Free Therapy with Ben & Kevin

This week is about anxiety and rumination, and why trying to get rid of your anxiety is exactly what keeps it going. Kimberley Quinlan is an amazing therapist who specializes in anxiety and rumination. In this episode she gets into why a thought is not a fact, why avoidance quietly shrinks your entire life, and what she actually does at 3am when her brain won't turn off. It is not what you'd expect!! We found out during this episode that we've been feeding our anxiety for years without realizing it. She pointed out all the little ways we treat anxious thoughts like they're important, and why attention control is the key to retraining your brain out of the spiral. If you're the one lying awake at 2am running the same loop, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help.00:00:00 – Intro00:02:24 – Why You Can't Get Rid of Anxiety00:09:32 – A Thought Is Not a Fact00:15:10 – Why We Ruminate00:22:12 – Avoidance and Doing It Scared00:24:55 – The 2AM Spiral See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our guest this week is my former therapist, Koorosh Rassekh! We talk about where people-pleasing actually comes from, why it isn't a flaw you need to fix but something that once kept you safe, and the techniques that actually make hard conversations easier. For most of my life I thought keeping the peace made me a better friend, partner, and person. I'd suppress my needs, avoid the conversations I was dreading, and tell myself I was just being easygoing. But it actually just built quiet resentment and slowly ruined my relationships. If you say yes when you mean no, or you've been sitting on a conversation for months because you're afraid of how it'll land, this one's for you. – Kevin New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help.0:00  Intro: people-pleasing and conflict avoidance6:59  Why you're not broken9:47  Why expressing needs feels impossible13:16 People-pleasing caught in real time24:58 How to have hard conversations41:08 Signs you're people-pleasing, and the costSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about attachment styles and how to rewrite the one you grew up with. Someone takes three hours to text back and you start spiraling. Or things finally start to get good and you start pulling away for absolutely no reason. It isn't random and it isn't a character flaw. It's your attachment style, and most of us were never taught we had one. Today, we sit down with German psychologist Jenny Meinen, who studied attachment theory. We get into where these patterns come from, why anxious and avoidant people keep finding each other, and why the work underneath all of it is self-worth. Jenny breaks down what a secure conversation actually sounds like out loud, why the repair after a fight matters more than the fight, and the line Kevin is still trying to live by: their mood is not a threat to me, and I'm not responsible for other people's emotions. If you've ever needed reassurance you were too embarrassed to ask for, or gone cold the second things got real, this one's for you. You'll probably know your style before the guest even shows up. Also, a reminder that we are not therapists, and if you are really struggling, to get the support you need <3See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Someone you love is grieving and you have no idea what to say. So you say nothing, and that's the one thing you shouldn't do. Grief therapist and author Claire Bidwell Smith has sat with thousands of people through loss and written five books on grief. With Father's Day approaching, Ben opens up about losing his dad Mickey three years ago. Claire breaks down how to actually show up for someone who's grieving, why anxiety after loss is something nobody talks about, and how conscious grieving can give you the tools to heal. If you've ever lost someone you love, or you love someone who has, we think Claire can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every guy is carrying a list of things he'd never say out loud. How often he's embarrassed in bed. What makes him feel like less of a man. The stuff he pretends to have figured out and absolutely doesn't. This week there's no therapist. Just Ben and Kevin. Their producer handed them the questions most men would lie about and dared them to answer honestly. They get into performance anxiety and the trap of staying stuck in your own head, the moment money makes you feel like less of a man, the version of yourself you've already mourned, and the gap between chasing status and feeling like enough. It turns out the more you say this stuff out loud, the less alone it makes you feel. If you spend way too much time in your head, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeart, watch on YouTube, and follow @freetherapy on Instagram.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You did everything you were supposed to do. The job, the friends, the life. So why does something still feel off? Happiness expert Dr. Danielle Taillieu explains why chasing happiness might be the exact thing keeping you from it. We get into the feelings you were never allowed to have, why you can be surrounded by people and still beat yourself up the second you're alone, the comparison trap that quietly wrecks you, and what the research actually says about a life well lived. If you've ever caught yourself asking why am I not happy, we think Danielle can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. 1:02 - Why We Suppress Our Anger4:48 - Why Happiness is Hard7:57 - Research on Happiness11:11 - Accept the Challenging Emotions23:48 - How Comparison Destroys Happiness29:33 - Will Love Make You Happy?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we sit down with therapist Leah Miller to talk about the TikTok-ification of mental health and why it might be doing more harm than good. The pendulum has swung. Mental health is finally mainstream, which is great, except now everyone is self-diagnosing from 30-second videos and walking away convinced something is deeply wrong with them. We get into the words that are suddenly everywhere (narcissism, gaslighting, trauma dumping), what they actually mean clinically, and how they're being used in ways that are making people worse, not better. Leah explains the algorithm trap that turns one curious scroll into five days of doom content, the difference between being sad and being depressed, and why "asking for what you need" is not the same as being a narcissist. She also gets into the bigger idea underneath all of it: the human experience can't be captured in a soundbite. Most of what you think is wrong with you isn't a disorder. It's just being a person. If you've ever spiraled after a mental health TikTok and walked away convinced something was broken in you, this one's for you. Leah is one of those therapists who can take the most over-used buzzword on the internet and hand you back the actual meaning in a way that feels like a deep breath. 01:16 — Mental Health is Mainstream03:50 — Stop Overdiagnosing Yourself06:21 — The Algorithm Keeps You Spiraling12:00 — Deconstructing Viral Mental Health Myths16:38 — Your Quirks Aren’t Mental Illness22:00 — You're Not Incurable. You're Human.28:28 — "Trauma Dumping" is a Problematic Term36:50 — Trauma: Big T vs. Little T41:00 — What "Holding Space" MeansSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most men are walking around with a totally wrong idea of what women actually want. Height, money, abs. Turns out the bar is somewhere else entirely. The rules have quietly shifted in a way a lot of guys haven't caught up to yet. This week we sit down with Dr. Sarah Oreck, a psychiatrist who treats mostly women and has a front row seat to what they're actually dealing with in dating, relationships, and life. We get into why "boyfriends are embarrassing" right now, what safety actually means to a woman, the type you swear is yours until you meet someone who isn't, and why doing the work on yourself beats finding someone to fill the hole. We also talk about the incel pipeline, what's broken about how guys connect with each other, and the one thing Sarah thinks would change more men's lives than any app, hack, or supplement. If you've ever felt like the dating world is rigged against you, or quietly suspected you might be getting in your own way, this one's for you. Sarah's the kind of voice you want in your corner. 0:00 — Sarah's honest take on men today 2:24 — The masculinity problem right now 6:17 — Are you confident or arrogant? 7:21 — Being strong and vulnerable at once 17:25 — Porn vs. intimacy explained 19:13 — What "feeling safe" really means 20:24 — Are boyfriends embarrassing right now? 24:43 — What if "your type" is wrong? 29:41 — Stop looking for your other half 33:49 — How to be vulnerable with friendsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dating is hard. But when you have your life together, somehow, it gets harder. Therapist Dani Lewin explains why, and what to actually do about it. She gets into why dating gets more complicated the older and more established you become, what your checklist is actually telling you, and how to rethink what "settling" really means. We also talk about non-negotiables, the ick, and what women actually find emotionally attractive in men. If the relationship piece feels like the one thing you can't solve, we think Dani can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 – Why dating feels impossible2:13 – Love is a merger, not a startup5:10 – How to find your real non-negotiables9:14 – The ick is actually about you12:03 – The operating system you should break19:44 – You're not settling, you're choosing25:25 – Masculinity and strength relationships33:28 – Should relationships feel ‘good’?37:44 – Why you're addicted to highs and lows41:36 – What Ben & Kevin need to work onSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, we dig into family dynamics and why the people closest to us are the ones who trigger us the most. Therapist Alexa Silvaggio explains what's really going on, and how to start breaking out of those cycles. She uses parts work, or Internal Family Systems (IFS), to help you meet the younger versions of yourself that are still quietly running your adult life. We get into people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and why setting boundaries with the people you love is so hard. If there are patterns you keep trying to change but can't figure out why they stick, we think Alexa can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 – Why family triggers us the most6:58 – What to do when you're triggered10:51 – Internal Family Systems explained13:58 – Kevin's live parts work session20:16 – Different types of parts29:07 – Stop fighting your own mind33:29 – Your problems are the curriculum45:53 – Setting boundaries without wallsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Introducing Free Therapy. We're Ben and Kevin. Best friends of 15 years.  Every week, we sit down with a different expert therapist to unpack the stuff most guys struggle with but nobody says out loud. Dating. Relationships. Modern masculinity. Career and purpose. Family. Self-worth. We're going to uncover what it looks like to be a strong, loving, successful, empathetic, and masculine man in today's world. Because the current playbook is absolute trash (cc: manosphere). We're not experts. We're just two very curious, slightly unhinged guys who can label our feelings (most of the time). This show is for men trying to figure out life, women trying to figure out men, and anyone who wants more of the real stuff. The world needs free therapy <3 New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on IG at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 – Why the world needs free therapy2:02 – Meet Ben5:47 – Meet Kevin11:31 – How Free Therapy was born17:20 – Being a man today18:39 – The biggest thing therapy taught us23:18 – Our hope for the podcastSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.