Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.” That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace. For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth. Then her mother asked her a question she couldn’t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it? What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework. In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question—one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship: What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves? This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people—including us—have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test. We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual naïveté? Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing. We explore: — Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful— The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins— The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram— Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her— The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems— Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots— The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it— How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia— Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram— What repentance and “renouncing” the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina— The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ— How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for Read Christina's research: Part 1 and Part 2Christina's Substack: The Battle CryVisit her website and join her writing courseOur podcast episode on The Screwtape LettersGet Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“The only thing that had changed was the object of my worship—I went from worshiping alcohol to worshiping sobriety.” Those are the words of Brett Smith. For years, Brett struggled with alcoholism, eventually finding sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He did everything right. He worked the program. He sponsored other guys. He carried the message. He went to meetings religiously. He even became the self-described “poster boy” for AA and a disciple of the Big Book. From the outside, his life looked great. But something didn’t sit right. As Brett began to pursue Jesus more seriously, he couldn’t shake a growing tension between what he was reading in Scripture and what he was preaching in AA: the language, the framework, the idea of a “higher power”—while it all claimed to be faith-filled, it wasn't really pointing to the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually, he realized that despite being sober, he hadn’t actually been set free. Instead, he had just swapped addictions and started worshipping sobriety. In this honest conversation, Brett brings a warning that many are hesitant to say out loud: “Sobriety is a good gift—but it’s a terrible savior.” And he unpacks how secular recovery programs—even though they may contain some faith elements and language—can lead people away from the true Gospel, giving them just enough to think they are fine while missing the mark where it matters most. This episode isn’t an attack. Instead, it’s an invitation to more. To go beyond a program. To shoot for Jesus and get sobriety thrown in. To not miss the main thing for a good thing. To get the most flourishing and fulfilled life both now and in eternity. And it comes from someone who nearly missed out on those things because he had settled for sobriety.  Is there a place for AA? For 12 steps? For programs? What is Gospel-centered recovery? Should Christians avoid AA, or can it be helpful? What about Celebrate Recovery? Why is sobriety an insufficient goal? Brett answers those questions and more honestly and compassionately.  If you’ve ever felt like something was missing in your sobriety, if AA or the 12 steps haven't resonated, or if you’re curious about Gospel-centered recovery—this conversation is for you. We explore: — Brett’s journey from early drinking to full-blown alcoholism— His experience with Alcoholics Anonymous and becoming the “poster boy” for the program— Why sobriety alone didn’t resolve the deeper issues in his life— The shift from worshiping alcohol to worshiping recovery itself— His growing tension with the idea of a “higher power”— A biblical look at the 12 steps and their theological framework— Should Christians avoid AA?— What about Celebrate Recovery?— What Gospel-centered recovery actually looks like— Why the ultimate goal is not sobriety but Jesus Reach out to Brett: @basmith444Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Welcome to the first ever bonus episode of the Confessions podcast! I'm trying something new, and I'm excited to hear what you think. On this special episode, you’re going to hear me on the other side of the mic—instead of interviewing someone, I'm being interviewed. The interviewer? My good friend Christy Osborne, host of the Love Life Sober podcast. In fact, this is actually taken from an episode of her podcast that we did recently, but I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you. (By the way, go subscribe to her podcast here. You won't regret it!)   Christy and I met a couple years ago when we were both invited into a community of sobriety writers. Since then, we’ve met every month for encouragement, advice, accountability, and friendship. Over time, it became clear that Christy and I are very aligned in what we believe about recovery, sobriety, and ultimately, Jesus.  In the end, we are both passionate that the goal of recovery can't just be sobriety. Instead, the goal has to be Jesus. When that happens, you get both sobriety and the most flourishing and fulfilled life—both now and in eternity.  In this conversation, you’ll hear us wrestle through that idea together. You’ll also hear me tell my story, but in a slightly different way and context. Finally, you'll get a peek into Christy’s heart, her ministry, and the work she’s doing through her online community. So while this may feel a little different, I think it’s going to be incredibly valuable.Oh, and you'll hear us both talk about something called the Aligned Conference. We are really excited about it! This September, you can join both of us on the Eastern shores of Like Michigan as we do a deep dive into Gospel-centered recovery with some of our closest friends. It's going to be a great time! Just go to alignedconference.org and get your tickets before they sell out. See you there!Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here Join Christy's Love Life Sober communityOrder Christy’s book, Love Life SoberConnect on Instagram: @lovelifesoberwithchristyGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.” Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success, and the promise of more. But underneath it all, something was off. See, soccer wasn’t just something Ian loved, it had become his identity. And when that identity was eventually taken from him through injury, everything underneath it started to surface. The drinking. The drugs. The isolation. The questions he couldn’t answer. “Why am I alone in a hotel room corner weeping? God, why?” In this conversation, Ian walks through the unraveling that followed—from chasing the highs of the world to spiraling into addiction, multiple DUIs, and moments where his life nearly ended. He even opens up about childhood trauma he worked so hard to suppress. But what makes his story so powerful isn’t just how far he fell, it’s what God did in the midst of it. What resulted wasn't sobriety. In fact, Ian came to realize that sobriety was actually quite empty by itself. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed Jesus. And that changed everything. Today, Ian is a pastor leading a growing, Gospel-centered recovery ministry in California called Restoration Recovery. He helps others find the same freedom he was once so desperate for, and lives by a powerful mantra: "When we recover loudly in Christ, we contribute to keeping others from dying quietly without him." His story is a reminder that addiction doesn't follow a neat path, and that recovery is about more than just quitting something. It’s about what—or who—you’re ultimately living for. Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here We explore: — How success, discipline, and even good things like sports and church can become false identities— Ian’s journey from professional soccer and chasing recognition to addiction and isolation— The role injury played in exposing deeper heart issues and accelerating his downward spiral— Why addiction isn’t about the substance—but about what we’re trying to escape— The moment everything collapsed, including multiple DUIs and near-death experiences— How unresolved trauma, including childhood abuse, shaped his patterns of behavior— The difference between sobriety and true freedom—and why that distinction matters— What full surrender to Jesus actually looked like in Ian’s life— How God used recovery, jail, and brokenness to prepare him for ministry— The origin and meaning behind “recovering loudly” and why it challenges traditional recovery models— How Gospel-centered recovery leads to deeper transformation than behavior modification alone— Why finding your “why” is essential to lasting change and healingFollow Restoration Recovery: @restoratioinrecovery.mhcWatch Restoration Recovery messages hereGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.” That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develop a similar pattern with cough medicine and stimulants. How? Because like so many of us, she fell into the trap of justifying what she knew wasn't right. During all of that, Brenna wasn’t running from God. She loved Jesus, she was serving in ministry, she was doing the things Christians are supposed to do. And at the same time, she was building patterns and believing lies that didn’t line up with what she believed or who she was called to be. In this episode, Brenna shares her full story with thoughtful and radical vulnerability. From childhood trauma and an ongoing battle with depression and mental health, to a real encounter with God that changed the direction of her life, to the ways addiction and dependency still took root. She also talks openly about her experience with same-sex attraction, how she surrenders that to God, and how that has shaped her reliance on Christ. She also doesn't hold back about how evangelical culture too often encourages silence while struggling, leaving people to navigate their sin on their own, as well as how the Church can become a place where those struggles are brought into the light and met with both truth and grace. This is a conversation about honesty, about sanctification, and about what it really looks like to follow Jesus when things aren’t clean or simple. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The subtle ways addiction can form even in the life of a committed Christian— How self-justification keeps people stuck longer than they realize— Why addressing one addiction doesn’t mean the root issue is gone— How Brenna’s struggle shifted from alcohol to other substances— The role childhood trauma and mental health play in shaping patterns— What it looked like for Brenna to encounter God personally— How depression and ongoing mental health struggles intersect with faith— Brenna’s experience with same-sex attraction and surrendering it to Christ— Why evangelical culture often leaves people to struggle in silence— What it looks like for the Church to hold both truth and grace— The difference between behavior change and real transformation— How sanctification actually plays out in everyday life Get Brenna's book: Can I Say That? How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real GodFollow Brenna: @bunonmyheadInvite Brenna to speak hereGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.” That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes. Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hiding a life that didn’t match what people saw. Alcohol had a grip on him, but it didn’t stop there. What began as hidden drinking eventually gave way to deeper compromise, including an affair that would force everything into the light. In this episode, Andy walks through what it’s like to carry that kind of double life—not just the behaviors, but the weight of knowing the truth, teaching the truth, and still living in contradiction to it. There’s the pressure to maintain an image, the isolation that comes with secrecy, and the slow erosion of self that builds until there’s nowhere left to hide. He also brings us through the moment everything came to the light. The moment he thought would destroy him that actually became his door to freedom: his confession. He details what it was like to sit down with his wife and tell her everything—not just the drinking, but the affair. And he’s honest about the fear, the exposure, and the sense that everything he had built was about to collapse. And yet, he's also open about what happened after. The consequences, yes, but also the reality of how God met him and the freedom he experienced as a result of radical vulnerability.  Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How you can know the truth about Jesus and still live a completely different life in secret— Why hidden addiction thrives in environments where image matters most— The quiet tension of leading spiritually while falling apart privately— How secrecy and isolation don’t just hide addiction—they feed it— Why behavior change alone never touches what’s really driving it— The deeper desires underneath addiction that rarely get addressed— What actually happens when everything finally comes into the light— Why confession feels like the end—but becomes the turning point— The difference between managing sin and being transformed at the root— How the Gospel confronts both what you do and what you love Follow Andy's Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or AppleGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.” That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave. Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a different story unfolding beneath the surface. One marked not by obvious addiction, but by a growing pattern she couldn’t fully explain—blackouts that “just happened,” nights that blurred together, and a relationship with alcohol that felt normal… until it wasn’t. In this conversation, Amy shares how alcohol crept into her life—not as rebellion, but as something that promised more. More life. More experience. More feeling. And for a while, it seemed to deliver. But over time, that “more” began to cost her clarity, presence, and ultimately, herself. That realization didn't come after a rock bottom. Instead, it came after a long period of sobriety. Years of it, in fact, where she gave up drinking to prove something—only to find that even while not imbibing alcohol still held a powerful place in her thoughts. That’s when the deeper question surfaced: not “how long can I go without drinking?” but “what kind of relationship is this, really?” What follows is a story not just about sobriety, but about identity. About learning to sit in discomfort instead of numbing it. About discovering that what feels like loss at first can actually be the doorway to a fuller, more integrated life. And ultimately, about a God who meets us not just in our sin, but in our pain, our confusion, and the places we don’t yet understand. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship with something—alcohol or otherwise—is quietly shaping more of your life than you realize, this episode will resonate with you. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually looks like when alcohol slowly becomes an “abusive relationship”— How blackouts and overdrinking can feel accidental—but reveal a deeper pattern— Why Amy never set out to numb pain, but simply wanted “more life”— The subtle ways alcohol can take more than it gives, even without a dramatic rock bottom— How a three-year “fast” exposed how much control alcohol still had on her mind— The difference between taking a break from drinking and actually changing your relationship with it— Why feeling pain again was uncomfortable—but ultimately necessary for healing— How early church experiences and disillusionment shaped her choices— The role of compassion in looking back on your story without excusing it— What it means to grow up emotionally and spiritually instead of escaping discomfort— Why true recovery is about integration, not just behavior change— How the Gospel speaks not only to sin, but to suffering, trauma, and healing Amy's books: Orange Juice and Rooftops and The Dangerous Country of Love and MarriageAmy's websiteFollow Amy: @amyleighwicksGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.” What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on? Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing" is better than anyone I know. It's your identity, and Jamie is going to unpack today why our identity is so important not just for uncovering why we struggle, but just as important for figuring out where we go from here. And it all starts with a question: What are you most afraid of?  That question helps uncover your false identity, which is a sneaky lie that too many of us embrace. Jamie is a former police officer, conflict resolution expert, and the author of the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. And while that may not seem like a book about recovery, the truth is it was one of the most important books in my recovery. Because when I started unpacking the core of my issues, I found a lot of fear and identity issues.  That makes sense because, as Jamie surprisingly shares today, he actually struggled with his own alcohol addiction—something I never heard or realized until we started talking, and something he doesn't talk about often.  In this episode, we talk about why identity, how fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear, and why so many of us, even as Christians, end up living out of that fear without realizing it. He also walks through the difference between information and revelation, and why hearing truth about God isn’t the same thing as actually believing it at the level where change happens. I worked for almost a year to get Jamie on the podcast, and I can tell you this is one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded. If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, or frustrated that knowing the right things hasn’t led to lasting change, this episode will help you see why—and also give you a practical path to true and lasting freedom. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually means to not know who you are and how that leads to fear-driven living— How identity confusion sits beneath struggles with alcohol, food, and other addictive patterns— Why fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear— The connection between fear, shame, and the behaviors we can’t seem to stop— The one question that exposes what’s really driving you— Why behavior change alone doesn’t lead to lasting transformation— The critical difference between information and revelation in the Christian life— Why hearing truth about God isn’t the same as believing it at a level that changes you— How lies about your identity quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and habits— What it looks like to begin living from truth instead of fear— How Jamie’s framework applies directly to addiction recovery and spiritual growth— Jamie’s personal story of alcohol addiction and how he was confronted about it— Why uncovering your true identity in Christ changes not just what you do, but how you live Jamie's book: Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of GodJamie's resources and courses: Identity ExchangeFollow Jamie: @thejamiewinshipGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.” That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was fleeting. When I gave it up, I had to grieve it. So did JP. On the outside, JP looked good. He loved Jesus. He was active in church. He had a career, a family, and a life that seemed normal and intact. But behind the scenes, alcohol had quietly become a constant. What started as freedom slowly turned into dependence. And then it got worse. By the end, JP wasn’t just drinking heavily—he was drinking all day. Vodka replaced beer. Ten drinks became twenty. His throat was so damaged he could barely swallow. He was hiding alcohol, living in deception, and drifting further from his wife and kids. And yet, he was still showing up to church. This episode doesn’t just explore addiction—it exposes the world that I and so many others have come to know: addiction that exists despite knowing and loving Jesus. We talk about the subtle ways church culture can blur the lines, how stress and isolation accelerated his drinking during COVID, and the moment everything finally broke—a heartbreaking story involving JP and his daughter’s baptism. That’s when the truth became unavoidable. What follows is not a story about behavior modification or quick fixes. It’s a story about surrender, confession, community, and what it actually looks like to find freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the deeper need to escape. If you’ve ever felt the tension of loving Jesus while still hiding something, this conversation will hit closer than you expect. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How a Christian can love Jesus and still quietly fall into addiction— The impact of church drinking culture and the misuse of Christian freedom— Why some people can’t “just have one” and what that reveals about the heart— How stress, career pressure, and COVID accelerated hidden addiction— The progression from casual drinking to full dependence and physical breakdown— The role of secrecy, deception, and compartmentalization in addiction— What rock bottom actually looked like for JP and the moment everything shifted— Why confession and community are essential to real recovery— The difference between behavior change and true Gospel-centered transformation— What it means to replace alcohol with something better—not just remove it Get resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.” That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked normal on the outside but felt increasingly out of alignment on the inside. Heidi is a certified life and relationship coach and the founder of Reclaim and Soul Care 75, where she helps women pursue personal renewal. But for years, she found herself stuck in a cycle that many of us know too well—drifting in and out of drinking, convincing herself it was under control, and silencing the internal whisper that something wasn’t right. In this episode, Heidi shares how alcohol first entered her life as a teenager, how it faded during seasons of early motherhood and a faith awakening, and how it quietly re-entered in her 30s—this time dressed up as “normal” and even reinforced by church culture. In environments where drinking was accepted (sometimes even encouraged behind closed doors) it became easier to justify patterns that were slowly becoming more ingrained. Eventually, though, she began to see clearly that she was in an abusive relationship, not with a person but with a thing called alcohol. And it wasn't adding to her life but quietly taking from it. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How Heidi’s relationship with alcohol developed in cycles rather than a single breaking point— The role church drinking culture played in normalizing and reinforcing her habits— How alcohol became a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and relational pain— What cognitive dissonance looks like in everyday drinking patterns— How cultural messaging and marketing shape our beliefs about alcohol— Why “it’s under control” is often a warning sign, not reassurance— The moment Heidi began to recognize alcohol as a toxic relationship— What it looks like to slowly unravel the stories we believe about what alcohol does for us— The fear of losing community and connection when stepping away from drinking— How awareness—not willpower—is often the first step toward change— What it means to live in alignment with your convictions instead of numbing them Heidi's article: A Glass Half Empty: Leaving My Most Abusive RelationshipWork with Heidi here.Heidi's Soul Care 75.Heidi's Substack newsletter: In the Waiting RoomFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?” That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney. It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it came after chronic illness stripped away the very things she once used to define herself and led to an unraveling. For Kimberly, that unraveling eventually led to a nervous breakdown in her twenties. But the story didn’t stop there. Years later she was diagnosed with severe stage-four endometriosis. What followed were multiple surgeries, catastrophic complications, sepsis, months of being bedridden, and the long process of learning how to walk again. In a short span of time, the things that once shaped her identity—productivity, professional success, physical strength, reputation—were stripped away. What remained forced her to confront a deeper question: when suffering removes the gifts we’ve relied on, do we still love the Giver? In this episode, Kimberly shares how perfectionism, anxiety, and eating disorders quietly shaped her early life, how chronic illness dismantled the idols she didn’t know she had built, and how suffering became the place where her faith was both tested and deepened. If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, self-reliance, the "shiny" addictions as Kimberly calls them, chronic illness, shame, or the tension between faith and suffering, this conversation is an honest look at what it means to keep trusting God when he's all you have to hold on to. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The “shiny addictions” that often hide behind success, including perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and control— How trauma, anxiety, and identity wounds can quietly build toward a mental health crisis— Why socially acceptable addictions can be just as destructive as substance addictions— The devastating physical toll of severe stage-four endometriosis and chronic illness— What happens when suffering strips away productivity, independence, and reputation— The connection between shame, secrecy, and healing— How chronic illness exposed the idols Kimberly did not realize she had built— Why suffering can deepen faith instead of destroying it— What it means to love the Giver more than the gifts Get Kimberley's books: Of Wings and Dirt and Exalted GroundThe website: The Way Back to OurselvesKimberly's Substack newsletter: My Way BackFollow her on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Everyone has a shame story.” That’s from this week’s guest, Dr. Zoe Shaw. And she’s right. Shame isn’t reserved for the dramatic or the scandalous. It’s universal. It goes back to the garden. It hides deep. And it quietly shapes far more of our behavior than we’d like to admit. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame. Her story has been featured on the OWN Network, and her clinical work focuses on helping people untangle complex shame, break cycles of codependency, and build emotionally healthy relationships rooted in truth instead of hiding. In this episode, we unpack what shame really is, how it forms, and why so many Christians confuse shame with holiness. Zoe shares her story of becoming pregnant at 15, being sent away to give birth in secret, and returning home carrying layers of hidden shame that shaped decades of overachievement, people-pleasing, and self-protection. And if you’ve spent any time in recovery, you know this pattern. Shame doesn’t make you better. It makes you hide. It drives behavior underground. It convinces you that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t love you—and maybe that God wouldn’t either. Zoe explains the difference between guilt and shame, simple shame and complex shame, and why guilt can lead to repentance, but shame leads to isolation. We talk about how complex shame snowballs over time, how overachievement can become a coping strategy, and why external validation doesn’t always dissolve what’s happening internally. We also talk about faith. About bringing your real self—not just your cleaned-up self—to Christ. Because the gospel tells us we are loved despite our flaws and invites us out of hiding. We wrestle with forgiveness—not as minimizing what happened—but as “giving up all hope of a better past.” We talk about codependency, about trying to fix others in order to feel worthy ourselves. And we explore what Zoe calls the “maintenance phase” of healing, where shame still shows up but no longer gets to run the show. If everyone has a shame story, the real question becomes: What are you doing with yours? Are you hiding it? Managing it? Overachieving around it? Or are you bringing it into the light—where Christ has been inviting you the whole time? Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: —The difference between guilt, simple shame, complex shame, and toxic shame—Why shame drives behavior underground instead of transforming it—How complex shame builds in layers over time—The connection between shame and overachievement, self-harm, and addiction patterns—What it means to “deconstruct the blame”—Forgiveness as giving up hope of a different past—The link between shame and codependency—Why fixing others won’t fix you—Healthy vulnerability versus oversharing—What the maintenance phase of healing actually looks like Get Zoe's new book: Stronger in the Difficult PlacesFollow Zoe on InstagramWatch Zoe's story on OWNFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I feel like I’m seeing colors now that I didn’t know existed.” There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing.  Eddie is someone who had it all. He had the record deal. The top 10 hit. The Simon Cowell contract. He stood on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent and nearly won the whole thing. From the outside, it looked like momentum and success. But inside, things were unraveling. After getting dropped from his label, the drinking escalated. Nights blurred together. Shame piled up. A drunk-driving incident forced him to sit with a question he’d been avoiding: What if this isn’t just normal partying? What if this is something deeper? In this episode, Eddie opens up about chasing blackouts, losing himself in alcohol culture, and the moment he admitted in a lonely studio, “I’ve actually got a problem.” He talks about what sobriety exposed in him—old wounds, fear of rejection, and a lifelong habit of running—and he shares how faith grew out of his climb toward finding the parts of himself he had numbed away. If you’ve ever felt empty after getting everything you wanted, you'll want to hear Eddie's story. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: – Fame, record deals, and the identity crisis that followed success– The cultural pressure of British drinking culture and why “I’m fine” is so easy to believe– The drink-driving incident that forced an honest look inward– Writing a song alone in a studio and realizing, “I’ve actually got a problem”– Why early sobriety felt like missing out—and how that shifted– Replacing alcohol with discipline, fitness, and intentional habits– The impact of a 30-year sober church member who radiated joy– How faith reshaped his fashion, language, career decisions, and relationships– Why pursuing Jesus changed more than just his drinking– What it means to “see colors you didn’t know existed” in sobriety Listen to Eddie's new Album: Common KalosFollow Eddie on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Hope does not know how to leave. It just stays and quietly whispers, 'everything’s going to be okay. I know everything isn’t okay right now. Everything’s going be okay.'” That's from Tanner Olson, an absolutely incredible poet who has a lot to say about the things that plunge us into addiction in the first place. His poetry isn't unreachable, though. It's poetry that meets you where you are at. Especially in your struggles. And that's why I'm talking to him today.  Tanner understands hopelessness—that thing so many of us try to escape and drink away. He's struggled through infertility, depression, and working jobs you know you weren't meant to work. Now he's written a new book all about the antidote to hopelessness called Getting Through What You’re Going Through. It’s a collection of poems and reflections written through hard seasons when the life he wanted felt far out of reach. He doesn’t offer clichés. Instead, he offers beauty. In this episode, we talk about what led to the new book: working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while dreaming of becoming a writer, winters in northern Wisconsin that felt isolating, and depression that wrapped him like a wet bathing suit. But more importantly, we talk about hope—not as a slogan, not as a trite verse thrown at pain—but as something that remains. If you’ve ever felt stuck…If you’ve ever wondered whether you have the faith to sit with yourself instead of escaping…If you’ve ever questioned whether God is still present in what you’re walking through… This conversation is an invitation to slow down and go through it, not around it. Because in those places is where God meets us.  Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0. We Explore: — Hope as “the full assurance that God is with me in this and will get me through this”— The lie of feeling like a burden and not being good enough— Depression, loneliness, and winters in northern Wisconsin— Working at Chick-fil-A at 25 while pursuing a writing calling— The courage required to leave a season that is no longer life-giving— Why spiritual clichés often deepen wounds instead of healing them— How to sit with someone who feels hopeless without trying to fix them— The quiet, steady nature of real hope— The difference between escapism and endurance— Developing the faith to sit with yourself instead of reaching for escape Get Tanner's new book: Getting Through What You're Going Through: Notes and Poems for Hoping and BecomingFollow Tanner on Instagram and SubstackTanner's website: writtentospeak.comFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Forgiveness isn’t condoning what happened. It’s choosing not to let it destroy you anymore. … I forgave my dad more times than I can count, and I’ll probably keep forgiving him forever.” Those are the beautiful words from Stephen McWhirter. You might not know McWhirter's name, but you do know his songs. Especially one of them. That’s because he’s the man behind the incredibly gripping worship anthem “Come Jesus Come,” recorded by CeCe Winans and eventually country superstar Cody Johnson. But that's just a small part of a much bigger story. That story? It starts at a young age when McWhirter's father, a successful preacher loved by everyone, would beat his mother. The man who would praise God in the morning would punch his mom in the evening. How do you make sense of that? The way so many of us do: we try to escape it. Numb it. Blur it out. That’s exactly what McWhirter did. Despite his Christian upbringing, he ran hard into a life of drugs and alcohol starting at a young age. He needed to do all he could to drown the hypocrisy. The confusion. The images. Until one night, he couldn’t run anymore and God met him in the most unlikely way. In this episode, McWhirter tells his unedited story from bitterness, to addiction, and ultimately to forgiveness. Along the way, he also tells the unlikely story behind Come Jesus Come—a song born out of longing for Christ’s return that later found a wider audience through Winans and Johnson—and explains how that longing reshaped the way he lives in the present. This is a conversation for anyone who has ever tried to run from God, and for anyone longing for things to be made right. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible by visiting https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0. We explore:  — How spiritual hypocrisy can fuel addiction and rebellion— Growing up with abuse behind the scenes of public faith— Addiction as self-destruction, numbness, and unresolved rage— Encountering Jesus in the middle of active drug use— Why forgiveness is necessary even when reconciliation isn’t possible— The repeated, ongoing nature of true forgiveness— Repentance as an invitation to freedom, not punishment— Why hiding always leads to deeper bondage— Why recovery aimed only at sobriety will never be enough— What it means to become fully alive in Jesus Get Stephen's new book: Radically Restored: How Knowing Jesus Heals Our BrokennessStephen's Instagram: @stephenmcwhirterFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“You are not stuck because of what happened. You’re stuck because your brain keeps running the same play. And your brain is always ready to run a new one the moment you tell it to.” That's just one of the incredible insights from practicing neurosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren, who joins us today to talk about a practice he calls "self-brain surgery." In this conversation, Lee explains how modern neuroscience confirms what Scripture has been teaching for thousands of years: transformation happens through the renewing of the mind, and our brains are not fixed, broken machines doomed to repeat the past. Drawing from his experience as a neurosurgeon, Iraq War veteran, and grieving father, Lee walks through the science of neuroplasticity and why addiction is best understood as a hijacked reward system rather than a moral failure. We talk about how thoughts shape brain structure, why trauma isn’t what keeps us stuck—but our responses to it can—and how believers often unknowingly participate in their own demise by assuming change isn’t possible. This episode is not about quick fixes or denying the need for professional help. It’s about recovering agency, reclaiming responsibility, and understanding that God has designed the brain to change. If you’ve ever felt trapped by patterns you hate, weighed down by grief, or discouraged by how slow sanctification feels, this conversation offers both hope and a way forward. Listen if you want a deeper, grounded understanding of how faith and neuroscience work together in real transformation. We explore: — Why the brain is not creating your thoughts but responding to them— How neuroplasticity explains biblical commands to renew the mind— Addiction as a hijacked reward system rather than mere behavior— The difference between trauma and the responses we form to trauma— Why grief can become something we unconsciously worship— How “self-brain surgery” describes real, structural brain change— The role of metacognition in interrupting destructive thought patterns— Why Christians often feel stuck even while believing the right theology— The limits of medication and the necessity of professional care alongside cognitive change— What it means to refuse to participate in your own demise Get Lee's new book: The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain SurgerySign up for Lee's emailsLee's Instagram: @drleewarrenFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Addiction promises control, comfort, and rescue—but it actually strips all of those things away. It intoxicates you so you can no longer discern what’s really happening.” Is addiction merely a personal struggle—or is it part of a much larger spiritual battle? In this episode, Joel Muddamalle helps us rethink addiction through the lens of spiritual warfare, not in a sensational or fear-driven way, but in a deeply biblical and pastoral one. Rather than framing spiritual warfare as dramatic demonic encounters or something to obsess over, Joel explains how the real danger often lies in what quietly compromises our discernment, dulls our awareness, and slowly reshapes our loves. Joel is the author of a new book, The Unseen Battle: Spiritual Warfare, Three Rebellions, and Christ’s Victory Over Dark Powers. We explore how addiction functions as a form of spiritual intoxication—one that promises relief and control while subtly disorienting the heart, mind, and soul. Joel shows why Scripture consistently calls believers to be sober-minded, alert, and resistant, and how addiction undermines those very capacities. This conversation also reframes sanctification itself as a battleground, where the fight is not simply against bad habits, but against counterfeit comforts that keep us from true dependence on Jesus. If freedom has felt harder than you think it should, or willpower alone never seems to be enough, this episode offers a reason: the struggle is bigger than you think. But so is the God you serve. We Explore: — why addiction is not just about excess but about losing spiritual and emotional discernment— how Scripture frames spiritual warfare as something we resist, not something we seek out— the difference between awareness and acceptance when it comes to addictive patterns— why sanctification itself is a form of spiritual warfare— how counterfeit comfort keeps us from true dependence on Jesus— the danger of aiming for sobriety instead of aiming for Christ— how pride, secrecy, and isolation fuel addiction— why honesty and humility are essential for real healing— how modern systems quietly train us to self-medicate and self-save— what it actually looks like to fight sin with love instead of willpower Joel's new book: The Unseen Battle: Spiritual Warfare, Three Rebellions, and Christ’s Victory Over Dark PowersJoel's Substacks Humble Theology and Stranger TheologyJoel’s Instagram: @muddamalleInvite Joel to speakFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“It wasn’t about how much I drank—it was about how much mental and heart space it occupied. I loved it more than I wanted to admit.” That realization for Ali Kennedy didn’t come during a dramatic rock bottom. Instead, it came after years of managing, moderating, and justifying a relationship with alcohol that looked fine on the outside but was slowly crowding out joy, clarity, and intimacy with God. In this episode, I sit down with Ali—a pastor’s wife, missionary, former Ivy League athlete, and writer—who shares her honest story of giving up alcohol not once, but twice. Ali’s journey challenges the idea that addiction has to look a certain way and invites us to ask deeper questions about disordered loves, shame, and the subtle ways we settle for breadcrumbs when God is offering a feast. Ali opens up about growing up around alcohol, finding early freedom after a radical encounter with Christ, and then slowly welcoming alcohol back into her life in socially acceptable, highly-regulated ways. Over time, what never crossed obvious lines began to quietly take up more space than she wanted to admit—especially during seasons of grief, motherhood, and ministry pressure. And I think a lot of us can relate to that. This conversation isn’t about labels. It’s about obedience, discernment, and the courage to listen when the Holy Spirit keeps tapping your shoulder. If you’ve ever felt foggy, restless, or spiritually distracted—even while doing “nothing wrong”—Ali’s story may give you permission to take that prompting seriously and ask what God might be inviting you to lay down. We explore: — Why addiction isn’t defined only by quantity or frequency— How shame keeps Christians silent and stuck— The difference between moderation and freedom— Alcohol as a “disordered love” rather than a visible vice— Grief, motherhood, and the quiet return of coping behaviors— Why obedience sometimes matters more than labels— The role of confession and community in lasting change— What it means to stop settling for breadcrumbs and pursue the feast Work with Ali: https://www.alikennedy.comAli's writing: Homes of GloryAli's Instagram: @alikennedyliveFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I got prideful. I was like, ‘I’m never going to drink again.’ And then all of a sudden… it looked really good.” This conversation with Jeramy Houghton is a reminder that recovery is rarely clean or linear. Jeramy shares how growing up in an unsafe home shaped his sense of stability long before alcohol ever entered the picture. When drinking did become part of his life, it wasn’t chaos at first—it was relief. Alcohol became a way to cope with pressure, stress, and the weight of adulthood, even as his faith was growing. Over time, that coping turned into dependence. Jeramy talks honestly about knowing God was calling him to stop and still choosing alcohol because it felt easier. What started as occasional drinking escalated into daily use, morning vodka, and a slow unraveling that included job loss, health warnings, and deep strain on his marriage. Eventually, everything came to a head when Jeramy admitted what he could no longer deny: he couldn’t stop on his own. What followed was a dramatic turning point. Jeramy describes a moment where his desire for alcohol disappeared entirely—something he’s careful not to present as a formula or a promise. For years, sobriety came without craving. But freedom didn’t mean the work was finished. Slowly, pride crept in. After five years sober, Jeramy found himself believing he was beyond the danger zone—until the old pull returned and drinking “looked really good again.” This time, the turning point wasn’t dramatic—it was honest. Jeramy shares how naming his desire out loud before acting on it changed everything, exposing unresolved family pain and leading to difficult but necessary boundaries. His story isn’t about perfection or permanence. It’s about humility, obedience, and the kind of freedom in Christ that keeps inviting deeper truth long after sobriety begins. We Explore: — Growing up in an emotionally unsafe home shaped by alcoholism— How alcohol slowly became a coping mechanism rather than a pleasure— Living as a Christian while choosing alcohol despite conviction— The escalation into daily drinking and morning vodka— Job loss, medical warnings, and the moment of surrender— Experiencing radical freedom from desire—and why that wasn’t the end— Why some recovery structures felt like a different form of bondage— How pride quietly reopened the door after years sober— The power of naming desire out loud before acting on it— Setting painful family boundaries for the sake of safety— What freedom in Christ looks like amid ongoing sanctification Follow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Alcohol is a poison disguised as a remedy.” That’s the wisdom Ericka Andersen brings to this conversation—wisdom that developed after years of a quiet struggle that slowly took ahold of her and wouldn't let go. Like many evangelicals nowadays, she assumed drinking was neutral, normal, and largely harmless. But over time, she began to notice a widening gap between what alcohol promised and what it actually delivered. In this episode, Ericka shares how drinking slowly moved from social habit to something she felt unable to control—even though she knew early on that something was off but kept overriding that inner voice. She opens up about hiding alcohol, waking up in the middle of the night consumed by compulsion, and living with the tension of appearing fine on the outside while unraveling internally. Ericka also names the loneliness of not seeing stories like hers reflected in church spaces, where alcohol is increasingly treated as a non-issue or even a virtue and especially harms women. Rather than calling for rules or ultimatums, though, she makes a compelling case for curiosity—asking better questions about why we drink, what it costs us, and who it quietly harms. This conversation is for anyone who doesn’t look out of control but knows something is wrong; for those who don’t resonate with “rock bottom” narratives but still feel unsettled; and for Christians who are ready to examine cultural assumptions and get curious. We Explore: — How alcohol functions as a socially acceptable coping mechanism— Why early internal warnings are so easy to ignore— The gap between outward control and inner compulsion— How secrecy quietly reshapes drinking habits— Why many Christians don’t see their stories reflected in church culture— The myth that a problem has to look extreme to be real— How alcohol promises relief but delivers diminishing returns— Why asking better questions matters more than forcing behavior change— The difference between legal and harmless— What freedom begins to look like when denial ends Ericka's new book: Freely Sober Follow Ericka: @ericka_andersen Ericka's writing: https://erickaandersen.substack.com  Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“When I numbed anxiety and uncertainty, I also numbed beauty and joy.” That moment of clarity from Ericka Graham came after years of abusing prescription drugs, when God met her in a beautiful way involving a bumble bee and a flower. The point? Substances numb the bad, sure, but they also numb the good. But addiction isn't the whole of Ericka's story. From a young age, she also struggled with obsessive-compulsive disorder—compulsions, intrusive thoughts, and scrupulosity, the form of OCD that focuses on faith and religious rituals. In this episode, Ericka shares how OCD and scrupulosity quietly trained her nervous system to look for relief through control. She explains how religious fear, perfectionism, and an all-or-nothing mindset made it difficult to tell the difference between faith and compulsion—and how those same patterns eventually showed up in disordered eating and prescription medication abuse. None of it looked alarming from the outside. She was high-functioning, responsible, and sincere. But internally, anxiety was running the show. Ericka also reflects on the night in an emergency room that her denial cracked, why recovery didn’t begin with willpower, and how learning to sit with uncertainty became a crucial part of healing from both addiction and OCD-driven control. This conversation is for anyone who lives with intrusive thoughts, spiritual anxiety, or the exhausting need to get it “right,” and for those who’ve learned to cope quietly rather than ask for help. Ericka’s story is a reminder that numbness is never selective—and that real healing often begins when we stop managing ourselves and allow God to meet us in our fear instead of our certainty. We explore:  – How anxiety quietly fueled Ericka’s need for control– The early signs of compulsive behavior that were easy to overlook– Why high-functioning coping often delays honesty– How numbing anxiety also numbs joy, beauty, and connection– The progression from disordered eating to prescription drug abuse– Why denial can coexist with sincerity and faith– The moment that finally cracked her self-deception– The difference between willpower and surrender in recovery– How recovery reshaped her experience of God– Why feeling again was both terrifying and necessary Ericka's podcast: Curiously Follow Ericka: @mrserickagraham Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If you think you have an issue, you probably do.” That sentence from Carol McCracken gets to the heart of this week's episode. Carol didn’t fit the picture she had in her mind of what an alcoholic looked like. She was a Christian. A Bible study teacher. A ministry leader. A good mom. And for years, she told herself the same thing many of us do: I don’t have a problem—because I don’t look like that. But slowly (like it does for many) alcohol became her primary way of coping with chronic stress from raising a special needs son, fear, control, and the pressure to perform. She shares how drinking escalated over years, how secrecy and isolation took hold, and how her understanding of addiction was shaped by cultural myths, church misunderstanding, and even well-meaning pastoral advice. But all that came crashing down one afternoon, when a trip to get more wine ended in being arrested on the side of the road for a DUI. That moment became a surprising turning point, eventually leading to clarity, surrender, and an unexpected reconciliation after her divorce she never saw coming. (And neither did we!) This is a conversation for anyone who has ever wondered if their drinking “counts” as a problem, for those who can stop for a while but can’t stop thinking about starting again, and for anyone who is exhausted from carrying fear, control, and unprocessed pain. Carol’s story is a reminder that freedom doesn’t begin when life falls apart—it begins when we get honest. We explore: – How stress, fear, and control quietly fueled Carol’s drinking– Why performance and image management thrive in church culture– How alcohol slowly moved from enjoyment to emotional anesthesia– The myth that addiction has to look a certain way to be real– Why quantity and frequency aren’t the best measures of a problem– What happens when shame finally gives way to honesty– The role of surrender versus willpower in recovery– Why curiosity is often the first step toward freedom– How alcohol promised relief but delivered deeper captivity– What lasting healing looked like over time, not overnight– The surprising twist after getting arrested for a DUI– The reconciliation after her divorce she never saw coming Carol’s podcasts: “Faith Over Fear” and “Your Daily Bible Verse” Follow Carol: @carologlemccracken Follow me: @jonseidl Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“We can think and act our way to a new feeling. We cannot feel our way to a new way of thinking and acting.” That line from therapist and author Nicole Zasowski cuts to the heart of anxiety, addiction, and the stories we tell ourselves when life feels uncertain. Nicole is the author of What If It’s Wonderful?—a book built around a disarming and deeply important question: What if, instead of bracing for the worst, we allowed ourselves to hope? In this conversation, Nicole shares how a season marked by loss, miscarriage, and prolonged uncertainty exposed her own coping mechanisms—performance, control, and pessimism disguised as realism. She explains why catastrophizing isn’t just negative thinking but a form of control, and why preparing for the worst often robs us of joy without actually protecting us from pain. We also explore the connection between shame and escape, how feelings can be real without being true, and why naming what’s happening inside us is essential for healing. Nicole offers practical ways to interrupt shame cycles, retrain the brain toward hope, and steward pain without glorifying it. This episode is an invitation to tell ourselves a truer story—about who God is, who we are, and what might still be possible. We explore: — Why catastrophizing feels responsible but quietly fuels anxiety— How the brain learns fear faster than hope— The difference between feelings that are real and thoughts that are true— Why shame often drives both anxiety and addictive behaviors— How performance and control masquerade as faith— What miscarriage and unresolved grief revealed about Nicole’s inner life— Why hope is not denial, but courage— Practical ways to retrain anxious thought patterns— How naming internal experiences leads to healing— What it looks like to tell a truer story about God and ourselves Website: https://www.nicolezasowski.com Books: What It's Wonderful? and Daring Joy Follow Nicole on Instagram: @nicolezasowski Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I don’t want to be 60 years old having the same issues I had when I was 25.” What an honest and important statement from this week's guest, Brandon Ricks. Because the truth is, too many of us have just resigned ourselves to always being the way we are now. The fight for something different is hard, and so we give up. Brandon, though, finally had enough, and he started the painful but hopeful process of healing. Brandon is a successful entrepreneur with his own company. He projects strength and competency. But for a long time, behind that exterior was someone who had shut down for so long that he couldn’t feel anything—and didn’t know how to. Porn became one of the ways he coped. So did marijuana, which he used to numb himself when life felt too overwhelming or too painful to face. He even shares the detailed story of the period in his life where he considered ending it all (and what kept him from doing it). In this conversation, Brandon explains how his numbing behaviors weren’t just random vices but survival strategies—ways to avoid the internal world he’d never been taught to navigate. He talks about the moment the Holy Spirit confronted his hiding, how the collapse of a relationship exposed the fragility of his emotional world, and why counseling became the turning point he didn’t know he needed. Brandon also unpacks what long-term emotional shutdown does to the mind and body, why addiction thrives in silence and isolation, and why maturity requires discomfort, not avoidance. This episode reminds us that healing begins when we stop numbing and start telling the truth—the truth that Jesus says about us and our situations. We explore: —Why Brandon learned to shut down his emotions to survive—How porn and weed became coping mechanisms rather than “just habits”—The difference between self-protection and sanctification—Why the Holy Spirit confronted his hiding—How a painful breakup forced him to reckon with his inner world—Why healing requires community, honesty, and discomfort—The neurological impact of long-term emotional shutdown—The choice every man faces: hide and numb, or grow and tell the truth—Why he refuses to be “60 years old with the same issues I had at 25” Work with Brandon: https://productionmasterminds.com  Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Trauma does not reside in the bad event. Trauma is what becomes embedded in your body in the wake of a bad event when there’s no one there to comfort you.” What if you've been viewing trauma all wrong? And what if you don't think you've experienced trauma but you actually have? My guest this week is renowned trauma therapist Adam Young, and we're having a powerful conversation on not only trauma but our origin stories—specifically our family-of-origin stories. Adam explains why the wounds we minimize—the moments we brush off as “not that bad”—often carry the deepest impact. Because, as he explains, the real harm isn’t the event itself but what happened after: the absence of comfort, attunement, engagement, and care. That’s what embeds in our bodies and shapes the ways we cope. And often, that coping becomes unhealthy when we don't name what has happened and talk about it. Adam unpacks how trauma lives in the body, why triggers are often physiological rather than emotional, and how our relational histories shape the addictions we later develop. He also explains why dysregulation isn’t a character flaw but a survival response, and why compassion toward your younger self may be the most mature step you can take. This episode is an invitation to look beneath the behaviors you want to change and explore the stories that shaped them. Healing begins by honoring your wounds and telling the truth about where you come from. We Explore: — Why trauma is not the event but the absence of an empathetic witness afterward— The connection between chronic dysregulation and addiction— How the body keeps responding to stories long after the mind forgets— The role of triggers and why they’re physiological— Why kindness changes the heart more effectively than shame— What children need to develop securely—and what happens when those needs aren’t met— How unresolved family-of-origin stories form our adult coping strategies— Why honoring your wounds is an act of courage, not self-pity— Practical next steps for engaging your story with curiosity instead of contempt Website: https://adamyoungcounseling.com Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves Book: Make Sense of Your Story Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“We all just have different medicines that we reach for.” That’s how Tim Sexton describes the real story behind the affair that blew up his life. Even though at one point that affair led to his downfall as a pastor, today it's not something he hides from. Instead, he's leaning into it in hopes to help others, and one of the ways he's doing that is by calling out the roots that run much deeper. Those roots for him? A lifelong addiction to people-pleasing and affirmation rooted in childhood trauma, fear, and spiritual confusion. In this conversation, Tim opens up about growing up with two alcoholic parents, feeling responsible for their chaos, and carrying a distorted picture of God into adulthood—one built on fear, performance, and the desperate need to be enough. He shares how that inner ache followed him into marriage and ministry, how it quietly shaped his identity, and how flattery, secrecy, and emotional validation became the “medicine” that eventually led to infidelity. But this is not only a story about destruction. It’s also a story about the long road back—through exposure, humility, counseling, discipleship, and the honest surrender that brings real freedom. Tim talks about the years he spent dismantling false identities, the painful undoing that came even after public confession, and the miracle of restoration he never expected. If you’ve ever thought you've done something beyond forgiveness, this episode reminds you that there is always hope. We explore: —Why infidelity was a symptom, not the root—How childhood trauma and alcoholic parents shaped Tim’s identity—People-pleasing as an addiction—Why fear of God (not awe of God) destroyed his early faith—The moment everything collapsed on a high-school football field—What public shame exposed in him—Why approval addiction is every bit as powerful as substance addiction—How Jesus rebuilt him from the inside out—Why the church must rethink restoration—What it really means when Tim says “The best definition of sin I’ve ever heard is you and me trying to get our needs met apart from Christ.” Website: M46Dads.com Book: Fight for Their Hearts: Hope and Help for Every Dad Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Our hypocrisy is our testimony. That’s God’s glory on display.” That truth from Faith Womack is exactly what those of us with messy sanctification stories not only need to hear, but embrace and embody. We all fall short. We all stumble. And yet, God uses our weakness—not our polished moments—to reveal His power and his grace. Faith Womack is one of the most popular Bible teachers on the internet with over 200,000 Instagram followers, and today she's joining the podcast to talk about how our struggles are exactly what God uses to not only refine us but to put himself on display. In this conversation, Faith and I also talk about how to actually read the Bible faithfully, why so many Christians misuse Scripture, and what it means to walk out holiness without falling into perfectionism. We explore the tension between grace and obedience, why context matters, why so many believers doubt their salvation, and how to build a life that’s rooted in the Word of God. She even helps us unpack some of the Scriptures used against those of us with messy sanctification stories and introduces us to her new book, No More Boring Bible Study. If you’ve ever felt like your failures or weaknesses disqualify you, this episode is a reminder that they are the very place God shines the brightest. We explore: — Why “hermeneutics” isn’t scary but essential— What legalism gets wrong about holiness— Lordship Salvation and the fear of “going on sinning”— How to hold grace and obedience together without shame— Why the thief on the cross destroys our performance mindset— What 1 John and Romans 7 really teach about believers and sin— How to stop weaponizing Scripture and start being formed by it— Why Bible study must be relational, not just informational— How abiding in Christ transforms us over time— The lifelong journey from hypocrisy to testimony Website: BibleNerdMinistries.com Instagram: @biblenerdministries Book: No More Boring Bible Study Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I was tormented. Literally tormented. I'd look in the mirror and go, ‘What are you doing? That’s not you.’” Brandon Puffer had everything, or so it seemed. He was a Major League pitcher with a World Series ring and was even being groomed to be a big league coach. But beneath the success were so many secret wounds that he refused to deal with. One night, after years of quiet compromising and numbing pain with alcohol, he made a decision that changed everything. In this episode, Brandon tells his story with raw honesty—from a childhood shaped by trauma and numbing, to five years of sobriety and faith, to the night that landed him in a Texas prison. He shares how small compromises led to massive consequences, what repentance really looks like, and how God’s grace can redeem even the most broken story. This isn’t a tale of excuses, it’s one of ownership, humility, and the long, painful work of redemption. We explore: — The slippery slope from “one drink” to full relapse— How trauma and insecurity planted the seeds of addiction— Why white-knuckling sobriety never works— What true repentance means: turning, not just confessing— How taking full responsibility became his path to freedom— The consequences that remain even after grace— How to live unashamed when the world won’t forget— Why humility, gratitude, and daily discipline keep him sober— What it means to be “faithful in the little things” after hitting bottom Website: coachpuffpositive.com Book: From the Bullpen to the State Pen Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Sin’s power is disconnection.” That's one of the essential ideas that runs through what therapist and author Chuck DeGroat talks about in this episode. A longtime pastor and counselor, Chuck isn't just commenting on burnout and addiction from afar—he's actually lived it. In fact, he opens up about his own journey of breaking down in his early forties, when his body and soul finally gave out after years of religious workaholism. That collapse became the doorway into healing what was broken within. That also happens to be the topic of his latest book, Healing What's Within. In this conversation, Chuck unpacks what he calls homing: the Spirit’s invitation to return to the worth, belonging, and purpose we were made for. We talk about addiction not as the problem, but as the attempted solution to disconnection. Chuck even explains why true recovery isn’t about behavior modification, but about reconnection—to God, to self, and to others. We also discuss why repentance must be specific, how trauma fragments our stories, and what it means to offer empathy to our unhealed parts rather than shame. This is a deeply pastoral, psychological, and hopeful episode for anyone who’s ever wondered, Why do I do what I don’t want to do—and how do I find my way home? We explore: — The three essential questions from Genesis that still heal today: “Where are you?”, “Who told you?”, and “Have you eaten?”— How addiction is an attempted solution to pain and disconnection— Why every human is, at some level, an addict— The myth of purity and how God still uses broken people— What true repentance looks like: specific, reparative, and relational— “Faux-nerability” vs. authentic vulnerability— Why trauma isn’t what happens to us, but what happens inside us— The four needs every child has: to be safe, seen, soothed, and secure— The danger of coping mechanisms that look holy, like workaholism— How to come home to yourself through curiosity, connection, and grace Website: chuckdegroat.net Explore one of Chuck's Soul Care Intensives Chuck's blog: "Sit With Chuck" Book: Healing What's Within Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Sin doesn’t care who you are or what you’ve seen—it’s coming for all of us.” That theme runs through Kirby Kelly’s story. See, she's part of a group of women you don't often hear about: females that struggle (or have struggled) with pornography addiction. Kirby's story is heartbreaking: She was exposed to pornography at four years old, again at seven, and then again at ten. Each time the exposure happened it left a deeper imprint of secrecy and shame. Even after coming to Christ, she carried the hidden struggle for years, convinced she had to fix it alone. In college, a simple exercise called "stand for your sister" opened the door to confession, community, and real healing. But Kirby's exposure to addiction goes beyond her own. She also happens to be the child of two parents who died of complications related to alcoholism.  In this episode, Kirby talks candidly about growing up as the daughter of two alcoholics, why isolation kept her stuck, and how confession—to God and within community—helped her find freedom. She also shares how abiding in Christ moved from discipline to desire, why boundaries are not buzzkills but protection, and the hope-filled message she wants every struggling parent to hear. We explore: — Early exposure, shame, and why secrecy fuels addiction— Confession vs. concealment and how healing begins in honest community— Sanctification: messy, daily, real— Escapism, control, and chasing dopamine— Abiding in Christ as the path to peace and freedom— Practical boundaries for media and triggers— What she tells parents wrestling with addiction and their kids Website: kirby-kelly.com Instagram: @kirbyisaboss Book: You Can Be Free  Podcast: Bought & Beloved Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Getting sober without salvation is like giving a painkiller to a cancer patient.” That’s how John Elmore describes the difference between behavior modification and true transformation. He'd know. He was on the verge of ending it all with a shotgun when he finally realized his problem went deeper than just the alcohol. In this powerful and deeply personal conversation, John shares how he spent nearly two decades in the grip of alcoholism—trying everything to fix himself except surrendering to Jesus. From age 13 to 30, alcohol was John's solution, not his problem. But when everything fell apart, he encountered the only thing that could actually save him: the Gospel. Today, as the teaching pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, TX, and the author of Freedom Starts Today, John helps others discover the same freedom that changed his life. In this episode, we talk about what it means to go from death to life, why sobriety without Jesus will never be enough, and how real recovery happens when grace becomes the motivation instead of guilt. This is about coming to the end of yourself and realizing there's not just something better, but someone better. We explore: — Why “getting sober” isn’t the same as being saved— How sin’s power is greater than willpower— Why alcohol wasn’t the problem—it was the “solution”— What happens when you aim for Jesus instead of behavior management— The spiritual warfare behind addiction and shame— Why every idol eventually destroys what it promises— How to find freedom one day at a time through repentance— John’s ACT framework: Ask, Commit, Talk— What daily dependence on Christ looks like after recovery— Why transformation is only possible through the gospel Follow John Elmore on Instagram. Book: Freedom Starts Today Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I didn’t know how to sit still with myself. I didn’t want to be alone with myself.” That’s what Hannah Brencher realized when she was finally able to admit she was an addict. But she wasn't addicted to any substance. Instead, she suffered from an addiction much more common, much more acceptable: her phone. And so many of us share that addiction. Hannah, one of my favorite writers and the author of The Unplugged Hours, opens up about what it took to finally put her phone down, how grief and boredom became her greatest teachers, and why building an inner life is the work we can’t outsource to our screens. We also dive into what happens when distraction becomes dependence, when we build our identity on productivity, and when silence feels like the scariest place in the world. This is a conversation about learning to pay attention again, about how to listen to the still, small voice that says enough is enough, and especially about understanding how to be present. If your addiction is to technology, especially to your phone, this episode is important. We explore:  — How phone addiction mirrors other forms of addiction— Why we can’t heal if we won’t be still— The illusion of productivity and why our worth isn’t in our output— How the phone amplifies anxiety, loneliness, and shame— The spiritual discipline of paying attention— How boredom becomes the birthplace of creativity— What it means to build an “inner life” instead of curating an online one— Why grace, not guilt, has to lead this journey— The difference between honesty and vulnerability— What “enough is enough” sounds like in everyday life Follow Hannah: @hannahbrencher Book: The Unplugged Hours Hannah's website: hannahbrenchercreative.com Get Hannah's emails here. Free "unplugged hours" tracker. Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Once I started drinking, I didn’t want to stop until something made me.” That’s how Stephanie Ziebell describes the grip alcohol had on her life. Stephanie got sober in Wisconsin—the capital of drinking culture. The place where not having alcohol at your wedding is like not having a bride. But as she shares, even in the middle of a state built on beer, Jesus met her in the mess and gave her freedom she couldn’t find through willpower alone. In this episode, Stephanie opens up about her journey from college party girl to high-powered attorney, from “just wine” to 3 a.m. panic attacks and text messages to her boss that said, “I’m an alcoholic and I need help.” She talks about trying to hold everything together—career, marriage, motherhood—while secretly unraveling, and how God used a boss’s compassion, a pastor’s prayer, and Celebrate Recovery to bring her home. This is a story for anyone who’s tried to dress up sin as "self care," negotiate with themselves over their drinking, or white-knuckle their way through life. And especially those who hit rock bottom, only to find it kept going deeper.  We explore: —Why Wisconsin’s drinking culture is unlike anywhere else—How “sophisticated wine drinking” became the new disguise for addiction—What it’s like to hit multiple rock bottoms before real change—Why 3 a.m. panic attacks can become divine wake-up calls—The difference between knowing and admitting you have a problem—How shame keeps us stuck and grace sets us free—What it looks like when a boss and a pastor respond with compassion, not condemnation—How Celebrate Recovery and Scripture changed Stephanie’s mindset—Why grace—not guilt—is the most powerful motivator for healing—What life looks like now on the other side of surrender Follow Stephanie: @radiantinbattle Get Stephanie's sobriety guides here. Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Shame is first and foremost not a thing that begins with me thinking a certain thing about myself. It begins first as a thing that I feel literally in my body.” That’s how Dr. Curt Thompson reframed shame in our incredible conversation—and I think he'll probably do the same for you, too. Curt is a psychiatrist, author, and speaker who has shaped the conversation around shame, vulnerability, and the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, we talk about why addicts often feel trapped in cycles of shame, how vulnerability heals what hiding cannot, and why our deepest longings can only be met when we’re seen, soothed, safe, and secure. This conversation weaves together neuroscience, theology, psychology, and pastoral wisdom. Curt unpacks why shame isolates, how addicts can actually become addicted to shame itself, and why bearing our wounds may be the most powerful witness of all. If you've struggled with shame related to who you are, who you were, or what you've done, please listen to this episode. You won't regret it. We explore: —Why shame starts in the body, not the mind—The connection between shame and addiction—Why we sometimes become addicted to shame itself—How storytelling helps us make sense of pain—The difference between godly grief and toxic shame—Why vulnerability is central to healing—The role of wounds in the Gospel and why Jesus models them—The four core needs: seen, soothed, safe, secure—How vulnerability allows others to feel known and loved—Why the Christian story reframes shame into redemption Website: curtthompsonmd.com Podcast: The Being Known Podcast Books: The Soul of Shame, The Soul of Desire, Anatomy of the Soul Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“High performers can hold it together—but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.” That’s how Julie Holly describes the tension she lived in for years. On the outside, she was a successful entrepreneur, coach, and podcaster. But on the inside, alcohol was becoming her go-to solution for stress, escape, and the ache of not belonging. And like many high-performers, her success masked the weight that alcohol was starting to become round her neck. But a doctor’s curiosity and an honest comment from one of her children gave her the reality check she had been running from. In this conversation, Julie opens up about how drinking became tied to belonging, how craft cocktails became a nightly ritual that both connected and slowly destroyed, and how a doctor’s gentle curiosity helped her finally face the truth. In addition, she explains the quiet midnight wrestling matches she had with God, how mining her story of origin revealed abandonment wounds, and the courage it takes to name alcohol for what it really is. This isn’t a rock-bottom story. It’s about a high achiever learning that freedom comes not from holding it all together, but from finally letting go. We explore: —Why high-functioning people struggle to admit alcohol is a problem—How Julie’s drive for belonging fueled her drinking—The danger of comparison and the “at least I’m not that bad” trap—Why story work and exploring our past is essential for healing—How God patiently pursues us through small moments and people—The role of ego and elitism in justifying drinking—Why midnight wrestling with God reveals deeper unrest—The moment a doctor’s curiosity, not condemnation, opened her eyes—How money spent on alcohol can be repurposed into kingdom work—The freedom of realizing you belong because you belong to the Father Instagram: @thejulieholly Julie's newsletter: Read it here Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If I’m numbing the lows, I’m numbing the highs. And then I’m just in this nothingness.” Here's the thing about alcohol: So many of us use it to numb the lows, but alcohol isn't a precision numbing agent. What does that mean? That while it can be useful to deal with the valleys, it also keeps you from enjoying the peaks. That’s exactly how Sarah Zanotti describes the trap alcohol created in her life. Sarah is an actress, filmmaker, songwriter, and content creator you’ve probably seen in sketches with John Crist. But beneath the laughs is a story of drunk driving, OCD, eating disorders, and a desperate search for control that nearly cost her everything. In this conversation, Sarah gets brutally honest about the night she drove drunk with her niece, why that wasn’t even her rock bottom, and the voice of God that told her: “The person you want to be can’t take alcohol with her.” She talks about why grace became more addicting than alcohol, how creativity was reborn in recovery, and what it means to live in peace instead of constant performance. We explore: —Sarah’s creative journey from Berklee to Nashville to filmmaking—How OCD, religious scrupulosity, and eating disorders shaped her story—Driving drunk with her niece in the backseat and why that wasn’t rock bottom—Why addiction often grows out of perfectionism and control—How alcohol felt like instant relief but robbed her of real peace—The moment she realized, “the person I want to be can’t take alcohol with her”—Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of running from them—How sobriety rebirthed her creativity and music career—What her relationship with God looks like now—less careful, more honest—Why the biggest lie is believing we’re separate from God Instagram: @sarahzanotti Film: The Unraveling (available on Amazon) Music: Sobering Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Forgiveness is not the goal of salvation. Fellowship with God is the goal of salvation.” Think about that for a second. I had to. That’s how Kyle Worley reframes the Gospel in his new book, Home with God. And at first glance, it may seem...odd. Because so many of us think salvation is mainly about getting our sins forgiven so we can go to heaven. But Kyle rightly blows that up. Instead, he explains that forgiveness is just the doorway. The real point of salvation is life with God, not just in the future but here and now. In other words, life is about abiding with Christ. And as I've come to find out, that is crucial to recovering from any addiction.  In this conversation, Kyle—pastor, theologian, and author—helps us rethink salvation, grace, and identity. We talk about why forgiveness isn’t the finish line, why grace feels so disruptive, and how union with Christ resets the “broken compass” of our desires. If you’ve ever wondered what it really means to be saved, or felt like you were stuck chasing performance, this episode will reframe the story: salvation is about coming home. Again and again and again. We explore:  —Why salvation is about fellowship, not just forgiveness—How identity in Christ reshapes recovery and freedom—The difference between behavior change and true transformation—Why grace feels disruptive and hard to receive—How Kyle counsels addicts through union with Christ—The “broken compass” of desire and how Christ reorients it—Faith as agreement, affection, and allegiance—How attention and desire shape the people we become—Why repentance is more than reflection—The Heidelberg Catechism and the comfort of not belonging to yourself Books: Home with God and Formed for Fellowship Website: kyleworley.net Newsletter: Sacred Slang Instagram: @kyleworley Podcast: Knowing Faith Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There’s a part of you that drinks and a part of you that doesn’t—and that doesn’t make you crazy. That makes you human.” What happens when your faith says one thing and your actions say another? And what do you do when the coping mechanisms that once helped you survive start controlling you? That’s where today’s conversation lives—right in the messy space where faith and psychology meet, and it answers the question, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do?" Dr. Alison Cook is a Christian therapist and the author of two incredible books that were monumental in my own addiction recovery: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn’t Feel This Way. In this episode of "Confessions," Alison talks about how parts of ourselves can be both hurting and helping, how to hold compassion without coddling, cognitive dissonance, and why curiosity—not shame—is what truly leads to transformation. We also explore spiritual bypassing, the New Testament idea of sozo (salvation/healing), and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us make sense of the parts of us that manage, protect, and sometimes reach for the “firehose” when pain flares up.  If you’ve ever been disgusted by your own actions, but are ready to stop beating yourself up, you'll want to listen. We explore:  —Why Christians often experience cognitive dissonance but don’t know how to name it—What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is and how it helps you understand yourself—How to tell the difference between healthy coping and numbing—The concept of “firefighters,” “managers,” and “exiles” inside your internal system—Why spiritual bypassing is so common in the church—How trauma gets buried and drives our behavior—What Scripture really means by “salvation” (sozo)—The link between addiction and unprocessed pain—Why medication can be a gift of common grace—How Jacob’s limp and new name point to a holy, healed identity Books: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn't Feel This Way Website: dralisoncook.com Instagram: @dralisoncook Podcast: The Best of You Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There are really only two kinds of people in this world—people in recovery who know they are, and people in recovery who think they're not.” Tullian Tchividjian was on top of the Christian world. A bestselling author, megachurch pastor, sought-after speaker—and yes, the grandson of Billy Graham. Then everything imploded.  After a very public affair and ministry collapse, Tullian disappeared from the spotlight. But it was in that wilderness season that he encountered something deeper than the shame that threatened to kill him and the people that tried to bury him: the radical, scandalous grace of God. In this vulnerable, raw, and hope-filled episode, Tullian talks about what it’s like to fall hard and yet be caught by Jesus. He opens up about his story, shame, addiction, recovery (even for those not struggling with substances), the church's response to sanctification, and what happens when you build your life on performance. This is an episode about honesty, identity, and why real Christianity might look more like a 12-step meeting than a church service. If you've ever wrestled with shame, questioned your standing with God, or wondered if there's grace for "someone like you," this episode is for you. We explore: —How Tullian went from prodigal to pastor to pariah—Why the church often runs from grace instead of toward it—The difference between guilt and shame—and why identity matters—Why grace isn't soft on sin but the only real power to change—What radical vulnerability looks like in practice—Why churches should look more like recovery meetings—The lifelong nature of recovery, even without substance addiction—How grace makes us honest, and law keeps us hiding—Why sanctification isn’t about climbing higher but falling deeper into grace—The gift of being "uncancellable" through confession and grace Book: Carnage and Grace Website: tullian.net Instagram: @tulliantch Church: The Sanctuary Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Silence isn’t honor.” Think about that phrase for a second. How many times have we believed the opposite, or been led to believe the opposite? Those words come from Gina Birkemeier. Gina is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and the author of Generations Deep, one of the best books you'll ever read on breaking generational trauma. She’s also someone who has lived through—and broken—the very cycles we often feel trapped by. In this important episode of the Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic podcast, we explore how trauma gets passed down through our genes (it does in a fascinating way!), how to recognize those inherited wounds, and how to actually start the healing process—both for yourself and the generations after you. We dive deep into epigenetics, legacy burdens, and the truth behind phrases like "generational curses" and even "blood is thicker than water." (Did you realize that phrase doesn't mean what you think it means?) We also talk about how men and women often deal with trauma differently, why emotionally corrective experiences matter so much, and how to hold compassion and boundaries at the same time. This episode is especially helpful for anyone who has experienced the same traumas or addictions popping up in their family tree time and time again. (And for those who want to be cycle-breakers.) We explore: —Why trauma isn’t just “big T” trauma like abuse, but includes subtle attachment wounds—How unhealed pain gets passed down through generations (and genes)—What epigenetics is and why it matters for recovery—How legacy burdens shape our identity, even when we don’t recognize them—The truth behind “blood is thicker than water” (hint: we’ve had it wrong)—How EMDR and IFS therapy can unlock healing—Why emotionally corrective experiences are vital—and how to spot them—The difference in how men and women process trauma—What to do when you’ve already had kids and want to stop the cycle—How to set boundaries with family without bitterness or rage Website: ginabirkemeier.com Instagram: @myoutloudvoice Book: Generations Deep: Unmasking Inherited Dysfunction and Trauma to Rewrite Our Stories Through Faith and Therapy Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“It doesn’t happen overnight. Just small little incremental concessions.” That’s how Bill Seymour describes his descent into alcoholism—one slow slide at a time. Bill didn’t grow up in chaos. He wasn’t trying to escape trauma. He was raised in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday, married his high school sweetheart, and built a successful creative agency. But along the way—through cul-de-sac drinking culture, ego, stress, and hiding—he lost his marriage, his connection with his kids, and nearly his life. In this raw, reflective, and redemptive episode, Bill shares how drinking slowly consumed everything that mattered to him—and how God broke through when nothing else could. He talks about going from a picture-perfect life to drinking alone in the dark, spending Memorial Day weekend in a psych ward, and hearing the Holy Spirit in a counselor’s office. This is a story of consequences, but it’s also a story of grace, second chances, and surrender. And how Jesus is at the center of it all. If you’ve ever wondered how someone gets to the point of losing it all—or how they start rebuilding when it feels like it’s too late—this episode will hit home. We explore: —How alcohol quietly took over Bill’s life despite a strong Christian upbringing—The role of social drinking, ego, and work culture in his spiral—Why suburban drinking culture can be just as dangerous as partying—The moment his wife filed for divorce and everything unraveled—What it felt like to be estranged from his daughter—The night he heard himself say the words: “It’s the drinking”—How he went from rehab to redemption—without rewriting the truth—Why his kids are now watching him make amends, and how he shows up sober—The quiet, slow miracle of rebuilding a life with purpose—Why Jesus—not just sobriety—is at the center of it all Read Bill's writing: Wilderness Tested Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

"You can’t hate yourself healthy." That’s the kind of line that sticks with you—not just because it’s catchy, but because it’s true. And for Erin Jean Warde, it was the truth that changed everything. In this episode, I sit down with Erin—an ordained Episcopal priest, recovery coach, and author of Sober Spirituality—to talk about what it looks like to build a mindful relationship with alcohol. Erin didn’t crash her car. She didn’t destroy her life. But she knew something wasn’t right. So she listened to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and started to explore what life could look like without drinking—and what she found was joy, creativity, clarity, and deep healing. This is a conversation about identity, escapism, and the quiet conviction that comes before the crisis. And how a misordered relationship with alcohol isn't a conservative Christian problem or a progressive Christian problem—it's a universal problem.  We explore: —Why mindfulness matters more than rigid categories—The danger of finding your identity in alcohol—Why progressive and conservative Christians both normalize drinking—How escapism fuels addiction (even when you’re physically present)—What neuroscience taught Erin about anxiety, depression, and alcohol—How marketing targets moms and women with deceptive alcohol messaging—The difference between “treating yourself” and truly resting—Why you don’t have to wait for a wake-up call to get curious—How sobriety opened up creativity, healing, and deep spiritual intimacy—What it means to respond to the Holy Spirit in love—not shame Website: erinjeanwarde.com Book: Sober Spirituality: The Joy of a Mindful Relationship with Alcohol Substack: Erin Jean Warde on Substack Instagram: @erinjeanwarde Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If alcohol is costing you your peace, it’s too expensive.” That idea is what helped Christy Osborne realize she needed to change her relationship with alcohol. Christy didn’t end up in jail. She didn’t wreck her marriage. She wasn’t waking up every morning with the shakes. From the outside, she looked like a thriving mom living the perfect life in London. But internally, she was anxious, ashamed, and starting to realize that alcohol wasn’t helping her anymore—instead it was slowly stealing her peace. In this episode, Christy shares a story that is likely familiar with many: someone whose problem drinking didn't look like the movies, but still needed to change. She explains how she broke free from what she calls gray area drinking, learned to process the grief of losing her mom in a healthy way, and how she chose to walk a new path rooted in neuroscience, grace, and faith. She opens up about grieving her alcohol identity, letting go of the “fun mom” persona, and how she now helps women walk through 40 days of grace-filled sobriety through her coaching practice and devotional book Love Life Sober. If you're feeling that "check" inside you, but don't feel like you fit into the traditional category of "alcoholic," this episode will speak to you. We explore:—What gray area drinking really is (and why it’s so common)—Christy’s experience as a high-achieving woman hiding in plain sight—The influence of her mother’s values and example—How alcohol disrupts brain chemistry and emotional regulation—The spiritual tension of being a Christian who drinks—Why you don’t need to hit rock bottom to quit—How grief and stress can trigger a return to old habits—The 40-day framework Christy uses to help women reset—How visualization and mindset work help rewire the brain—What she’s learned coaching hundreds of women through sobriety Get Christy's resources here. Listen to the “But Jesus Drank Wine” podcast Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There is another side. You might not see it yet—but it’s there, and it’s better than you think.” What a line from this week's “Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic” podcast guest, Kristen Bear. Because that’s what this conversation is really about: building something new from the ruins on the other side of what was. Kristen is a model, actress, and creative coach who chased success in LA and NYC while numbing herself with alcohol. She believed drinking gave her an edge, helped her cope with trauma, and kept her fun. But all it did was bury the girl God created her to be. In this raw and redemptive episode, Kristen shares her story of addiction, identity, and coming home to herself. We talk about the lie that alcohol makes you more creative, the trap of performing your way through pain, and how facing her past instead of numbing it changed everything. She also shares the four pillars of her Creative Sobriety Academy, how the non-alcoholic beverage world has exploded, and why we get to rewrite our story—again and again. This episode is for anyone who’s convinced that alcohol is the only thing keeping them sane—or creative—or lovable. Kristen’s story proves that the opposite is true. Sobriety doesn’t strip you of your power. It sets it free. We explore:—Kristen’s early dreams, creative career, and hidden trauma—How alcohol became her way of escaping shame and insecurity—The illusion of being “high-functioning” while privately unraveling—Why she believed alcohol made her more creative—and how sobriety proved her wrong—The truth about mental health meds and alcohol—Her “illumination moment” and how she knew she was done—The power of writing to process pain and break shame—Returning to New York City sober and rewriting that part of her story—How holidays, nostalgia, and identity change in sobriety—The four pillars of her Creative Sobriety Academy—Why the non-alcoholic beverage space is booming—and her favorite picks Kristen's blog: Creative Sobriety Kristen's website: creativesobriety.co Follow Kristen: Instagram Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I used to be so pissed that I’m an addict. And now I’m so grateful that I am.” That’s from Blake Roberts, a licensed therapist, writer, and someone who has walked his own road of addiction and healing. In this episode, we dive deep into his story—particularly his struggles with porn and sex addiction—and why he believes recovery is about so much more than just not drinking, not watching, or not acting out. Blake opens up about his early exposure to sex and substance use, the generational patterns that shaped him, and the moment therapy finally gave him the language and space to name what was really going on. We talk about the importance of language (why he doesn’t always say “I’m a sex addict”), how Internal Family Systems (IFS) gave him a whole new way to view addiction, and why even “moderate” alcohol use was still functioning as an escape for him—and thus why he gave it up. If you’ve ever struggled to understand your own behavior, felt like you didn’t fit the typical “addict” mold, or wanted to know what recovery looks like when it’s rooted in grace and curiosity instead of shame, this episode will hit home. We explore:—Blake’s story of addiction, secrecy, and growing up in dysfunction—Why 12-step recovery was helpful… until it wasn’t—The difference between sobriety and true recovery—How Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy reframed his addiction—Why he says “a part of me is addicted to sex” instead of “I’m a sex addict”—The role his wife played in naming his problematic relationship with alcohol—Why escaping—even subtly—is still escaping—The power of curiosity and compassion in healing—The orchestra metaphor for IFS and living in harmony with your whole self—What it means to be 97% known—and why that’s not enough Blake's Substack: More to the Story Blake's podcast: 3% Podcast Blake's website: blakerobertscounseling.com Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Prayer can come before belief.” That’s the lesson that stopped me in my tracks. In this second conversation with Dr. Lisa Stanton—yes, the first-ever repeat guest on the “Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic” podcast—we go even deeper into her story, her recovery, and her brand-new book 52 Life-Changing Lessons I Learned in Recovery. Lisa doesn’t hold back. She talks about everything from leaving voicemails for God because she didn’t know how to pray, to the one line in her book that I haven’t stopped thinking about since I read it: “Another day of sobriety is the wrong goal.” This episode isn’t about pat answers or spiritual clichés. It’s about showing up—broken, angry, uncertain—and still choosing to reach out to a God you’re not even sure you believe in yet. We talk about what real faith looks like, the difference between venting and confessing, and why self-love may not be the answer we've been sold. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your recovery, tired in your faith, or unsure if God’s even listening, this one’s for you. It’s for everyone, not just those that have struggled with addiction. We explore: — Favorite lessons from Lisa’s book, including “prayer can come before belief” —The Google Voice hack: leaving God voicemails when prayer feels empty —Why belief ≠ faith—and how to cultivate an interactional relationship with God —The hidden problem with church and recovery meetings —Why aiming for “another day sober” often backfires—and what true goals look like —The unforgettable “blue truck” story and what it teaches us —Redefining self-love —The key difference between venting emotions and true confession Subscribe to Lisa's newsletter: Things on My Heart Get her book: 52 Life Lessons I Learned in Recovery Follow Lisa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlisastanton  Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“My intellect was my greatest obstacle to getting sober.” Dr. Lisa Stanton is the brilliant doctor who made a lot of bad choices. In some ways, she was too smart for her own good. Too smart to get sober, as she says. Until it all caught up with her. In this honest conversation, she opens up about her spiral into alcoholism that began in high school and accelerated through college and into getting her PhD. She details an eating disorder, perfectionism, trauma, and the endless quest for approval. Lisa’s credentials are impressive—PhD in social psychology, researcher, author—but they masked a painful, chaotic double life. And yet, this is not a story of defeat. It’s one of grace and how Jesus meets us in our darkest moments. We talk about family dynamics, childhood trauma, substance abuse, forgiveness, and the unique intersection of female addiction and sexual approval. Most importantly, we talk about Jesus—and what happens when the head finally surrenders to the heart. Don't miss this one. And be sure to come back next week for part two, where we explore Lisa’s practical tools for recovery and the lessons that changed her life. We explore: —Growing up with perfectionism and emotional bypassing—Her first drink: 12 ounces of whiskey measured in a Pyrex cup—Blackout Lisa vs. perfect Lisa: a life of hidden chaos—The trauma of sexual approval and body image issues—Academic achievement as a mask for addiction—The power of accountability and confession—The five-day binge that led to a spiritual breaking point—How Jesus used a crucifix in a Catholic church to meet her—Why sobriety alone isn’t enough—and what true healing takes Subscribe to Lisa's newsletter: Things on My Heart Get her book: 52 Life Lessons I Learned in Recovery Follow Lisa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlisastanton  Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Your brain is actively rewiring itself every second. The question is: Will you do it on purpose?” That’s from my fascinating conversation with Dr. Lee Warren. Dr. Lee isn’t just a neurosurgeon—he’s a husband, father, Iraq War veteran, and grieving dad who lost his 19-year-old son in a tragic and mysterious death. He’s also one of the most compelling voices today on how faith and neuroscience intersect to transform your life. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lee about the mind-blowing science of neuroplasticity, what it means to “do self-brain surgery,” the science behind the Bible’s commands regarding our thinking, and how trauma—if we let it—can either define us or refine us. Dr. Lee opens up about surviving more than 100 mortar attacks during the Iraq War, his battle with PTSD, and how he and his wife Lisa rebuilt their lives (and faith) after the unimaginable loss of their son. But this isn’t just a story of suffering. It’s a story of redemption. It’s a masterclass in how to find hope again—even after the worst day of your life. And it’s essential for anyone who has been told to “renew your mind” but never felt like that mandate came with any how-to instructions. We explore: —The night Dr. Lee got caught outside in a mortar attack with no gear —What PTSD taught him about unprocessed trauma and healing —Losing his 19-year-old son—and how that reshaped his faith —Why the brain can literally change based on what you choose to think about —How Scripture aligns with neuroscience on anxiety, gratitude, and transformation—The connection between addiction, neuroplasticity, and the lies we believe —The principle of “loss to legacy” and how suffering can become ministry Subscribe to Dr. Lee’s newsletter: drleewarren.substack.com Listen to the Self-Brain Surgery podcast Get Dr. Lee’s books Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

"Alcohol was the only relationship I could count on." That’s how Kristi Tanner described her relationship with alcohol, which led to two DUIs in three days over the Fourth of July weekend. It also led to a host of other problems. In this deeply emotional and radically vulnerable conversation, Kristi—also known as the Mocktail Mommy on Instagram—talks about addiction, motherhood, mental health, and why she decided to open Wisconsin’s very first non-alcoholic bottle shop. We dive into Kristi’s chaotic journey—from partying through college and motherhood, to blacking out at a neighborhood party with a newborn, to being arrested on the side of a highway in Indiana. But more importantly, we explore what happened after that: how Kristi rebuilt her life, learned to grieve the loss of alcohol as a “friend,” and now lives a life that’s not just sober, but happily so. This episode is for anyone who's ever whispered, “I don’t know if I can do this”—and anyone who loves someone who has. We explore: —Growing up around normalized drinking and how that shaped Kristi’s views —The drinking culture in Wisconsin, and why Kristi calls it “ground zero” —How becoming a mom amplified her alcohol use —What led to two DUIs in 72 hours and her emotional retelling of the story —The grief of letting go of alcohol as a "friend" —Choosing to stay sober after divorce —Building a life of autonomy, joy, and purpose in sobriety —Starting “Mocktail Mommy” and founding the first NA bottle shop in Wisconsin Follow Kristi: https://www.instagram.com/mocktailmommy  Visit her store: sobersocialshop.com  Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“When you stare into the abyss, don’t be shocked at what stares back at you.” That’s how I open this powerful episode, and it couldn’t be more fitting. This week, I sit down with deep thinker, theologian, and recovering alcoholic Griffin Gooch—whose journey into addiction began not with trauma or peer pressure, but with an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness. A nihilist by 13, Griffin plunged into alcohol in a desperate attempt to numb the philosophical weight of a broken world. But it was in a jail cell—after multiple OWIs—that he finally encountered the God who battles emptiness. In this deep conversation, Griffin opens up about why alcohol stuck when other drugs didn’t, how his analytical mind became both a curse and a calling, and how community, confession, and spiritual rhythms have sustained him in sobriety. Whether you're an overthinker, an academic, or someone silently struggling, Griffin's story reminds us that even intellectual doubt and existential dread aren’t beyond the reach of Christ's healing. We explore: —How Griffin embraced nihilism and atheism by age 13 —Why alcohol became his drug of choice over harder substances —The jailhouse encounter with Jesus that changed everything —What it means to numb philosophical and existential anguish —Why sobriety has been a long and non-linear journey —The role of community, confession, and spiritual discipline in recovery —Whether full abstinence is necessary for every Christian struggling with alcohol —How changing your system—not just your willpower—leads to real transformation Follow Griffin: https://www.instagram.com/griffingooch97/ Explore Griffin's writing: https://griffingooch.substack.com Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.