Beardless, D*ckless Me podcast artwork

PODCAST · comedy

Beardless, D*ckless Me

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

  1. 53

    Beardless, Dickless Finale

    Harley and Kevin wrap up Beardless, Dickless Me LIVE at Smodcastle Cinemas in Atlantic Highlands, NJ on Sunday, August 3, 2025. PLUS: BACK TO THE ABATTOIR!

  2. 52

    The True Beginning of the End

    Harley and Kevin perform Beardless, Dickless Me LIVE at Smodcastle Cinemas in Atlantic Highlands, NJ on Sunday, August 3, 2025. PLUS: GIVE ME BACK MY NAME!

  3. 51

    The Final Home Show

    Kevin learns of a familial connection to a serial killer and Harley has a stray cat story. PLUS: Biting Bill!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  4. 50

    This Could Be a Party on My Behalf

    Kevin visits Momily and Harley gets a surprise! PLUS: It's the last studio show! See you LIVE in NJ!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  5. 49

    It’s A Good Title, Right?

    Harley is dealing with Unstoppa-Bill and Kevin has a comic book drop today. PLUS: Kevin’s Favorite Ride and only two more to go!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  6. 48

    “The World’s Most Punchable Face”

    Kevin is accused of Seuss-ian rhymes and Harley talks trends and Labubu. PLUS: A live show update!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  7. 47

    iHeartattack Part 1

    The beginning of the end. Kevin talks about Cannes, Harley talks about Spain, and both talk about the end of BDM as we know it.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  8. 46

    The Biblical Avengers

    Kevin and Harley discuss Dogma and how art can be impactful.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  9. 45

    Deardless, Bickless Me

    Harley and Bill have their first Easter and Kevin’s in the Jay Ward. PLUS: Kevin’s still touring, dogmamovie.com!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  10. 44

    Mr Steak Hand Puppet

    Kevin wins Mr. Steak and Harley gets it Fresco style. PLUS: Kevin is still on the Dogma Resurrection tour. See it with him! dogmamovie.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  11. 43

    Egg-istential Questions

    Kevin and Harley learn to pronounce words and answer questions from listeners.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  12. 42

    Why Won’t Anyone Help Them?!

    Before Kevin goes on the Dogma tour, Harley has questions… about the 90’s. Plus: Harley has to sell some shirts!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  13. 41

    Prisoner of The Planet of the Apes

    Kevin recounts an entire film franchise. Harley longs to live in an Epic Universe. Plus: The Conclusion of the eBay Epic.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  14. 40

    The Resurrection of Dogma

    Kevin talks about the surprise sudden re-release of Dogma! Harley records a voice track for a cartoon! Plus: The Devil Went Down to Georgia.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  15. 39

    Harley Quinngaged!

    Kevin has big, life-changing news! Harley has a normal, unexceptional weekend! Plus: Dixon the Cuck Cow!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  16. 38

    His name… is Milton Hersey

    Harley’s making music! Kevin’s snatching victory from the jaws of eBay defeat! Plus: Kev gets existential.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  17. 37

    eBay’s Bitch

    Kevin can’t stop shopping eBay! Harley conducts a quiz! Plus: Tales of Facebook Marketplace Meet-Ups!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  18. 36

    Coo d’etat

    Harley drops her single and Kevin brings the Bible to life! Plus: The show falls into a Pigeon hole.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  19. 35

    Crab Walker

    Harley has a hypothetical for her Father as she takes over the show. Kevin teases details of his next film. Plus: Beardless, Dickless Live?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  20. 34

    Beardless Beyond

    Kevin talks about the Aural Sects Tour and Harley builds the 50th Episode live show in real time. Plus: Rocky and Bullwinkle!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  21. 33

    Kev Miner's Daughter

    Harley has questions. Kevin visits another podcast. Plus: Harley's band gets closer to a name. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  22. 32

    Department Store

    Kevin tries to create some structure. Harley dodges hypotheticals. Plus: A Bad Hair Day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  23. 31

    Shirt Tales

    Harley becomes a clothing magnate. Kevin writes comic books. Plus: The return of Vegan Abattoir!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  24. 30

    Kids in the Hallmark

    Kevin and Harley recap the Wicked singalong before diving deeply into ancient inscriptions on greeting cards. Plus: A Hump Bunny No More!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  25. 29

    After the Fire

    Kevin and Harley tell tales of running from the Los Angeles fires. Plus: Bad Bunny Billy’s gotta have it!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  26. 28

    Cthulu Bunny

    Kevin has a Point Nemo nightmare. Harley gives Kevin a calendar. Plus: Billy Begins!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  27. 27

    Hey Apple!

    Harley and Kevin start the new year with a deep dive about creepy internet videos and pageant work. Plus: Passion or Ration returns!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  28. 26

    Boxing Day

    Kevin and Harley celebrate BDM’s first Christmas and the end of the year. Plus: Peanuts on Ice!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  29. 25

    Drone Alone

    Harley makes music and Kevin makes a sitcom. Plus: Ring Cams of the Damned!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  30. 24

    Cin City

    Kevin and Hartley say goodbye to the best bunny that wasn't Bugs.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  31. 23

    Beardsgiving

    Kevin and Harley gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing. Plus: Making the official BDM T-shirt!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  32. 22

    With a Song in my Heart

    Kevin and Harley have a listening party! Plus: The return of passion or ration!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  33. 21

    Captain Stupid

    Harley goes to Disneyland for free in exchange for cleaning the bathroom, and Kevin comes clean about Tony. Plus: The Return of Passion or Ration!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  34. 20

    Rest in Paw-er

    Kevin and Harley say goodbye to Momily's 21-year-old cat. Plus: singing!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  35. 19

    Mr. Potato Hat

    Celebrate Halloween with a couple of hollow wieners as Kevin and Harley trick and treat you to terrifying tales! Plus: Oo, la la, Zajur!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  36. 18

    We Never Smiled in the 90’s

    Kevin shows Harley a short film that makes her cry. Harley has to give steroids to the Moo Man. Plus: The first female detective in the Newark PD!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  37. 17

    For the Love of Benji

    Kevin tells the tale of Lucky’s short king suitor. And Harley discovers the Dad she never knew. Plus: Wucky gets waid!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  38. 16

    Be Not Afraid

    Kevin tells Harley about the rat incident and sings the Laverne & Shirley theme song. Plus: Father Dave’s Funeral Hits!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  39. 15

    The Sin-Eaters

    Kevin helps Harley cover up an accidental crime. Plus: A cat in a backpack!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  40. 14

    Blood is Thicker Than Water

    Kevin and Harley talk Smith family history and bring the dogs to the beach.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  41. 13

    The Long Halloween

    Kevin and Harley cavort through the calendar and Passion or Ration all of the holidays. Plus: Harley’s selling her clothes!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  42. 12

    The 4:30 Movie is Now in Theaters!

    Harley passes on a leading role in Kevin’s new movie. A Dad and Daughter discuss Mental Health. And the debut of Passion or Ration.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  43. 11

    About, Above, Across

    Kevin tells Harley about a dead Hollywood man who became a live Oklahoma boy. Matriarch Momily can still recite her prepositions.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  44. 10

    “In a time when a woman could only be a man…”

    Kevin and Harley try to write either a one hour drama for the Christian Broadcasting Network or a half hour sitcom for Netflix.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  45. 9

    Cookie Puss

    Harley’s taste test triggers a Disney deep-dive. Plus: Matriarch Momily’s Marijuana Midnight Madness!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  46. 8

    “GIVE ME BACK MY NAME, WOMAN!”

    Kevin and Harley are in hot pursuit of the Trivial 90’s. And John Proctor climbs out of his crucible.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  47. 7

    Embouchure

    Harley gets caught in a mosh and Kevin has a Dad-level existential crisis. Harley goes geeky for a Disney Vlogger while Kevin tries to come up with a name for the band.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  48. 6

    Tom Waits for No Man

    Harley gets a haircut and the internet has thoughts. Kevin becomes the King of the Elves while Harley won’t kill an undead Austin. Plus: a REAL review of Jen’s stew.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  49. 5

    You Can Count on Momily

    Matriarch Momily gets her heart re-started. Kevin reveals talk show secrets. Harley is haunted by the Bermuda Triangle and agog over Satan’s secret origin.  Plus: The Infant of Prague  vs The Children of Fatima!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  50. 4

    We Are, All of Us, Lucky

    Lucky chases balls like Harley and Kevin chase relevancy. Harley is obsessed with the Disney vlogging community. Would You Work as a Face Character at the Magic Kingdom? And voicing Harley Quinn’s kitties for fun and profit!.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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ABOUT THIS SHOW

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

HOSTED BY

Kevin Smith, Harley Quinn Smith

Produced by Smodco, Inc.

CATEGORIES

Frequently Asked Questions

How many episodes does Beardless, D*ckless Me have?

Beardless, D*ckless Me currently has 50 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.

What is Beardless, D*ckless Me about?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

How often does Beardless, D*ckless Me release new episodes?

Beardless, D*ckless Me has 50 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.

Where can I listen to Beardless, D*ckless Me?

You can listen to Beardless, D*ckless Me on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.

Who hosts Beardless, D*ckless Me?

Beardless, D*ckless Me is created and hosted by Kevin Smith, Harley Quinn Smith.
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