Friendship Futurism

Marcela and I expose the most common mistakes people make on a date, when to decide to lower your standards, whether a matchmaker’s job is more like a data scientist or a therapist, what people get wrong about online dating, and how to use AI to find a partner. Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts Check out Tawkify at https://tawkify.com/?rf=partn15lma Ready for a stress-free way to date that doesn't involve endless swiping? Tawkify, the largest relationship wellness company in America, has an exclusive offer for our community. Click the link to receive a complimentary membership to their Matchmaking Club. The membership includes unlimited potential matches with their amazing clients, matches hand-selected and personally vetted by their dating experts, and each date planned for you. Make dating a priority and join the club here: https://tawkify.com/?rf=partn15lma

The tables are turned as Lisa (from Ep. 7) interviews Bill on her podcast, Creative in Process. I talk about how to attract people with strong opinions, why creativity is a skill and not based on luck, the future (nonexistent) people I’m most inspired by, and my #1 tip to avoid getting replaced by AI. Lisa's LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/xialisa/ Subscribe to Creative in Process at https://bit.ly/creativeinprocesswbill Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/billmeidotnet Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Kat and I talk about the power dynamics between young and old people, the latest longevity and anti-aging research you can apply to your life, how to stand out in a group discussion, and how to get hundreds of people interested in deep technical topics. Kat is the founder of DNA Deviants, a synthetic biology community with a weekly journal club and tons of interesting events. Follow DNA Deviants on Twitter: https://twitter.com/dnadeviants Follow Kat on Twitter: https://twitter.com/KKajderowicz or Substack https://katkaj.substack.com/ Join the DNA Deviants Slack group: https://dnadeviants.slack.com/join/shared_invite/zt-19i1uoa1t-vbki_ZZi_ztlg~SQ00l7AA#/shared-invite/email Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Neville and I chat about how to 100x your engagement in online communities, specific tactics you can implement to make other people want to talk to you at conferences and parties, strategic risk taking when sneaking into events, and how to resist propaganda. I credit a lot of my writing talent to Neville's mentorship; he is the one of the most talented writers and communicators I know. Neville runs Copywriting Course, a paid community with over 1,000 members learning how to write well and sell like hell. 1:00 Jumping out of a plane into an active volcano https://copywritingcourse.com/test-death/ 2:40 How do you manage a paid community? Kopywriting Kourse: https://copywritingcourse.com/ Facebook vs. custom forums 4:30 90-9-1 rule https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule How do you get lurkers to be more active in a community? 8:00 How do you get regular contributors to become super enthusiastic posters? 9:10 90-9-1 rule as applied to friendships Why do some friends end up being 1 and others end up being 90? 10:45 Getting to know your neighbour 12:15 How do you make friends if you are homeless? 14:00 Coworking as a way to get to know strangers from the internet The internet as a way to better connect with people, compared to a random person at a bar 16:30 Finding people who intersect in both geographic and intellectual space. 18:00 Going to parties where it's all new people 18:35 What have you learned about sneaking into parties? Social engineering and tactics to meet new strangers at parties How specifically to introduce yourself at a party How to bootstrap yourself into a party where you don't know anyone Having a goal for what you want out of a gathering, when you are an attendee 23:45 How do you apply social engineering to your life? Specific tactics to talk to new people, inviting them to events, matching someone's energy level 25:10 How do you come up with creative ideas and opportunities? How can more people develop that skill? How to think about risk Calculating the prior probability—what are the baseline statistics around how likely you will fail? 27:00 How to be okay with risk? 29:45 How do you resist other peoples' good persuasion skills? 33:10 How to make maximum money in minimum time Exaggerated advertising and copywriting 36:00 Debunking scams 37:00 Calling something a "scam" as classism, as someone without advantages has an opportunity to relate to someone who can speak to their struggles as a doorway into learning more about business The closest people you can relate with when you didn’t grow up in a privileged background 39:00 Neville's tips for awesome in person events? 40:45 Surprisingly easier than you think to speak at a conference PaperCall https://www.papercall.io 42:00 Going to conferences to watch the talks versus hanging out in the lobby to meet people 43:15 Dividing your personal time between meeting new people and spending time deepening your existing friendships 45:00 Set goals: say hello to 5 people, and don’t go back to your hotel room until you do. How to get out of a conversation you don’t want to be in? 46:10 Neville’s secret thoughts about friendship Always have a plan on what to do, so you can invite them to it afterwards Always getting someone’s contact information Planning events pretty often, so you always have an open invite for new friends 49:00 Order $200 of appetizers at a hotel bar/restaurant, buy your own drink, and get a relationship with the hotel on a Tuesday 51:30 Why not to hire a personal chef? Check out the Copywriting Course at https://copywritingcourse.com Follow Neville on Twitter: https://twitter.com/nevmed Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Lisa and I talk about the dark side of extraversion, how to manage the energy and conversation dynamic of a group, what non-religious people can learn about church communities, tips for storytelling and authentic relating, and the magic of diversity and bridging divides. Lisa is a human-centered creative who vlogs, innovates on meditation, and teaches at her church. 0:30 What's the dark side of Lisa Xia? 2:30 Spying on your friends 5:30 Extravert's paradise 6:30 Energy and conversation dynamics of groups 9:10 How do you maintain extravert energy online when there's no social cues? 14:40 Hogging the microphone 15:50 Do you want to be an influencer? What do you want to be known for? 17:00 Building bridges and intersectionality 20:00 Seeing people as having more similarities than differences 21:18 What can a non-religious person learn about small groups at church? 22:45 What are the biggest things that non-religious people don't understand about church communities? 24:30 What's an example of a "bad question" that doesn't sound good? 26:30 Disturbing the peace 27:45 Is prayer just a form of meditation? 31:25 Did prayer get you interested in meditation? 34:10 Meditation and cloudwatching 35:50 What is a unique or interesting activity to do for a birthday party? Birthdays as an orchestral choreography of your friends. 40:40 Do you have any storytelling tips? Is it possible to authentically relate to a corporation? 43:10 Dangers of parasocial relationships Lisa’s LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/xialisa/ The Mindful Soul YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCszh0xUIQ1jWQzRVdmCHd4g Lisa’s YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7gUvEcfjYWEUW_kvc1YkPQ Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Nick and I talk about the secret tactics that novice and experienced hosts use to put together incredible parties, how to keep the momentum going in a party, how to reject someone you don't want to hang out with, and the world's best icebreaker question. Nick is the bestselling author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party, a step-by-step guide to easy-to-host parties to help you build relationships with regular gatherings. I also wrote a full, in-depth review of Nick's book at my book website: https://billmei.net/books/2-hour-cocktail-party/ 1:20 Would you have name tags at your wedding? 2:10 Feedback on Nick's party 2:30 Bill's special icebreaker: Gives and Asks 3:30 How to give people notice for the icebreaker, to avoid breaking the flow while maintaining the velocity and energy of the room. How do you know when to interrupt the group and break the flow? 5:00 Nick's feedback with give and asks about calibrating and preparation 8:00 Hosting new gatherings when you already have a reputation as a great host 8:40 Learning Nights: Bill's monthly speaker series https://billmei.net/blog/learning-night 9:00 Diversity of the audience to lead to more interesting conversations 10:00 How to give people an excuse to mingle 10:50 The phrase "cocktail party", how should you host a party with people who don't drink? 12:00 How do you attract people who don't know you to come to a party you host? 15:00 Why it's important always to take a group photo of your event Why extraverts forget what the world is like for most people who don't normally go to a lot of social events The pros and cons of simple vs. grandiose parties. 17:00 How to make hosting a habit 18:50 How do you reject someone you don't want to hang out with? Tactics to meet new friends in a new city 22:10 Have you ever needed to kick someone out of a party? As a facilitator, how do you cut people off in a conversation? How do you make sure loud people don't take over the conversation from others? 24:40 Is money an obstacle to having good events? How to use money to create good events without making people envious of how much money you make? Hiring a bartender Hiring a photographer Hiring musicians or entertainment 28:15 How to spend money without it coming across as trying too hard to impress people. 29:40 Who is someone you've met that has most changed your life? 32:30 What have you learned from our conversation? Tradeoff between frequent vs. infrequent events 32:00 Question for Bill: When to take a group photo in a party? Different acts of a movie vs. acts of a party. Using act breaks to break the party up, and also as natural excuses for people to come and go. 36:30 How to physically implement an act break? Change in environment and emotional tone. 38:20 How to encourage (or discourage) people from asking questions 40:30 How to encourage people to be more curious? Hosting a book club Idea Club https://billmei.net/blog/idea-club 42:15 Most people want to talk about their ideas, they don't like learning about new ideas 44:50 The advantage of co-hosting an event 47:30 Are there any bucket list parties you've always wanted to throw? Check out The 2-Hour Cocktail Party at https://party.pro Learn more about Nick Gray at https://nickgray.net Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Ashley and I talk about embracing your inner cringe, ways to calm down your nervous system, structures for great social interactions, how to ask good questions, and a philosophy for having fun. Ashley is the founder of Skip The Small Talk, a research-informed curated social experience with regular events across 8 major cities in the U.S. helping thousands of people connect over deep conversations. Notes 1:00 Vagus Nerve https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagus_nerve 3:00 Taking work off your hands and weighted blankets 5:00 SNS: Sympathetic Nervous System ("fight or flight") PNS: Parasympathetic Nervous System ("rest and digest") 5:20 Societal structures for making sure you get enough exercise, vegetables, and mindfulness. Communities that meet once a week to cleverly bundle social interaction with getting your basic needs met. 9:50 Systems we can put into place to reduce isolation 10:30 Commentary about cults and cringe. Expanding Skip The Small Talk to more cities, and how to increase accessibility. 12:07 How do we embrace our inner cringe? Earnestness and reducing your self-consciousness. 14:17 Winning at Arguments by Enlarging your PNS https://malcolmocean.com/2013/02/astrology-againstness-video/ 14:55 When do communities cross the line from supportive to oppressive? Exclusion and accessibility. Having options for different needs, and traditional communities evolving to make more room for individuality. 20:30 How to use exclusion to curate experiences? Working with people you disagree with, evaluating on a case by case basis vs. sticking to your values. 27:13 Cold showers and wireheading 27:33 tVNS: Transcutaneous Vagus Nerve Stimulation device https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagus_nerve_stimulation https://zenofsleep.com/products/copy-of-ces-max-ces-device-for-insomnia-anxiety-alpha-wave-stim-therapy https://www.parasym.co/ 30:17 What was Ashley's most embarrassing failure? 34:03 Prompt cards, 36 questions to fall in love http://36questionsinlove.com/ https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html 35:04 What do people consider to be a personal question? 37:03 How does Ashley ask good questions? I sharing vs. I statements vs. I message https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518769435 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message 40:22 How does Bill ask good questions? Information gain ratio and 20 questions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty_questions 43:22 Twisting boring questions in fun way. Good answers do a favour to your conversation partner vs. not wanting to "take up space" in the conversation. 46:08 Are you satisfied with your friendships? 47:54 What is fun? Recess for adults. Boston Globe article about how Skip The Small Talk started https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/06/29/lifestyle/feeling-weird-about-socializing-skip-small-talk-wants-help/ Research study on Skip The Small Talk https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8462490/ Check out Skip The Small Talk at: https://www.skipthesmalltalk.com Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Episode Notes Julian and I talk about friendships of context, how to seed a social networking app, why one friend is always closing, how to discourage ghosting, and plucking your best friend out of the parallel universe. Check out Julian's startup at we3app.com. Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/follow Visit friendshipfuturism.com for exclusive events and bonus blog posts

Emily and I talk about strategies to become Internet famous, building a DAO, dealing with haters, how to avoid being commoditized online, why I'll never be cool, and how scale requires 1:1 effort. Emily is the co-founder of Asian Wander Women (with Ivy Xu) and its eponymous venture studio DAO which has grown to 1,000 members in just over a year. Notes 00:24: Three-quarters of people think they're above-average drivers 03:36: Learning Night 07:22: Emily's YouTube channel 09:56: Dunbar's number 18:12: FAANG 22:22: Bill's first book 28:12: Asian Boss Girls 28:20: Wong Fu Productions 28:27: Ryan Higa 33:49: How to start a DAO Subscribe to Emily's YouTube channel at http://emilyfang.com Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes and bonus blog posts

We talk about how to create true-to-yourself gatherings in the online world that make people go “wow”, why some people are open and others are closed, how communities are both selfish and selfless, loneliness and novelty in the internet age, how not to be a relationship freeloader, the future of diversity of thought in online spaces, and so much more. Check out Solon's startup at talk.social Notes 02:18: Talk Social 04:54: I tried 21 diet and exercise programs. None of them worked. Except for one. 05:56: The Acceleration of Addictiveness 08:45: Westworld 11:54: Yo-Yo Ma 13:20: The Art of Gathering 17:38: Relationship Freeloading 18:48: Gather Town 31:11: Bowling Alone 32:23: The Milgram Experiment 40:54: What's The Point If We Can't Have Fun 47:54: Independence Day Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Jessica Fan and I talk about what it means to have friendships in the 21st century. Jess' blog posts: Octopus Theory The Cycle of Emotions The Garden of Relationships Reos Partners Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email