Drunk Pitches

Coming to a theatre near you: Hallmark Christmas Movies 2022 presents Candace Creme Brûlée as a big city fashion designer who loses her job and Christmas spirit due to a fashion faux pas nip slip during New York fashion week. Will Candace Creme Brûlée find her fresh start in her home town of MistletoeJingleBellPoinsettia Town Iowa? And will the hunky small town Math Teacher Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt help her rekindle her Christmas spirit? You'll be on the edge of your seat watching this lively story unfold; matchmaking sneaky Santa, classic misunderstanding and surprise nudity! Get ready for Hallmark Christmas Movies 2022 to jingle your bells! 

Picture this: it's a beautiful Sunday afternoon in June. You're rich. You're bored. You need something to do, but you are out of ideas. If you're a man, you can just "go to the club" - golf, drink, smoke cigars, and gingerly touch tips. But where is the Ladies version of "the club"? Where can we go to slap some titties, drink, shop, and just be women? Enter: Varky and Kathy J's Ladies Club. Where we have everything ladies could want for their day out: wings, wangs, an 18 hole "wine tasting course", and so much more. Let men have their men's club--the Ladies Club is way better anyways.

Are you looking to spice up your Pokemon Go experience? Have the stamina of an Olympian but have never made the Olympics? Join Kathy J and Varky as they explore the future of athleticism - the Pokelympics! Pokemon Go + Hunger Games + Battle Dome = the most challenging Pokemon Go experience yet! 

Tune in to hear Kathy J and Varky pitch on the fly! From puppy cooling massage igloos to a super cereal & milk vending machine, the creativity juices never stop flowing! 

Tired of all the pests in your life and fed up with your current pest control options? Want to think outside of the box? And we mean...really outside of the box! Try our eco friendly, circle of life products for all those annoying pesky critters that just don't quit! 100% satisfaction guaranteed, 10% of the time! Only available to those with up-to-date rabies vaccines. 

Sick and tired of watching trash reality shows where the drama is excessive and unrelatable? Wish there were more reality shows starring your furry friend Fido? Tune in for Varky and Kathy J's pitch that brings viewers the best of both worlds! 

You've heard the creme a la creme, you've heard the mediocre, now get ready to hear what Kathy J and Varky come up with while drinking that remains at the bottom of the barrel. To be fair: we still support these ideas and if anyone wants to help make them, we are on board!

Picture this: it's a rainy Friday night. You're cozying up on the couch with a Hallmark movie, microwave popcorn, and a cheap bottle of wine. Suddenly, your dog decides he has to do his business and you know you're in for a wet and stinky night.....UNTIL NOW! Throw your puppy in the Puppy Bubble Pop so your dog can do his business in total comfort! Now available in human baby and toddler sizes! 

Hate trying to keep up with different types of New Year's resolutions? Make a diet resolution and feel like you need a personal trainer to follow you around and slap cupcakes out of your hand? Introducing, the best New Year's resolution app and human shock bracelet; helping you battle your self control issues and starting the New Year off right!

Love watching home improvement shows, but tired of watching the same thing over and over again? Be sure to tune into Varky and Kathy J's new series where drunk designers re-do forever homes. Grab your inspirational wine and paint brush and lets get to work! 

Do you wish decorating the Christmas Tree was less time consuming? And don't forget the dreaded task of taking it down! Well Kathy J and Varky have a solution for you! This holiday season, sit back, grab a glass of wine, and don't forget the s'mores kit while you enjoy the flame day and rebirth of your Phoenix Christmas Tree. 

Have you ever had a recurring nightmare that leaves you running in slow-motion or the inability to scream? Sometimes we are unable to conquer our own nightmares until now! Join Kathy J and Varky as we defeat our childhood nightmares with our dream reality games. Screw you creepy porcelain dolls and killer goats, you ain't got nothing on us!

Have you ever hiked to the top of a mountain and thought "Damn, I could go for some nachos right now." Well, Kathy J and Varky have a solution for you! Enjoy the freshest nachos nature has to offer with the Nachos in Nature kit. Hiking has never been so delicious!

Who will reign supreme in a battle between Kathy J's 185lb Elementary School Bus Driver  versus Gollum from Lord of the Rings? Listen to Kathy J pitch about her new game, Battle Dome, dropping in stores in 2022. (Patent Pending) 

Do you love or hate Hallmark Christmas movies, possibly simultaneously? Tune in to hear Varky and Kathy J pitch their ideas for the 2021 Hallmark Christmas movie roundup! 

Looking for new entertainment on the Travel Channel? Look no further as Kathy J and Varky pitch their best idea for a new ghost show: Ghost Hoez. A sexy, scary journey of Northern Virginia's most haunted destinations--subscriptions come with a "How to Train Your Ghost" manual, and a margarita to try and entice your own ghost! For only four installments of $199.99, get your Ghost Hoez today!