Bitch Bible

Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen Shah's counterfeit bags.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLENutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.comQuince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLESKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces, at https://skims.com/bibleZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday.Thank you for supporting my sponsors:Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCHLadder: Get a 7-day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join at www.Ladder.fit/BitchBibleJones Road: Use code BitchBible to get a free gift with your first purchase at www.JonesRoadBeauty.comRitual: Get 25% off your first month at Ritual.com/Bible.Quince: Get 365-day returns and free shipping at www.Quince.com/BItchBibleSKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at https://skims.com/BibleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys.Thank you for supporting my sponsors:MomCozy: Get 20% off with code BIBLE at www.MomCozy.comPique: Get 20% off FOR LIFE, and a complimentary gift at www.PiqueLife.com/BibleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi, the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling matches the wallpaper she already bought.Thank you for supporting my sponsors:This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to www.BetterHelp.com/BitchBibleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has a harrowing near death experience with her geriatric grandmother, tackles climate change and recaps the latest pop culture happenings.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:LOLA BLANKETS: Get 40% OFF with code BIBLE at checkout when you go to www.LolaBlankets.comLITTLE SPOON: Use code BIBLE for 30% OFF your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLESKYLIGHT: Get $30 OFF their 15" calendar at www.MySkylight.com/BitchBibleTONAL: Use code BIBLE to get $200 OFF your TONAL purchase at www.Tonal.comSKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at https://skims.com/BibleREVOLVE: Use code BITCH for 15% OFF your order at www.Revolve.com/BITCHSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It is week 7 and the symptoms are symptoming. The future demon seed is the size of a blueberry and driving Jackie into the arms of a Wetzels Pretzels whilst spiraling over a non FDA approved DIY Amazon gender test. Thanks for supporting my sponsors:The Absorption Company: Use code BITCHBIBLE at check out for up to 35% off your first order at https://www.AbsorbMore.comZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics at https://www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie sits down with tv host Nina Parker to discuss their days together in Entertainment TV, why Jackie hates check-ins, and Clyde's alien abduction story.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Nutrafol: Go to https://www.Nutrafol.com and use Code BIBLE to get $10 OFF your first month's subscription and free shipping.Ladder: Get a free 7-day trial with no credit card, and $10 off your first month if you join at https://www.Ladder.fit/BITCHBIBLESKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at https://skims.com/bibleKindred Bravely: Get 20% OFF your first order at https://www.KindredBravely.com/JACKIEJones Road: Use code BITCHBIBLE to get a free free gift with your first purchase at https://www.JonesRoadBeauty.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Week 6 and Jackie is in limbo. Things are starting to get real, but she can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy yet. Except everyone at her local Italian Deli, of course.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Jack Archer: Use code GETJACK to get 15% off your first order at www.JackArcher.comJones Road Beauty: Use code BITCHBIBLE to get a free full size mascara with your first purchase at www.JonesRoadBeauty.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is getting back to her economy roots and discusses a confrontation at Nordstrom Rack, manipulating pregnancy in her favor, and the joy of Ashley Judd’s Instagram.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recaps the Real Housewives, the local hero that lost it after no birthday gift and delights listeners with a Grammy worthy vocal performance!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie begins a chronicle of her second pregnancy, speaking directly to moms with deep maternal care, understanding, and Plan B jokes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The stars have aligned to bring back El Pollo Loco’s BBQ Black Beans and the Taco Bell Enchirito just as Jackie is starting her third trimester and ravenously hungry. The universe has spoken. Jackie is the chosen one.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie celebrates the union of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce by reviewing their modest guest list, describes Clyde’s role in her recent public nudity, and spreads the mantra of Hate Without Reason.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie’s in a mood after being continuously serenaded by Shakira seven days a week and discusses the most recent kerfuffle in the backyard renovation, her murderous Andrew fantasies, and her ability to perceive dark energy in the brightest of places.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is hunkered down against toxic smoke and gives an update on the backyard renovation, ridicules Andrew’s new recreational basketball league, and marvels at his lack of wedding music knowledge.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie gets baptized after a demonic bowl of poke, discussed the highly anticipated sequel to "Frankly, Anne" and offers free public relation guidance to Rachel Hollis and Khloe Kardashian.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie’s back after two weeks of guests and ready to rip into pregnancy discomfort, Anna Faris’ media appearances, and Kathleen. Especially Kathleen.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Haley Sacks, Mrs. Dow Jones herself, to discuss making good decisions with money, why at-home laser hair removal is more financially responsible than professional services, and why Birkin bags are a bullshit investment.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie sits down with Jared Freid to discuss men worshiping at the altar of options, bridesmaid inflection, male influencers, and Jared’s new book Walking Red Flag. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Andrew makes a rare appearance to attest to Jackie’s record-setting recent bitchiness, while she gives the world a warning, reveals her kink, and updates her views on Danielle from Summer House.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie leaves the country with a real bang by planning the Bitch Bible retreat at Alcatraz island, shares her most recent valley kabob experience, Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber TikTok trauma and why Anne Hathaway is a time traveler.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has a fresh appreciation for Bitch Bible listeners and gives her new critics a mantra to repeat, shares some big personal news, and contemplates starting a Go Fund Me.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Boll & Branch: Use code bitchbible to get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping during the Memorial Day Sale at www.BollAndBrand.com/bitchbibleOSEA: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your first order site wide at www.OSEAMalibu.comRitual: Save 25% on your first month at www.Ritual.com/BIBLERocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at www.RocketMoney.com/BIBLEZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE to get 15% off at checkout at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLEWayfair: Get prepped for patio season for way less at www.Wayfair.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is fresh off celebrating herself for Mother’s Day and rips overly sentimental holiday social media posts, continues her delayed review of Summer House, and discovers the traits she shares with Joe Jackson.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from a weekend of circus acts, self-care, and Miranda Priestly and recounts a surprising trip to a psychic, reviews the Devil Wears Prada 2, and plans an upcoming Mother’s Day argument with Andrew.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is getting over being possessed by a mysterious illness and gives her final thoughts about Alex Cooper and Alix Earle, describes how Clyde is a confident but grounded child with bullying in his blood, and expresses her fears for The Devil Wears Prada 2.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie sits down with Morgan Stewart to weigh in on the Alex Cooper/Alix Earle fallout, how they are going to manufacture their own feud, and what’s wrong with Lake Arrowhead.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a great episode, Jackie recaps how King Richard changed her life, the time she got kicked out of a youth sports league for breaking someone's nose, and warns Megan Fox about being Dutch-ovened.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is solo parenting AGAIN and praises women at the Masters, addresses future concerns about her health due to her soon to be protruding clavicles, and navigates the treacherous waters of the injustice of the patriarchy in the media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has settled into spring and discusses proper parenting at wineries, gives a lukewarm review of Summer House, and tries to explain her alien frog infestation.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is fresh off a little reckless antiquing to discuss Gloria’s termite infestation, her philanthropic passion for serving alcohol in old folks homes, and her Dim the Lights revival performed for the local police department.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Behold Jackie, Destroyer of Content, discusses Taylor Frankie Paul’s implosion, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg’s self indulgent ADHD diagnosis, and current online trends that she hates.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie talks making babies, Real Housewives and consults Grandma Gloria for movie reviews.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is coming off a social media fast and recounts Gloria’s recent near death experience, reviews the Oscars fashion, and graces listeners with answers to their questions.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After reviewing past episodes Jackie realizes the show is as great as it has ever been, issues an apology, discusses her blunt but honest communication style, and extols the sleep benefits of a recreational, domestic argument.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from a grueling commercial shoot and talks about the toll of being social, the two approved methods of socialization for females, and a paranormal experience at the Sunset Tower Hotel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Ashley and Rayna from Girls Gotta Eat to talk about micro-penises, their four and a half hairs, Jackie’s recent exorcism, and Pampas grass.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie discusses some aesthetic revisions she would like to make in 2022, discovers her husband's childhood attempts at poetry and goes over some celebrity TikTok conspiracy theories.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie makes a strong case for mother of the year with her Valentine’s Day dedication to Clyde and his grown up vocabulary, explains to Andrew what a landscape architect does, and pitches herself as a new friend to Rihanna and Adele.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has been struck by divine inspiration for her backyard renovation and talks about her grand welcome to the stone yard, Clyde’s night in Abu Ghraib, and wiping away tears of laughter to be a Good Samaritan.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Merit Beauty: Get Merit's Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at www.MeritBeauty.comRevolve: Shop my edit, and take 15% off your first order with code BITCH at www.Revolve.com/BITCHPique: Get 10% off for life at www.Piquelife.com/bibleLittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first online order at www.littlespoon.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie continues to persevere through facial paralysis to bring you a recap of the Grammys and Clyde’s visit to urgent care, while also taking a moment to rip linear lantern light fixtures to shreds.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from the clinic with 110 units of youthful rejuvenation and fighting through facial paralysis to discuss Little Ricki’s baby, Taylor Swift’s text messages to Blake Lively, and makes a huge backyard announcement.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie desperately tries to eradicate her previously questionable behavior by giving the world a wholesome (not really), informative (kinda) and intellectual (hard no) update on pop culture, mental health and relationship advice!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie exposes her plastic surgery journey in the most embarrassing way possible, dissects the “2016” trend and reminisces and details her most recent altercations!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is sticking with her New Years resolution and sets the financial record straight, does a deep dive into Ashley Tisdale’s toxic mom group, and explains why you shouldn’t trust people with fake plants and accent walls.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back and resolves to be bitchier than ever in 2026, laments the derth of proper entertainment, and recaps her first holiday off in years that includes power outages, flooding pools, rodents, spoiling caviar, and an incontinent child.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie greets 2019 with the same morally flexibility of years prior. She breaks down the post holiday blues, her friendship with Taylor Swift, the Golden Globes and why sending 160,000 text messages to a guy is totally normal!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie chats with good friend Heather McMahan to purge their souls pre-Holiday festivities and find eternal optimism in unlikely places.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie celebrates Chrismukkah early by spreading joy (not) on all things festive and annoying. From targeting innocent civilians, berating Bachelor contestants and expressing distaste for the holidays - just paint this bitch green and move her to Who-ville.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.