Chats with Charlie and Ash

This week's a bit different: new space, new format, and soon you'll be able to watch us as well as listen. The conversation lands in the same place it always does though: what's actually alive for us right now.We start with a school visit for Ash's son Harry, and the realisation that where he goes matters far less than whether he believes in himself. That leads into the invisible rules we all carry around, the quiet, made-up limits we never stop to question, and why the only way through them is to just do the uncomfortable thing.Then we get honest about the gap between knowing and doing. Why doesn't just thinking about the run, the class, the phone call ever seem to be enough? We talk through compassionate self-awareness versus willpower, why forcing yourself only works for so long, and how giving ourselves permission to feel the "bad" emotions changes everything, including how we parent.There are no good or bad decisions. Just what feels right, and the courage to trust it.In this episode:- Choosing self-belief over the "right" environment- The invisible rules we live by without ever questioning them- Why knowing what to do is never the same as doing it- Compassionate self-awareness versus willpower and hustle- Permission to feel the "bad" emotions, and what it teaches us about parentingFollow the show so you don't miss the next one, and grab our free resources at www.charlieandash.co.nz

What happens when the life you’ve built no longer fits—and you can’t unsee it? In this episode with Vive Oldham, we dive into the messy, honest reality ofreinventing yourself when your inner knowing is pulling you away from the “acceptable” version of success. We explore what it’s like to break the mould (especially as women, mothers, and business owners), and how disorienting it can feel to follow your instincts without community—like living inside your own echo chamber. The conversation moves through perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the survival strategies that can look like “strength” on the outside—until they become unsustainable. Vive shares her winding path from law to bodywork to a high-pressure career in events, and the moment she realised she’d lost all internal perspective: a minor operational issue spiralled into a crushing sense of failure, revealing just how harsh the internal critic can be when we’re exhausted and hyper-vigilant. A powerful thread emerges around enoughness—and how freedom comes from shifting the authority to define “enough” back to ourselves. We challenge the cultural belief that effort equals value, and how busyness can become both performance and prison. Through stories about pricing, consulting, and overstuffed “bonus-heavy” offers, we explore how overgiving often comes from undervaluing ourselves—especially for women conditioned to earn worth through struggle. The episode closes with a grounded, practical reframe: building capacity for uncertainty (“the not knowing”) through pleasure as a resource. Pleasure isn’t framed as indulgence, but as a nervous-system anchor—helping us widen perspective, access curiosity, and stay present long enough for a “third way” to emerge.  In this episode, we cover:What it feels like to follow an unconventional path without validationHow perfectionism + people-pleasing can become survival strategiesThe body’s response to disappointment (and learning to tolerate it)Why “enoughness” can’t be outsourcedThe cultural myth that “hard = valuable”Pleasure as nervous-system resourcing (and why it matters)A simple first step: noticing micro-moments of delight and staying with them longer  Key TakeawayThe transformation isn’t linear. It’s a pendulum: touching the unknown, returning to what’s familiar, and slowly building self-trust until something new becomes possible  We are so excited to welcome today’s guest, Vive Oldham. Vive is a Somatic Educator, BodyDreaming facilitator in training, and artist, and someone who deeply understands what it means to live in a body that's been running on empty.Her work is about coming home to your body, learning to trust its intelligence, rediscover pleasure as a source of strength, and build an inner foundation so solid that life's curveballs don't knock you off your feet.Check out Viv on instagram here.....https://www.instagram.com/vive_and_co?igsh=MTBuMTg5M3V2MDExaw==

In his final days, Charlie's father told her he'd got it all the wrong way around, he'd built the businesses, ticked the boxes, and missed the things that actually mattered. This episode is the story of how Charlie woke up inside the exact life her dad had warned her about, and the bedtime story she couldn't read her daughter that finally cracked the illusion wide open. We talk about the lie that we sacrifice ourselves "for our kids" (spoiler: they just want you), the "is this it?" audit you can run on every area of your life, and why your nervous system takes longer than your mind to catch up to a new way of living. If you've been quietly whispering "is this really it?" - this one's for you.Check out the link to Identity Revolution - a four phase transformational programme to start creating a life you love.

A few days ago, Ash was walking her dog down the street, listening to music, and was suddenly hit with the most alive feeling she'd ever experienced in her body. No million dollars in the bank. No flash house. No holiday booked. Just her and the absence of everything she used to think she needed.This episode is the story of how she got there, and why most of us are missing it.We talk about the "gap" between the life you're living and the aliveness that's actually available to you right now, and the uncomfortable truth that closing that gap doesn't require a new strategy, a new mentor, or a new circumstance. It requires the one thing nobody wants to do: slow down and own your shit.We unpack the two phases of real change, the unconscious armour we don't even know we're wearing, and the moment of awareness when we finally see it. We talk about why our world is engineered to keep us distracted (because a population that doesn't need anything is bad for business), how numbing — whether it's wine, weed, scrolling, overworking, or chocolate — only compounds the very pain it promises to relieve, and why we'll fight harder for our limitations than we will for our freedom.Charlie also shares the role breathwork has played in coming home to her body after years of numbing out, and why this isn't about a dramatic overhaul. It's about micro-moments. Sipping the coffee. Feeling your feet on the floor. Noticing the clenched jaw. Letting yourself be bored without immediately reaching for the phone.In this episode:The walk that changed everything (and what triggered it)Why we're more comfortable wearing the armour than putting it downRadical personal responsibility and compassionate curiosity — the two non-negotiablesHow short-term relief (scrolling, drinking, eating, working) keeps you trappedThe link between distraction and disconnection from your kids, your partner, yourselfWhy breathwork is a doorway back to your bodyThe micro-moments that snowball into a whole different lifeIf you've been quietly aware that something needs to shift, but you don't know where to start, start here.🎧 Mentioned in the episode: Our next breathwork event details in the show notes. If you're not local, find one near you. We promise it's not as scary as it sounds.

Hands up if you've ever paid good money for a course, coach, or expert and then quietly rejected every piece of advice they gave you. In this episode, Charlie and Ash get honest about the very human habit of seeking answers outside ourselves and then poking holes in every solution we're handed. ("That worked for them, but my situation is different…" sound familiar?)They unpack why we do it, the comfort of certainty, the secret relief of having someone else to blame, the protection mechanism of staying confused and why it leaves us more powerless, not less. They also share their own messy journey of throwing money at other people's blueprints, billboard stunts and all, before realising the real gold wasn't in the strategy. It was in what they learned about themselves along the way.This one is a love letter to self-trust, feminine creativity, and the quiet knowing you've been pushing away for months (or years). It's about the difference between learning from others and outsourcing your authority to them and why the answer you're searching for is probably already there, you've just been too scared to commit to it.In this episode:Why we chase advice we have zero intention of applyingThe hidden payoff of staying "confused"Hustle culture, masculine energy, and why it shuts down women's creativityHow self-abandonment dressed up as "going all in" almost cost them everythingThe questions to ask when something feels "ick" instead of throwing the whole thing outWhy grounded in your own truth beats any three-step processIf you've been waiting for someone to hand you the map — this is your sign to put it down and listen to the voice that's been whispering for the last five years.Get access to Identity Revolution here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/vkGVlGc9vxxGLvalXRmG

In this episode we discuss a common relationship dynamic where affection and intimacy start to feel like an obligation rather than a desire, often because life becomes overloaded with responsibilities (work, parenting, household admin, finances) and the nervous system feels “tapped out.”  We talk about how busyness, overwhelm, and unspoken resentment can smother the spark, leading to cycles of rejection and withdrawal, plus shame and blame directed at either the partner or oneself.  Instead of accepting disconnection as “just how it is,” we encourage listeners to build awareness of what’s really driving the pattern, clarify what they truly want in their relationship, and take ownership of their part.  The core message is to create space (by slowing down and removing or delegating nonessential tasks) so connection can return, then communicate and co-create a more caring, playful partnership, one based on mutual support rather than “invoicing” or tit-for-tat keeping score. ✨ In this episode, we cover: Overwhelm reduces desire: When your capacity is maxed out, intimacy can feel like another task on the to-do list.Shame and blame worsen disconnection: “Something’s wrong with me” or “it’s all his fault” keeps the real causes hidden.Watch for “invoicing”: Keeping silent score of who owes what undermines genuine care and closeness.Create space before adding fixes: Don’t pile on more routines, remove, delegate, or simplify to free time and nervous-system capacity.Start with what you want: Define your version of a connected partnership and notice whether current choices support it.Own your contribution and communicate: Change begins with self-responsibility, then building the relationship together as a team.Small moments count: A quiet walk, a few conscious breaths, or brief journaling can be a first step toward clarity and reconnection.

In this episode we explore what it means to tune back into your inner knowing as a source of guidabce.In a world that sells outsourcing your authority by needing to be an expert or needing other peoples approval for permission.We beleive that when you truly lead from who you are authentically and are tuned into your own desires, that is all you need to lead a happy and fulfilling life.We end the episode with some reflective questions if you resonate with what we speak about.

In this episode we share the one thing that will help you actuallytake action and create the change you want in your life.Whether it's in your career, parenting, health and fitness or in your relationships.If you can start with this, the rest will unfold just as it should. Join us for our FREE coaching programme Identity Revolution.A four phase transformational experience where we guide you to create a life that feels as good as it look son your vision board.Sign up here for instant access…https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/vkGVlGc9vxxGLvalXRmG

Ever wondered what it's like to sit in our conversation?We were mid chat and I knew I needed to get the mics out!Come sit with us while we go deep in our personal conversation about the wild ride that is life and making the decision to go all in.

In this episode we chat about the energetic drain of never being able to confidently make decisions.Big or small, spending time worrying, thinking about, going over scenarios, however you tackle it can be really exhausting and often leads you to the outcome you were trying to avoid.Here we help you to make confident, empowered decisions, fast so you can get going on the things that really matter.Want more from us?Check out our upcoming events and free resources here...www.charlieandash.co.nz

Today we look at what it looks like to live in a constant state of overwhelm .We unpack whats really driving us to be this way and give some practical tools to what you can about it.Check out our FREE resources here.....www.charlieandash.co.nz

Are you choosing to suffer… without even realising it?This episode explores a confronting but deeply liberating idea: while real trauma and hardship absolutely exist, much of our everyday suffering is voluntary.Charlie shares a personal story about the moment I first heard this concept and honestly, I was angry. Defensive. Triggered. Until I realised something that changed everything… I was creating so much of my own suffering through the stories, identities, and expectations I was holding onto.We dive into:The difference between real pain and the meaning we attach to itHow unconscious narratives keep us stuck in cycles of frustration and controlThe courage it takes to “wake up” from the story you’ve been living inMoving from victim mindset to creator mindsetCharlie also opens up about her 8-year struggle around her daughter’s eating habits and the powerful shift that happened when she stopped trying to control her and started focusing on connection instead. What Charlie discovered was that the issue was never really about food… it was about her expectations, fears, and what she believed it meant about her as a mother.This conversation is an invitation to take radical responsibility not from shame or blame, but from empowerment.Because when you realise you are choosing the story… you also realise you can choose differently.If you’re ready to loosen your grip, question your narratives, and experience more freedom in your relationships and your life this episode is for you.

In this deeply honest episode, Charlie and Ash unpack what really happens when we get triggered and why the emotion we think we’re feeling (anger, frustration, defensiveness) is rarely the real one.Underneath it?Sadness.Care.Fear of not being enough.Together, they explore:Why anger often protects us from vulnerabilityHow unprocessed emotions create all-day spiralsWhat nervous system regulation actually looks like in real lifeThe 90-second rule of emotional processingHow to separate facts from the story your ego is tellingWhy safe spaces matter when you’re unravelling old patternsAnd how to model emotional ownership for your childrenIf you’ve ever gone from a small moment to a full-blown “I’m not enough” spiral… this episode will meet you exactly where you are.Because avoidance keeps us stuck.Acceptance sets us free.

Have you made a goal or new years resolution and find yourself falling off the band wagon.You're not alone!We break down here the reasons why you keep getting in your own way and what you can do about it.

In this episode we talk into fear and how it can be keeping you from going after your dreams, goals or moving at all.We explore the concept that there is no such thing as failure and how you can continue moving forward without letting fear hold you back.We would love to hear what your key takeaways are.Don't forget to download our free ebook Success without Sacrifice here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/eFgMRMlc8H1hkmU72wf9

On this episode we chat with Amy Shaw, conscious business visionary and spiritual mentor.We cover all things healing, personal transformation, business building, feminine and masculine energy and almost everything in-between.Amy is a powerhouse full of knowledge, energy and spiritual gifts.We are honoured to have her as part of our panel at our upcoming event this Sunday the 14th of December.Grab your tickets here....https://charlieandash.co.nz/elevate-and-align-4434You can follow Amy on instagram here...https://www.instagram.com/amylouiseshaw?igsh=Z2NmZG50b2lpdWZvAnd check out how to work with her here...https://amyshaw.myflodesk.com/louve

In today's episode we talk about feeling worthy or valued outside of being productive and people pleasing, or from other people or situations.What does this look like? How do we know when it goes from serving us to being unhealthy? and what can we do to turn it around?We hope you love the episode, feel free to share it with someone you love and leave a comment.You can also download our free ebook Success without Sacrifice here... https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/eFgMRMlc8H1hkmU72wf9

In this episode we expose the patterns we see so commonly when we are trying to create change and how it really is an illusion and what you can do to overcome these patterns.If you loved this episode please give it a like, share it with someone you think will resonate and come over to our Instagram @_charlieandash.Grab your FREE Ebook - Success without Sacrifice here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/0WNk4NjjDYG7LfdCsnPK

In this episode we speak into the journey of creating real change.How you can create sustainable change through making it a lifestyle choice.We share openly and vulnerably about our journey and what we feel has been the greatest keys to moving forward in creating a life your excited to show up for everyday.If you would like our FREE e-book, Success without Sacrifice download it here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/0WNk4NjjDYG7LfdCsnPKCome over to our instagram @_charlieandash and say Hi, we would love to hear what you thought of our episode x

In this episode we talk in the programming and beliefs that are formed in us from our childhood and play out throughout our lives, influencing what action ,or inaction we take, how we show up in out lives and what we achieve.This episode digs into how change is possible, when you choose it and why sometimes it can feel so challenging to choose something different.Enjoy! Want to download our FREE e-book, Success without Sacrifice, grab it here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/0WNk4NjjDYG7LfdCsnPK

In this episode we share how we have both overcome building success that caused us to sacrifice our health, our closest relationships and most importantly ourselves.And the journey of creating success that truly feels aligned.We share how you can break free from creating someone else version of success and find what it is you actually want for your life.Download our FREE ebook, Success without Sacrifice here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/0WNk4NjjDYG7LfdCsnPK