Big brother's bit on the snide

Annihilation stations, rip Chelsea, Ryan and Lateysha's dignity, bin bags, only children, crack, cracks and Hughie FTW.

Georgina exits stage left, bb corp(ses), pancakes, placentas, loyalty cards, dog kicking, annoying 'loved ones', engagements, uncivil partners, STONED TO DEATH and Emma gets rulebooked.

Natalie rip, brain training, floodgates, jealousy, make up, gameplanning, mixing, back doors and this is your final warning.

The two true gamers get the boot, Rughie, Aladdin, birds, cigarette squirrels, live eviction hot mess, ghost stories, inner whores, cake gate, hoodie gate, gate gate, hand-wringing, rulebooking, tight holes and Marco YOLO.

Humping, wide boys, decorum, Miami, breakouts, fake arse, leafs, meat, thumbs, balaclavas, oompa loompas, twins pissed and a failed twist.

Launch night, z-listers, racism, hall pass, exes, others, snakes, cocaine, hookers, Isis, pussy, rules (or lack of), sexual goings on and wtf. God help us all.

Put your funeral clothes on! Final feast, noms grudges that last forever, milking it, moustache mistakes, true love, pointless jugglers, college basketball, friends and family and a limited amount of dick. You let Tiff down, you let Steph down, and you probably let Darren's wife down.

Poo in a box, Jeremy gets slutshamed, GC pays homage to Morrissey with a Tony the Pony meet and greet, then gets the b-oot, Stephanie and Tiffany find redemption and hey girl, throw John a vote! Don't let Scotty T win this! WOOF!

The forgotten rule book, colons, fire exits, blowdrys, strippers, pigeon shit, Ok com-boo-ter, and you are what you bleat.

Bowie farce, Jonathan's che-banished, Megan's meltdown, GET JOHN OUT, the Lion King, pointy eyebrows, more toothbrush times, and Big Brother gets so much airtime it goes up like a hot air balloon. We've marked your card. PS: Is tea a Class A drug? Tiffany FTW.

Winston get u-kicked out, Britain's got... talent? Tutus, PVC, eye contact, fucking mockeries, mugged off and time travel to the 20th century. Beangate, winegate, sniffgate and alleged big dick(heads).

Sixteen celebrity dregs sign up total cost: £300. What is a vaudeville? Jonathan Cheban FTW. Why? God knows. Was there even a twist? Help! Where is Dapper Laughs when you need him?

Rub a dub dub, two gameplanners in a tub. Closer retract magazine deal after Sherrie photobombs someone's eviction. Who wins? He who slips and slides. Idiot general public? You're fired!

Coat hangers, boiled eggs, shady noms, Kool-Aid, piss ant, little bitches with no balls, Jenna's-game-is-done, Janice Dickins-gone, psycho dribble and Austin FTW! USA USA.

McDonalds eyebrows, toast wars parts 2, 3 & 4, 'real friends', the Hulk, drips, Joop, jumpers, fake blowies, half-assed endurance, Dartford tunnel, letters from groan, and James dumps Austin.

Presidential matters, wine, head shaving, toast, toasts, white ass legs, house meetings, foursomes, fish guts, chicken spiders, slop, strops, flipflops, tomatoes and pubes.

Fake gay slurs, indiscreet royal scuttlebutt, and GET THE TOAST! Paul Burrell owns the house. An early boot for Daniel Baldlose. Why not Chris?! You slaaaaaags.

Badonkadonk! Its ethnic cleansing time! James gets bi-curious, sex tapes, dipshits, lipgloss, hot tub bi machine, ham, hamstrings, celery and door knocking tommy topping. It's off with a bang!

UK vs USA! Sounds like a great idea, right? WRONG. When the most famous person in the house is Gail Porter, we've got problems. Still, let's see if the toilet strategy pays off. BOOF!

You've crowned your winner.... Showbiz! No, he would have been more interesting. Still, at least Captain Canoe didn't win it. Well done, idiot general public. Thanks for listening, we appreciate it as always. See you for #bb17 and #cbb.

Cash bomb, hypocrisy, the old guard rules, dressing gowns, toast (again) pizza (again) eggs (again) from Um Bongo to you've been Tango-ed, and fuck you caneeu. Jackjoe FTW!

The idiot general public strikes again! Pointless button pushing, moral high ground, teddy bear wars, dashing bare water, gameplans, save Jack, evict Nick. RIP Marc.

Danny is officially outed as evil, hotel BB checks in John McCruick (diet coke), Dexter, Charley and Jasmine inexplicably fancies Cristian (why?), Chloe's got a mortgage alright, Aisleyne's dad, Jackjoe balls it up and evict Harry.

A SHOWBIZ slur-cast! Jackjoe saved, weird feminists, Judge Rinder, on my mother's grave, button pushing, threats, I can't believe it's not battery and Joel gets it in the neck once again.

Don't like being called a rapist or murderer? Exit via the skyroom. Red rum, tag, pizza rage, unclassifieds, Nelson Mandela, Oscar Wilde, food fights, a Christmas jack in the box with a difference, never meet your heroes and never go back.

You like outside contact? Meet the Speakmans. Cristian gives Pete Bennett the 'who is he?' treatment, Marc's voice goes high, Jackjoe stands up to the Blastinator, and the Jelo romance is rocked to it's very foundations.

Let's not do the timewarp again. Womb people, I'm so cold, always in the right, I dare ya, you fuckers, the war room, dressing gowns, throw some salt on Nick, Harry and Jack's games kick up a notch, somebody's watching me, aliens, ghosts, pigs and we get some pep into this gaff. I dare ya, you fuckers!

Marc's a really nice guy isn't he... oh no, Marc's awful etc, rave task, food glorious food, ageism wins out, Joel's hard talk, failures, flops - and we don't say the word 'banter' the whole podcast. LIVE FEED PLZ.

There's a new evil Dick in town, and he's a toast-munching sexist actressing douche machine. The other housemates think he's a nice guy, apparently. Marc and Showbiz= Sharc take on the bubble buddies.

Four in, four out and SHOWBIZ. Anyone still left watching?

Quotes of the week, racism, KFC, McDonalds, politics, the Busto twins, Ouiji boards, virgins, toilet talk, twin rage and more food than you can shake a butter knife at.

Timebomb! The first week dissected. Ted's best excuse to fix the game something rotten. Showbiz, pussy, birds, cranny, coat hangers, zebras, Northampton, twins and I'd hit that. Oh, no I wouldn't.

The final week... Cami Li-eaves through the mirror, it's a gay double eviction and Michelle is thrilled, and it's Jordan vs Hopkins finish. PS: Perez blows production sky high. Wahey!Thanks for listening!

The Perez fun train goes choo choo, Patsy and Nadia go bye bye, Hopkins loves the British people, her special people, and the Jeggers alliance steps it up a notch.

From Alexander's fishy self-eviction to Perez's cheese nose/ naked arm licking/'playing the game so good', Alicia's eviction, Kav goes pop and a side eye on superbitches Michelle Visage a Deux and Katie 'that's homophobic' Hopkins.

Jeremy and Ken get the boot, Chloe is first out, Perez goes bananas and Dame Jordan of Horsham enters the compound.

Some serious bile in our coverage of the launch show and face to face nominations. From trainergate to counter wars, we leave no stone un-sworn at. Also: Les Dennis.

The finale! A goose prophecy, last ditch showmances, sour grapes, bouquets, history lessons, and a win for the eccentrics. USA!

A week's worth of bile! Poundland, shitstirs, rudeness, Claire (who?), Frenchy, Kellie, gangsters, arsegate, interruptions, and bring back Barrymore!

Piss, coffee, warnings, Quorn, non-endurance, pussycats, MBEs, sunglasses, hessian sacks, cable ties and 'shut up beaches'!

Scrapheap challenge, shitstirring, shower gel, scuffles, shouting, sluts, sleeping, scheming and what does CGI stand for? Who cares!Eek our file is glitching a bit - sorry about that. It's still listenable if you're a true biler. ;)

Badgers, benefits, Bewitched, boobs, befuddled and what WERE those three questions? We'll never know.Read my blog: http://lightupvirginmary.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/celebrity-big-brother-2014-redux-point.html

The final insult! The last supper, two unlucky souls leave together, final night fashion discussed, was it a fix (yes) and should Emma Willis talk to the actual fans (sorry, diehards) as if we're a bit of shit on her shoe? All this discussed and more. We're going to Helen a handcart. Thanks for your support this summer!

A pointless and overlong task about cash, gash, Ash, rizlas, double rubble, a big shock and a body blow to the imaginary 'cool kids'. Christopher for the win!

Big Boy webcams, Illuminati, fake focus groups, staring wars, roll ups, timing your journey right, and a Tesco bag. Trust the universe!

A severed alliance, Maaaaaark's mask slips, gunge, misplaced newbie hate and the real task is...

Armageddon, Slugsworth gets the boot, boring man is evicted in underpants, three horrible people annoy Chris, Danielle slut-shamed and shafted and Kimberly burrows out.

Girl power: over. Ashleigh: shafted. Matthew: eyebrows. And don't you open that trapdoor... Steven's fingers have been in there.

Toya trips up, pigeon-chested weeds, saggy boobs, maggots and aristocats.

Winston's hair goes rogue, Maaaaark goes potty, Toya's tyranny and slutbuckets galore.We say it to your face. Via your ear.