Casturbation

This week we do some heavy review review about the 90s movies Gods and Monsters, Final Destination, and Idle Hands. patreon.com/casturbation

This week we talk about ghosts and review the reviews for Trap then I just rant about the MCU for the last 20 minutes or so. patreon.com/casturbation

This week we talk about nothing important again and Michael reveals through his 'Twisters' review sadistic tendencies towards cattle.   patreon.com/casturbation

This week we talk about nothing important and we further explore a cryptid cinematic universe   patreon.com/casturbation

This week it's all horror movies as we apparently forgot to make any jokes. I really just need to start a Letterboxd account. patreon.com/casturbation

Casturbation returns and I introduce Michael to The Pounder and Viper, the greatest rapper of all time.   patreon.com/casturbation

I try to convince Michael to go see Bullet Train and we read some audience reviews but ultimately I failed because we still haven't seen it.

We're back again with a decent pitch and significant amount of arguing and projection from Michael which is really the war for the podcast's soul spilling over into the recording.

We are back again and this week it mostly us talking about space and wondering if Jesus knows the equation for dark matter.  We also invent a game mixing movie director's styles with movies they didn't direct.

Casturbation is back with riveting discussion of the Johnny Depp/Amber Herd trial and Vince Vaughn's recent filmography, but also pitch a remake of 'Do The Right Thing' set in biblical times and a modern take on 'The Passion of the Christ'.

This week we come up with a pitch for a porno but we find out it already exists. David berates Michael for trying to one up his jokes poorly, and eventually the episode devolves into Michael telling David to do different impersonations.  

This week we have a great pitch but describing it here would ruin it so some other topics include: Michael thinks more people need to be drawn and quartered; and who is the guy who stabbed Jesus?

This week David introduces Michael to The Secret and they laugh at the plight of the people who left positive Amazon reviews.

This week we explore the possibility of Russia nuking itself and also several new business ventures including a BBQ Brothel and a trauma simulator.

We talk about morbid stuff again, what a surprise.  Also, Fred Durst is a traitor to Ukraine.

This week David proposes a business idea for the right wing equivalent of the Lifetime channel and also proposes the TSA lock up sovereign citizens in Guantanamo Bay.  Michael just accuses David of being a hateful individual the entire time.

This week David recalls the experience in Corporate America where their careers burned hot and fast but it all came crashing down when Michael screwed up everything (as usual) so they are starting a Patreon.

This week we are pitching Corporate America our restaurant Taco Guapo and the potential use of the McChicken as a form of stable currency.  P.S. Joe Rogan shot Bambi's mom.

This week we talk about death yet again so just assume we're talking about that every week and we wait until the end of the episode to come up with a pitch but it's worth the wait.

This week we uncover the dark origins of the Pillsbury Doughboy and Michael says he would fight Helen Keller.

This week we talk about things that happened last week because we recorded it last week, so we only cover Betty White and John Madden's deaths, Saget wasn't dead yet.

This week we struggle to come up with a movie pitch so instead David calls out Michael for his limited comedic range and Michael calls out David for his connections to the underworld.

Once again, it's total chaos here at Casturbation like a tornado which is a tasteless simile but no one ever accused us of having taste.  In fact, no one has even talked to us, Hollywood producers aren't taking our calls.

This week we decide to look at the news and we discover that everyone cool is dead or going to die but that is okay because we have uncovered the real after-life.

Michael reveals his hatred for Tom Hanks, David professes his love for his son Chet, and they both uncover a conspiracy to bring about the apocalypse.  David also gives his pitch for a reboot of The Santa Clause starring Tim Allen.

This week David defends the honor of Lethal Weapon 4 against Michael's onslaught of criticism.  They also struggle to come up with a pitch for a new spin on Ninja Warrior that nobody asked for.