PODCAST · comedy
Bitch Bible
by PodcastOne
A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits. Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The Bitch Bible," and your soon-to-be bitchy (and super neurotic) best friend.
Episodes
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Bump Bible: Ma. Ma. Bear.
Week 33 and Jackie is looking in-credible; the jaw is sharp, she’s glowing, and dreaming of a scarf-clad, post-baby jaunt around Paris, but she’ll settle for a frozen lemonade and a Wetzel’s pretzel. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or…
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Call Me Jackeigh
Jackie addresses some nonsense internet backlash, plans the perfect glam lewk, and questions Kelly Clarkson’s sanity. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Tonal: Use code BIBLE to get $200 off your Tonal purchase at www.Tonal.com Jones Road Beauty: Use code BITCHBIBLE at www.JonesRoadBeauty.com to...
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Bump Bible: The Anemic Angel
30 weeks and Jackie isn’t slowing down at all. She’s shopping for fresh trees, reveling in the attention from her purple bandage, and enjoying the holy trinity of See’s Candy: Dark Chocolate Scotchmallows, Dark Chocolate Bordeaux, and Dark Raspberry Creams. Thanks for supporting this week’s...
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Cushions in Captivity
Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one but two public altercations. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off your first...
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Bump Bible: Gestational Diabetes Warrior
28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her doomsday baby fund. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Effortlessly Cool with Heather Dubrow
Jackie sits down with Heather Dubrow to discuss how important she is to RHOC, why feeling like a local while traveling is overrated, and how much time is spent dreaming of murdering their husbands. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at...
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Bump Bible: Winded and Panting and Gasping
24 Weeks and we're viable, baby! Whatever that means. Jackie is doing what she can to feel as luxurious as possible: elevated water, candles, and forever chemicals. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE…
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Speedballing
It’s Yom Kippur and Jackie reflects on life to find she’s perfect in every way, but she hates her family and the backyard renovation is dangerously close to getting her kicked out of the neighborhood. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Ladder: Get a free 7-day trial with no credit card, and $10…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Atonement Lewks
Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news of Kylie Jenners cereal habits and why Bert an Ernie are due for a Brokeback Mountain sequel. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Nutrafol:...
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Bump Bible: Push It
22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on TikTok, and is Getting. Shit. Done. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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A Place of No
Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at www.Article.com/BIBLE Revolve…
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Bump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far
Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through… She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover
Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book Patch Work: Bee Brave. Bee Kind. Bee You. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bump Bible: Fat Fat Fat
Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling pregnancy book. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Momcozy: Use code BIBLE to get 10% off at www.Momcozy.com See Privacy...
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Anti-Fungal Bitch
Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and the value of strength in stillness. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bump Bible: I Am Baby
Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Painfully Particular
Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text message. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bitch Bible Classics: New Money Valley Stripper
Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen Shah's counterfeit bags. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bump Bible: It's a... Bitch
Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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My Birthday Hate List 2026
Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bump Bible: Regret & Robitussin
It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys. Thank you for supporting my sponsors: MomCozy: Get 20% off with code BIBLE at www.MomCozy.com Pique: Get 20% off FOR LIFE, and a complimentary gift at…
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Last Stop with Stassi Schroeder
Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi, the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bump Bible: Vinaigrette Measures
Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling matches the wallpaper she already bought. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Woman in Crisis!
Jackie has a harrowing near death experience with her geriatric grandmother, tackles climate change and recaps the latest pop culture happenings. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bump Bible: A Gender Bender
It is week 7 and the symptoms are symptoming. The future demon seed is the size of a blueberry and driving Jackie into the arms of a Wetzels Pretzels whilst spiraling over a non FDA approved DIY Amazon gender test. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Entertaining the Masses with Nina Parker
Jackie sits down with tv host Nina Parker to discuss their days together in Entertainment TV, why Jackie hates check-ins, and Clyde's alien abduction story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bump Bible: Trepidatious
Week 6 and Jackie is in limbo. Things are starting to get real, but she can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy yet. Except everyone at her local Italian Deli, of course. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Straight Outta Economy
Jackie is getting back to her economy roots and discusses a confrontation at Nordstrom Rack, manipulating pregnancy in her favor, and the joy of Ashley Judd’s Instagram. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Bitch Bible Classics: Loner Boner
Jackie recaps the Real Housewives, the local hero that lost it after no birthday gift and delights listeners with a Grammy worthy vocal performance! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome to the Bump Bible
Jackie begins a chronicle of her second pregnancy, speaking directly to moms with deep maternal care, understanding, and Plan B jokes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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The Chosen One
The stars have aligned to bring back El Pollo Loco’s BBQ Black Beans and the Taco Bell Enchirito just as Jackie is starting her third trimester and ravenously hungry. The universe has spoken. Jackie is the chosen one. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice…
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Dork Dork 2000
Jackie celebrates the union of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce by reviewing their modest guest list, describes Clyde’s role in her recent public nudity, and spreads the mantra of Hate Without Reason. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Community in Misery.
Jackie’s in a mood after being continuously serenaded by Shakira seven days a week and discusses the most recent kerfuffle in the backyard renovation, her murderous Andrew fantasies, and her ability to perceive dark energy in the brightest of places. See Privacy Policy at…
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The Patina Princess
Jackie is hunkered down against toxic smoke and gives an update on the backyard renovation, ridicules Andrew’s new recreational basketball league, and marvels at his lack of wedding music knowledge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bitch Bible Classics: $6.66
Jackie gets baptized after a demonic bowl of poke, discussed the highly anticipated sequel to "Frankly, Anne" and offers free public relation guidance to Rachel Hollis and Khloe Kardashian. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Ugly, Fat, Poor
Jackie’s back after two weeks of guests and ready to rip into pregnancy discomfort, Anna Faris’ media appearances, and Kathleen. Especially Kathleen. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Future Rich with Haley Sacks
Jackie is joined by Haley Sacks, Mrs. Dow Jones herself, to discuss making good decisions with money, why at-home laser hair removal is more financially responsible than professional services, and why Birkin bags are a bullshit investment. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and...
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Red Flags with Jared Freid
Jackie sits down with Jared Freid to discuss men worshiping at the altar of options, bridesmaid inflection, male influencers, and Jared’s new book Walking Red Flag. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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A Duplex of Disdain
Andrew makes a rare appearance to attest to Jackie’s record-setting recent bitchiness, while she gives the world a warning, reveals her kink, and updates her views on Danielle from Summer House. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bitch Bible Classics: Meet Me At Alcatraz!
Jackie leaves the country with a real bang by planning the Bitch Bible retreat at Alcatraz island, shares her most recent valley kabob experience, Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber TikTok trauma and why Anne Hathaway is a time traveler. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California...
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AcTuALLy
Jackie has a fresh appreciation for Bitch Bible listeners and gives her new critics a mantra to repeat, shares some big personal news, and contemplates starting a Go Fund Me. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Boll & Branch: Use code bitchbible to get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping...
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Hallelujah
Jackie is fresh off celebrating herself for Mother’s Day and rips overly sentimental holiday social media posts, continues her delayed review of Summer House, and discovers the traits she shares with Joe Jackson. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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The Bitch Wears Prada, Too
Jackie is back from a weekend of circus acts, self-care, and Miranda Priestly and recounts a surprising trip to a psychic, reviews the Devil Wears Prada 2, and plans an upcoming Mother’s Day argument with Andrew. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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You Good Girl?
Jackie is getting over being possessed by a mysterious illness and gives her final thoughts about Alex Cooper and Alix Earle, describes how Clyde is a confident but grounded child with bullying in his blood, and expresses her fears for The Devil Wears Prada 2. See Privacy Policy at...
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Blonde on Blonde Crime
Jackie sits down with Morgan Stewart to weigh in on the Alex Cooper/Alix Earle fallout, how they are going to manufacture their own feud, and what’s wrong with Lake Arrowhead. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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Bitch Bible Classics: Long Shame Strategy
This is a great episode, Jackie recaps how King Richard changed her life, the time she got kicked out of a youth sports league for breaking someone's nose, and warns Megan Fox about being Dutch-ovened. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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You Don’t Deserve Her
Jackie is solo parenting AGAIN and praises women at the Masters, addresses future concerns about her health due to her soon to be protruding clavicles, and navigates the treacherous waters of the injustice of the patriarchy in the media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and...
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This Is Me Trying
Jackie has settled into spring and discusses proper parenting at wineries, gives a lukewarm review of Summer House, and tries to explain her alien frog infestation. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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An-tweaking
Jackie is fresh off a little reckless antiquing to discuss Gloria’s termite infestation, her philanthropic passion for serving alcohol in old folks homes, and her Dim the Lights revival performed for the local police department. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California…
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Diagnosis: Bitch
Behold Jackie, Destroyer of Content, discusses Taylor Frankie Paul’s implosion, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg’s self indulgent ADHD diagnosis, and current online trends that she hates. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits. Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The Bitch Bible," and your soon-to-be bitchy (and super neurotic) best friend.
HOSTED BY
PodcastOne
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Bitch Bible have?
Bitch Bible currently has 627 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Bitch Bible about?
A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits. Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The...
How often does Bitch Bible release new episodes?
Bitch Bible releases new episodes frequently with a large back catalog of 627 episodes. Check the episode list for recent publication dates.
Where can I listen to Bitch Bible?
You can listen to Bitch Bible on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Bitch Bible?
Bitch Bible is created and hosted by PodcastOne.
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