Crab Chat

Crusflagcean FC

Draft Recap and other natterings. I think I fell asleep at one point?

5 minute take from mawhocci

timmy on the mic

Unlistenable

smd chooks

Get a Banh Mi up ya

Host Lee Bola discusses the origin and the spread of Dumbcunt-25 through the What Mud Crab League with leading virologist Dr Zac Teria, and President of the United States Donald J Trump.

Don't listen please

I have 58 minutes but I haven’t done pigs yet. This is an easy 3 hour pod. I also haven’t done fixtures. But I’m going to sendnit. use this photo

Oink oink

WEEKLY PODS

Crab Files with Simon RingroseThank you to our sponsors @KerlHermesKreb, @WAIntegrityCommission, and @AdamDolby.Find more content from Crab Files on ABC iView and wherever you get your podcasts. Please consider leaving a 5 star review.

Footy in a bin

GRAND FINAL WANKERS!!!

Hour of power but not unhinged

New South Welshmen

Who Wants To Be A Crabillionaire

WILD WEST DEALS

Dinga's Dicky Destiny

Cock bowl 2023

Roast Pork and Rice

Brought to you by Wen Better Name

GUNT

:)

I know when that Timmy Ting

Premium Subscription $2/day

Podcast Karaoke 2: Electric Boogaloo

Happy Birthday Sally Robertson!

Hi everyone. Have a nice day at work x

Hoop dreams

CrabGPT

hhhhnnnnnnnggggGGGGGG NUUUSSS

Peri-Peri Ribs

THE EPILOGUE

The TRUE CRAB CRIME Podcast

Nussy

An enraged Father

t i m m y t i n g s

I put my balls in Dinga's jaw

Finance Tiiiiiiiings

TIRUBANL! This week Simon and The Long Boi go head to head and discuss the league's misconduct

Surprise motherfucker

Come on down to Farmer Zac’s piglet farm. We’ve got piglets of all positions and sizes. You can do all sorts of things with them: race em, swim in the pool with them. We guarantee you won’t stop having fun at Zac’s Piglet Farm

Flagmantle

All my life I've been good Do what my mom and dad and God say I should Go to church and Bible School To live by God's rule So whatever people tell me That The Bible tells me I will do Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check It was easy to do 'til I got a boyfriend And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck But I made a pact to keep my hymen intact And Jesus and I are tight Never learned about the birds and bees I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees 'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong But Jason says that, "Guys can't wait that long" I don't want to lose him To someone who'll do him I might need to figure something out Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well So I can get him off without going to hell It's my Hail Mary, full of grace In Jesus' name, we go to fifth base! Oh, thank you for making me holy And thank you for giving me holes to choose from And since I'm not a Godless whore He'll have to come in the back door Therefore Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus The good Lord would want it that way Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization It's just between you and me 'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see It's hard to be as pure as me To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity To wait until my marriage bed To give my husband my unsullied maidenhead So take your cock out Shove it in my ass Fuck me until you cum Oops! I mean let's join our souls and unite our bodies And fly with the wings of God Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this And no prophylactics when you put it in 'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin I've emptied my bowels And laid out the towels I'm ready for romance Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest But of all of my holes, this one's the driest And we can't procreate if we anally copulate And God's OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight And I'm staying pure, no matter what So I'm OK with everything but... Everything but... Everything but... Whoa, fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus The good Lord would want it that way Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization It's just between you and me 'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see I do whatever The Bible tells me to Except for the parts that I choose to ignore Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient But the rest I live by for sure So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce And how it condones slavery and killing gays 'Cause those parts don't count, of course Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and omissions To circumvent any real sacrifice But still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions And don't you dare question my convictions And don't look closely at the contradictions Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion And have faith in its complete jurisdiction As the only way to measure if you're good or not And in a debate, just say, "To have faith" Because when you're up against logic, it's the only card you've got So close your eyes, take a deep breath and... Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus

Quarter Time

Commissioner Thomas

Jaidyn Stephenson is today's Worpel