PODCAST · comedy
Failure To Launch
by The Consumption
We're all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they're cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade into obscurity.But Melbourne comedy troupe The Consumption say "No more!" We are reaching deep into the bowels of television history to bring you back hot, steaming piles of TV's many bizarre miscarriages. All while mixing the most disgusting metaphors possible.We'll seek out and expose ourselves to the worst television pilots ever made so you don't have to. Each episode will see us dissect and discuss another horrible failed pilot for our amusement. Join us in our schadenfreude as we talk about wrestlers solving crimes, invisible monsters, kung-fu ravers, talking dogs solving crimes, teleporting stand-up comedians, cross dressing misogynists, magicians solving crimes and a whole bunch o
Episodes
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508 - Defenders of Dynatron City
In the midst of Turtle mania, surrounded by Street Sharks, Battletoads and Martian Biker Mice, one studio decided to do things backwards: What if we made the tie-in videogame first, and made the cartoon second? Unfortunately the game was a disaster, so obviously the adventures of Bullet-head Man,...
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507 - Bermuda Triangle
Wouldn't you know it, John doesn't spend enough time with his family! But that's ok, they're going on a long cruise, just the four of them. But oh no! The boat sank, they're drowning! But that's ok, they washed up on an island, with people and everything! The people tell them they've been there…
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506 - Suburban Beat
Our first Failure to Launch for 2020 is the super-1985 Suburban Beat, the story of 4 suburban housewives thrown together by circumstance (they wanted to) to solve the murder of their friend. I say friend, but to be honest they're kinda glib about the whole thing. This quickly changes, however, as...
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505 - Creating Rem Lazar
Two kids cuddle a shitty mannequin who turns into a man with a blue mullet. He avoids getting stabbed in 80s New York City while teaching the kids about centrist politics. None of them can sing, but they do and you can't stop them. This is Creating Rem Lazar, and it's madness. You can find Sarah...
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504 - Madame Sin
This week we're looking at our oldest pilot ever, Madame Sin, a 1973 attempt to kinda do Bond on TV, but what if the villain was the protagonist and also Bette Davis? She's got everything: weird gadgets, a secret lair, underground lab filled with mad scientists, a delightfully camp...
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503 - The Owl
This Failure to Launch covers The Owl, a trapped-between-eras vigilante hero who is both an 80s style down-and-dirty street justice thug and, in 90s style, named for a dumb bird. When The Owl comes up against rapping drug dealer Cool Ice (he has a henchman with a boombox on standby), no amount of...
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502 - Sniff
It wouldn't be a season of Failure to Launch without a crimefighting dog, so here's Sniff, another pilot from the 1988 CBS Summer Playhouse (pls bring this back CBS it's been so bountiful.) Robert Wuhl, best known for being that reporter in most of Kim Basinger's scenes in Batman '89, is Sid...
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501 - Infiltrator
Failure to Launch is BACK, with... essentially the same pilot we left you with. Scott Bakula* gets into an accident with a space probe,* and ends up with superpowers.* He has to fight a billionaire* with the help of a love interest.* This time though, instead of a son, he has... the Island...…
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432 - I-Man
In this 'Christmas' edition of Failure to Launch, we examine I-Man, a Scott Bakula Sci-Fi vehicle in which he learns the meaning of Christma- wait, no, he inhales a mysterious gas from space. After inhaling it, he finds he has been turned into Jolly Old Saint Nicho- whoops nope he gets blown up…
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431 - M3K
This week on FtL, we travelled back in time, then forward again, to look at a sexy, revamped version of the Three Musketeers. But these aren't your grandma's stogy old Musketeers, all 17th Century and French and shit. These bad boys (and girl! Fancy!) live in America in the year 2000, only…...
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430 - Power Cop
This week in our 101st EPISODE EXTRAVAGANZA (whoops) we treat ourselves with a locally-shot action extravaganza: Irresistible Force, a.k.a. POWER COP. Detective Stone, who's too old for this shit (i.e. getting shot on a weekly basis) is thrown into a Die Hard Lite™ hostage situation with a brand...
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429 - Our Thirties
This week on Failure to Launch, we raced through Our Thirties, a 2006 sitcom that, like all other sitcoms from the era, was trying to be Friends. Our Thirties hook was a cast of characters with midlife crises on the horizon, examining what they wanted out of life. Turns out it's weddings.…
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428 - The Omen
At Failure to Launch, Halloween's not over yet!* Closing out this extended spoopy month is The Omen, a mid-90s attempt to serialise the 1970s film. In this version, Hotshot Reporter JACK MAN and two other people we don't care about because their names aren't JACK MAN team up to fight some sort...
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427 - Ultraviolet
This continuation of the spooky month has us watching Ultraviolet, a 2000s attempt by FOX to adapt a British series about cops and vampires. There were cops, and there were vampires, but they might have… forgotten what those are. Anyway, Idris Elba. Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, Lisa Dib,...
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426 - Good Against Evil
This week's spooky Failure to Launch travels back to the 1970s, dipping into the US's trendiest fear of the time: Satanists! These particular Satanists are silently guiding Jessica, a young woman, through life in the hopes that she'll one day birth the anti-christ. Unfortunately her car is struck...
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425 - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
This week on Failure to Launch, we watched a modern version of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, starring Adam Baldwin? …that's honestly as much as we can say. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry
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424 - Sorority
This week Failure to Launch examines a late-90s relic from MTV, Sorority. An attempt to riff on classic college comedies like Animal House, but with a twist: instead of misfit dudes fighting the stuck up arseholes in the snooty frat, it's all about misfit women fighting the stuck up arseholes in...
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423 - The Spirit
After his boss is killed and then he himself is killed (but not really), he teams up with a hot Walkman fence slash wheelchair-bound child race fixer, hangs out in a crypt and fights crime the 1930s way - wearing a little mask and punching people dramatically. Also, Niles from The Nanny plays an...
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422 - The Lone Ranger
This week Failure to Launch takes a look at the 2003 (oh my god guys, it's so 2003) pilot for The Lone Ranger. It's got everything a great western should have, cute boys, top 40 hits, an extended drug trip sequence, y'know all the classic western stuff. When optimistic young college boy Luke...
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421 - Night Visions
This week's Failure to Launch examines a 1990 semi-supernatural cop show created by Wes Craven. Wes Craven! He's pretty good at stuff! It's about a cynical cop teaming up with a possible lunatic to hunt a serial killer with a paranormal twist. One of them believes in the supernatural, the other…
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420 - Exo-Man
This week's Failure to Launch examines a 1977 sci-fi pilot, Exo-Man. Sounds fun, right? It's about a brilliant scientist who, through amazing technology, builds a bulletproof, invincible robot suit. Sounds cool, right? He faces off against the mob, who are out to kill him before he can testify in...
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419 - Dr Paradise
This week Failure to Launch ponders Dr. Paradise, the story of the titular doctor, played by Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), and his medical practice on a tiny tropical island. He's your classic grumpy arsehole doctor, so you'd expect him to have some redeeming feature to balance it out, right?…
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418 - B-Men
This week Failure to Launch examines B-Men, another CBS Summer Playhouse pilot. Jim, a smart, funny & handsome high schooler, & Kevin, a high schooler who's just smart and funny (ripped off), accidentally catch a criminal with a $25,000 bounty on his head. After this easy payday, they decide to…
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417 - 1775
Failure to Launch enters a new year by going BACK IN TIME! Synergy! This week we drop back to 1992 for a pilot that takes us to 1775, aptly titled '1775'. Someone at CBS thought the year before the violent, bloody American Revolution would be a good setting for some Married with Children...
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416 - The Book of Daniel
Grab your crucifix and hold on tight! This ain't your grandmas christian television, it's time to get extreme!! With the book of Daniel; a hard edged and realistic look at the life of a modern christian family. Things are about to get real. We're talking drug abuse, racism, homophobia, drug...
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415 - Crowfoot
This week's Failure to Launch covers Crowfoot, the story of Detective Nick, er, Crowfoot, a half-Native American cop working in Hawaii who has psychic powers and may also be able to shapeshift, although he's not sure about either of these things. You'd think this'd be enough to base a show on…
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414 - Mason
CW: Child abuse This week's Failure to Launch covers Mason, a 1975 sitcom vehicle for child star Mason Reece. Mason was already famous nationally for a number of TV commercials, so getting him is own show was a sensible decision. The next decision the show runners made, though... look, if the...
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413 - Riverworld
It's a packed house on Failure to Launch this week as we examine Riverworld, a 2003 SyFy original, except it's not because it's based on a fantasy book series. Strap yourself in for some tedious world building! Basically a bunch of people who died at different points in history wake up together,...
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412 - Darklight
This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we shine a light on DARKLIGHT, a 2004 Sci-Fi Channel saga starring Shiri Appelby (Roswell, unREAL) and Richard Burgi (The Sentinel, Desperate Housewives), as they fight demons, mad scientists and the plague with the power of blackface! Based on the Legend of Lilith,...
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411 - Garbage Pail Kids
This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we trash GARBAGE PAIL KIDS, starring the voices of Tara Strong (Powerpuff Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, My Little Pony) Cree Summer (Inspector Gadget, Tiny Toons) and Alyson Court (X-Men, Beetlejuice). Based on the popular trading cards of the 80s that were in turn a...
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410 - Modesty Blaise
This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we dissect MODESTY BLAISE starring Anne Turkel (Humanoids from the Deep, The Fear), Lewis Van Bergen (Pinocchio's Revenge) and Carolyn Seymour (Congo and Mr. Mom). Modesty and her friend Willie are pair of Jet settin', knife fightin', table hustlin', Kmer Roug-in',...
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409 - Shivers
This HALLOWEEN Martin Dunlop joined us as we watched SHIVERS starring Lesley-Anne Down (The Bold and the Beautiful, Sunset Beach, The Pink Panther Strikes Again) and Mark Lindsey Chapman (Titanic, Swamp Thing and FTL favourite ANNIHILATOR!). David and his daughter Amanda move into a new house…
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408 - Venus on the Hard Drive
This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we examine VENUS ON THE HARD DRIVE created by Chuck Lorre (Big Bang Theory, Dharma and Greg, Two and a Half Men) starring Oded Gross (Story producer on... Cake Boss?... Cake Boss) and the voice of Maggie Roswell (The Simpsons, Pretty in Pink). Harry is a snarky IT...
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407 - Timeslip
This week on Failure To Launch we watched Time Slip. John Taylor from Duran Duran is "The Hacker" and he's finally hacked the mainframiest mainframe of all. The mainframe of the future, allowing him to see visions of what is to come. What does this modern Nostradamus do with his power? Watch…
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406 - Microcops
(Apologies for the audio issues with this episode. Someone absent-mindedly turned their microphone off during the recording.) This week on Failure to Launch we examine MICROCOPS, a 1989 sci-fi comedy about Microscopic Alien Cops who's society is entirely made up rule abiding sticklers. So they…
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405 - Slickers
This week's Failure to Launch examines Slickers, a sitcom vehicle for up-and-coming standup Michael Richards (Seinfeld, unfortunate viral footage) and SNL star Dana Carvey (Wayne's World, that film with the egg suit.) Richards is a maverick New York cop sent to teach a young, small town Sheriff...
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404 - Blade Squad
In this week's Bonus! 20% Value! episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Blade Squad, Fox's attempt to take every 90s fad and boil it down to a concentrate, suitable for washing heavily soiled Hypercolour t-shirts. We meet a rag-tag group of cops on their last chance, as they're all loose…
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403 - Lost in Oz
This week on Failure To Launch Xander Allan joins us as we follow the journey Alex Wilder (Melissa George from Home and Away & The Slap), a young professional with a bitch of a boss and an approaching marriage that she's not totally sure she's ready for. You know what this calls for! ROAD TRIP!...
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402 - Turner & Hooch
Australian listeners! Over in the US, our fellow failed pilot historians (deficio-nauclerusists?) at the Couch Pilots podcast will soon dive into a curio from OzTV: Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos, the doomed clip show infamously yanked from the channel 9 airways mid-broadcast. If you're...
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401 - Northstar
In the SEASON 4 PREMIERE of Failure to Launch we watch Northstar; the 1989 pilot that was so insane it inspired Dan Harmon to produce the Jack Black action spoof "Heat Vision and Jack". We follow the baffling journey of Major Jack North, an astronaut that gets hit RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE by a...
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The Summer of Joe Lara - Hologram Man
In this final instalment of The Summer Of Joe Lara, Rookie Cop Joe *EXPLOSION* his greatest foe; a beefier, taller version of *MASSIVE SHOOTOUT* incredible hair. Just when Joe thinks *FLAMETHROWER* in jail forever, this anarchist-terrorist *BIGGER EXPLOSION* a Hologram Terrorist! *LASER PISTOLS*...
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The Summer of Joe Lara - Starfire Mutiny
Our second Joe Jaunt™ is a piece from the twilight of his cinema career, Starfire Mutiny, another post-apocalyptic sci fi, this time with a complete absence of American Cyborgs (boooo.) Joe captains the USS Legacy, a massive cryo ship orbiting a dead Earth, holding the last remnants of humanity…
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The Summer of Joe Lara - American Cyborg: Steel Warrior
Longtime Failure to Launch listeners will be familiar with the work of Joe Lara, either as Tarzan in Tarzan in Manhattan or DJ Matt in Danger Island. You'll also be aware of our undying affection for the man, and his superb list of b-movie credits on IMDB: STEEL FRONTIER. HOLOGRAM MAN. FINAL...
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319 - Running Delilah
In this week's episode of Failure to Launch we follow undercover agent Delilah (Kim Cattrall, Sex in the City) working with Billy Zane (Billy Zane, BILLY FUCKING ZANE) to take down a weapon smuggling crime boss from the inside. But when her cover is blown, a deadly game of cat and mou... nope,...
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318 - Starstruck
1979 was the perfect time to cash in on the Star Wars craze, so what better way than to make the Beverly Hillbillies in the Mos Eisley Cantina. We follow the Mcallisters getting through breakfast, a singer desperate for a job, a talent agent who can't get no respect, a megalomaniacal Billionaire...
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317 - Mr. Ed
This week's Failure to Launch sees the return of a horse of course. Of course, if you're making a show about a talking horse, of course that horse will be a family-friendly lovable horse, unless of course that horse is Mr. Ed. Fearing that the concept may be a bit dated for modern audiences, Fox...
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316 - Journey to the Center of the Earth
This week's Failure to Launch journeys NOT to the center of the Earth, but just a bit under it to The Inner World, a land of miniature sets, puppet Space Manta Rays and liberal Yetis. After his uncle Harlech's attempt to get to this Inner World fails (spectacularly, if also predictably), Captain...
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315 - Jessica
This week's episode sees the return of Failure to Launches most divisive star, Jessica Simpson, in a 2004 pilot built on one simple fact of life; Beautiful women will instantly turn any male into a desperate blabbering idiot and any woman into a raging ball of jealousy. We meet Holly and Joe, two...
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314 - The Ghost Writer
Portrayed by Norman Bates himself, the great Anthony Perkins absolutely nails this surprisingly ok three camera sitcom. We follow Elizabeth (Anthony's new wife) as she tries to adjust to life with the Stracks and living in the shadow of a massive portrait of Anthony's deceased wife. When…
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313 - Dr Strange
Guests Michael Williams and Sarah Baggs (of Pop Quiz Hot Shot and It's A Duck Blur fame) join us to ask the question: Is the new Benedict Cumberbatch movie the true live action Dr. Strange, or does it need more boring lasers, villainous poops and guys called Wong who definitely aren't servants?...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
We're all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they're cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade into obscurity.But Melbourne comedy troupe The Consumption say "No more!" We are reaching deep into the bowels of television history to bring you back hot, steaming piles of TV's many bizarre miscarriages. All while mixing the most disgusting metaphors possible.We'll seek out and expose ourselves to the worst television pilots ever made so you don't have to. Each episode will see us dissect and discuss another horrible failed pilot for our amusement. Join us in our schadenfreude as we talk about wrestlers solving crimes, invisible monsters, kung-fu ravers, talking dogs solving crimes, teleporting stand-up comedians, cross dressing misogynists, magicians solving crimes and a whole bunch o
HOSTED BY
The Consumption
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Failure To Launch have?
Failure To Launch currently has 114 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Failure To Launch about?
We're all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they're cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade...
How often does Failure To Launch release new episodes?
Failure To Launch publishes regularly with 114 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Failure To Launch?
You can listen to Failure To Launch on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Failure To Launch?
Failure To Launch is created and hosted by The Consumption.
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