Cynical Cinema with Jacob and Emma

A special Father's Day episode with the man of the hour himself! Who's that dad, who's that dad, it's Jeff!

Zoe Kravitz could punch us directly in the face and we would thank her.

We're back! Again! Depression is a bitch. Today we are going to be going over our new favorite app Letterboxd, and all of the movies we have watched since we last let our voices touch your pretty little ears. We missed you.

Andrew Garfield we are sorry everyone keeps harassing you about the new Spider-Man movie, but if you just answered truthfully then we could move on and talk about your stunning voice and charisma in this beautiful tribute to the life and works of Jonathan Larson. 

Dune? More like Dune...another episode of this podcast! Join us as we watch an actual good movie for once, and make way too many jokes about the Alaskan Bull Worm. 

Marvel, you have done it again! This week we are talking about our favorite (and least favorite) moments of the Disney+ series, "What If?". We also get a surprise from a special guest! Can you guess who it is? (Hint: His favorite movie is Tarzan)

This week, we dive into the mixed bag that is the Dreamworks Cinematic Universe! Join us as Jacob tries to convince Emma that the Bee Movie is a cinematic masterpiece (which it is). 

Ever wanted to know what would happen if you gave a famous Tik-Tok influencer a role in a Hollywood big budget film? Worry no more! You have your answer. I hope you're happy now. There is no god.

Welcome to my mountain hut. This week we fall head over heels for Anderson Cooper and his spunky little attitude in the hit reality tv show from 2001, The Mole.

The end of an era, thank god.

Help! We are being held captive on the Amazon River by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a cute little skippers outfit! He keeps stabbing himself to show that he can't bleed!

So, a grieving witch, a war criminal, the real Captain America (suck eggs John Walker you loser) and the god of mischief walk into a bar. Theres no punchline other than once again, as in so many times before, Kevin Feige has given me my yearly allowance of serotonin. 

Lin-Manuel Miranda is an American actor, SINGER?, songwriter, rapper, producer, and playwright. He created and starred in the Broadway musicals In the Heights and Hamilton. In other news we nearly had a panic-induced heart attack while watching this movie.

Once again MARVEL and Disney continue to keep their strangle hold on our wallets.

After Kylo Ren captured our transport vessel, we recorded the remainder of our Starwars tier list before he tortured us for information regarding the rebellion base. He declined to guest star on the episode quoting it would be "bad for his image".

We crashed the Millennium Falcon directly into the ground, but managed to record half of our Starwars Tier List before impact.

In the final days leading up to our magical trip, we list the last few movies that we plucked straight from the jar of destiny. It has been a long journey, but what's most important is the friends we made along the way. Also we figured out why we hate SportsClips.

The marathon continues! The jar of wisdom has given us more Disney gold to cry through as we get closer to the day of reckoning.

As if we haven't already given Disney enough of our money, for the next few weeks we are binge watching any Disney property that gets magically chosen from the Oversized Wine Cup of Destiny, also known as The Chalice, until we find ourselves in Mickey's sweet embrace once again.

Big Lizard fights Big Monkey. Who will win? We don't care. Neither should you.

Dangit guys we liked the Snyder cut :(

Oscar nominations came out today, and we have barely seen any of the movies.

We watched the Coming to America franchise so you don't have to.

Paddington 2 is the greatest film to ever grace this planets surface.

Tis the season for crappy movies! We are kicking off the unofficial start of the holiday season with a movie that insulted our intelligences and made us rethink ever starting this podcast, Holidate (2020). It’s a real doozy.

We don't know why Disney decided to make a movie out of a ride, but it's better than pretty much every video-game adaptation movie that has ever existed so I guess they have that going for them. Spooky season continues here at Cynical Cinema with Jacob and Emma!

This month we are watching movies so bad it’s scary! Tune in as we watch the new Adam Sandler movie Hubie Halloween. And yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

We decided to split up this episode into two parts otherwise it would have been a 4 1/2 hour podcast, and we couldn't do that to you guys. Here is just the top 10 picks for our Marvel Cinematic Universe Films. Things. Remain. Heated.

It's finally here. The day probably just we have been waiting for. Jacob, Emma, and their dad Jeff rank all 23 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe Films, after watching every single one in the course of like a month. Things. Get. Heated.

What has grossed 10 billion dollars combined and makes Jacob and Emma irrationally angry? Why the Disney live action remakes of course! This week Jacob and Emma try to make sense of why people are still watching these movies.

Well it doesn’t get more magical than this! This week Jacob and Emma rank the 12 Disney Princess movies (not including sequels or live action because they are bad).

What do George Clooney, horribly CGI'd thumb people, and one of the most prolific quotes of all time have in common? That’s right. Spy Kids is a fever dream we don’t want to wake up from. Join Jacob and Emma as they reminisce about the movie series that defined their childhood.

Holy big budget movie Aquaman! This week we are watching the 2018 PS3 video game, Aquaman! Listen as Jacob tries to explain to Emma why in the heck Pitbull is on the soundtrack of this movie

This week we watched the worst reviewed movie of 2020 so far, Artemis Fowl. It did not disappoint. Join us as we try to understand how someone thought that this would be a good idea.

What do The Office, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, and Brooklyn 99 have in common? That's right, the genius comedic and story telling mind named Michael Schur. This week we are discussing the ups and downs of some of our favorite tv shows of all time! Get ready to hear some unpopular opinions.

This week we dive into the wonderful world of Pixar! In this special debate episode, we rank all 22 films in the Pixar universe and try not to kill each other in the process.

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Join Jacob and Emma as they try to understand why on earth the Kissing Booth is a franchise. The Kissing Booth 2: Electric Boogaloo, now with even more cringe and confusion!

Shrek 2 is better than The Godfather part 2 and you can fight us on that. This week we change things up a bit and try out a new format for the show. Debating has always been our strong suit thanks to our lawyer dad, and now we are using those talents to discuss the beloved animated franchise, Shrek. Shrek is love, Shrek is life.

Who approved this movie? This week we are going after the summer teen Netflix classic, The Kissing Booth. In preparation for the sequel, which comes out July 24th or something, we subject ourselves to this garbage for your enjoyment. Buckle up, because it's about to get uncomfortable.

This week we have a special guest! Our dad, Jeff. With his suggestion, we dive into the 2011 horror comedy Panman. Thank you Jeff.

The man, the myth, the neck, is back. Noah Centineo is in this movie and that is the only reason we watched it. Join us as we muscle through watching the 2018 train wreck that is Swiped.

Mamma Mia, that's a spicy episode! This week Jacob and Emma debate the ethics behind defecating garlic bread.

We apologize for our absence, but to make up for it we watched probably the greatest film of the century.

This week we watch the 2017 film SPF 18. This Noah Centineo movie has Keanu Reeves in it, and that is kind of the only selling point. Listen to us struggle to understand the plot, the acting, the directing, and the writing of this steaming dumpster fire of a film.

Welcome to the first episode of Cynical Cinema with Jacob and Emma! In this episode we watch the 2006 film, if you can call it that, Circus Island.