a quick dance, a few mushrooms and 2 giant connect 4 games

  45. 368: Reviews of Pet Psychics

    Sorry, pet communicators.

  46. 367: Reviews of Renaissance Faires with Bryan Green

    This is gonna ruin the tour... What tour? The moose tour. Check out The Commercial Break! https://www.tcbpodcast.com Follow Bryan! https://instagram.com/bryanwgreen

  47. 366: Reviews of Soup Recipes

    My soup is full of eels.

  48. 365: Reviews of Turkey Trots

    To see Xandy at his most athletic, check out our Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy We also have new merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy.store

  49. 364: Reviews of Labubus

    Give us money so Christine can buy more Labubus for her legion: www.patreon.com/BeachTooSandy

  50. 363: Reviews of Great Wolf Lodge

    Tune in next week for 364: Reviews of Great Wolf Spider Lodge Stuff here: www.beachtoosandy.com

View all 464 episodes →

About this show

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by siblings Xandy and Christine Schiefer.

Hosted by

PodcastOne

Categories

Comedy

Frequently asked questions

How many episodes does Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet have?

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet has 464 episodes on PodParley. The most recent episode was published on October 21, 2026.

What is Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet about?

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by siblings Xandy and Christine Schiefer.

How often does Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet release new episodes?

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet publishes weekly, based on its 464 episodes since December 2018.

Who hosts Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet?

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is created and hosted by PodcastOne.
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