Check, Please!

Canst thou believe it, listeners? Oh, sweet listeners! The Check, Please podcast hath returned, with tidings... Listen, and the truth shalt be revealed unto ye! Hear tales of our exclusivity contract. If thou darest! Theme music: Deep Fritz (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Other music: Faster, Sons Of Vengeance, Faster! (Doctor Turtle) / CC BY NC 4.0 Which That Is This? (Long Version) (Doctor Turtle) / CC BY 4.0 The Talons Of Adventure, The Antlers Of Romance (Doctor Turtle) / CC BY 4.0 Often Outmumbled - Never Outpunned (Doctor Turtle) / CC BY NC 4.0 King Thumbscrew The Third (Doctor Turtle) / CC BY NC 4.0

Yes, listeners, the time has come at last! The zeroth episode of Check, Please! is now amongst you. Look down, for it writhes in the dirt at your feet. We reveal the secrets of podcasting for a bit, and make a lot of references to Lord of the Rings. Look, it's been a while since we did this. Happy seasonal time! Theme music: Deep Fritz (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

THIS EPISODE IS AVAILABLE TO WATCH IN VIDEO FORM HERE! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUsvb1Ym6Nk We're back! Back with an episode recorded over a year ago, where we finally met on screen and all the plot from the last 98 episodes paid off. We talk a bit about a fictional cat getting run over, and the show Daredevil. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0 End music: Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

We forgot what it is we do here.

Get those backs in the saddle, because Check, Please! rides again! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Welcome! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Flame retardant water; catch that wave, not on fire! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

In this episode, we talk about the work of a terrible human being and how we can apply their methods to us, the managers of a cave where we're building a cult to a mysterious monster. Plus, then we get too sad to talk about that, so we chat about tabletop RPGs and Harry Potter shows up! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0

Set sail for "politics". Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

In the cave, there are no individuals, no identities, only our brand. Welcome. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

We crave the cave, for it is all that we know. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0

What if the podcast wasn't actually the podcast for an episode? Instead, please join me in another world where The Wretched Beast powers down to talk to friend Austin Shinn (@untitleduser on Twitter) about audio drama and radio shows. Listen for recommendations maybe! It was a nice chat. Will Binns (the alter ego of The Wretched Beast) is currently moving to another part of the No Boot Media offices, so actual recording and editing is a little slow lately. Find Austin's work over at http://www.thefilmroom.org! Theme music: Roll Jordan Roll bumpers (The Joy Drops) / CC BY 4.0

Save the date! Your two best podcast hosts are back to give you all the hot tips you need to make your wedding a complete success. You, a wedding planner, will be given all the best information on how to make your customers happy by listening to the inside scoop straight from the horse's mouth! Yes, Stephen and the Wretched Beast, famed wedding planners, are here to help you. To plan weddings. That's what the podcast is. It's just what we do here. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

When this podcast hits 88... you're gonna hear some serious bullshit. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

A very productive session, I think. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Shots (almost) fired on this fiery episode of the Check, Please! Podcast as we discuss some recent events and also talk about some of your favourite characters. Will anyone get in touch and let us know what the podcast is? I don't know. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Can't talk long, gotta go manicure my online brand. Brandicure. (Just trying that out, feedback welcome but please direct it to my alt.) Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Is everybody pumped for some Ready Player Fun? You thought the conversation was Ready Player Done. Iron Giant cameos with his Ready Player Gun. See the Wild Wild West, how it was Ready Player Won. Actually we don't talk about most of that stuff but we do talk about Ready Player One sorta. I guess? Is there really much more to say about it? They made us do it. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

In this episode, the wizard talks about what they've been up to, and many doors are painted. Also, we talk about the Walking Dead series a lot, and some other stuff I guess? I don't know what the show is. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Self descriptive, I think. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

In this week's episode, we discuss the limitations of our surroundings and meet some friends, old and new. The misuse of the brand is touched upon, as well as... "the lore", which never left. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Podcasting is all that we know! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0

In this episode, we discuss the events following the end of the RPG sessions, and our new state of affairs with the Check, Please! Podcast. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0

At long last, it's the thrilling conclusion to our three-part Call of Cthulhu game where we ran the scenario "The Rise of Xnaaki" from the Unbound Book, no longer available to the best of my knowledge! The Wretched Beast, Stephen and our most excellent friends (of the show) Will M, JJ Hawkins (of Mars Needs Podcasts) and Aaron Fever (AaronFever.com's own) bring their talents up against the forces at work in Steeplin County. In this session, we take a boat ride and practice throwing a pillow. Featuring: The Wretched Beast as Games Master Stephen as Beauford Loren-Smith, hot-blooded dilettante. Aaron Fever as Arthur Francis Allen, grumpy scholar of the occult. JJ Hawkins as Rebecca Church, stoic private investigator. Will M as Ingrid Hamm, artist with shady connections. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

A continuation of our ongoing game of Call of Cthulhu with the Wretched Beast, Stephen and our good friends (of the show) Will M, JJ Hawkins (@JJHawkins on Twitter) and Aaron Fever (@AaronFever), uncovering the secrets of a mysterious statue. In this session, we go for a walk in the woods and take an old friend for a car ride. Featuring: The Wretched Beast as Games Master Stephen as Beauford Loren-Smith, hot-blooded dilettante. Aaron Fever as Arthur Francis Allen, grumpy scholar of the occult. JJ Hawkins as Rebecca Church, stoic private investigator. Will M as Ingrid Hamm, artist with shady connections. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Yes, the rumours (that we brought up in the previous episodes) are true! Last week, the Wretched Beast, Stephen, and their friends (of the show) Will M, JJ Hawkins (@JJHawkins on Twitter) and Aaron Fever (@AaronFever) joined together with a dark purpose: to play the roleplaying game Call of Cthulhu. In this session, we attend an auction, and board a train! Featuring: The Wretched Beast as Games Master Stephen as Beauford Loren-Smith, hot-blooded dilettante. Aaron Fever as Arthur Francis Allen, grumpy scholar of the occult. JJ Hawkins as Rebecca Church, stoic private investigator. Will M as Ingrid Hamm, artist with shady connections. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Recording on a Monday and we, your ever faithful hosts, just don't know anymore. Have an episode, on us. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

The New Year! Ahh, what a time to be alive. This week, we spent many of our precious minutes on Earth talking about a movie that neither of us seems to have watched. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

In an ironic delayed-release-Christmas-Miracle™, Stephen manages to get this Christmas special up on time. This year, it seems, we couldn't miss this one. Happy boxing day! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Content warning: this episode contains some sorta allusions to gun violence and possible self-harm? Just uh, y'know, as an FYI. It's totally okay to skip this one! Dedicated to Margaret Hamilton. Listen, we didn't think it would come to this. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

A thoroughly offensive (or at least in-bad-taste) episode. Truly a new low for us, as content creators and YouTube personalities. Please like favourite and subscribe as to not miss the ensuing drama and inevitable apology episode. Smash that Apple Podcast review button! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Every episode a banger... and this one in particular! Sorry about all the desk pounding near the end. Things get heated and the ski gloves come off in what is, once again, a very hostile episode of Check, Please! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

The countdown is finally over, as we arrive at our raunchiest, lewdest and crudest episode of Check, Please! yet! This is by no means your daddy's Check, Please! But what -is- your daddy's Check, Please!? We discuss. Further to this, we talk about... Uh. I mean, I guess we say "nice" a lot? It's the Check, Please! you know and love, only if they were more tired than usual and tried to make weed jokes for half an hour for some reason. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Are you sitting comfortably? In this episode, we penultimate the countdown with a lot of talk about using bathrooms. It's - I don't -think- we get too gross? But, y'know, I mean. We took a week off, please forgive us. Please forgive us for our transgressions. I think we also talked about Google Maps and the TV show "Terrace House". Tune in for our realest episode yet, as we push the parasocial boundary to its limit! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

The question isn't if this was a good episode or not, the question is whether or not it ever had a chance. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

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In full festive spirits, the Check, Please! Podcast rises once again from the dead! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Hey, are you familiar with the Metal Gear Solid games? No? Well... Uhh... In this episode, we give a long, quiet sendoff to the videogame series which one host has fallen out of love with, and the other is just starting to know. Sorry if you haven't played these games, I guess? They're kind of weirdly interesting, which I guess is sort of the premise of doing this episode, but I'm not sure how interesting they'll be to most people. So, y'know, if you're interested: this episode is here! We talked about the Metal Gear Solid games. Hope you enjoy the episode! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Kept you waiting, huh? Check, Please! Podcast is back with an all-new season and an all-new gimmick and spin! But don't worry, we still have all the same endless talk on the minutiae of the Harry Potter and Star Wars series that you have come to know and love from us, your favourite pop culture gurus. Catch up with your old friends as the countdown continues! Also, sorry it took so long, hopefully the bumper-length episode will make up for it. Catch you later! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Could you fight a drone? What if you had Canadian healthcare? Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? What if it was mostly a political thing? You won't get your answers here, but you WILL get the long awaited Mega Game Mega Show, so jump on in to this week's episode of Check, Please! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Will Stephen correctly recall any of Data's story-arc from Star Trek: TNG? Can Will steer the podcast towards a recap of the long awaited Mega Game? Find out this week, on Stephen is a Jerk, Part 61. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Much like the titular "Boys" in Thin Lizzy's seminal 1976 hit, we're "Back" in town! With town being, in this case, an empty and desolate place filled with the echoes of lost souls (and subsequently some echo on the recording, sorry). Will the strange new recording locale effect our dynamic duo's ability to record some of the best discussion on why an author's podcast is bad? Probably! In fact, a lot of the book club is dedicated to this, and very little to Will's actual thoughts on the book discussed, which he enjoyed a lot. In fact, this isn't really much of a representation of anything other than two people coming together to celebrate their relatively similar birth dates. On a podcast! So, enjoy that. Stephen put in some audio from a different podcast, and, I mean, I don't know if it's cool to use or not so, keep it under your hat! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Sound effect: A Harpsichord Dream (zerolagtime) / CC BY 3.0

Our most penitent episode, undeserving of an intro theme. Theme music: Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Can Stephen accurately re-tell a story he himself heard on a different podcast, over five years ago? Will the other host ever introduce himself? Does either host know anything about porpoises? Expect answers this week (and apologies next week), on Check, Please! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Following the trend of hyper-relevant pop culture commentary, Will presents: Skyrim The Episode. Stephen's there too, but he mostly wanted to talk about Morrowind. A very special videogame episode! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Never more now than ever before has the Dark Knight been so relevant, so we spend roughly half this episode's nearly hour-long runtime talking at cross-purposes about a Dark Knight Rises sequel starring Kevin James! We also talk about a bunch of other nerd stuff, and briefly touch on the topic of the podcast itself. Will Stephen's mysterious headache evolve into anything beyond a passing mention? Tune in, and find out! Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Yeah, we're back. And we're heading Behind The Magic once more to reveal dreadful secrets and fix dreadful movies! What're you gonna do about it, e-mail us at [email protected]? Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

Ah yes, the hard hitting social commentary you desire, it's Check, Please! Back again, and, once again, sorry. For all of this. Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0

The rumours are true! We're back with a... It's a uh, it's a director's uh... It's like, a director's commentary? That we did? It's um. It's not really an episode... But, so uh, how're you doing? Theme music: Kaissa (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Opening/Pawn Storm (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Sound effect: A Harpsichord Dream (zerolagtime) / CC BY 3.0

The sky's gone dark, because all the stars have come down for the recording of The Big Season One Finale! A real revolving door of return appearances, and many shocking exits too! Theme music: Deep Fritz (Karpov Not Kasparov) / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Additional music: Getting It All Together (Rockit Maxx) / CC BY-NC 4.0 Background: Yucatan Jungle (folkart films) / CC BY 3.0 Background: Gulf Waves 3 (belloisec) / CC BY 3.0 Sound effect: Metal Door.wav / Sampling Plus 1.0 All other sound effects used are CC0.