Critical End! (The Podcast)

REVIEWED: The Woman in Black. …is dancing with me…cheek to cheek. PLUS: Ryan’s pelvis.

We return for our first episode of the year and our fourth annual best/worst show. REVIEWED: The highlights and lowlights of 2011. PLUS: Vampire squabbling.

Description. REVIEWED: All of your requests! PLUS: It’s long.

REVIEWED: Cowboys & Aliens. You know what this was movie was missing? SPACE TUCO.

REVIEWED: Captain America: The First Avenger. This episode ain’t kissing ya. PLUS: We talk about some POSITIVE theater experiences!

REVIEWED: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Well, I guess we’re all going to get into Game of Thrones now? PLUS: There’s still time to contribute to our 100th episode.

REVIEWED: Larry Crowne. Why won’t a sassy black girl decorate my apartment? PLUS: Drunk Harry Potter and original Schlitz!

REVIEWED: Super 8. Insert joke about smoke monster here. PLUS: Please turn down your lung machine when the previews end.

REVIEWED: X-Men: First Class. Maybe pause your aging process at She’s Having a Baby Kevin Bacon. PLUS: We’re planning the 100th episode and we need your help!

REVIEWED: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Sorry, but after nine and a half hours of pirate movies, I have no witty comment for this description.

REVIEWED: Thor. What’s YOUR definition of goofy? PLUS: ReBoot, Power Rangers continuity, and the rules for multi-part films.

No proper show this week, but here’s a quick fix of us blathering on about the Exorcist films, Thor, and Paul Rudd.

REVIEWED: The King’s Speech. It’s still relevant, okay. PLUS: Bill & Ted & Twitter & Such.

REVIEWED: Scream 4. That’s…kind of it. We actually stay on topic the whole show!

REVIEWED: Scream 1, Scream 2, Scream 3. What’s our favorite scary movie? Not Scary Movie, that’s for damned sure. PLUS: Wild speculation on Scream 4.

REVIEWED: Source Code. This episode missed the train. But the next one’s in eight minutes. PLUS: BevCast 2.0.

This episode is 87 steps ahead of you…if you haven’t listened to the first 86 episodes. REVIEWED: Limitless. PLUS: More fun with hypothetical scenarios!

This episode is gonna keep its sheep suit on / Until it’s sure that you’ve been shown / That it can be trusted walking with you alone. / Owoooooooo! REVIEWED: Red Riding Hood. PLUS: Vagina blood.

After the last episode, you were never supposed to listen to this podcast again. Your plan has changed. REVIEWED: The Adjustment Bureau. PLUS: We play a game and fix the Oscars.

This week, we saw the one where Nicolas Cage escapes from hell wearing a leather jacket and kills a bunch of dudes. No, the OTHER one. REVIEWED: Drive Angry 3D. PLUS: Post-Oscar talk.

If Betty Draper forgets about you, just go with it. REVIEWED: Unknown. PLUS: We get a studio audience!

This episode is better off dead. REVIEWED: The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything… PLUS: Our contest winner is finally rewarded!

I call top bunk! REVIEWED: The Roommate. PLUS: Ghosts of roommates past.

This episode is waiting for you at the bottom of a swimming pool. REVIEWED: The Rite, The Mechanic.. PLUS: *grumble grumble*

It’s our third annual best/worst show. Place your bets! REVIEWED: The highlights and lowlights of 2010. PLUS: Our first same-room recording since the beginning.

That was this episode seducing you. It needs to be the other way around. REVIEWED: Black Swan. PLUS: Minesweeper.

This episode can’t do nothing for ya, boy. REVIEWED: True Grit (1969), True Grit (2010). PLUS: The Oscar talk begins.

Bring in the logic probe! REVIEWED: Tron, Tron: Legacy.

Who me? No, no, I don’t live here. I’m just Johnny Depp. No problem, I get that a lot. REVIEWED: The Tourist. PLUS: Filler!

The one where we DON’T complain about the 3D. REVIEWED: Tangled. PLUS: The only podcast with a “C Moon” joke.

What a beautiful place…to be with friends. REVIEWED: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. PLUS: Logan’s dangerous obsession with National Lampoon Magazine.

How’s the robot sequence coming? Anyone? REVIEWED: Skyline. PLUS: Mashed potatoes and our mysterious rating system.

The final ingredient to this podcast…is YOU! …And cumen.  REVIEWED: Saw 3D. PLUS: BevCast.  ALSO: If you missed our Critical Hit of the first six Saw movies, check it out here.

Ghost or no ghost? Let’s go to the video tape… REVIEWED: Paranormal Activity, Paranormal Activity 2. PLUS: Quack quack!

If you promise to stop making movies, Wes, you can have it. REVIEWED: My Soul to Take. PLUS: Michael Caine shoots somebody in the face.

This episode is ignoring your friend request. REVIEWED: Social Network. PLUS: Fun with zip codes!

[Insert Charlie Daniels solo here.] REVIEWED: Devil. PLUS: Spoiler Duck and some extra crap about music.

Let a Milla Jovovich be your umbrella. REVIEWED: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Afterlife.

SSSSHH!  George Clooney is acting. REVIEWED: The American. PLUS: I guess we talk about Hairspray.  For some reason.

Okay, who ate the last exorcism?  C’mon, I was saving that, you guys! Why do I even put my name on stuff if you guys are just gonna ACT LIKE ANIMALS! REVIEWED: The Last Exorcism. PLUS: DeskTalk!(TM)

Joe Dante, James Cameron, and Roger Corman.  Guess which one doesn’t have an Oscar. Wrong! REVIEWED: Piranha, Piranha 2: The Spawning, Piranha 3D. PLUS: 3D Trailer Talk and the Ultimate Dolph Lundgren Fan.

This week, Dolph Lundgren battles Randy Couture’s seven evil exes while Michael Cera invades Guatemala.  Where was Carl Weathers?  REVIEWED: The Expendables, Scott Pilgrim. PLUS: We earn our “explicit” rating.

Just add Jason Lee and call it a day. Hollywood can’t stop turning old cartoons and comics into flesh-and-blood talkin’ pictures.

Next summer, look for the sequel: Mrs. Dash. REVIEWED: Salt. PLUS: Look, Ma, no hyphen!

We recorded a podcast in two minutes that takes more than one minute to listen to. Wait, what? REVIEWED: Inception.  PLUS: Green fairy babies.

Come on… Come on! Listen to it! Listen to it! Come on. Come on! Listen to this podcast! It’s here! Listen to it! Come on! Listen! It’s here! Come on! Do it now! Listen to this podcast!  REVIEWED: Predators.  PLUS: If it’s for a prison movie, it’s not gay.

The scariest part of this podcast is the octopus.  REVIEWED: The Goonies, Jonah Hex.  PLUS: Eye herpes.

Please don’t mention Emily in this one.  My fragile heart can’t take it.  REVIEWED: Toy Story 3.  PLUS: Trailers and contest winners and gay jokes and things.

Look, you’re a valuable member of the team, but your childish phobia is seriously impeding our plan and its chances of coming together.  Which I would love.  REVIEWED: The A-Team.  PLUS: Does Sam Jackson being mentioned in this podcast make you more or less likely to listen to it?

Say NO to genetically modified french chicks. REVIEWED: Splice. PLUS: Things that one may only purchase at Target.