Exploits of A Nobody

Send us Fan MailI used to think that when I quit drinking for running, everything would change. It would look like growth. I’d become a better, stronger person… taking control of my life. And it would feel like progress.One day I was looking at the finisher medals hanging on my wall, and I remembered another collection of finisher's medals I had chosen to forget. Three plastic, fake gold plates I had hidden in the garage after I quit drinking. I used to think they had nothing to do with each other. And when i realized they had more in common than I had thought, I was left wondering what to do with that.I don’t think this is really about running. Or drinking. It’s something else.To see photos of the plastic plates, my wall of finishers medals, and other photos visit my new web site: www.exploitsofanobody.comMusic and sound effects used in this episode:acoustic guitar melody #011 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/735192/ -- License: Attribution 4.0----------------------------------------------------wandering remix of excerpt of Tim Kahn's freesound #796235 by Timbre -- https://freesound.org/s/796818/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0sanxm by tim.kahn -- https://freesound.org/s/796235/ -- License: Attribution 4.0----------------------------------------------------Silent Hill inspired out of tune guitar by Destructo20 -- https://freesound.org/s/718498/ -- License: Creative Commons 0----------------------------------------------------Heartbeats 61.wav by patobottos -- https://freesound.org/s/369017/ -- License: Creative Commons 0----------------------------------------------------crowded bar chatter by leaving.february -- https://freesound.org/s/706352/ -- License: Creative Commons 0----------------------------------------------------cinematic remix of audiomirage's freesound 547966.wav by Timbre -- https://freesound.org/s/548257/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0The-Sluth-714 by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/547966/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0----------------------------------------------------Vintage Microwave Timer Bell Ring - 26 November ‎2011, ‏‎11:39:00 P.M. by crz1990 -- https://freesound.org/s/135873/ -- License: Attribution 4.0----------------------------------------------------Midwestern style riff by Destructo20 -- https://freesound.org/s/647385/ -- License: Creative Commons 0----------------------------------------------------Pinkish remix of ChristmasKrumble666's freesound 825397 by Timbre -- https://freesound.org/s/826863/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0TC Birthday Song.wav by ChristmasKrumble666 -- https://freesound.org/s/825397/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailSigning up for the Big Bend 100K, I daydreamed about finishing faster, about racing. For years I battled the voices in my head, perfection, and the habit of settling for just finishing. This time something shifted.This isn’t a story of redemption. It’s a story about what happens when the pieces finally come together — and you let it happen. Music and sound effects used in this episode:Stoic guitar by AndreyPsyche -- https://freesound.org/s/751614/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Sick guitar dissonat withh airy vox by AndreyPsyche -- https://freesound.org/s/751612/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Crowd_Cheering.wav by ken788 -- https://freesound.org/s/386762/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Piano loops 203 octave long loop 120 bpm by josefpres -- https://freesound.org/s/845352/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Donkey braying.wav by LeandiViljoen -- https://freesound.org/s/502081/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0Small group talking at lunch.m4a by guyburns -- https://freesound.org/s/434596/ -- License: Creative Commons 0WHICH WAY (ON THE VERGE) by MadGravityStudio -- https://freesound.org/s/749383/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Everybody Has a Story (pensive cello & choir) by SondreDrakensson -- https://freesound.org/s/749371/ -- License: Attribution 4.0555723Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailWhat if pain isn’t a warning to stop? What if it’s a doorway? A way of stripping away everything we don’t need, the doubt, the shame, the critic? Until all that’s left is the truth: I can keep going. Even when I think I can’t.Stagecoach 100 was a point-to-point ultra that stripped away everything except the truth I didn’t know I was looking for. It left me with questions I can’t shake:What happens when the pain gets louder than the critic? What’s left of us when ego is gone?I’m still trying to understand what I found out there.Come with me into the dark and the dust to see what remains when everything else falls away.visit my instagram page to see photos from the race: https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7enMusic/sound effects in this episode:construction metal lumber.wav by cognito perceptu -- https://freesound.org/s/32734/ -- License: Creative Commons 0outdoor_party.wav by isohoo -- https://freesound.org/s/503156/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Heater.mp3 by bmusic92 -- https://freesound.org/s/232919/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Wind blowing and howling in an antenna and its wire on the top of the chilean cliff. by felix.blume -- https://freesound.org/s/147599/ -- License: Creative Commons 04000 Hz beeps by AlaskaRobotics -- https://freesound.org/s/221085/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Crowd Cheer.wav by deleted_user_2104797 -- https://freesound.org/s/324892/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Interesting, pensive guitar by AlmightyPsyche -- https://freesound.org/s/751605/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0cowbell3 by Azvinz -- https://freesound.org/s/506134/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailThe messy middle isn’t just pain on the trail. It’s the storm we all try to shortcut. In this episode I dig into the temptation of hacks, pills, and perfection. From chasing sobriety with medication, to chasing races with training plans and calorie cuts, I kept looking for the magic pill that would silence the beast.But shortcuts don’t conquer it. They just make it hungrier.This isn’t a polished success story. It’s relapse, shame, perfectionism, weight obsession, and the ugly parts no one shares out loud. If you’ve ever asked “why isn’t this working?” or wondered if you’re the only one drowning in the middle — this one’s for you.Addiction, mental health, and crisis supportSAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)1-800-662-HELP (4357)Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/SMART RecoveryProvides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/Mental Health and Depression SupportNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)Website: https://www.nami.org/Eating Disorder SupportNational Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)Helpline: 1-800-931-2237Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/Overeaters AnonymousFind support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/General Crisis SupportCrisis Text LineText HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.Veterans Crisis LineDial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.Music used in this episodeSadness cosmo.mp3 by Bruno_ph -- https://freesound.org/s/109409/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0heart beat increasing 116642.wav by klankbeeld -- https://freesound.org/s/181805/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Type 2 Sad Violin Piano Music High by rahulsawla_ -- https://freesound.org/s/759032/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Emotional Dramatic Piano for Sad Moments by LolaMoore -- https://freesound.org/s/759785/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailWhat we listen to while we run says something. Music can be a painkiller, a punch in the gut, and a time machine all at once. Sometimes it’s noise, and worst of all, a crutch. This episode is made up of songs, stories, and one quiet truth:Music is powerful. How we choose to use it can make all the difference.Here's my Spotify playlist, 'Hold Fast and Run like You own it.'https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0vixdeIiXK7dcfv7FLkBEy?si=88e730acd51d430cThe list is arranged where the first 20 songs are hard hitting songs that get me through the dark times, and the pain. They include the songs referenced in this episode. Music used in this episodeMetal Band Jam 5 Thrash .wav by RutgerMuller -- https://freesound.org/s/50741/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Metal Band Jam 6 Midtempo Hardcore.wav by RutgerMuller -- https://freesound.org/s/50742/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailThis one’s personal. It’s about the part of the story most people skip—the messy middle. The part between the breakdown and the breakthrough, when everything hurts, your mind’s screaming, and you’re still somehow moving forward, even though the wheels are falling off. This episode started with a facebook comment and unraveled into something bigger. I talk about pain, silence, performative vulnerability, and what happens when people respond to your struggle but don’t really know how to sit with it. No advice, no clean wrap-up. Just real talk from inside the storm. if you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one barely holding it together—this is for you.Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailEvery ultramarathon has a map. But there’s another one we never talk about, the emotional topography.In this episode, share the noise and the quiet moments of my experience at the Canyons 100K: a race along the Western States trail that became less about climbing mountains and more about surviving the terrain inside my own head. What started as a hopeful return to long-distance running turned into a raw, unfiltered confrontation with the voices in my head.This isn’t a story about triumph. It’s about tension—between ego and doubt, pain and pride, quitting and continuing.No music. No sound effects. Just me. And the voices I run with.This episode contains strong language and references to mental health struggles, including suicidal thoughts. Please take care while listening. And remember—you’re not alone.Addiction, mental health, and crisis supportSAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)1-800-662-HELP (4357)Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/SMART RecoveryProvides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/Mental Health and Depression SupportNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)Website: https://www.nami.org/Eating Disorder SupportNational Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)Helpline: 1-800-931-2237Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/Overeaters AnonymousFind support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/General Crisis SupportCrisis Text LineText HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.Veterans Crisis LineDial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailIn this follow-up discussion, we go beyond the story and unpack the deeper lessons. Is quitting really failure, or is it sometimes the strongest choice? What are the warning signs we ignore—on the trail and in life? And what “race” are you still running, not because you love it, but because you don’t know how to stop? Join us as we explore endurance, self-identity, and the moments that force us to rethink everything.Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailWe’re taught that endurance is everything—push harder, suffer through, never quit. But what if endurance isn’t always the answer? What if knowing when to stop is the real strength?In this episode, I reflect on a race I never expected to DNF, the ghost of my past self on the trail, and the fine line between resilience and self-destruction. Whether on the course, in careers, or in relationships, when does perseverance serve us—and when does it trap us?What race are you still running, not because you love it, but because you don’t know how to stop?Progression of my Bandera 100k Finishing times2020: 18:59. My first 100k. I wanted a Western States lottery ticket.2021: 15:40. Redemption for the 2020 19:00hr finish. 2022: 15:30. Proof—because I had improved, and I needed to prove I could do it again, faster.2023: 15:22. Strength—because I was finally strong enough to push even harder.2024: 16:44. Doing it, because.2025: DNF. stuck—afraid to stopMusic in this episodeMysterious Music Box Atmosphere by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/773658/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Emotional Dramatic Theme by tyops -- https://freesound.org/s/436060/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Monday Lookin Back Again by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/577518/ -- License: Attribution 4.0epic intro 0U_32m by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/165765/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0viramiller__soft-piano-and-acoustic-guitar (freesound.org)erh__swell-pad (freesound.org)Ghost Music Box BGM (Rev. 1) by ChristmasKrumble666 -- https://freesound.org/s/753583/ -- License: Creative Commons 0DSGNDron_Eerie Exasperating Horrible Drone 15_EM by newlocknew -- https://freesound.org/s/733217/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0logicmoon__only-the-winds-guitar (freesound.org)Melancholic Atmosphere with Piano and Strings by Nancy_Sinclair -- https://freesound.org/s/750738/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Heartbeats 61.wav by patobottos -- https://freesound.org/s/369017/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Dramatic Acoustic Guitar Music for Cinematic Scenes by LolaMoore -- https://freesound.org/s/755888/ -- License: Attribution 4.0tomhannen__howling-wind-through-window-in-tower (freesound.org)almightypsyche__melancholy-melody-11-9-21.1 (freesound.org)Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailSix months after quitting a virtual 50-miler, I set out to run a 50K training run—no race, no medal, no finish line celebration. Just me, the trail, and the question: Can I show up and push myself when no one’s watching? What started as a test of physical endurance became something more—a shift in how I viewed running, purpose, and accountability. This is the story of how a failed race, a not-so-quiet 31 mile run redefined what truly matters.piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Short Classical Guitar Improvisation by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/688462/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Reverse acoustic guitar 0.flac by lewk -- https://freesound.org/s/114702/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0aimless 1C87 by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/200431/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0acoustic picking guitar 100bpm key of C.mp3 by ajubamusic -- https://freesound.org/s/320800/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Acoustic guitar harmonics by itinerantmonk108 -- https://freesound.org/s/763182/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Acoustic Guitar G-D-C by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/765330/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailIn ‘The Mountain Will Have Its Way’, I share the raw, unfiltered story of how Leadville and I found each other—a journey that began with a race but grew into so much more. This episode isn’t just about chasing a buckle; it’s about conquering a different kind of mountain: addiction, identity, and the struggle to find a way forward when the trail feels impossible. Adapted from my journals, this is a story of resilience, failure, and relentless progress, both on and off the trail.Addiction, mental health, and crisis supportSAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)1-800-662-HELP (4357)Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish.Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/SMART RecoveryProvides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/Mental Health and Depression SupportNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress.NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)Website: https://www.nami.org/Eating Disorder SupportNational Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)Helpline: 1-800-931-2237Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/Overeaters AnonymousFind support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/General Crisis SupportCrisis Text LineText HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S.Veterans Crisis LineDial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.Music used in this episodeacoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Emotional Motivational Cinematic (short) by AudioCoffee -- https://freesound.org/s/728747/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Celestial Hues by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/719267/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Elevated Mood with Acoustic Guitar by ViraMiller -- https://freesound.org/s/746694/ -- License: Attribution 4.0ambient piano loop | song.wav by betabeats. -- https://freesound.org/s/684318/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Loring and Erdrick - Epic by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/667471/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Thoughtful Piano | tictac9 by tictac9 -- https://freesound.org/s/516884/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0Disturbing Call by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/700299/ -- License: Attribution 4.0acoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailI wrote this entry July 19, 2021, revisiting it multiple times over the years, feeling it wasn’t clearly communicating what happened out there that night, and how I felt about it. Five years later, I finally feel I can articulate what happened. I’ve never had another experience like it. Running is my daily ritual, and the trail is my church—a place I control. When race day comes, I strive to leave all my worries at the start line, running with a clear, undistracted mind. But that night, during the Colorado Bend 60k, 2021 something slipped through the gates. A ghost of an unwanted thought I didn’t invite, crept in. As the beam of my headlamp flickered over the trail, I caught glimpses of it lurking in the darkness, waiting to pull me away from the present. And with each step, I let it. I fell many times through the night not from exhaustion, but from something far more dangerous: distraction on a rocky, technical trail.  We all have a strained relationship with our egos. Sometimes we can manage the voice in our head and other times it takes control. If we’re not careful it can cause serious damage internally and externally. This is a story about how one ghostly thought nearly destroyed my sacred space.Music used in this episode:Enigmatic and Alluring by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/750943/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Tension Music Box by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/735313/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0ambient piano loop | song.wav by betabeats. -- https://freesound.org/s/684318/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailIn 2009 my brother called and asked me if I wanted to run a half marathon with him. What started as an impulsive commitment to my brother quickly became a test of endurance, pain, and willpower. From the exhilarating start fueled by salty ocean air to the agonizing finish, I share the highs and lows of this unforgettable journey. Despite cramps, burning lungs, and a fleeting desire to quit, my brother's unwavering support pushed me to the finish line. Join me as I reflect on the adventure, challenges, and lessons learned from this half marathon experience.  Music used in this episode:  Lost Dream Loop by SergeQuadrado -- https://freesound.org/s/663479/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0  https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Soularflair/jingles-commercials-2023/30-sec-commercial-jingle-63-solo-piano-anticipation-dark-once-more-into-the-fray-piano/ License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International  https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Soularflair/CUES_for_film_TV_games_etc_DARK/Cue_1b_-_Spooky-Dark-Guitar-with_beat_Something_Broken_Somewhere/ License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International  Beautiful Piano Melodies by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/749931/ -- License: Attribution 4.0  Celestial Hues by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/719267/ -- License: Attribution 4.0  Disturbing Call by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/700299/ -- License: Attribution 4.0  Enigmatic and Alluring by UNIVERSFIELD -- https://freesound.org/s/750943/ -- License: Attribution 4.0  SimSon_Marathon2014_005.wav by simonlgr -- https://freesound.org/s/517484/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en

Send us Fan MailIn 2019, recently sober, I signed up for my first 100k distance trail run. I had a history of running a few shorter trail distances and many years of road half marathons. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into until the wheels began to fall off later in the race.Through this audio blog I revisit my journal entries exploring running, sobriety, recovery, failure, success, and self-discovery as a slightly behind the middle of the pack runner.Please make sure to subscribe through your favorite streaming services.Music used in this episode:Travel Potential by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/700377/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Little Understanding by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/682728/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0Foggy window view by Jim-Bretherick -- https://freesound.org/s/730265/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Visit us at www.exploitsofanobody.com for photos, and episode deep dives.Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/and https://www.instgram.com/shutter_se7en