Everything That Came Before Grace - The Podcast
by Bill See
Everything That Came Before Grace, The Podcast is devoted to Bill See's new novel, his follow up to the critically acclaimed doc-novel, "33 Days." Not a reader? Like audiobooks but want more than a straight reading? This is for you: A writer's account of the inspiration behind the story of a single father who comes of age as he discovers whether it's love or fatherhood that will save him. Haunted by his mother’s death & one fateful night back in college, Benjamin desperately tries to keep his mental illness a secret from his daughter Sophia long enough to get her off to college.
Episodes
-
Episode 50 - Bill See interviewed by Raj Makwana
A very special episode. Divine Weeks guitarist and long time friend Raj Makwana interviews Bill. It's really more a conversation between two old friends on the eve of the release of Bill's new book.
-
Chapter 49 - Springtime in New York - April 24, 2021
We jump forward to April 2021, and Benjamin shares the euphoria of moving to New York then the crushing dose of reality brought on by the pandemic. The pall has lifted and everyone is trying to return to normalcy. Benjamin meets Sophia and her boyfriend Tomas for dinner, and she invites her...
-
Chapter 48 - Sweet Dreams (Of You) - September 3, 2019
On the night before he moves to New York, Benjamin has a dream about driving up the coast one last time but his car breaks down. He gets picked up by a stranger, but he can't see her face. She drops him off somewhere he doesn't recognize and starts to pull away. He sees her face, and he realizes...
-
Chapter 47 - A Parting Gift For Cassandra - September 2, 2019
It's a busy last day in L.A. for Benjamin as he says goodbye to Sarah, gives a parting gift to Cassandra then takes a ride with an Uber driver for a last look at his city. Songs: “No Second Thoughts” – Tom Petty “Willin’” – Little Feat Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify:...
-
Chapter 46 - Seeing Anna Again - September 1, 2019
Two days before moving to New York, Benjamin meets up with Anna, the first time they've seen each other since the day she drove off three years earlier. She tells him she found out Keith's secret, and she's leaving him. While she tells him the news he's been waiting to hear for a decade…
more -
Chapter 45 - Three Years Later - August 2019
Benjamin recounts the past three years since Sophia went off to college. It got dark for awhile then Benjamin had a moment of clarity while listening to the Staple Singers and suddenly it hurt too much not to start moving forward. So he did. He pays a visit to Sophia in New York, and while there…
more -
Chapter 44 - Letting Go - September 2016
Benjamin flies back from dropping off Sophia at college and remembers the moment they said goodbye. Then when he gets back home he has a couple of surprises waiting for him. Songs: “Tears of Rage” – The Band It’s a Motherfucker” – The Eels “Still Water” – Daniel Lanois Check out the ETCBG…
more -
Chapter 43 - Reaching An Impasse - Early August 2016
Benjamin and Anna plan another day together, and when Anna comes over to pick him up, she's thrown by Sophia playing the consulate host and getting a peek into their world. After Sophia heads out, Anna and Benjamin have a heart to heart that culminates in her making a shocking admission. Songs…
more -
Chapter 42 - Sophia Finds Out Everything - Late July 2016
Sophia's been gone a month now, and she'll be going off to college in just over a month. Benjamin decides he has to do something to get her back home. He shows up at an event and convinces her to come home with him. On the long drive home through traffic, Sophia tells him she's done some digging...
-
Chapter 41 - Homeward Bound - Mid-July 2016
Sophia has been gone for three weeks, and Benjamin is a wreck. He confides in Sarah who tells him when she ran off while still in high school. When Benjamin gets home, he tries reaching out to Sophia, but she's not having it. Songs: "Come Talk To Me" - Peter Gabriel Check out the ETCBG Playlist…
more -
Chapter 40 - Dear Dad - June 26, 2016
Benjamin wakes up the next morning, and immediately senses Sophia is gone. He goes out to the dining room and she's left a letter for him.
-
Chapter 39 - A Perfect Day, Until That Last Part - June 25, 2016
Benjamin and Anna spend a day together having brunch, taking drive up the coast, stopping at the tide pools and sitting down for a heart to heart on the sand. On the drive home, Anna asks Benjamin about his mom, and he tries to decide how much to reveal. After Anna drops Benjamin off, Sophia gets...
-
Chapter 38 - Getting Cut Adrift - Early April 2016
In another session with Cassandra, Benjamin shares things are still not any better with Sophia. Cassandra warns him to stop suffocating her, and he tells her he can't let up now that she's so close to heading off to college. Cassandra tells him he's been so obsessed with protecting Sophia, he's...
-
Chapter 37 - A Drink With Keith - March 28, 2016
Keith calls Benjamin out of the blue and asks him out for a drink. Benjamin hesitates then Keith tells him it's the 20th anniversary of his dad's death. To his surprise, they start to have a great time, but then he sees something on Keith's phone that changes everything. Songs: "Pedestrian at…
more -
Chapter 36 - Sophia Finds My Meds - Early March 2016
Sophia gets home late and Benjamin tells her to mind the curfew better. They argue, and Sophia accuses her dad of hiding things again. When he denies it, she tells him she found his Zoloft. When she marches off and locks the door behind her, Benjamin has another panic attack. He calls Anna, but…
more -
Chapter 35 - Taking Bullet After Bullet - February 1, 2016
Another year has passed, and Sophia is now midway through senior year. She's just been accepted to Columbia and time is winding down for her to head off to college, but Sophia has still not forgiven Benjamin. Benjamin is sitting out front when Sophia comes home from school crying and locks…
more -
Chapter 34 - Trying To Be Two Wise Old Birds - Later on February 2, 2015
It's later that same night Anna and Benjamin had their meet up. Anna asks wants to know why Benjamin keeps guarding that line between them. He tells her why. She asks if he wants her to back away, and he begs her not to.
-
Chapter 33 - The Meet-Up - February 2, 2015
Benjamin and Anna meet for lunch, the first time they've seen each other since the Christmas party over two years ago. Benjamin gives her a birthday mixtape, and then they take a drive over to check out hers and Keith's new house. It's a close call. Songs: “Sweet Feeling” – Candi Staton “Long...
-
Chapter 32 - Walking Along The Icy Surface - Early 2015
It's been a year of Benjamin and Anna carrying on via emails. Sophia has a boyfriend now and things are still tense between she and her dad. The emails continue, and the envelope keeps getting pushed. They finally agree to meet up in person. Songs: "Have a Little Faith in Me" - John Hiatt Check…
more -
Chapter 31 - Coming Clean - Spring 2014
Benjamin levels with Cassandra he's been guilty of emotional infidelity with Anna for the past few months. On the drive home, Benjamin gets a lift listening to a great new song, and he makes out a list of what makes life worth living. Songs: “Red Eyes” – The War on Drugs “Magnolia” – Gang of…
more -
Chapter 30 - Emails Only - February 2014
After over a year of radio silence, Benjamin gets an email from Anna and they start an epistolary relationship. Songs: "I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WkzxfcBkx5Z4g12XVU9lR?si=U-zI6Eu4QiOhGrIkIcWujQ
-
Chapter 29 - Sounding Like A Goddamn Weenie - Fall 2013
After Benjamin and Sophia spend the first good day they've had all year, he thinks they've turned the corner. However, at dinner that night, it's clear they're still a chasm apart from reconciliation. When Sophia retires for the night, Benjamin goes outside to sit on his old wicker chair again…
more -
Chapter 28 - A Saturday Night Talking To Myself - Spring 2013
Sophia cancels on Benjamin at the last minute leaving him alone on a Saturday night. Over the course of the evening, Benjamin gets told off by Angela, watches the Dodgers, becomes master of his domain, sits in Sophia's room and reminisces about the good times then peeks at something he shouldn't...
-
Chapter 27 - Accidents Happen - Early February 2013
It's six weeks post-Christmas party, and while the shock has worn off, Sophia keeps withdrawing and the tension remains high. She finally confronts Benjamin about what happened the night of the Christmas party, and then has some very pointed questions. Benjamin asks her if things can get back to...
-
Chapter 26 - Acquiescence - Early 2013
Benjamin confesses to Cassandra what happened the night of the Christmas party, and how bad things now are with Sophia. He finally acquiesces to taking meds.
-
Chapter 25 - The Christmas Party - Late December 2012
Benjamin and the now 14 year old Sophia go to Anna and Keith's Christmas party. Benjamin drifts out to the kitchen where Anna is making hors d'oeuvres. As the conversation ensues, Benjamin goes from nursing his scotch to gulping it, and things get tense and confrontational. Benjamin storms off...
-
Chapter 24 - The Out Of Towners - Early Winter 2012
Catherine's parents, Gene and Lucy, are in town and want to have dinner at El Coyote with Benjamin and Sophia. Sophia and Benjamin roam the crowded iconic restaurant looking for them and bump into Benjamin's college friends who know about his feelings for Anna. When Benjamin finally sits down…
more -
Chapter 23 - Peace Piece - Spring 2012
On the drive home from work, Benjamin gets a call from Sophia who asks him for permission to go away for the weekend to Coachella. He says no, and Sophia snaps triggering a panic attack in Benjamin. He doesn't know who to call but finally calls Anna who comes to the rescue, and they share a…
more -
Chapter 22 - the Talk - Fall 2011
With Cassandra's warning ringing in his ears, Benjamin sits Sophia down for "The Talk." She initially recoils, but when Benjamin tells her it's a lot more than learning about sex, but rather having a set of non-negotiable rules she needs to define about herself, it becomes a bonding experience…
more -
Chapter 21 - A Monumental Concept - Fall 2011
Benjamin shares with Cassandra he's coming down with an early case of empty nest syndrome. She continues to challenge him about his refusal to stay out of a relationship until after Sophia goes off to college. When he won't budge, she confronts him with a question that puts his whole modus…
more -
Chapter 20 - Drifting Blues - Early August 2011
As Benjamin sits out on his old wicker chair one warm summer night, he recounts the last year. He feels like he's drifting and he keeps trying to keep up with Sophia who's now almost a teenager. As Sophia withdraws and becomes more guarded, Benjamin doesn't know what to do with himself and feels...
-
Chapter 19 - Dating By Happenstance - Late Spring 2010
Benjamin finally relents and accepts Angela's invitation to a fundraiser at Sophia's school. After, she invites him over to her house. Songs: "Function at the Junction" - Shorty Long Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify:...
-
Chapter 18 - It's What I Do - Early October 2009
It's been six months since Anna and Benjamin shared their feelings, and Benjamin goes back to Cassandra for another session. Cassandra pushes him to start dating, and he says he can't. She keeps pushing and he says he can wait until after Sophia goes off to college. Songs: “Sing Me Back Home” –...
-
Chapter 17 - Enter The Elephant - March 2009
Anna calls Benjamin at work the day after his blind date and wants some answers. After they both share their feelings, Benjamin goes back inside and tells Sarah. Sarah warns him to stay away from her.
-
Chapter 16 - The Blind Date - March 2009
Benjamin goes on a blind date with Anna's friend Darlene. After some awkward starts and stops over dinner, they go back to her place. Benjamin can't get out of his head and things don't go well. Songs: “Message of Love” – Pretenders “Blue in Green” – Miles Davis Check out the ETCBG Playlist on...
-
Chapter 15 - The Dinner Party - Early March 2009
Benjamin and Sophia go over to Anna and Keith's for dinner. Benjamin does his best to adjust to now being the third wheel and Anna and Keith as the couple. The night ends with Anna and Keith setting Benjamin up on a blind date. Songs: “So Long, Lonesome” – Explosions in the Sky “Wake Up” – Maroon…
more -
Chapter 14 - The Dogs - February 2009
After tucking Sophia in, Benjamin sits out front on his old wicker chair and tries to write. His two dogs, Coco and Cooper come out to join him as is their wont. Benjamin then shares his affinity for dogs. "How To Fight Loneliness" - Wilco Check out the ETCBG Playlist on Spotify:...
-
Chapter 13 - A Trip To The Big City - Labor Day Weekend - 2008
After a rough summer following the wedding, Benjamin decides to take Sophia on a trip to New York. Sophia catches her dad off guard asking him about her mother and whether he ever had a one true love.
-
Chapter 12 - The Wedding - March 29, 2008
Benjamin watches Anna marry Keith then during his best man's best fantasizes about what he'd really like to say. Later, he and Anna share a dance that would make Uma Thurman and John Travolta proud. Songs: “Nowhere to Run” – Martha & The Vandellas “You Never Can Tell” – Chuck Berry Check out the...
-
Chapter 11 - Tales of Abandonment - February 2008
We rejoin the present - it's February 2008 - and we meet Benjamin's feisty co-worker Sarah then he heads off for another session with Cassandra. Benjamin talks about his OCD, the haunting dream he had, and the period right after the car accident. Benjamin then asks Cassandra a question, and she…
more -
Chapter 10 - A Chance Meeting With A Stranger - September 11, 2001
Benjamin recalls 9/11 when Sophia was only 3 and he was still trying to find his bearings. After a grueling morning watching the terrible news on TV, he takes Sophia to a park and meets a stranger who gives him some sage advice.
-
Chapter 9 - The Only Thing That Works - Early January 2008
We jump back to the present - it's early January 2008 - and Benjamin shares his process for getting himself out of the dark places he sometimes goes. A process he got from someone he met on 9/11 seven years earlier. Songs: “Waiting for a Superman” – Flaming Lips “I’m Set Free” – Velvet…
more -
Chapter 8 - The Reveal - March - December 1998
Benjamin sits down with Catherine and has a couple of talks.
-
Chapter 7 - The Fateful Night - January 10, 1998
Anna returns to L.A. after spending Christmas break with her mom up north, and tells Benjamin she needs a break. After giving her a week to cool down, Benjamin calls Anna and asks if she wants to go to Keith's birthday party together and they argue. Later, at the party, Anna freezes him out, and...
-
Chapter 6 - Hanging Downtown - October 17, 1997
Benjamin, Anna and Keith head downtown to barhop and then see The Melvins at Al's Bar, but they get lost and never make it. They end up at the King Eddy and while a strange lady comes on to Keith, Benjamin and Anna go outside to get some air, and Benjamin asks Anna a question. Songs: “The New...
-
Chapter 5 - The Last Effect of Grieving - March 1996
After a year and a half of Keith encroaching on Benjamin and Anna's relationship, the three of them take a camping trip into the Sierras and Benjamin finally starts to see the real Keith. Benjamin and Keith then go on a road trip together and come away as the best of friends. Songs: “High and…
more -
Chapter 4 - Born to Fit Inside Her - October 21, 1994
Benjamin and Anna have been dating for a month now going ice skating, roaming the aisles at bookstores, going to get Zonkou Chicken and to see Pulp Fiction, and taking a romantic walk along the Santa Monica bluffs. All the while, Keith keeps asking Anna out. In this chapter, Benjamin and Anna are...
-
Chapter 3 - Freshman Registration Day - September 26, 1994
It's Part 1 - The College Years for the next 6 chapters. In this episode, it's September 26, 1994, Benjamin's first day of college at UCLA and the first day he meets Anna and Keith, two people that will figure prominently in Benjamin's life for the next 25 years. Benjamin is smitten with Anna who...
-
Chapter 2 - Something In The Mail - December 21, 2007
It's later on December 21, 2007 and Benjamin is racing from Cassandra's to pick his daughter Sophia up from school on time. After loading up the car, Benjamin listens to a voice mail from someone he hasn't heard from in a decade. When they get home, we get a glimpse into their world inside their...
-
Chapter 1 - The Lifeboat - December 21, 2007
We start off with The Prologue. It's December 21, 2007 and single father Benjamin Bradford is sitting in the waiting room of the Kaiser mental health facility that’s at Washington and Inglewood in Culver City. While he waits to see his longtime therapist Cassandra he’s staring out the window at…
more
About this show
Everything That Came Before Grace, The Podcast is devoted to Bill See's new novel, his follow up to the critically acclaimed doc-novel, "33 Days." Not a reader? Like audiobooks but want more than a straight reading? This is for you: A writer's account of the inspiration behind the story of a single father who comes of age as he discovers whether it's love or fatherhood that will save him. Haunted by his mother’s death & one fateful night back in college, Benjamin desperately tries to keep his mental illness a secret from his daughter Sophia long enough to get her off to college.
Hosted by
Bill See