PODCAST · comedy
Franchise Guides
by Franchise Guides
3 friends discuss the various minutiae of our favourite (sometimes love to hate) movie franchises. One of the hosts usually considers themselves an expert on the FRANCHISE and helps to GUIDE the others through each movie.
Episodes
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10.10 - Jason X: Friday Future Space Adventure
The gang is back with the final stand alone Jason Voorhees film before the 2009 remake. GC, Jen & J all watch as Jason gets cryogenically frozen at the Crystal Lake Research Facility, brought aboard a space craft 400 years in the future with plans to be sold on Earth 2. Tale as old as time. This...
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10.9 Jason Goes To Hell (Not Really): Final Friday (Not Really)
Josh Gets Shaved! Would've been a far more apt title for this movie. Join GC, Jen & J as they power through this franchise and watch 1993s "Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday". All 3 are rather underwhelmed and Jen & GC had a few moments where this movie felt unwatchable. This is gross-out 90s...
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10.8 Jason Takes (A Ship to) Manhattan: Friday the 13th Part VIII
Ahoy! Start spreading the news, Jason is heading to New York and as they say; it ain't the destination, it's the journey! Join the gang as they experience roughly 20 mins of what Jason Voorhees in New York looks like and it's safe to say everyone was having a better time on the way there. This is…
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10.7 The New Blood - Friday the 13th VII: Adrian's Revenge
The gang returns to Crystal Lake and it seems many years have passed? No one told the wardrobe dept though. We join telekinetic Tina Sheppard and her exploitive therapist, "Weekend at Bernie's" Terry Kiser as they bring Jason back from his resting place, deep within the waters of Crystal Lake.…
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10.6 Jason Lives! Friday the 13th Part VI: Travolta's Nephew
Join the gang as they head to a quaint little town called Forest Green. It's definitely far away from that death trap, Crystal Lake. Roy Burns is never to be heard from again, and as long as no one digs up the body during a thunderstorm, Jason has been neutralized. GC, Jen & J have a blast…
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10.5 - Friday the 13th V: The Rise of Roy
Come along on a trip to the Pinehurst Halfway House in Crystal Lake (?) as we're brought into a world (by a porn director) where Jason Voorhees is no longer and someone else has decided to dawn the iconic hockey mask; albeit with a slight modification via blue triangle decals. The 5th instalment…
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10.4 - Friday the 13th IV: Crispin Glover's Lovers w/ Suzy
Special Guest Alert!! Franchise Guides is joined by our good friend Suzy to dish on this deliciously 80s, horny, horror movie. It's 1984 and Friday the 13th knows exactly what it's about as we watch a hulking man stalking through the woods and tossing teenagers through windows while a young Corey...
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10.3 - Friday the 13th Part III: Shelly's Demise
Friday the 13th 3-D! Coming at ya! The gang is ready to get back in the water on what we believe to be a Saturday the 14th? Sunday the 15th? Somewhere in that ball park as we pick up right where Part 2 left us. This is such a strange movie with a bright vibrant colour palate, a new crew of mostly...
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10.2 - Friday the 13th Part II: Return to Crystal Lake
The gang makes like adult Jason and returns to Crystal Lake to hang with a new crop of dead meat camp counsellors! Jason has taken over where his mother left off. Now a grown man, he's living off the land and hunting down anyone that dares to visit the lake. We get into just what the plumbing...
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10.1 - Pam & Son - Friday the 13th
Ki! Ki! Ki! GC rocks an epic undie skid through this one after we watch Kevin Bacon and friends meet their maker in the form of one pissed off mother. The gang storms into Camp Crystal Lake to play a little strip Monopoly and talk extensively about just what Kevin Bacon was up to with that…
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10.0 - Thursday the 12th
The gang says goodbye to District 5 and boards the Bombay coach bus to Crystal Lake, New Jersey! Join GC, Jen & J for a late night skinny dip into the waters of Friday the 13th. It's about to get all spooky & sexy as a woman & her son (and some other guy?) machete their way through a few decades…
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9.3 - D3: Mighty Cucks High School
Join Franchise Guides as we close the book on Gordon Bombay's drunken exploits and find Charlie and the crew at a prep school in Minnesota where they are shocked to learn that the school will not be changing their team name to the Ducks. The fucking audacity! Gordo spends the movie in the wings…
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9.2 - D2 The Mighty Ducks: Return of Gordo
The Guides continue our breakdown of all things Gordon Bombay in this sequel that ups the stakes in so many ways! GC, Jen & J discuss the "Air Bombay Loafer" for kids who want to coach, the Iceland rivalry, the Minnesota Waves, and the Rodeo Drive models. We then look ahead to what's to come when...
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9.1 - The Mighty Cucks w/Sean
Franchise Guides forms a flying V and breaks into the Mighty Ducks franchise with a full examination of just how Gordon Bombay got into this predicament (and yet remains our protagonist). We do a bit of "where are they now?" with the cast *spoiler alert* Karp got hunky, and just what was old…
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9.0 - Mighty Ducklings
Quack Quack Quack we're back!!! Franchise Guides dives into all things Emilio...or is it Mario? Who was apparently 29 when shooting this movie!? Disney watered down this originally dark comedy to make it suitable for children...where the entire impetus for the movie's events is Gordon Bombay's…
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HOLIDAY SPECIAL EPISODE - "Eight Crazy Nights"
Happy Holidays from Franchise Guides! We dig into yet another Adam Sandler holiday creation with Eight Crazy Nights. We dig into Davey Stone's completely irredeemable character, Whitey's prostate massage, Rob Schneider playing yet another deeply offensive character, and the shit-deer. Above all...
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8.4 - 3 Ninjas, The Hulkster & Ernest
Hulk Hogan & Ernest in the same movie? 3 Ninjas did it! Join us as we wrap up the 3 Ninjas franchise and say our goodbyes to Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum. Dave Dragon joins the boys to help defeat the evil Medusa. Confused? 0% on rotten tomatoes doesn't lie. This is a movie that has to be seen to be...
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8.3 - 3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up!: A Spaghetti Western
Get ready for some sewer escapes! 3 Ninjas takes yet another page out of the Ninja Turtle book as our heroes tackle an environmentally charged issue in the latest instalment. Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum do battle in a pizzeria, on an old western set, and at city hall where they throw down with some…
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8.2 - 3 Ninjas Kick Back: 3 Ninjapan
Don't forget to pack your gi! Franchise Guides is heading to Japan with Rocky, Colt & Tum Tum for an adventure that involves much more baseball than most had hoped for. It also appears as though they decided to recast this time around and got two other kids to fight alongside Jamie Lee Curtis....
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HOLIDAY SPECIAL EPISODE! "Hubie Halloween" Origin of the Poops
Happy Halloween from Franchise Guides with a Special Episode on Adam's Sandler's Hubie Halloween! We cover everything from Hubie's boner, Julie Bowen's insane performance, Sandler finally putting forth an effort and the insane runners that remind the audience of past Adam Sandler movies. So get...
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8.1 - 3 Ninjas...& Grampa
The Guides enter the dojo on this week's episode. So get on your Gi and get out those jelly beans because it's time to kick some adult ass. We discuss the 3 little heroes, Fester and his righteous dudes, Hugo's evil plans, Grampa's stunt double and the boys throwing down on the basketball court....
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8.0 - Pre 3 Ninjas...Pre Ninjas
The Guides say goodbye to the boys of East Great Falls and Ay-Ah! to Grandpa's Dojo. That's right, we're covering the 90s craze, 3 Ninjas! Franchise Guides' own Rocky, Colt and Tum-Tum are ready to dive into the first series to feature a movie with a stellar 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Spoiler...
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7.4 - American Reunion w/ A Little Bump N' Grind
It's the last piece of the pie! Franchise Guides takes American Pie to the next step and closes the series with this reunion that somehow feels the exact same as the previous instalments. Stifler is a habitual sexual harasser, Jim injures his dinger, Finch still giving out that pretentious d-bag...
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7.3 - American Wedding: Starring Thomas Ian Nicholas
The Guides are back, fuckers! Join GC, Jen & J as they dive into this bizarro American Pie movie where nothing is quite what it seems. This movie is the uncanny valley of American Pie movies. Finch is Stifler, Stifler is "Steven", Oz is missing, Kevin wanders across the screen a couple times and...
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7.2 - American Pie 2: The Second Slice
Franchise Guides packs up their bags and heads to the beach house with the boys! More fun awkward Jim moments and an unfortunately sparing amount of Jim's dad. Jim's hopeless in the ways of love and travels to band camp for some assistance. Oz is trying to make it happen over the phone, Finch…
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7.1 - American Pie: Touch Me Jim
Franchise Guides is back! J, Jen & GC join the gang at East Great Falls for this crass sex romp of a movie. Jim, Kev, Oz and Finch are all deeply concerned with their virginity status. We discuss both "Laid Back Jim" and "Cool Hip Jim", Kevin's Tongue Tornado, Finch's Poop Escapades, Oz's…
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7.0 - American Pre
Get that recipe out, and perhaps a condom! Franchise Guides bakes up some American Pie! This pre Franchise episode tackles all the gang's knowledge and experience of Jim and the boys and it gets dark. Jen is excited about all the Steven "Stickler" hijinks (not a typo, that's what she thinks his...
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6.2 - Multiple Climax and the City
The gang goes for one last drink with the girls! They are then magically whisked away to Abu Dhabi for all sorts of racially charged, uncomfortable hijinks. Samantha gets sexy in public, Charlotte fears Harry has a wandering eye, and Carrie makes some reprehensible choices! Miranda is also there....
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6.1 - Sex and the City: Mopey In Mexico
The gang is back in New York and tagging along with Carrie and the girls as they go through all the trials and tribulations of relationships. We talk Big, Carrie's bummer trip to Mexico, Steve and Miranda's intense sex scenes and i thiiiiiiiiiink Dante's penis comes up at some point. Enjoy!...
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6.0 - Foreplay and the City
The gang is back and we're taking a visit to New York! (the 5th character) We discuss Carrie and the girls in Sex and the City! Jen plays the expert in this franchise and GC knows absolutely nothing about this series...J falls somewhere in between. We play a game of "who said that?" and discuss...
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5.2 - Grown Ups 2: Weekend At Sandy's
Is this title redundant? So is this movie! We watched the sequel no one asked for of the movie no one asked for! This is the final movie of the Grown Ups franchise, it came and went so fast you'd think Sandler really did get to live out his fantasy of being with Salma Hayek. This franchise was a...
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5.1 - Grown Ups: Sandy's Boys Weekend!
The gang has a blast hanging with Adam Sandler and his crew-for-hire! We discuss Sandy phoning it in and setting up a vacation that they decided to film, and the general public paid to watch. Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider are Sandler's devote followers in this turd of a...
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5.0 - Pre-Grown Ups (Children?)
This week the sun goes down on Twilight and gang says "abbie doobie" to Sandler and the fellas! Franchise Guides decided to tackle its shortest ever franchise with Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2. We break down this mess of a series and find out how much Jen remembers having watched these movies many...
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4.5 - Twilight: Breaking Dong Pt. 2
Alas the Twilight Saga comes to an end as the gang breaks down the final movie of the series that quite frankly leaves a lot of unanswered questions. GC, Jen & J put on their Stephenie Meyer hats and try to get to the bottom of what makes Twilight such an important franchise for millions of…
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4.4 - Twilight: Breaking Dong Pt.1 w/Laurel
We're back in Forks for the first half of the Twilight finale with Breaking Dawn Pt.1! There still seems to be a huge gap in knowledge between GC & J and Laurel & Jen but they manage to talk all things Forks town wedding, Brazilian honeymoon, vampire pregnancies, and breaking headboards. You…
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SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE! "We Wish You A Turtle Christmas"
The gang takes a brief break from the Twilight Saga to deliver a holiday themed episode from a previous franchise, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' "We Wish You A Turtle Christmas" and oh my days, this thing is terrible (and a musical). It was however an absolute pleasure to watch together and…
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4.3 - Twilight: Eclits w/Laurel
The gang is back with special guest Laurel for the 3rd Twilight movie, Eclipse! Jen & Laurel guide the boys through Bella's decision to string along Jacob while choosing Edward and why that's somehow okay? They also discuss how imprinting works and why Jacob pulled such a dick move. Get your…
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4.2 Twilight: New Poon w/Laurel
The Guides tackle the 2nd movie in the Twilight Saga, New Moon! They get some help taking out the trash with special guest Laurel, here to stop the guys from dumping all over this franchise while admitting that New Moon is definitely her least favourite of the series. We listen in on a great clip...
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4.1 - Twilight: Lady Boners w/Laurel
The gang tackles the first film in the Twilight series with help from special guest Laurel! The group have some conflicted feelings on this movie, and struggle to find something nice to say about K-Stew's acting and Robert Pattison's O face. Jen and Laurel guide GC & J through the first movie and...
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4.0 - Twilight: Precum
Get out that body glitter! Franchise Guides gets set to dig into the Twilight Saga, GC and J have so many questions for Jenn about how this whole thing works. The gang experiences varying levels of excitement as they prepare to dig into this supernatural love triangle. There may just be a special...
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3.4 - Scream 4: Still Screaming
Join the gang as they wrap up the Scream franchise with the final instalment, Scream 4! They have a blast breaking down the millennial scream, filled with all sorts of fun murder live streams and fame obsession. And not to bury the lead but...someone gets their dick shot off! It's really…
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3.3 - Scream 3: Scream Hardest w/John
Franchise Guides welcomes special guest and friend, John to the podcast as they dissect the third instalment of the Scream franchise and discuss the seedy Hollywood portrayed in the movie, Courtney Cox's bangs, and whether or not the death of David Puddy served the plot. GC manages to guess the...
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3.2 - Scream 2: Scream Harder
The gang is back together again, but this time they've left Woodsboro and it's off to college! J and Jenn guide GC through the second instalment of Scream and discuss all the fun fraternity and sorority hijinks that Woodsboro's finest get up to! They theorize why Dewey has been able to survive 2...
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3.1 - Scream! It's Halloween!
Happy Halloween! Franchise Guides turns the page to a new spooky series, and it's sexy. It's GC's turn in the idiot chair as J & Jen guide him through the film that kicks off the franchise, Scream (1996). The gang breaks down their respective relationships with horror movies in general and we…
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2.3 - That Time The Turtles Went Back In Time
We made it! The final instalment of the Ninja Turtles franchise, and it is some kind of strange departure. What happened to our lovable turtles? why do they look so strange? and what are they doing in my 1600s Japanese soap opera? The gang tackles the physics of sceptre-based time travel, and…
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2.2 - Oozy Secrets
J & GC guide Jen through the second instalment of Ninja Turtles, and it's a doozy. The turtles have been neutered and are now using cold cuts as weapons? Just how bad does Shredder stank from his time in the junk yard? Are Tokka and Rahzar as scary as I remember them? Is Keno a pervert or just...
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2.1 - T.U.R.T.L.E. POWER!
The gang digs into the first of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! From the sewers of New York City, we discuss everything from pizza hijinks to 12 year old gambling cigar smokers. How did these turtles come to be teenaged? how did Splinter learn to fight before he was even in contact with the…
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2.0 - Baby Turtles
The time has come! Franchise Guides moves on from Harry Podder with a doozy, it's time to talk all things turtles as they dig into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. J & GC are now in the expert chair and run Jen through the ins and outs of what these turtles are all about. They discuss...
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1.8 - Deathly Hallow Testies Part 2
The gang finally calls it a wrap on the Harry Podder series and special guest Laurel joins in the festivities! GC and Jen try to jog J's memory of this series as they discuss the various details of Harry's triumph over Lord Voldemort or whatever the fuck creature was under that bench. Does J…
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1.7 - Deathly Hallow Testies Part 1
J, Jen and GC struggle their way through the front half of the epic ending to the Harry Podder franchise as J wonders whether or not this really needed to be in 2 parts. He also seems to remember nothing from the franchise. Jen & GC try to jog his memory as the gang gears up for the final...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
3 friends discuss the various minutiae of our favourite (sometimes love to hate) movie franchises. One of the hosts usually considers themselves an expert on the FRANCHISE and helps to GUIDE the others through each movie.
HOSTED BY
Franchise Guides
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Franchise Guides have?
Franchise Guides currently has 56 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Franchise Guides about?
3 friends discuss the various minutiae of our favourite (sometimes love to hate) movie franchises. One of the hosts usually considers themselves an expert on the FRANCHISE and helps to GUIDE the others through each movie.
How often does Franchise Guides release new episodes?
Franchise Guides has 56 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Franchise Guides?
You can listen to Franchise Guides on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Franchise Guides?
Franchise Guides is created and hosted by Franchise Guides.
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