Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

Craig Spear is an entrepreneur, outdoorsman, and co-leader of the adventure trips Tommy runs for men focused on growth, resilience, and deeper connection in their lives. Find Craig at https://www.thespearmethod.com/ or on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/craigspear/SHOW NOTES:The fight isn't about how to pack a dishwasher. It’s usually deeper than the comment, the tone, the silence, or the passive-aggressive jab. In a warped way we fight and pull away because we desire connection and being understood. In this episode, Tommy and Craig Spear unpack attachment styles and how they quietly shape the way we handle conflict with our wives, business partners, and the people closest to us. They break down the anxious vs. avoidant dynamic, why certain arguments repeat for years, and how men can move toward more secure relationships without turning psychology into an excuse.Highlights:• What attachment styles actually are and where they come from• Why anxious men rush to fix conflict immediately• Why avoidant men shut down and pull away• The “cat and mouse” cycle that keeps couples stuck• Real-life examples from marriage, business, and friendships• Scripts to help de-escalate conflict without avoiding it• The difference between explaining your behavior and weaponizing itPractical takeaways:• Notice your default reaction when someone close to you seems upset• If you lean anxious, practice tolerating space without spiraling• If you lean avoidant, communicate when you’ll come back to the conversation — then actually come backConflict doesn’t have to become distance. The goal isn’t to avoid hard moments — it’s to stop repeating the same fight in different forms. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

You’re putting in the work—but without a clear direction, it starts to feel like you’re maintaining instead of building. Why most men default into “protection mode” after early wins  How success can still feel off day-to-day  The difference between a vague desire and a real vision  A simple way to build a five-year picture that drives action  How one client shifted from burnout at home to being present with his family  Why your family needs a vision just as much as your work  The small daily decisions that change once the vision is clear Practical takeaways: Define a five-year vision starting with specifics: your kids’ ages, daily rhythm, and home environment  Pressure-test your current path with a 10-year lens—where does it actually lead?  Align with your wife and build a shared vision you’re both moving toward If your life feels full but not focused, take an hour this week and define what you’re actually building.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

You’re not reacting to what was said—you’re reacting to what you made it mean. As a father and husband, that story gets built fast—and it usually sounds like disrespect, doubt, or being challenged.By the time you respond, you’re already inside your own version of the story.Highlights: How a simple conversation about an injury turned into tension, and what actually caused it  The gap between words spoken and the story you assign underneath them  Why being right in an argument still leads to a bad outcome  The physical cues of defensiveness most men miss—and how to catch them  Rewinding the “game tape” to break patterns outside the moment  A simple shift: from proving your point to understanding the other person Takeaways: When you feel defensive, pause and ask: what am I making this mean?  Separate the words from the story—respond to what was said, not your interpretation  Build awareness outside the moment so you can show up differently inside it Pay attention to the next moment you feel the need to defend yourself. That’s your opening to handle it better.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men build their value by being the guy who gets it done—until that same pattern starts costing them at home. Snapping at your family isn’t about them—it’s accumulated overload  Why modern work trains you to be reactive (and rewards it)  The producer trap: fast responses, full plate, constant proof of value  How being a producer quietly follows you home—and drains what your family gets  The leader shift: pause, filter, and decide what actually matters  Why leaders subtract, delegate, and protect their time instead of stacking more  Letting go of the need to prove yourself in every room Practical takeaways: Before saying yes, pause and ask: does this actually matter right now?  Delay responses that don’t require immediacy—create space to think  Cut or delegate one task this week that doesn’t move the needle If you keep operating like a producer, you’ll stay busy—but you’ll miss what actually matters. Start leading your time, your work, and your energy where it counts.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

The man you are today is already making an impact. You do not need a new title, a new goal, or a major life change to affect the people around you. The question is whether your presence is building people up, weighing them down, or leaving them cold. Today we make the case that self-improvement is not the destination. It is the training ground for showing up with more strength, clarity, and usefulness in the lives that matter most.Highlights:Why self-improvement is training, not the missionThe story of Tommy’s uncle and the lasting impact he had on studentsHow overwork and exhaustion change the way a man shows up at homeWhy discipline and resilience should lead to contribution, not self-focusReal examples of men creating ripple effects in their families and communitiesHow better habits can turn into better leadership, presence, and servicePractical takeaways:Take an honest look at the effect you’re having on the people around you right nowBuild yourself with a purpose so your growth turns into serviceChange one habit that will help you show up better at home, at work, or in your communityThe man you are becoming matters because of what it gives other people. Get stronger. Get more disciplined. Get healthier. Then put it to work where it counts.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

A hard week doesn’t mean you’re slipping — unless you decide it does.In this episode, we break down how men quietly tie their identity to their results — revenue, workouts, the scale, even the mood of the house — and how that habit creates an unstable confidence that rises and falls with circumstances.Highlights:How we turn normal setbacks into identity statementsThe hidden cost of saying, “I’m restarting”A real coaching example of separating facts from storyWhy identity drives behavior more than goals doThe difference between pushing harder and taking the next steady stepPerformance as feedback — not a verdictPractical Takeaways:When you catch yourself spiraling, ask: What are the facts, and what’s the story I’m adding?Look for evidence of progress, especially in small moments at home.Choose the identity that moves you forward, then take the next simple step.The outside world gives you data. It doesn’t get to decide who you are. This is the work — staying steady when the week isn’t perfect.__________________________The Durable Dad Podcast is for high-achieving men who are winning in business but want more steadiness at home. Episodes run 12–20 minutes — focused and practical, with no filler.Topics include emotional regulation in marriage, identity distortion, stoic integrity, conflict navigation, fatherhood presence, and leadership under pressure. The throughline: helping capable men remove distortion in how they see themselves, interpret their circumstances, and respond at home.Not therapy. Not motivation. A thinking tool for men who are already capable and want to stay sharp — as husbands, fathers, and leaders.Hosted by Tommy G — men's performance coach, speaker, and adventure trip leader.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

What does it actually mean to live a virtuous life?Not theory or philosophy quotes on Instagram, but in real life.In this episode, we break down the Stoic principle of virtue and how it applies to your training, your leadership, your marriage, and your fatherhood. Stoic philosophy isn’t abstract—it’s practical. It’s about building self-discipline, emotional control, courage, and patience in normal, everyday moments.Most high-achieving men have the ambition, but struggle with consistency. Dialed in for a week. Then off track. Calm at work. Reactive at home. Focused in the gym. Scrolling at night.That swing kills confidence.Stoic integrity is different. It’s steady. It’s proving who you are through daily behavior.Highlights:Why men live on emotional highs and lows—and how that erodes self-trustThe difference between short bursts of intensity and long-term integrityHow consistency (like quitting alcohol for 18 months) builds real confidenceThe four Stoic virtues—courage, discipline, justice, patience—and how they show up in modern lifeWhy missing once is normal, but repeating the miss creates driftHow quick recovery strengthens characterPractical Takeaways:Choose one area where your behavior doesn’t match the man you want to be—fitness, leadership, marriage, fatherhood.Identify the virtue required (courage, discipline, patience, self-awareness). Practice that trait deliberately.When you slip, recover fast. Don’t spiral. Prove it again the next day.Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”Stoic integrity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being consistent. When your actions match your standards, you build a steady confidence your family can feel.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men think conflict is the problem. It’s not. The real damage happens in how we avoid it, rush through it, or let it spiral when emotions spike.This episode breaks down why difficult conversations with your wife feel so charged—and how learning to manage yourself in those moments changes everything. Conflict isn’t something to eliminate. It’s where trust gets built when you handle it well.HighlightsWhy avoiding hard conversations only makes them heavier laterThe three ways men typically mishandle conflict: avoidance, escape, escalationThe relationship cycle every marriage runs through—whether you like it or notHow being “right” kills repair and connectionThe green / blue / red zones and what happens when you leave centerWhy trying to fix her emotions backfiresA simple listening tool that stops arguments from spinningPractical takeawaysNotice when you’re triggered and pause before engagingStay emotionally centered so you can actually hear herFocus on repair, not winning or ending the conversation fastConflict is unavoidable. Repair is a skill.Listen in, then pay attention to the next hard conversation you want to avoid—and do it differently.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Your calendar already tells the truth about your priorities. This episode is about using that truth to shape the year ahead—on purpose.Most men stop at reflection. They do a year-end review, get clear on what mattered, and feel good about the insight. Then nothing changes. In this short follow-up, Tommy breaks down the missing step: deciding the next action and putting it on the calendar so it actually happens.In this episode:Why insight without action quietly keeps you stuckThe difference between wanting change and planning for itHow one calendar entry can shift your relationships, business, or healthReal examples: brothers’ trips, client strategy, training plans, and family timeWhy discomfort is often the signal you’re doing the right thingPractical takeaways:Choose one insight from your year-end review and name the very next actionAssign that action a specific date and timeLet your calendar reflect what matters to you—not just what’s demanded of youLook at your calendar for the year ahead. If it doesn’t show what you say is important, change it. That’s how different years are built.For high-achieving men, effort is rarely the issue. Most are working hard, carrying responsibility at work and at home, and trying to show up well. The problem is alignment. Without clear planning, even disciplined men end up reacting to their weeks instead of directing them. This episode of The Durable Dad Podcast focuses on calendar-based planning as a practical leadership skill.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

If you don’t pause to review your year, you don’t actually start a new one—you just drag old pressure forward. You already review your business. Numbers. Calendars. What worked and what didn’t. This episode shows you how to apply that same discipline to your life—so your time, energy, and attention are spent where they matter most. In this episode, we cover: Why skipping a personal review causes you to repeat the same patterns How pressure-based goals quietly drain energy and motivation Using photos as data to reconnect with what actually mattered last year What your calendar reveals about stress, relationships, and priorities A four-step year-end review you can complete in one sitting How reflection creates vision—and why vision changes how you show up at home Practical takeaways: Block two uninterrupted hours and treat your life like you treat your businessUse photos and calendar entries as information, not nostalgia Set goals from clarity and appreciation, not urgency or scarcity If you want 2026 to feel different, you have to look back before you move forward. Drop the pressure. Get clear. Then lead your year on purpose. DOWNLOAD THE FREE YEAR END REVIEW - drop your email and get the step by step process I've used to optimize my life. This episode is especially relevant for men focused on leadership—at work, at home, and in their community. Strong men’s leadership isn’t about doing more or pushing harder. It’s about clarity, self-awareness, and making intentional decisions with your time and energy. When a man leads himself well, he leads his family better and shows up with steadiness at work. The year-end review process shared here helps men step out of reactive leadership and into grounded, intentional leadership. It’s a practical tool for fathers, husbands, and high-performing professionals who want to reduce stress, strengthen their marriage, and model healthy leadership for their kids. Leadership starts with reflection—and this is where it begins.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Nonstop action has rewarded you for years—but it’s quietly draining the energy that makes you effective at work and present at home. Constant motion eventually backfires.HighlightsWhy pride in exhaustion is costing you patience, clarity, and connectionThe three stories men tell themselves to avoid slowing downWhy scrolling and “checking out” isn’t real recoveryWhy recharging is a leadership move, not a personal indulgenceStop calling exhaustion commitment—it’s usually mismanagementBefore the holidays get louder, decide where you’ll refuel on purpose. A rested man leads better, loves better, and works better.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men say they want growth, but avoid the unfamiliar territory where it actually happens.Highlights: • Why comfort pulls high-achieving men into quiet ruts. • The link between physical challenge and feeling alive again. • The Rim to River adventure. • What happens when you train for something that scares you a little. • How unfamiliar experiences reset your mindset more than any routine tweak.Takeaways: • Schedule something on your calendar that requires preparation. • When discomfort shows up, name it as unfamiliar—not wrong. • Use challenge to create energy for work, marriage, and fatherhood.Guest: Craig Speer—men’s health coach helping guys over 40 get strong, lean, and capable.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men make decisions out of convenience or pressure—and end up with regret or resentment.Highlights: • The difference between working in your life versus working on it • Why most men lose purpose—and drift into distraction • How a North Star makes big decisions easier • The three questions to define your North Star: values, impact, and energizers • How a simple North Star gives you clarity when tough choices show up • Why alignment—not hustle—creates steadiness at home • A client story using his North Star to pass on a tempting opportunityTakeaways: • Block real “strategy time” for your life the same way you do for work • Build your filter before the big decisions show up • Check your week: Did your actions match the man you say you want to be?Listen to the episode, then take a morning to define your North Star. Your kids and your wife will feel the difference when your decisions start lining up with who you want to be.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

It’s not the outburst that matters—it’s what’s driving it.Highlights: • The text from Tommy’s mom that exposed how quickly frustration can surface • Why anger is a part of you—not all of you • How Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps men understand their reactions • What anger is really after • The link between frustration and how we parent • What changes when you pause and get curious about your reaction • Simple ways to quiet your “angry part” before it takes the wheelTakeaways:Stop trying to suppress anger—start understanding it.You are not your anger.The calmer you are inside, the calmer your world feels outside.Tommy references Dr. Richard Schwartz’s No Bad Parts and walks through how “parts work” reshaped his relationship with his mom, his wife, and himself.If you want to understand your own anger and lead from calm, schedule a 50-minute strategy session at DurableDad.com. We’ll talk through where that part shows up and how to get back to steady ground.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men feel a twinge of guilt when they leave home—whether it’s for work, a trip, or adventure. This episode breaks down how to handle it without losing presence or connection.Highlights:The moment in the Grand Canyon that reframed what “leaving well” really meansWhy guilt shows up for good men—and what it’s actually telling youThe hidden cost of trying to control your wife’s emotionsHow to prepare your family without overcompensatingThe three-part framework: Acknowledge. Let go. Redefine responsibility.What it looks like to come home clear, calm, and rechargedPractical Takeaways:Guilt isn’t a problem—it’s proof you care.Let go of trying to manage outcomes you can’t control.Leave home with trust so you can return full, not drained.About the Host: Tommy Geary helps high-achieving men build stronger marriages, calmer minds, and a durable sense of self—so they can lead at home the way they lead at work.Reflective CTA: Before your next trip, pause and ask yourself: am I leaving to escape—or to refuel?If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Sometimes the fastest way forward is by cutting back.Highlights:The trap of piling on more goals when your plate is already full.Common “small negatives” that erode connection at home—screens, alcohol, quick yes’s, passive jabs.Why eliminating what drags you down works better than predicting what will lift you up.Insights from Tim Ferriss, Greg McKeown, and Nassim Taleb on the art of subtraction.Removing marriage habits that create distance and start opening space for real connection.Takeaways:Stop adding goals when you’re overloaded—focus on cutting the obvious negatives first.Subtraction frees up energy, time, and presence in your work and family.“What you don’t do” can be the clearest path to growth.When you think about what’s next in your life, start by asking: What don’t I want?If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Misplaced attention fuels frustration, fear, and sadness. Most men underestimate how much power they give away when they let the news and social media dictate their attention.Highlights:Why misplaced attention drains productivity and sleepHow headlines turn conversations pessimistic and repetitiveThe hidden impact on parenting decisions and family lifeThe simple practice that reveals what’s really underneath the angerTakeaways:Your attention is your power—choose where it goes.Guard against the pull of headlines, comments, and opinions.Put focus back on what you can control: health, family, and work.What would shift if you pulled your attention away from the noise and put it back where it matters?If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most of us only see the distance to our ideal. In this episode we look at using our progress to propel us. We cover:• The framework of “the gap and the gain” and why it matters• Why focusing on the gap creates more frustration at home and work• Simple daily practice to shift your brain toward the gain• Two situations where “focusing on the gain” can backfire—and what to do insteadPractical takeaways:• End each day by writing down three wins—big or small.• Measure progress backward, against where you started, not against an ideal.• Watch your blind spots: gains aren’t excuses to ignore responsibility.The gap is endless. Train your focus on the wins, and you’ll bring more calm, presence, and energy to your family and leadership.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most men try to push themselves forward with criticism—but that fuel burns out fast.Episode Highlights:Why putting pressure on ourselves feels logical but actually drains energyHow early success conditions us to rely on fear and shameSigns your self-talk is undermining motivation (numbing out, overworking, chasing validation)The shift from critic to cheerleader—what it sounds like in real lifeTakeaways:Notice when your self-talk is critical and learn to reflect on the impact.Trade pressure for encouragement—end your day by naming wins, not misses.Practice the same positive reinforcement with yourself that you want to give your kids and team.This week, take stock of your own motivation. Is your critic driving—or your cheerleader?If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Family trips aren’t vacations. They’re rollercoasters—packed with logistics, too many personalities, and unmet expectations.In this episode, we dive into what a request for chips can reveal about expectations, irritation, and presence. Plus, the creative shift behind the podcast, and what it means to keep showing up as a dad, husband, and creator when life changes.Highlights:The difference between a vacation and a family tripWhy unmet expectations lead to frustrationCoaching insight: how to adjust your mindset before a tripA new lens for managing energy, responsibility, and gratitudeTake Action:Before your next trip (or even your next weekend), pause and check your expectations. Are they helping or hurting how you show up?If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Feeling behind leads to reactive days, scattered focus, and that constant low-level stress that won’t let up. This episode breaks down a real-world strategy to reset that cycle and get back in control.Inside, you’ll hear how one executive went from spiraling through stress to calmly attacking his day—by shifting his mindset and using a simple 4-step planning process.This isn’t about hustle or hacks. It’s about getting grounded, clear, and intentional when life is full.What you’ll learn:How your thoughts shape your productivityA proven planning method to calm your mindWhy stress lingers without a clear path forwardIf this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Most high-performing men pride themselves on staying calm, staying positive, and getting through hard stuff fast. But when your wife is upset, that instinct to cheer her up or look on the bright side is doing more harm than good.In this episode, we talk about why emotional reflexes—though well-intended—can actually push your partner away.We’ll cover:Why men shut down or push past emotions—and how that breaks connectionHow the habit of fixing or reframing keeps you from being presentWhat emotional strength actually looks like in a relationshipYour version of “being strong” cannot involve skipping over sadness, worry, or fear. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Lots of guys are wired to push—at work, in training, and for your family. But the real challenge isn’t pushing harder… it’s knowing when to pause.In this episode, we unpack what it actually means to do the hard thing as a high-performing man. It’s not just finishing a Spartan race. It’s staying calm with your kids. It’s being present at a family event you’d rather skip. It’s learning how to quiet the part of you that always wants to go.Highlights:Why the “grind” mindset stops working at homeThe difference between achievement and presenceA client’s insight on what’s really hard as a dadHow to access the calm, grounded version of yourselfA guided 5-minute practice you can use anytimeTake Action:Try the meditation. It’s 5 minutes. It could change how you show up tonight at dinner.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

The real reason most high-achieving men feel behind: they’re busy, but not productive.In this episode, we share how to use the Eisenhower Matrix to stop the overwhelm and start making real progress—in business, relationships, and training. This quick mindset and strategy shift will help you get clear on what actually matters.Highlights:Why “busy” doesn’t mean productiveFour types of tasks and how to categorize themThe easiest way to clean up your to-do listWhere real growth happens (hint: it’s not in your inbox)Adventure update: Rim-to-Rim hike training recapGrab your to-do list. Take 10 minutes. Categorize everything. You’ll walk away with a sharper focus and more peace of mind.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Our kids are watching. In this ep we cover five essential things our kids should witness their dad doing. Apologize and admit you're wrong.Let them catch you reading instead of scrolling on your phone.Speak kindly about people. Don't gossip or talk low of someone behind their back. (Or to their face.)Respect your wife – Don't talk condescendingly to her or about her.Ask for help.To learn about upcoming outdoor adventure trips with Tommy, go to tommygcoaching.com and join the email list for announcements about new challenges beyond the sold-out Grand Canyon trip.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Ever been ready to relax after a long day at work, but your wife is stressed and so there’s tension in the house for everyone?It’s tempting to tell her to calm down. Chill out. Explain that mud on the carpet isn’t a big deal. But usually this ends up in a full-blown argument.In today's episode, you'll dive into the 3G Model to help you respond in a way that actually strengthens your relationship. Here's what you'll learn:1️⃣ Grrrr Mode – You snap back when she snaps at you. Not pretty.2️⃣ Guarded Helper – You help around the house, but keep a safe distance, hoping the storm passes.3️⃣ Grounded Husband – You get curious, check in with her, and show her you're on the same team.Think of it like climbing a ladder. The higher you go, the stronger your connection with your wife—and the better your relationship. When you level up your marriage, you level up in EVERY area of life.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Have you ever asked your wife, "What can I do to help?" during chaos in the home? There's a good chance the question increased her stress level rather than reduced it.Our wife needs us to think, not just do. When men don't absorb some of the mental load that comes with leading a family, resentment builds up.Today's episode will leave you with two main actions that'll help remove pressure from your wife's plate:1. Step into the CEO role so you can be strategic and proactive.2. Initiate the "Fair Play" conversation so you can run the household as a team.Tune in to take on your share of responsibilities so your wife feels supported and the house feels more peaceful. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

We all have past decisions that make us cringe. Things we'd do differently the second time around, given the chance. But if we don't make peace with those decisions, they'll cause us to procrastinate and overanalyze our decisions today.They'll make a dent in our confidence and lead us to subconsciously question ourselves when we have a big decision on our plate.You'll leave this ep with three steps that'll help you make peace with your past decisions so you can be a confident decision-maker today:1. Awareness – ID the regrets that bubble up when you notice yourself overanalyzing.2. Language – Stop trying to make the "right" decision and instead work towards the best decision, given your circumstance, information, situation.3. Confidence – Recognize that you're not perfect, and you're still you can still hold yourself in high regard. You'll make mistakes, and you'll recoverTune in to learn how to free yourself from past choices and confidently make decisions in the present.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Short days, long nights, viruses, and temps in the teens. A lot of guys are feeling weighed down or trapped at this stage in winter.It's an I-gotta-get-out-of-here feeling and it doesn't jive well with our spouse and kids. Today's episode will leave you with four actionable takeaways that'll zap the cabin fever feeling:1. Put on the proper gear and get outdoors.2. Declutter or tackle a project.3. Change your language because your language defines your experience in the world.4. Work with your wife to carve out some solo time.And please excuse the cries in the background inserted by my two-year-old as an enhancement to the overall trapped indoors with kids ambiance. 🙃If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

At some point, in the next 365 days, your wife will have a birthday. And for men, this day can weigh on us. What will you get her? What will you do together? How will you make it a great day for her?Thoughtful decisions to be made that we don't have time for.Today's episode will take the pressure off so the birthday planning doesn't wear you down and your wife knows you care.You'll walk away with 3 new strategies that make birthdays seamless:- Keep an ongoing gifts list.- Use your calendar so you're not surprised.- Set yourself up with action steps two months out.Bonus - These steps can be used for any situation where you're feeling the pressure.  Plan ahead and set your future-self up for an easier ride. Finally, if you're ready to tackle a big challenge this year the Grand Canyon Rim-to-Rim Adventure happening in October 2025.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Why would a successful man shift careers?Maybe you want more freedom, flexibility, autonomy. Maybe you want to feel like you're making a difference – that what you're doing matters. Or maybe it's all of the above. Whatever your motivation, you're not alone in wanting to make career changes despite having reached certain milestones in your life.When men feel the nudge, 4 main excuses tend to stop guys in their tracks until retirement:1. Time.2. Financial success.3. Their wife may not be on board.4. Feels too late to make a change.Today's episode will address all four of these obstacles so you can navigate through each of them and pursue career that lights you up.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

We’re ready to hit new goals in 2025. The journey we're embarking on is an inward journey. Not so much a pursuit as it is an uncovering. Shedding some of our programing, habits and lines of thinking, in order to uncover a truer version of you. Personal growth is a process of peeling back protective layers. In this episode we dive into• Exploring how goal setting can help reveal our inner selves  • Emphasizing the difference between discovery and pursuit in personal growth  • Identifying common fears and defensive layers that hold us back  • Sharing practical visualization techniques for personal development  • Discussing the balance between productivity and relaxation in achieving goals  • Highlighting the role of trust in navigating the unknowns of growth  If you're interested in applying the Prime 2025 process, check out our website for workshop information!www.tommygcoaching.comIf this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Small talk can be draining – surface-level conversations that leave you bored or tired. But this episode will give you a new and valuable take on small talk.Because if we’re only living for the big events, we’re missing out on 98% of life. The same goes with interactions with people. Those small, seemingly meaningless conversations are actually the glue that holds us together.This goes for our immediate family as well as strangers and aquaintances. The small stuff happens to be the building blocks for the big stuff. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

This week, we cover three Stoic practices to navigate family tension and not let it get in the way of enjoying the holidays. You will:- Plan for potential difficulties so you’re not blindsided.- Reframe challenges as opportunities.- Accept people for who they are and love them anyway.Listen so you can relieve tension and soak in the holidays with your fam.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

I send a weekly reflection form to my guys the day before each session – just four quick questions so they can get some insight on what's working, what's not, and what to change.And I've noticed a pattern.Looking back at all the answers, a lot of guys celebrate one-on-one time. Individual time with their wife. With their kid. With their dad or anyone they care about. That one-on-one time tends to stand out as a highlight, and something they want more of. This podcast talks about why one-on-one time it's so meaningful, and how to get more of it.Because at the end of the day, or the end of your life, it's those meaningful relationships that matter most. And spending individual time with someone is the most effective and enjoyable way to nurture that relationship. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

How’s your phone usage?One guy I was working with knew he was on it too much at bedtime and that it was interfering with his sleep. We pulled three principles from James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits and honed in on:1. Habit stacking2. Environment support3. Identity shiftWhether you’re trying use your phone less, go for a run more consistently, or drink less alcohol, this episode will help you create a plan that you can stick to. You’ll also avoid the obstacles that are easiest to overlook so you don’t slip back into your old ways. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Why do we overreact? Even when we know better. We know it’s gonna piss someone off or upset the person in front of us, but our mouth takes a mind of it’s own and say the thing anyway. The truth is, our brains have evolved to overestimate danger, loss, or rejection. We’re a lot safer and more loved than our brain lets on.Dr. Bessel van der Kolk breaks the brain down into three parts:The cook - takes in all the ingredients and cooks up a narrative.The smoke detector - decides very quickly if the stress signals need to go off.The watch tower - takes a higher viewpoint of the situation and has better discernment if the alarm signals need to go off.The problem is, our watch tower receives the information from the cook slower, and it takes longer to process the narrative. The watch tower might have better judgment, but our smoke detector beat it to the punch and we’ve already lashed out.This awareness alone can help us tune into our watch tower more readily, along with taking a look into our past to understand why the smoke detector is so quick to signal danger.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

We don't want to make decisions from a rut. And by rut, I mean anxious, bummed out, down – When things feel stagnant or even in a downward spiral.Here are three steps to get out a rut so you can make better decisions:Step 1: What's the worst-case scenario? Let your brain run. Speak it out loud. Write it down. What's your brain worried might happen?Step 2: What's the best-case scenario? Let your brain dream. It would be incredible if...Step 3: What's the most likely scenario? This is where your brain can settle. From here, you can think more logically, and make decisions from a clear-headed place. The truth is, you're making decisions all day every day. So if you're in a rut, it's important to address it before implementing rash decisions out of fear. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Are you making things more difficult for yourself?Whether life feels pretty normal, or if you’re going through a rough patch, here’s an equation that’ll make things easier for you:Suffering = Pain x ResistanceIn other words, the more you resist the hard, the more you suffer.Conversely, the more you embrace the “suck,” the easier things will flow for you. Listen to today’s episode to learn exactly how to open up to the pain and stop making life harder than it needs to be. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

We all have a default mode of operating – Our general disposition.Maybe it’s intense go-go mode, or more of a slow, steady, calm mode. The important thing to remember is that we get to control our mode. It’s not hardwired. You’re in the driver seat and your hand is on the gear shifter.Being self-led means shifting down or up for the appropriate situations. 4th gear isn’t helpful while parenting or during an argument. 1st gear isn’t helpful when it’s time to work out or close a deal.And sometimes, the most helpful gear we can put it in is park. To reset so we we can shift up from there. Listen to today’s episode to learn why it all starts with presence. That’s how we access the self and become aware of what gear we’re currently in and what gear will be most helpful for the existing situation. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

I was talking to a buddy the other day about his son’s cleanliness (or lack of), and he said something that I think every dad can relate to. He said he just wants his kids to be decent humans. When our kids go off into the world, we wanna know that we’ve raised a decent person. And this desire can lead us to correct our kids at every opportunity. If we let something slide, we’re not doing our job as a dad to guide them.But actually the opposite is true. The more we nag our kids, the less impact we have on them. When we ride them at every opportunity, it starts to knock down their confidence and degrade our relationship. Instead, we want to pull back and ask, what does my kid really need from me right now?This will allow you to let most things go. Today's episode will help you to lay off a bit, and support your kids where they need it most.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

When we snap, it seems to happen suddenly.Like it's the last straw, and there's no stopping the volcano eruption.But there are ways to stop it. Today's episode will do a quick review of the thinking cycle – the triad of the only aspects you can control in your life: your thoughts, emotions, and actions. This thinking cycle is the key element in getting in front of the blow-ups and choosing a better way to communicate when you're mad. This is how we slow down time and see the world as Neo saw it in the Matrix.Listen in and learn to choose your reaction rather than feeling like it just bubbled up and came out of nowhere.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Can watching Netflix or scrolling through social media really help you unwind? Today's episode will look at common strategies men use to unplug at the end of the day, and you'll walk away with better options. Imagine you're an archer, and you have a quiver of arrows on your back. Each of these arrows is a strategy to unplug for a moment. Some of these arrows leave you with a net negative impact (aka less energy), and some leave you with a net positive impact (aka more energy.The struggle is, most net negative arrows are within easy reach. You've got to work a bit harder for the net positives.  But the good news is, the more you reach for your net positive arrows, the more you start to crave them. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Are you screwing up enough?We’ve seen all the memes about “failing forward” and “using failure as a stepping stone.” But STILL, subconsciously, we let the fear of failure hold us back. That fear is hardwired into us, and until we put ourselves out there and fail over and over, that fear will lock us down. Because deep down, we believe failure is a problem.But failure is not the problem. What we make failure mean is where we’ll find our problem. Today’s episode gives three real life examples of failures so you can continue to reframe how you think about your misses, and get after whatever you’ve been backing away from. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

While we can’t control other people, we CAN influence them.In fact, we’re influencing others at all times, whether we want to or not – Especially our kids.Our influence happens because of a function in our brain called neuroception.Neuroception is constantly reading the room – assessing the people and surroundings to evaluate: safe? Or not safe?Neuroception takes in another person’s body language, tone of voice, eye movement, every micro-expression. And it all happens subconsciously, without effort so we can read whether another person is calm and in control, or if we should be on high-alert. This is why, as dads, leaders, husbands, it’s so helpful to learn to regulate our own nervous system. To recognize our triggers and learn to control our temper.When our kids, employees, and spouse feel safe, the whole room can relax. After a few weeks of working together, one guy said, “the whole house feels better.” Listen to today’s episode to better understand the power of your influence on others, and how you can create an environment of safety and trust for your family.If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

We have impact (not control) over our employees. And as their leader, THE most IMPACTFUL thing we can do, is clean up our thoughts about them – especially if it’s an employee that can get under our skin. Here’s why: When we’re mildly annoyed by an employee, they feel it. Humans can tell if they’re wanted in the room, or not.And if they’re not wanted, they aren’t able to open up to their best, most authentic self. And they’re not set up to do their best, most inspired work. The way to fix this is to fix the subconscious playbook you have for them.Get all your judgements out on the table so you can address them or eliminate them. Listen to today’s episode to bring the best out of your employees (and your kids).If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

A playbook is a set of expectations we have for another person.If you were the coach of a football team, you’d have a set of playbooks, and you’d expect your team members to play the game accordingly. We do the same thing in life with ordinary people, except they rarely play according to our expectations. And that’s why our kids’ can be friggen frustrating. Or our wife, employees, or parents…The helpful thing to do is to take a look at your playbooks.For example, if you’re holding a playbook for your wife, ask yourself:- If I could wave a magic wand, how would I want my wife to act?- If she behaved exactly the way I wanted, how would I feel? And what would I believe?For for the final, big-kicker question:- Can you believe that right now? Can you find evidence to support that belief without her changing?The answer is almost always “yes.”This is how we release tension from a relationship and stop trying to control the other person. Listen to today’s episode so you can stop wishing the other person would change. You’ll both feel better, and it’ll be on your own terms. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

Men have a list of things to worry about. Take your pick:- Are you saving enough money?- Will your kids turn out okay?- Will your kids have fond memories of you?- Are you failing in your career?If you really pay attention and listen to the voice in your head, it’s probably worrying. A lot. Yet, worrying is the most useless action we can take. Today’s episode will teach you how to use the worry matrix – a series of three questions that’ll snap you out of worry and into action. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

School probably taught you how to read and write, but skipped over how to handle bad news, failure, or disappointment.This is where stoicism comes in. Stoicism teaches us how to handle the difficult things in life. One of THE hardest skills to develop is to focus on what’s in our control rather than what’s out of our control. It’s a core principle of stoicism, and discerning and focussing on what you control will free you of the bulk of your difficulties.Listen to today’s episode for stoic insight on managing anger, anxiety and fear. You’ll find that it all boils down to perception, because perception runs your life. This is good news because perception is also in your control. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now! 

One dad told me, “I wake up at 4:57 each morning, put on my pants, and go nonstop until 9pm when I watch 30 minutes of Netflix and crash. Then I wake up and do it again.”And I think 99% of dads can relate.The list of todos is exhausting. At least some days. That feeling’s not going to go away unless we make a few changes. The first is to take ownership of our situation. There is no “have to,” or “I got dragged into it.” We’re there by choice.The second is to learn why we say yes to too many things. This week’s episode will pose several powerful questions to help you uncover the root of your exhaustion so you can create more space in your life. If this episode helped you think differently, share it with another guy who’d benefit from the conversation.And if you haven’t already, follow the podcast so these episodes stay in your rotation. Just click follow or subscribe right now!