ExcommuniDate: Life & Love After Religion

In this year-end recap episode, hosts Austin, Jessa, and producer Miguel pull back the curtain on their first year of podcasting. They share technical disasters (internet outages, mic mishaps, Rubik's cube fidgeting), administrative fails (the "draft" title incident), and lessons learned about audience engagement. Topics include: controversial TikTok comments about Snapchat culture, the importance of guest vetting (enter the "Laz test"), surprising insights from reality TV coverage, and why Mormon Wives content keeps going viral. Expect honest reflections, behind-the-scenes humor, and a look at 2026 plans including YouTube expansion, more reality TV breakdowns, and listener-requested topics. If you're curious about podcasting logistics, love meta conversations about content creation, or have been with the show since day one, this retrospective is for you. Tell us: what do you want to hear in 2026?Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the show

Jack Violently joins Jessa, Austin, and Miguel to share his story of growing up evangelical, slowly losing faith, and figuring out who he is without religion’s script. He opens up about church trauma, purity culture, the fear of questioning doctrine, and the strange freedom that comes after belief collapses. With humor and honesty, they talk about identity, morality outside religion, friendship after deconstruction, and why humor can be a survival tool when everything you believed falls apart. This episode blends vulnerability, storytelling, and sarcasm in classic ExcommuniDate fashion.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the showSupport the show

In this play-along episode, we put modern dating under a microscope. Hosts Austin, Jessa, and guest Laz share their biggest dating gripes, then score them as icks or red flags from 1 to 5. Topics include: baby-talk sign-offs ("bye-bye now"), the "females" label, texting vs. IRL tone, food etiquette (string cheese, wings, sharing plates), tipping culture, flag-waving patriot games, and barefoot TSA lines. Expect humor, honest takes, and practical cues for better communication, boundaries, and self-awareness. If you're navigating relationships, deconstructing social norms, or love spicy debates about psychology, language, identity, and airport hygiene, this one's for you. Play along and tell us: ick or red flag?Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the showSupport the show

What happens when you're raised to believe the world is always ending? Violinist Amber Dobbs unpacks her childhood in The Message, a Pentecostal cult led by prophet William Branham. From apocalyptic fear to shame-based control, Amber shares how she escaped the Branhamites and began deconstructing her faith. Learn to identify brainwashing tactics, understand high control religions, and hear Amber's empowering message of self-validation. Essential listening for anyone navigating religious trauma or deconstruction.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the show

What happens when the faith you’ve built your life around becomes the very thing that breaks it apart? In this episode, Jessa and Austin sit down with Rip and Steph Graven to explore their journey from leading ministry to walking away from the church they were asked to help create in the Bay Area.Rip and Steph open up about the heartbreak of spiritual disillusionment, the strain it placed on their marriage and community, and what it means to lose your faith in public. From late-night doubts to watching their church unravel, they share the raw, often untold side of deconstruction: the grief, the guilt, and the quiet courage it takes to start over.Ultimately, their story is one of resilience and rediscovery. Leaving organized religion made space for something unexpected: creativity, honesty, and a new sense of purpose that didn’t require permission to exist.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the showSupport the show

The MomTok divide crystallizes when Jen and Zach uninvite Jesse, Demi, Layla, and Taylor from their baby blessing, separating the "good Mormons" from everyone else. Whitney's poor taste fruity pebbles gift to Demi at Galentine's Day only deepens the rift. From hot-tub tension to Galentine's shade, Austin and Jessalynn dissect the friendship politics, calling out emotional maturity gaps, judgment around sexuality, and how beauty standards collide with religious rules. We examine Utah soda culture vs. alcohol, class signals, the "uninvite," and why code switching shows up so often in tight-knit faith communities. We close with the baby blessing ceremony and its implications for gender and belonging. A recap of Hulu's Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (SLOMW) Season 1 Episode 3. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook | DiscordSupport the show

Love is Blind's Amber Wilder opens up about her journey from homeschool and high-control Southern Baptist upbringing to religious deconstruction and finding love after leaving faith. We trace her path through purity culture, patriarchy, early marriages, and the quarter-life crisis that led to therapy and a complete life reset. Amber shares raw insights about religious trauma, family boundaries, spiritual but not religious beliefs, and breaking free from the 'church umbrella.' Plus: why she got off dating apps and what it means to be truly seen beyond the Love is Blind experience. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Who is Miguel? We finally sit down with the man behind the chair. Miguel shares his story of growing up in a deeply religious Protestant household in Puerto Rico, the betrayal that shattered his trust, and the slow, sometimes painful process of deconstructing his faith. We talk about cultural shock in the Midwest, finding family through friendships, navigating dating with a religious past, and keeping a strong bond with his devout mother despite their different beliefs. Honest, funny, and heartfelt, Miguel’s journey is a reminder that resilience, community, and kindness matter more than dogma.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

What happens when church rules and family expectations squeeze too tight? You either suffocate—or break free. In this episode, Austin Schoen (aka the cooler, younger Austin, now with Bluetooth) shares his story of leaving the Southern Baptist church and navigating life after faith. From purity culture shame to cognitive dissonance, family fallout, and therapy breakthroughs, Austin opens up about the challenges of religious guilt and the healing power of unconditional love. With the support of his wife Bianca, he found stability, emotional growth, and a new identity beyond religion.If you’ve ever wrestled with faith deconstruction, evangelical upbringing, exvangelical identity, or recovering from religion, this episode will hit home.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Drama, guilt, and vibrators… oh my! In this Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Episode 2 recap, Jessa and Austin spill the Utah tea on Taylor’s post-arrest pregnancy, toxic relationships, and a brewing alpha female feud with Whitney. We break down the MomTok branding battles, the vibrator deal that shook the group, and how Mormon culture fuels sexual shame and relationship guilt. From Book of Mormon purity rules to messy baby showers, we unpack the family drama, cultural double standards, and reality TV chaos you will not see in the promo clips. A recap of Hulu's Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (SLOMW) Season 1 Episode 2. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Marine vet Lazaro Facio shares his journey from Catholicism to atheism, exploring morality, family, and life after leaving religion. We sit down with Lazaro Facio who is a Marine Corps veteran, proud atheist, and member of the ExcommuniDate team as we talk about losing religion and rebuilding identity. Laz shares his story of growing up Catholic, navigating teenage parenthood, finding community in the military, and ultimately deconstructing his faith. We explore what morality looks like without religion, how to cope with family tension after deconstruction, and why being a good person has nothing to do with heaven or hell. This episode offers insight, dark humor, and the kind of real talk you won’t hear in Sunday school, perfect for anyone navigating life after religion. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Austin and Jessa dive headfirst into the world of reality TV, starting with Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, where the scandals are messy and the friendships are paper-thin. We break down the Taylor Frankie Paul soft swinging scandal, viral TikTok drama, and the beauty standards running wild in Mormon culture. We also get real about deeper topics like domestic violence, social media pressure, and how patriarchal rules play out in both the church and Utah’s law enforcement. A recap of Hulu's Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (SLOMW) Season 1 Episode 1. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Do we truly have free will, or are our choices carefully shaped by the systems around us? Austin and Jessa unpack how high demand religions manipulate choice, creating the illusion of agency. They explore how shame, guilt, cultural norms, and community pressure shape decision-making. They examine the emotional costs of belonging, the subtle difference between emotional coercion and external control, and the journey of learning to trust yourself again. This episode invites you to question your choices, reclaim your personal values, and break free from ingrained religious expectations.Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Jessa grew up Mormon in Utah. Nikki grew up not Mormon in Utah. Austin didn’t grow up in Utah at all. Together, they unpack what it means to come of age in a place steeped in LDS culture. From navigating ward culture and family expectations to dating and parenting in a highly religious environment, this episode explores how location, belief, and identity collide in unexpected ways. Follow us on:Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

Jessa and Austin go head-to-head in a red flag showdown, sharing and scoring each others red flags by their level of red flagginess. From phone addiction and food snobbery to plastic surgery takes and hobby obsessions, nothing is off-limits.They break down which red flags are legit dealbreakers and which are just personal icks. Who brought the biggest red flag? Stick around to find out who wins.Follow us on: Patreon | YouTube | Instagram | TikTok | FacebookSupport the show

A former Jehovah’s Witness pioneer joins us to share her story of leaving the faith. She opens up about the exhausting demands of life as a pioneer, the emotional cost of door-to-door evangelism, and the trauma of being part of a system that mishandles abuse and enforces shunning. We also explore her experience navigating dating and family expectations after leaving the faith, how other religions like Mormonism approach growth, and what it means to reclaim your identity. Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Leave your shoes – and sanctity – at the door and join us for this conversation with Vishakha (Vi), who grew up in India and moved to the United States at age 19. Raised in Hindu traditions, she talks about what happens when religion and culture intermingle, especially on the journey to love. We explore how societal and gender roles engrained in her Hindu upbringing impacted her biracial, interfaith relationship, wedding and – ultimately – divorce.Plus, we dig into the caste system, the concept of “twin flames” and the power that comes from opting out of certain beliefs, even when they come from those who raised you. This episode reminds us that, even outside traditional high-demand religions, strict principles that guide our cultural upbringing can shape us – and set us free – all the same.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

How can you show up in your family relationships when you’re not able to express your truest self? That’s exactly the question we explore in this episode. We’re joined by Bianca, who opted out of some core beliefs of her Catholic upbringing as a young adult, leaving behind a rift in her family relationships. She talks about balancing faith and science, finding love outside of her religion and the uninvited guest at the family dinner table: Catholic guilt.Her journey is a relatable one about untangling expectations, redefining the definition of success, and the role her family – and her faith – played in the process. The pilgrimage away from the holy water for this daughter is one you won’t want to miss. Leave your judgments at the altar and come along for the ride!Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

On this episode, Melissa Frey joins the show to share her firsthand experience with the Christian church and its chase for chastity, especially in young women. She talks about the overwhelming guilt she felt when she had sex before marriage, casting off the patriarchal purity culture indoctrinated in her by faith and family. It was a decision that cost her dearly, but taught her valuable lessons about how the ideas of purity – common in high-demand religions – can hold us back.From the holy trinity to losing her virginity, Melissa’s story is one about pushing through shame, expectations and loss to find the priceless gift of self-confidence on the other side. If you’ve ever struggled with the dichotomy of your dreams and others’ doctrines, this one's for you!Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Caitlin Torres Graham regularly works with people who are grieving, whether that’s coming out, loss, death or, you guessed it, leaving a high-demand religion. As a trauma-informed art therapist, Caitlin works particularly with those grappling with their queer identity for the first time. Leaving behind a conservative religion has a lot of parallels and can leave behind a lot of trauma and fear. On this episode, Caitlin joins the show to talk about how art expression can be a tool to go from survive to thrive, helping foster a sense of identity and psychological safety along the way. Plus, what can dill pickles and painting teach us about our boundaries and ourselves? Listen in to find out!Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

What happens when your faith and sexuality collide? In this powerful episode, Jordan shares his journey of embracing his queer identity while navigating a high-demand Mormon upbringing. Discover how he grappled with a mixed-orientation marriage, confronted religious expectations, and ultimately chose authenticity over doctrine. From the suffocating closet of secrecy to the liberating process of leaving the LDS Church, Jordon’s story is a raw exploration of self-acceptance, resilience, and rewriting life’s script.Join us at the intersection of sect and sexuality as we unpack the challenges of unlearning religious conditioning, reclaiming authenticity, and finding the courage to say goodbye to a belief system that no longer fits. If you've ever wrestled with faith, identity, or the fear of starting over, this episode is for you.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

What does it take to rebuild your identity after leaving a high-demand religion? Austin and Jessa sit down with Alleia Davila, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at See the Wonder LLC, to explore the messy, empowering journey of rediscovering who you are. They dive into navigating relationships, breaking free from ingrained beliefs, finding authentic self-expression, and overcoming shame tied to religious upbringing.Jessa also explains why “navel gazing” might just be the key to understanding yourself better—turns out, humans love homeostasis, even when it holds us back.Whether you’re rebuilding your identity, supporting someone who is, or just curious about life after high-demand religion, this episode is packed with heartfelt stories, expert insights, and a few laughs to lighten the load.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Austin and Jessa dive into the complexities of dating across faith lines, sharing personal experiences and challenges faced when navigating relationships with differing beliefs. Austin discusses the importance of communication, respect, and setting boundaries in interfaith relationships, while offering insights on maintaining a healthy partnership despite cultural or religious differences. Jessalyn relates this to her current relationship and reflects on how it's been a true blessing in her life.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Cupid has no creed—and no remorse for those flying solo on Valentine’s Day. But what happens when you’re not just single, but also navigating life after leaving a high-demand religion? In this special episode, Jessa and Austin unpack the unique challenges of facing the "Day of Love" without the built-in community, expectations, and pressures of faith. From tackling loneliness and hyper-independence to redefining love on your own terms, they explore the power of self-acceptance, personal growth, and learning to actually enjoy your own company. Whether you're single, taken, or somewhere in between, this episode is a love letter to the one person who truly deserves it: you.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

What do “birth control shorts,” septum piercings, and The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives have in common? They’re all part of the messy, liberating journey of leaving high-demand religions and facing the ever-terrifying “s” word: stigma.In this episode, Jessa and Austin dive into the social stigmas faced by individuals who step away from high-demand faiths. Jessa shares her personal experiences, unpacking how religious expectations shape dating, self-expression, and relationships. From navigating judgment to rebuilding community, they explore what it means to pivot from “no no” to “go go” and reclaim your identity.Whether you’re deconstructing your own beliefs, supporting someone who is, or just curious about the challenges of leaving high-demand religions, this episode is your guide to chucking shame in the “fuck it” bucket and embracing authenticity.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Jessa (a Utah native) and Austin  (a Utah transplant) explore the complexities of dating in a state steeped in religious culture. Austin shares personal stories of navigating Utah's unique dating scene and confronting religious expectations, while Jessa introduces the concept of 'shelf breaking.' Together, they discuss how finding oneself post-religion can open up new freedoms, challenges, and meaningful connections.Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show

Austin and Jessa introduce "Excommunidate," a podcast focused on the journey of leaving a high-demand religion and rediscovering oneself. From finding love in a new, accepting community to navigating complex relationships, they set the stage for deep conversations and helpful insights to come. Remember, Cupid has no creed. Patreon 👉 https://www.patreon.com/excommunidatepodYouTube 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ExcommuniDateInstagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/excommunidate/TikTok 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@cupidhasnocreedFacebook 👉 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565386854823Support the show