Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about pornography, touching on why trying to control a spouse's use tends to backfire, the difference between trust and forgiveness, and how couples who see porn in fundamentally different ways can stay in honest conversation instead of retreating into their own camps.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kendra Nielson of the Fulfillment Therapy podcast to talk about how shame and dissociation show up in intimacy, why self-betrayal erodes desire, and what it actually takes to reclaim a sense of belonging to yourself when there has been trauma in your past.

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce of the Mormon Land Podcast to address older singles and how they can navigate the complex realities and decisions they face with integrity.

Today we are re-releasing this popular podcast from the archive. In it, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of the Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast to discuss duty sex and what couples can do to bring more desire, passion, and aliveness to their intimate relationship.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of Sexy Marriage Radio to talk about her book, That We Might Have Joy. They discuss why changing a marriage is about behavior, not ideas, the higher and lower desire dynamic, and the pull to hide behind roles instead of revealing who we actually are in our relationships.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jess Seitz, a trauma-informed pelvic floor occupational therapist and founder of Pain Free Intimacy, to talk through what causes painful intercourse, why the body learns to guard against it, and how couples can navigate the often difficult conversations that come along with it.

Sometimes a partner goes quiet because they're overwhelmed and trying to find their footing in the conversation. Other times, silence is a strategy, a way to make a spouse squirm and bend until the relationship settles back into its old, immature rhythm. There's a real difference between going quiet in conflict and the silent treatment, and knowing which one you're up against changes how you respond.

We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Having Sex vs Making Love" podcast on our podcast archive. _________ En este episodio, Dan Purcell, del podcast *Get Your Marriage On*, le pide a la Dra. Finlayson-Fife su perspectiva sobre la diferencia entre tener sexo y hacer el amor, así como sobre lo que las parejas pueden hacer para aportar mayor profundidad espiritual a su relación sexual.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Heidi Hastings of the Marriage IQ podcast to explore how sexual and spiritual growth move through the same developmental stages, what it looks like to move from an external sense of self to an internal one, and why that shift changes both a marriage and a person's relationship with faith and God.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about attraction, touching on how to build desire in a marriage where it wasn't there to begin with, what it means when a spouse admits they don't feel attracted to you, and how old patterns of resentment and control can undercut desire without either partner realizing it.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Richard Low of the Next Level Dentist podcast to talk about the impact high-demand careers have on relationships, including the gap between the self we bring to work and the self we bring home, the intimacy that forms naturally with people you're solving problems alongside, and what safeguards to put in place for work relationships.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Susie Pettit of the Love Your Life Show to talk about resentment as a signal worth listening to, the difference between selflessness and self-erasure, and what it actually takes for women to step fully into their own lives, their relationships, and their desire.

Cuando nos casamos, la mayoría de nosotros imaginamos una vida plena de conexión y compañía. Sin embargo, cuando uno se siente ignorado, no elegido o decepcionado por la manera en que su cónyuge se presenta —tanto emocional como sexualmente—, el matrimonio puede comenzar a sentirse solitario y aislante.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Marielle Melling of the Raising Healthy, Happy Teens Virtual Summit to discuss what sexual integrity is, why it matters for your teen's long-term wellbeing, and how parents can nurture it through every imperfect, evolving stage of the process.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk about men's difficulty with their own sexuality, why higher desire can mask a deeper insecurity, and how men can move from proving themselves through sex to actually blessing their marriage through it.

When one partner manages and the other rebels, desire dies. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with a real couple to help them understand and address the parent/child dynamic that is infecting their relationship.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers real questions from mid-singles on sexuality, chastity, dating wisely, and growing through a life that didn't go as planned.

In this Q&A episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from those navigating mixed-faith marriages, including how to share where you are without demanding your spouse follow, how to stay collaborative when your worldviews have diverged, and how to raise children when you no longer share the same spiritual framework. Because it is in going toward the hard conversations, not around them, that we grow, and that our marriages can too.

Jody Moore, del podcast *Better Than Happy*, entrevista a la Dra. Finlayson-Fife sobre el tema de la madurez espiritual. En la conversación abordan: - La importancia de la madurez espiritual y cómo alcanzarla.

What does obedience mean as we mature spiritually? Dr. Finlayson-Fife explores how our relationship with rules, conscience, and God evolves as we develop.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Monica Packer of About Progress to explore what joy actually requires of us, why eros love is at the heart of a marriage that stays alive, and what it means to stop trying to change your spouse and start asking who you want to be instead.

Most of us enter parenthood knowing it will be both challenging and rewarding. We expect difficulty. We expect exhaustion. But what we don't expect — and what we can never be fully prepared for — is a life-altering diagnosis and the grief that follows when reality doesn't match what we had envisioned for our child and our family.

In this Mother's Day re-release, Dr. Finlayson-Fife reflects on important lessons she learned from her own mother including how to embrace life and how to love the people in it well.

Marriage wasn't designed to keep us comfortable — it was designed to pressure our growth. In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife explores what happens when we stop asking marriage to manage our sense of self and start letting it do what it was actually built to do.

In this NEW episode, Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On Podcast asks Dr. Finlayson-Fife for her perspective on the difference between having sex and making love — and what couples can do to bring more soulfulness to their sexual relationship.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tim and Aubrey Chaves of the Faith Matters podcast to explore the powerful ideas at the heart of That We Might Have Joy. We are re-airing this popular episode to bring attention to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's book discussion and signing in Boston on April 23rd.

In this live Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife is joined by ADHD coach, educator, and advocate Kamden Hainsworth to explore what neurodiversity looks like inside intimate relationships. Together, they respond to listener questions about attention, overwhelm, responsibility, and connection—and what it really takes to build a strong, collaborative marriage when ADHD is part of the equation.

In this Q&A episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is joined by bestselling author, psychotherapist, and Enneagram teacher Ian Morgan Cron to explore how the Enneagram can transform the way we understand ourselves and the people we love.

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife discusses the decision to stay in or leave a marriage, why you can't truly choose your spouse if divorce never feels like a real option, and what honest reckoning actually looks like.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Holly J. Moore of the Made for Moore podcast to discuss how parents can approach conversations about sex and sexuality with their children in a way that is honest, ongoing, and shame-free. They explore why discomfort doesn't have to be a barrier, how to begin these conversations early and keep them going, and how offering values around sexuality — rather than fear or shame — empowers children to make informed, confident, and integrity-driven choices as they grow.

Brad and Kate have been working to understand themselves and each other better, using the Enneagram to better understand how they each respond to stress and disconnection. They've been talking more openly and defending less—but when tensions rise, Brad moves toward action and physical closeness, hoping connection will bring relief while Kate pulls back, wanting to feel emotionally secure before opening up. This leaves Brad feeling rejected and Kate worried that intimacy is more about sex itself than truly being with her. Because Brad seems steady on the surface and Kate is openly emotional, it's easy for both of them to assume she's the problem—but they're equally dysregulated, just in different ways.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kamden Hainsworth of the Busy Brained Saint podcast to talk about what it looks like for both partners in a neurodiverse marriage to show up as whole people — owning what is theirs, releasing what isn't, and finding more freedom than they expected on the other side.

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins the Date Your Spouse team to talk about what couples can do to bring a sense of aliveness to their marriage. She challenges the idea that going along to keep the peace is an act of love, explains why duty-based sex quietly destroys desire, and offers a surprisingly simple practice any couple can try TONIGHT to create more intimacy and connection.

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast to discuss her book That We Might Have Joy and the role of eros energy—the aliveness that emerges when couples stop running their marriages from fear, control, and ego. Through stories from the book—like Samuel, whose fear of sexual feelings kept him stuck, and Bradley, whose relentless pursuit of sex was driven by shame—Dr. Jennifer shows how sexual repression doesn’t make us more spiritual. It just keeps us fragmented.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife uses questions submitted by listeners to drive a discussion about how we can create transformation in ourselves and in our relationships.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Jody Moore to explore the crucial difference between compliance and true goodness. They discuss the difference between being kind and being compliant, why prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own integrity is harmful, and what your resentments can teach you about yourself and the way you show up in relationships.

In Part 2 of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's conversation with Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast, they discuss how couples can prioritize intimacy amidst the demands of parenting. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also tackles what to do when your child walks in on you during an intimate moment, offering age-appropriate language to help children make sense of what they saw without catastrophizing the experience.

In this conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Justin Coulson of the Happy Families Podcast to discuss how our ideas about gender roles undermine genuine connection. The conversation unpacks why women's desire shuts down when sexuality is framed as caregiving, why tolerated sex creates resentment on both sides, and what has to shift if you want to move from dutiful encounters to the kind of passion and intimacy you're both craving.

In this conversation with Taylor Church of the Of Stone and Clay Podcast, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife walks through her own marriage journey to illustrate what relational growth looks like. She shares how marriage revealed parts of herself she didn't want to see and how learning to stay in honest conflict has helped her relationship grow over the years. She also discusses how couples unknowingly co-create the dynamics they resent, and what it means to actually love and value your partner for who they are.

Room for Two is on sale for Christmas! Use code JOLLY to SAVE $18 on your first year subscribing! In this preview episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Brad and Kate, a couple who feels a chill in their relationship that they can't seem to shake. Sound familiar? Subscribe today to unlock this FULL episode (plus the entire Brad and Kate series and hundreds of other episodes that are just as relevant and helpful!).

In this conversation with Taylor Church of the Of Stone and Clay Podcast, Dr. Jennifer draws from her new book and research on sexuality to explore how we move from the magic of falling in love to the deeper work of creating lasting intimacy. She offers wisdom on navigating difference, sustaining desire, and why the challenges of marriage are not necessarily failures but invitations to grow.

En este episodio del podcast, la Dra. Finlayson-Fife conversa con Dan Purcell del podcast Get Your Marriage On. Hablan sobre... - Las 3 etapas del desarrollo sexual y cómo llevar su matrimonio al siguiente nivel - La importancia de cultivar la energía erótica en la relación - Cómo pasar de tener relaciones sexuales a una conexión profunda a través del acto de hacer el amor

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why podcast to discuss libido and sexual desire. They explore how biology, medications, aging, stress, and hormones can influence our sexual desire—but emphasize that the meanings we carry about sex, marriage, duty, and self-worth are usually the most powerful drivers of all.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers audience questions about common extended-family challenges, including enmeshed parent–child relationships, triangulation, intrusive or overstepping in-laws, sibling competitiveness, and families that resist change. She talks about how couples can stay steady in these situations by being clear about how they want to function, holding to their integrity, and choosing honest, grounded ways of relating—regardless of the pressures around them.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Chris Rich of The Mixed-Faith Relationship Podcast to unpack where sexual shame comes from and how it shows up in adulthood. She explains how shame turns toxic when it convinces us that our flaws make us unworthy, and she offers a clearer, kinder way forward—one that helps us accept our embodied nature, integrate our sexuality, and relate to ourselves with more honesty and compassion.

El conflicto surge naturalmente cuando dos personas intentan construir una vida juntas y representa una valiosa oportunidad de crecimiento si lo permitimos. Cuando no estamos de acuerdo con nuestra pareja, solemos recurrir a comportamientos que causan dolor y frustración, en lugar de esforzarnos por encontrar respuestas más productivas y colaborativas, aunque a menudo parezcan contraintuitivas. En este episodio, la Dra. Finlayson-Fife se une a la coach de relaciones Anne Nelson para hablar sobre cómo las relaciones pueden crecer y prosperar, incluso ante el conflicto y las diferencias.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife answers questions from listeners wrestling with whether to stay or leave their marriages. She explores why peace doesn’t come from certainty, but from the courage to act with integrity—choosing what we believe is most right, even when both paths carry loss.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Jane Copier of the Happy in the Middle podcast to speak directly to women in midlife who feel disconnected from desire or unsure of how to bring themselves back into their marriages. She explains why this stage—though often uncomfortable—is full of possibility: a chance to stop living on autopilot, get honest about what you want for your life, and create more peace and connection in your relationship.

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Lauren Yarrow of the Blonde Apologist podcast for a powerful conversation that reframes how we think about pornography. Drawing on insights from That We Might Have Joy, they explore how growth doesn’t come through control or avoidance, but through honesty, self-understanding, and integrity.

Relationships feel easy when things are going well—when we feel understood and everything between us feels steady. They’re much harder when we’re frustrated, disappointed, or misunderstood. Yet it’s in those moments of friction and honest conflict that we’re invited to grow—to become wiser, more grounded, and more capable of real love. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Monica Tanner to share insights from That We Might Have Joy and explore how conflict in marriage isn’t a sign that something’s gone wrong, but part of the very process through which deeper intimacy and peace take shape.