Episodes
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EP 243 More Than One Truth: Dena Schusterman on family stories, inherited patterns, and holding the good alongside the hard
In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I’m joined by Dena Schusterman. Dena is an educator, writer, mother of eight, and Chabad emissary in Atlanta. Her memoir, Stories Carry: A Memoir, began as an effort to preserve her father’s stories and grew into a layered account of her own family, faith…
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EP 242: Wait, You Know That Too? Finding recognition and connection across different high-control religious worlds
In this episode, I reflect on a moment of recognition: while talking with Audra, who grew up Mormon, I heard echoes of my own experience growing up in the International Churches of Christ. Our stories aren’t identical, but we recognized familiar patterns, certainty, fear, and learning to distrust...
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EP 241: We Were In a Cult? Kristin's Story
I’ve been away from the podcast for a little while, but I’m back now, and I’m glad to return with this conversation. In this episode of We Were In a Cult?, I sit down with Kristin, a fellow Kingdom Kid whose experience growing up in the ICOC differed from mine in some meaningful ways. She…
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EP 240 Her Favorite Kind of Pie: Audra Phelps on leaving Mormonism and learning to choose herself
In this episode, I sit down with Audra Phelps to talk about growing up in a strict Mormon household, the ten-year journey that eventually led her out of the church, and the difficult work of discovering who she was after leaving. We explore how high-control religious systems can teach us to...
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EP 239 The Other Half of the Story: How an Instagram reel and Toy Story 5 reminded me that deconstruction is only half the story
Sometimes the most meaningful shifts don't happen while we're reading a book or sitting in therapy, they happen while scrolling Instagram... or watching Toy Story 5 with our kids. In this episode, I share how an Instagram reel about fatherhood challenged me, why I couldn't stop thinking about it,...
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EP 238 HE RAN: The Father's Day sermon I want to tell
Every Father's Day, I hear some version of the same message: be stronger, lead better, protect more, carry the weight. And if I'm honest, those sermons usually leave me feeling less encouraged and more afraid. Afraid of getting it wrong. Afraid of not being enough. In this episode, I explore a...
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EP 237 The Space Between the Notes: What music taught me about mystery, meaning, and being human
Music is, at its most basic level, just vibrations moving through the air. A guitar string vibrates, sound waves travel through oxygen molecules, and our brains somehow turn those vibrations into an experience. Yet that explanation never feels like enough. A song can make us cry, transport us…
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EP 236 The Question In The Backseat: On Sacred Questions, Small Hands, and the Emotional World We Build Around Faith
A few days ago, my son climbed into the backseat after school holding a small Jesus figurine. He turned it over in his hands for a few quiet minutes, and then, completely out of nowhere asked me: "Why did Jesus die?" I laughed. Then I felt the weight of it. Because for a lot of us who grew up in...
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EP 235 The Messy Middle: On Certainty, Complexity, and the Strange Freedom of Not Having It All Figured Out
I've ended every episode of Clemenz With a 'Z' with the same line for years: 'thanks for being a part of this messy middle with me.' It became such a reflex that I stopped asking myself what I actually meant by it. This episode is my honest answer. And if you've ever left a system, a church, a...
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EP 234 The Sting in the Hug: What Happens When Men Are Taught to Fear Tenderness
This episode of Clemenz With a “Z” started with a story that honestly stopped me in my tracks: a pastor introducing another pastor from the pulpit by mocking his rental car as “a little gay.” But the deeper I sat with it, the more I realized this wasn’t really about a Prius, or even one awkward...
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EP 233 Not Back. Somewhere New: On Reconstruction, Permission, and the Wreckage We Leave Behind
This episode started as a Substack article I wrote after receiving a text message that hit something deeper in me than I expected. What began as a reflection on reconstruction and deconstruction slowly became something bigger, a conversation about fear, belonging, external validation, nervous...
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EP 232 The Six Questions: What third graders know about reading that most Bible readers were never taught
Most of us were quietly trained to hand the Bible over to the experts, to sit in the pew, absorb the sermon, and trust that the people with the seminary degrees had it figured out. But here's the thing: the tools for reading any text responsibly aren't locked inside a degree program. They're the...
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EP 231: Big Ideas, Small Readings: What a single verse, a men's ministry book, and your Instagram feed have in common
There's a pattern worth naming, one that shows up in sermons, in bestselling books, and honestly, in the way most of us consume content every day. We take something small: a verse, a phrase, a post, a moment, and we build something enormous on top of it. In this episode, I'm looking at a popular...
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EP 230: We Were In a Cult? Sara and Lauren's Story
What's up y'all? In this episode of “We Were In a Cult?” I was able to speak with sisters Sarah and Lauren, who were both raised inside the ICOC. Growing up in the same home, under the same beliefs and expectations, you might assume their experiences would be identical, but they weren’t. In this...
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EP 229 Ten Extra Steps: A grocery store parking lot and the weight of small choices
There’s a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It’s small. Almost forgettable. But the more I’ve paid attention to those moments, the more I’ve realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move...
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EP 228 Jesus Rode a Donkey (2026 Re-Release): Two parades entered Jerusalem, power from the west, peace from the east. We’re still choosing between them.
This is an episode I recorded about two years ago, and revisiting it now, I realized something, I was already asking questions back then that I’m still wrestling with today. Questions about power, about leadership, and about what it actually means to follow Jesus. In this episode, I explore the...
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EP 227 The Happiness I Don’t Believe In: On Chasing, Conditioning, and the Fear of What’s Already Here
In this episode, I sit with a passage from Thomas Merton that I can’t seem to shake and the uncomfortable realization it stirred in me: I don’t think I trust happiness that comes easily. We live in a world built on chasing more growth, more clarity, more success, and I’m right there in it. But…
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Ep 226: We Were In a Cult? Katja's Story
In this episode of We Were in a Cult?, I sit down with Katja, who shares her experience of being introduced to the ICOC in Germany, not as someone born into it, but as someone searching. As a young mother trying to find her footing in life and faith, she was met in a moment where community,...
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EP 225 Legacy or Leverage: A Sunday morning, a second bucket, and the long shadow of how we learned to give
I went to a church back in December because it reminded me of something. Growing up in the ICOC, we had what were called Special Missions contributions, big Sundays centered around giving, sacrifice, and faith. So when I heard about a “Legacy Offering,” I was curious. Not cynical. Curious. I…
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EP 224 Yesterday’s Answers: How the past shapes us and how it sometimes limits us
Every generation inherits something from the one before it, wisdom that helped people survive and wounds that shaped how they saw the world. In this episode, I reflect on a quote from philosopher John Dewey: “If we teach today’s students as we taught yesterday’s, we rob them of tomorrow.” What...
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EP 223 Essence Isn’t the Same as Capacity: On Original Sin, Children, and the Cost of Starting with Shame
In this episode on Clemenz With a "Z", I reflect on the doctrine of original sin and the story we tell children about who they are at their core. Beginning with a quote from the book "Original Sin Is a Lie" and moving through Genesis, Romans 7, and even a scene from Harry Potter, I am wrestling...
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EP 222 Higher Ways? Rethinking Mystery, Justice, and the God We Inherited
In this episode, Higher Ways?, I wrestle with a question that’s been quietly sitting with me for a long time: What if some of what we call “deep theology” is simply human logic dressed up as divine wisdom? From heaven and hell to reward and punishment, from obedience to atonement, I explore the...
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EP 221 Scars Don’t Shout: On Integration, Memory, and the Hum of Healing
In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I reflect on what happens on the other side of healing. We talk a lot about wounds and unraveling, about leaving and deconstructing, about anger and survival. But what about integration? What about the quiet phase where you’re no longer bleeding yet you’re…
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EP 220 Yard Signs: Purpose, Dignity, and the Paths We Call “Less”
On this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I’m stepping outside my usual conversations about church and control and into something that’s been quietly sitting with me for years: the way we define success for our kids. Every June, neighborhoods fill with yard signs celebrating college commitments, and…
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EP 219: We Were In a Cult? Stef's Story
In this episode of We Were In a Cult?, I sit down with Stef, a fellow “Kingdom kid” who grew up inside the ICOC to explore what it was like to be born into a system where church wasn’t just something you attended, but the entire framework for how you understood God, authority, obedience, and...
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EP 218 Raised in the Kingdom: Growing Up Inside the Place and Learning to Trust Myself Again
What does it mean to grow up inside something that calls itself the Kingdom of God? In this episode, I reflect on what it was like to be a “Kingdom kid” born into the International Churches of Christ, shaped by its language, boundaries, fears, and promises from my earliest memories. This isn’t a...
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EP 217: Gentle vs. Godly? Why Parenting Isn’t an Either/Or Choice
In this episode, I wrestle with a claim I’ve been seeing more and more in Christian spaces: that “gentle parenting” is not the same as “godly parenting” and that starting from empathy or believing kids are inherently good is somehow dangerous or unbiblical. Instead of turning this into another...
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EP 216 Critique Is Not Persecution: Why pushback isn’t proof you’re right
What's up y'all! In this episode, I explore the growing tendency within evangelical church culture to confuse critique with persecution and why that confusion can be so damaging. This conversation grew out of a recent church experience, a sermon that reframed fear as rebellion, and my own attempt...
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EP 215 Hot Wheels at 2am: Access, fear, and how children learn they belong
In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I’m not talking about co-sleeping or parenting techniques as much as I’m talking about access: who gets it, when, and what we teach our kids about belonging long before they have words for it. Sparked by two very confident but completely opposite Christian...
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EP 214 Asking the Wrong Questions: Why our debates keep dividing us and how Jesus kept redirecting the conversation
Lately, I’ve been struck by how many of our religious conversations seem to turn into debates that leave us more divided, more entrenched, and more certain, but not more understanding. In this episode, I explore the idea that the problem might not be our disagreements, but the questions we’ve…
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EP 213 Let It Breathe: Choosing silence in a world that never stops talking
We live in a world of constant noise and increasingly, our churches mirror it. In this episode, I reflect on what happens when worship never pauses, when silence feels unwelcome, and when space is something we’re quick to fill. This isn’t a critique of music or emotion, but an exploration of why...
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EP 212 Boxes, Beginnings, and Becoming
I'm Back! After an intentional pause, this episode is a return, a re-orientation, and an honest reflection on why this podcast exists and where it’s going. What began years ago as conversations about masculinity and fatherhood has grown alongside me into something deeper, a space to unlearn…
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Ep 211 Every Hero Has a Conflict: What Katt Williams, Donald Miller, and the Hero’s Journey taught me about resilience.
Sometimes the hardest seasons are the ones that make us. In this episode, I share a story I’ve never told publicly, the moment everything I’d worked for almost came undone during my student teaching. What started as a field trip turned into one of the most difficult and defining chapters of my...
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EP 210 Coffee Mug Theology: How we turned ancient hope into a slogan and what we lost along the way.
We love verses like Jeremiah 29:11. You know, the ones that promise a future and a hope. They’re comforting, clean, easy to print on a mug or a graduation card. But what happens when life doesn’t match the verse? When the “plan” falls apart and the promises feel hollow? In this episode, Coffee…
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EP 209 Slaying Dragons, Finding Bliss: Rethinking the dragon, the prize, and what it means to follow your bliss.
We grow up on stories that tell us life is about slaying the dragon and winning the prize. Disney fairytales, men’s groups, even church slogans repeat the same script: the battle is always “out there.” But Joseph Campbell flipped the story, reminding us that the real dragon is within, and the way...
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EP 208 Into the Void: What Thunderbolts, Robin Williams, and Jesus Teach Us About Empathy
In this episode, I step into the shadows with Marvel’s Thunderbolts, a story of misfits, scars, and the power of presence. From Sentry’s battle with the Void to Yelena’s moment of recognition, the film raises a question we all wrestle with: what do we do with the darkness inside of us? Some days…
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EP 207 Golden Buzzer Gospel: Finding Joy, Awe, and Belonging in the Most Unexpected Places
What do you do when the world feels too heavy? When you're tired, discouraged, or just numb from the noise? If you're me… you watch America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer moments on YouTube. And you cry. Every time. In this episode, I’m sharing a surprising ritual that’s become one of the most…
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EP 206 The Village Is Sick: Grief, Belonging, and the Possibility of Healing Together
Sometimes a song finds you when you need it most. I had never heard Wrabel’s “The Village” until I stumbled across a dance group performing to it on Britain’s Got Talent. What started as a quick break from writing turned into something deeper, a mirror for the world we’re living in right now. The...
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EP 205 Comfort, Not Bruises: God’s Discipline, Parenting, and Why Spanking Only Breeds Domestication
This episode started as a response to something I heard on a Christian podcast about God’s discipline. The words weren’t new, I’ve heard the same script my whole life, but they brought back memories of how deeply this theology shaped me. Growing up, I learned to see every disappointment and…
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EP 204 Off the Island: Thomas Merton, Mirrors, and Learning to Affirm Others
In this episode, I sit with the words of Thomas Merton, an American Trappist monk, writer, and mystic whose reflections on faith, identity, and community continue to resonate decades after his death. Merton warns against what he calls “the heresy of individualism,” the temptation to define...
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EP 203 Sanitizing Our Heroes: What We Lose When We File Down the Edges of Truth
I was on a plane recently watching the new Bob Dylan movie when a scene with Pete Seeger stopped me in my tracks. Why in the world would a folk singer be in court over a song? That moment opened up a hidden history I had never been taught: “This Land Is Your Land” wasn’t just a patriotic anthem…
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EP 202: Who’s Right? And is that even the right question anymore?
This episode started with a reel: Two pastors, loud and confident, claiming they were standing in the footsteps of Jesus by resisting culture and government control. And while I disagreed with their message, something deeper stirred in me. Because I’ve heard that same level of certainty on the...
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EP 201 Speaking to the Human: The Radical Act of Seeing the Person Before the Problem
In a world where everyone seems to be talking past each other, online, in politics, and even in the church, what would it look like to slow down and actually see the person in front of us? In this episode, I explore the word sonder, the realization that every person you encounter is living a life...
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EP 200 Looking Past the Finger: How Marvel, the Bible, and Gollum Teach Us the Power of Metaphor
Episode 200! I can’t quite believe we’ve reached this point: two hundred conversations, stories, and reflections shared with you. And for this milestone, I wanted to talk about something that’s been weaving through all of them: the power of metaphor. From Iron Man’s first suit to the parables of...
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EP 199 Be Suspicious of Simple Answers: Punk Rock, Jesus, and Why the Best Truths Live in the Messy Middle
What do a punk rock lyric and the teachings of Jesus have in common? More than you might think. In this episode, inspired by Frank Turner’s raw line from “1933”: “Be suspicious of simple answers, that shit’s for fascists (and maybe teenagers)”. We dive headfirst into the beauty and challenge of…
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EP 198 The Whole Elephant: What if no one sees the full picture and that’s the point?
What if no one sees the whole picture and that’s the point? In this episode, I explore the ancient parable of the blind men and the elephant through the lens of my time in the ICOC, where we weren’t just taught that we held the truth we were the truth. But faith shaped by geography, cultural...
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Glue, Guitars, and the Gospel of Fear: Deconstructing the “Divine Truths” of a Marriage Retreat Sermon
In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z”, I take a deep dive into a sermon titled Sex By Design, delivered at a Christian marriage retreat. The pastor laid out what he called the “6 Divine Truths About Sex” (and their “demonic counterparts”), while his wife stood silently beside him the entire time.…
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EP 196 We Are the Problem, We Are the Solution: On wolves, gardens, and the mirror we avoid.
In this episode, I wrestle with one of the hardest, and most liberating truths I’ve come to face: that the pain, division, and harm in our world isn’t just the result of some ancient curse or cosmic enemy. It’s us. We’ve been taught to blame Satan, to blame Adam, to see ourselves as born broken....
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EP 195 Missing the Mark: Reframing Sin, Choice, and the Weight We Carry
What if we’ve been looking at sin all wrong? In this episode, I reflect on the way sin was framed for me growing up, how it became a label, a burden, a weight I carried long after forgiveness was promised. I talk about my time as a teacher, how I tried to help students see that their choices…
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EP 194 Fear Wants Control. Boys Want More: Agency, Tenderness, and Raising Whole Humans
To be honest with y'all, I’ve been sitting with this one. This episode is a response and a critique from of a podcast episode I recently listened to titled “Boyhood Resurrected.” As someone who’s deeply invested in the work of raising boys, mentoring teens, and wrestling with what masculinity…
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