Friday Reflection with Desmond Spann

Episode 53. Freestyling for the holiday.

Friday Reflection: December 18th, 2020 - Don't Hate, Rejuvenate

We have this saying and teaching. Just one more thing, because there's always something, and it's just one more thing. Recently we've been using this language too. I don't have any bandwidth for that. I'm running out of bandwidth for this.  I'm not sure if I will ever escape this one more thing. I'm not sure if I'll ever have enough bandwidth to do everything that I need to do in my day-to-day. How am I supposed to find some relief?

It's really real out here. Produced by Salaam Remi featuring Black Thought and Common. There is something Common said in the second verse that really got me thinking and raised a question.

Kind of funny when bits of insight and wisdom happens to show up in your daily life.  This week was also the week of Thanksgiving. I like to call it the week of giving thanks, to take time to be reflective and I have gratitude for all the blessings in our lives. I acknowledge that the myth and tradition that starts this holiday is not one that is very kind to my indigenous brothers and sisters out there.  Just know I am grateful for your presence and with that let's get into it. 

This week, it is changed the game part two. I'm picking up where I left off last week.  I didn't realize that, and kind of talking about the realization that I had around finite games and infinite games and comparing it to racism and anti-racism that I would go over my 15 minute limit for these episodes so I broke it up into two parts. Alright, let's get into it,

This week I find myself sitting in the car outside of the grocery store. Just when I'm about to head in to do my grocery shopping for the week. I get an idea, I get an idea about games and race. And I was so inspired by this idea that I decided to delay my entry into the grocery store by five minutes to film a video. Complete the grocery trip, not realizing that this five-minute video was a mistake.

There is bolder in my stomach, electricity, just humming through my skin at my fingertips. I'm teaching class, and every week, we start with acknowledgments land acknowledgments and acknowledgment of the Black Lives Matter movement, and I have to talk about another shooting. I do my best to process, hold space, but as I'm talking about what happened to the young father in Vancouver, Washington. I feel the electricity flowing through my body. I feel the tension in my stomach. I subscribe to The New York Times Online. It's my phone in hand. I'm glued continuously swiping down the screen. Refreshing election results, this tension. This tightness, this electricity just flowing through me. It rises to a point where I am unable to function. I have to do something to move this energy.

This week I'm sharing another poem and a question that I want to remember for times like this, a year like this, and a week like this.  I do believe the struggle is the blessing. It's amazing how much easier it is to say that when the struggle has happened or only lives in theory. I'll share this question that I want to remind myself of and gift to you. I'll share some thoughts about the shooting in Philadelphia. And then a poem.  Not necessarily in that order. Let's get into it. DesmondSpann.com

This week, it's week 43 and a 53 week year. This means we have just under 10 weeks left in 2020.  So I ask, how do you want to end the year, how do you want to feel in these next two weeks, and what actions can you take to get you there.  We know that this year has been a year of crisis and change of revolt revolution of protests and with 10 weeks remaining. We may be tempted to just right off the year, close our eyes, put our head under the covers, rock back and forth in the fetal position, waiting for 2020 to be done.  But this year, we'll end the pandemic will end society will move on to the next crisis, and the struggles will remain. So how can we use these 10 weeks to position ourselves in the best position possible for what's to come?  It's in the spirit that I share this home with you. It deals with something that I've been struggling with my whole life because it annoys me to no end. So you might be like me if you enjoy talking about ideas philosophy concepts, even conflict. You don't really enjoy talking about the weather or what so and so did over the weekend.  Still, I'm coming to understand something about the ability to talk about things and talk about people in a way that helps foster connection. So this poem was connected to the realization, the realization of the value of having a little chitchat. All right, take a listen.

This week I'm doing something interesting. At the moment I'm recording this, I'm waiting for the telltale event to start where I am going to kick things off by telling a story. The theme is Something Wicked. Alright, take a listen.

This week, I wanted to share the one belief that has given me an unshakable, unbreakable unquestionable, ultimately unconditional self-worth. I went by the river from a nice spot and recorded what you're about to hear. So take a listen. Let me know what you think. And especially for you, If you are struggling with finding self-worth and just being you. Alright, take a listen. ################# In the face of rapid change, people are unsure of the world and doubt who we are. We realized we sheltered ourselves in the commutes to and from work. We stayed busy to hide our pain pretending everything was all good. Now that normal is gone. We are left with ourselves. We are left with our pain. And we are strangers to ourselves. There are many roles that I play, and in all these roles that I play. I imagine reflect study and write about life in a way that empowers truth. So people feel inspired to act and discover who they are. This truth may convince people of their inherent self-worth. This truth may show people how to create a society that systemically works for everyone. It's a truth that seeks to bring clarity and awaken our deepest sense of who we are. Because when we empower truth. We inspire ourselves to discover who we are and impact this world. Join my email list at DesmondSpann.com

This week I am sharing a ritual of mine. On my birthday one thing that I do is write. I like to think of it as my New Year reflection. Sometimes the writing is just prose other times are writing turns into a poem. I touch on the themes of gratitude, hip hop, fear, death, prejudice, and health. The writing that I do every year on my birthday swirls around the themes that are top of mind throughout my entire year of life. Enjoy!

This week, I thought this would be an excellent time to take you through something that I've been working on for the last month or two. You know how sometimes, you put a lot of energy and effort into creating a vision; then, you get caught up in the busywork. You start forgetting to ask yourself the question, what is this really for? ---------------------------------------------- Side note: I recorded this episode before the verdict for the killing of Breonna Taylor. I am saddened, and I am wondering what else is it going to take? No matter what the actions of the people in the system say, Black Lives Matter and the struggle goes on. I'm sure there will be more reflections on this, but in the meantime, I hope this episode can provide some inspiration to act. ---------------------------------------------- In the face of rapid change, people are unsure of the world and doubt who we are. We realized we sheltered ourselves in the commutes to and from work. We stayed busy to hide our pain pretending everything was all good. Now that normal is gone. We are left with ourselves. We are left with our pain. And we are strangers to ourselves. There are many roles that I play, and in all these roles that I play. I imagine reflect study and write about life in a way that empowers truth. So people feel inspired to act and discover who they are. This truth may convince people of their inherent self-worth. This truth may show people how to create a society that systemically works for everyone. It's a truth that seeks to bring clarity and awaken our deepest sense of who we are. Because when we empower truth. We inspire ourselves to discover who we are and impact this world. Join my email list at DesmondSpann.com

This week, I'm talking about how creativity can solve racism. And I'm also sharing some poems from Des Write Bars (on Amazon, yeah I know) I thought this week would be an early reflection episode. But then I thumb through my old poems in the book. And I found four verses that I found for many verses that speak to these times.

In this episode, I reflect on the relationship between fear and truth. 

This week hear why Randal Wyatt makes fun of me and what happens when people fear less.

Here's what I'm reflecting on this week: Why you get in arguments about movie Why no one feels what you're saying What you really want to know about anyone Jacob Blake

This week if you want to be an artist every day but the business of life gets in your way, I can relate. I went through that struggle this week but luckily I develop some practices that keep me creative even in busy weeks like this one. As a result, I am able to share three pieces in this episode. I have a question for you, which one would you write to? Or Which one would you like me to continue to develop? I like all three but school is starting and you know how it is. We have to learn to prioritize. I like episodes like this one where we get to work together as a community of artists to grow our creative flow. If you can just let me know in the comments: Which one would you write to? What comes to your mind and heart for you with this piece? Here are the pieces: 1 Strike a match to the daylight burns Treating night like the ash on scorch earth Running blaze the essence of the second Pressure place to make time worth the weight 2 Dodge dirty a look more than a right hook but can't dodge the book thrown at my jaw being booked before a break in law No breaking spines No folded corner creases on my pages Just scuffs on the cover. Scoff at a brother from the others' mothers Left us to fend in gutters Defend their shutters on windows eyes closed You safe in here as the storms blow Deny your ears when the rattles grow Stones to pebbles trunk debris on concrete on broken streets 3 Flash from the past.  Task from the class. Back of the facts.  Flask under mask Whack on the track. Stock falling flat. Pack up them caps. Smacked for the flack. If you can just let me know in the comments: Which one would you write to? What comes to your mind and heart for you with this piece?

It's verse 2 of Weirdo Vs. Trollbot. This song is almost finished. I'm struggling with the hook which is why I am sharing the verses first. I have an idea for the hook but it's stretch from my usual delivery so I don't know if I'll like it. But why am I talking about the hook? lol I'll share a little about the influences, the meta-levels, and how I bite myself in this episode.  And if I can find it I'll share a conversation I had about the Rhyme Masters Crew Community that better explains the vision. Let's hope that I found it. :) Enjoy.

"Jay-Z is overrated." Back in my young days, I secretly held this belief, but I listened to his music anyway. I like the beats, mainly. Now that I permitted myself to "Not give AF," meaning I'm not required to have an opinion about everything, I free myself of the need to judge everything. For this verse, borrowed heavily from the interlude on Jay-Z's 2003 black album. I played it on repeat, absorbing the flow. Overrated or not, I can see the genius of Jay-Z and respect his authenticity in the verses. Something I missed in my young days because I didn't want to believe the hype and criticized his materialism in his verses. Being real is overlooked when the real you are looking for is missing. In being real with myself, this verse is more aggressive than I imagine. I swear I am a positive dude who focuses on the positive possibilities in my day today. I don't complain too much and probably put too much pressure on myself to be optimistic when I'm depressed. But I'm also honest, and there are pain and injury that requires healing. I'm used to "healing" in isolation, dealing with the daily drama and traumas of racism (Yes. Race. Again.). After the protest, I imagine most people who identify as white will expect a resolution to the discontent soon. After the protest, they will want to recognize our common humanity and rush to experience harmony with people who identify as black. This verse speaks to my hesitation to let my guard down, becoming less vigilant of racism (Yes. Race. Again.). Being real starts being real with myself. As much as I want to experience connection, belonging, and acceptance when I'm in the presence of people who identify as white, I have to be truthful about the harm of this racial caste system on my sense of self. Enjoy the Episode. Black,  B-L-A to the C-K They use to hang the noose watch the body sway Now they stand and March for a new way To come together but before we go there let's Check the Karen scans and call out their liars Check payment plans before black card expires Need that cash in hand for them looting fires Need that black wall street before praise,  admire Black. Now act like you loved that Give Black friend that hug and say I got your back Keep them close, hearts and minds, as your dough stacks Leave them far behind  the chasm of the wealth gap Facts. Speak no cap. Too many toe tags black had to go Nat Turner Your luck it just furniture Flames on the street, not burning ya bruh .... ask who gets trust first without funds disperse with nothing to prove .... they watch the cool walks detain with no thought of something to prove Distrust default of police brutality Don't expect a new reality, magically cause when the profile matches it's an act of faith they swipe in to beat it up like tender dates

I challenged myself to write every day and record every weekend for 21-days in July. Here are my takeaways from the experience. Huh!? The longer episodes take less to describe or I'm just deciding not to put too much more energy into the description because I have other projects demanding my energy. Is this too honest? Ah well. Enjoy the episode. I demand it. :)

I think about the voice in my head and wonder about the stories it tells me. I wonder where those stories come from. I wonder if it's my racist conditioning. I wonder if it's my true calling. For My Self Worth is a poem about this inner dialogue as I am learning what it means to value my self.

This is a short one. I'm sharing a verse from a song in the works called Weirdo vs Trollbot. Spent my production session crafting the delivery of the verse. I feel it's close, but let me know what you think. Questions to ponder, why do we feel so odd in high school? Did you feel like you didn't quite fit in? Isn't weird that when everyone says they didn't fit in? Was this just me? Last question, how do we begin to embrace our weirdness and live freely? Enjoy the episode!

I understand the feeling of dread that bubbles up when an artist thinks about revisiting their work. You remember all the pain points, the tension of not quite getting at what you meant to get at when you started creating your piece. Plus, it's not as exciting as the next new idea, presenting all the possibilities of being the piece of work that will ignite your purpose and fulfill all your imaginings of your artistic vision. News ideas always hold the promise like a carrot dangling off the stick. When the clouds grow thick, the promise of the next idea disappears. You strangle trust, hoping it's still there because the joy vanished. You wonder if it will return.  Glowing in the vault, your past work beckons to be heard. A choice must be made. Stay in the void of joy, a sunken place for your creativity, or dare open the vault, a pandora's box of woe and possibility. In this episode, I chose to open my vault.  desmondspann.com

Story with the poem

What happens when a teaching artist begins to feel their only value is what they teach and not the art we create? When the creativity for design engaging experiences for students doesn't sustain the soul of creative self-expression, what should we do? I'm getting back to who I am. Hopefully, it will refill the well so I can continue to experience the flow. #creativity #21daychallenge #Idoandteach Creative folk|Why you should listen There are tips for sustaining your creative expression, especially when I talk about the 21-day creativity challenge and my plan. Enjoy!

Warning: you may cry if you love me after this episode. It's a good one though.  Being raw and open about my lived black experience takes me to the shadows where my fears hide.  Listen first then read more here https://desmondspann.com/friday-reflection:my-body-swinging

For Juneteenth, I decided to rewrite an old verse from early Speaker Mind days. The song was called "what color are hue" or just "hue" for short. This is a verse that balances the tones of the struggle with a celebration of my melanin.

Two things I learned from this episode. First, I will no longer carry the burden of hurt in silence. Second, only talk about race on road trips. Bonus observation. He gets to choose to disengage, leaving me with the bruise and the rage.

There is a lot within our humanity we need to unravel for things to change. This podcast is my attempt to unravel my experiences to leave a legacy learning and wisdom for others. This week I experience confusion around Blackout Tuesday and found clarity from @rocka_mreverything (I may have said his tag wrong in the episode) the post.

This is a don't break the streak episode. Hopefully, I'll return stronger next week and more energized. It's late, but I'm here, reminding myself of this crucial lesson of the week. It will be a hard moment to come back to, but a real learning moment for me in 2020.

"How many followers do you have?"  "Follow me on IG" "Like. Comment. Subscribe" I never thought I would become like my students. I never thought I could have an addictive response to social media metrics, but here I am.

This week I reflect on a core belief that guides my creation process. It's how I combat writing blocks and keeps me doing the work. Also, there are some other poetic and creative surprises in this episode. I had fun with this one. Congratulations, class of 2020!

Habits Passion and a Secret Dream intersect this week. Why did it take me so long to rap? Why did I not start until college? This is the story I share with my students and with you. Read this book. Atomic Habits by James Clear Join RhymeMasters on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8eX-Vr-a6t43L6LogxXagQ/join 

A freestyled verse from a Game of Quotes brings a lesson on legacy and explores the tension on staying on topic while freestyling.

Always pushing myself, I'm tried something new this week with one of my freestyles. It took me back to why I love creativity and making music. The last hour of making this, I was just dancing in my chair, feeling myself like I was my favorite artist. That rarely happens. I hope you enjoy the vibes and the process.

Dlux the light, the freestyle ambassador. I believe everyone should freestyle. It's good for the spirit. In this episode, I'm dropping some freestyle bars over Jay-Electronica's Exhibit A and dropping some jewels about why I freestyle. Yes, it's fun but there's more to for me. Take a listen.

This week I'm dealing with the hustle as it becomes official. We will not return to schools this school year. I'm feeling conflicted about this.  SoulPlugAnonymous new mixtape on Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/soul-plug SpeakerMinds nominated for Best Band in Willamette Week Best of Portland https://bop.wweek.com/voter/category-landing/5e419a04c62b214367f84231/5e41a700c62b214367f84242 Listen to K.I.M. on Spotify. https://open.spotify.com/album/5EZkQq6x31ydQ9Dlj9BOtn?highlight=spotify:track:0Ijmdc8Yz1bX1ELYjsTmzR

How do I keep my head in uncertain times? Gratitude and Music This week I need to find a way to keep head. I want to keep calm and stay creative but the stress has my mind all over the place. I'm staying hopeful. We will get through this soon and be free soon. I plan what it will be like to back to my normal routine. Then, I read a headline saying the worse is yet to come.  This week I'm trying gratitude because I can be certain in the moments that brought me joy. Gratitude also cultivates connection because I think of the people who are responsible for those moments of joy. So I'm keeping my head with gratitude and of course music. Show Links and Notes Questlove Subscribe to The Roots' channel: http://bit.ly/RootsYouTube Questlove on IG: https://www.instagram.com/questlove Questlove on Twitter: https://twitter.com/questlove Questlove on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/questlove Official site for The Roots: http://theroots.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheRoots Twitter: https://twitter.com/theroots Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theroots/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/therootscrew Joel Dias-Porter https://www.facebook.com/joel.diasporter https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/joel-dias-porter The Collection I found this poem in The BreakBeat Poets: New American Poetry in the Age of Hip Hop Dj Wicked https://www.facebook.com/deejaywicked/ https://twitter.com/djwicked

This week, I channel pandemic anger into poetry and share 3 revision strategies I used to a new poem "People for President" Consider this a mini poetry case study. more at desmondspann.com 

What a week!? I barely finished this episode. I'm sharing my worries and hopes during this time of Corona. Here's to making the best out of an unsettling time. More at Desmondspann.com

This week is a two birds one seed week. My students are struggling with my poetry unit. I need to help them figure out what should be in poem. In this episode, I discuss how to add FLAVOR to poetry.

This week, I want to try something I have always wanted to do. Have you wondered what it is like inside the mind of a freestyler? What's the process? How do they put ideas and rhymes together on the spot? So here's what I am doing. I'm going to freestyle acapella and to the best of my ability I will reflect on the process, thus taking you inside, behind the lines in real time. Rhymes Galore!

This week I'm sharing a poem that I am working on. It's untitled and unfinished but I have some lines that I want to share. I like talking craft. Some believe that talking about the creation of the poem ruins the poem, but I'm not one of those people. I know I gained a lot from other writers who discuss their approach to writing so I hope you will gain something from this as well.

This week I'm sharing some poems on this racialized identity we call black. I identify as a black male with the awareness that my race doesn't exist biologically, but it exists socially. There are times when I'm speaking in terms of race to identify groups it feels like I'm talking about houses in Harry Potter. While the racial labels, especially the color labels, are not real, the effects of racism are real, long, and touch all aspects of society. So this is a great subject for my work because the source inspiration is endless.

I would like to share three poems with you this week. I'll keep the poetry reflection to a minimum. These are poems I shared on Instagram over the last few weeks. Two of them came from my normal process but the third was by my request for prompts which I normally only do when I am freestyling. Books mentioned: Bronx Masquerade by Nikki Grimes Negotiating the Non-negotiable by Daniel Shapiro

I ask myself this question "What should I force students to do so that when they experience the benefits I won't have to force them to do it anymore?" There is power is being a teacher that I uncomfortable with that I must use. This week is I'm reflecting on power.

A couple of personal anecdotes where it clicks, while I'm working on acceptance and note foreboding the joy of my learning. That Open Mic Night has an Album check it out here's the link. https://open.spotify.com/album/1OmhKvCtXBvpFULNkguKFI

This week it's my first poetry reflection of the year. I want to share one of the poems I posted on Instagram and talk about what inspired it. It's a good time to do a poetry reflection because the 1st semester has ended. My high school fresh-folks finished their report writing projects and next week we begin poetry. In an effort to push my writing practice pass the pressure of perfectionism, I post one or two poems per day on Instagram @dluxtl. For at least 20 years now, I consider myself a recovering perfectionist and while I manage to perform and publish my work, I'm not as prolific as I could be because of fear. Often, it's the fear of judgment and harsh critique that keeps me honing my craft in the safety of my journals and not doing the work. I consider most of what I write on Instagram to be poetry seeds that may produce longer pieces. This one definitely has potential. The piece is short, but there are many ideas swimming around these few words.