General (ly Not At A) Hospital

Claire learns Ryan Chamberlain is alive. Can the WSB be trusted? When will Liesl make her way back to PC? Why are the teenagers like that?? (week of 9.28.20)

THE NEXT EPISODE WILL BE LESS THAN AN HOUR I SWEAR. (week of 9.21.20)

Claire might finally be getting past her fixation on Willow/Chase and Sasha/Michael! Is Ned going to cheat on Olivia? Is Britt the new Nelle? Can Brando shut up about butterflies?? (week of 9.14.20)

Claire loves this show. Who is that tall man talking to Lulu? Are Portia and Ava best friends now? What is Cyrus Renault even doing?? (week of 9.8.20)

Claire ships Olivia and Robert. Will we ever get over how weird the non-kisses are? Can someone please teach Brando how to run a business? How did Claire go this long thinking Sonny and Jason traffick drugs?? (week of 8.31.20)

Claire doesn't understand how mothers work. Oh Sonny is an actual mob boss? Why is Nina making a social call during a kidnapping? Should Jason become a marriage counselor?? (week of 8.24.20)

Claire has a crush on Valentin. Why doesn't this event have a stage manager? Can Liz just shut up? How is Julian this stupid?? (week of 8/17/20)

Claire is speechless. Is Michael not worried about Jason at all? How is Nelle THIS delusional? What exactly is Valentin hoping to accomplish? (week of 8.10.20)

Claire finally learns how weird re-casts can be. Is Dante back for good? What happened to Sam? How many head injuries can one man [read: Jason] have?? (week of 8.3.20)

We discuss ABC's The Story of Soaps, the relationship between soap operas and reality tv, and how we engage with GH vs other kinds of media.

Claire only cares about the court drama. Why is a stranger offering Sasha drugs? Why is Tracy so popular all of a sudden? Why don't we know anything about drugs?? (5.21.20)

Claire can't get over that one line from Lulu. Why did Diane rest already? What was that meaningful look between Laura and Nikolas? Liz, if you didn't want people to mention your husband's past as a serial killer, why did you marry someone who used to be a serial killer?? (5.20.20)

Claire knows even less than she did before. Why is Scotty so condescending? Is Nina going to testify against Nelle? Spencer committed election fraud?? (5.19.20)

It's the last Monday episode before the hiatus! Why did Nelle bring the necklace to the trial? Sonny, dude, why you gotta be so awkward? How does Brando have more chemistry with Alexis than anyone else?? (5.18.20)

New year, new episodes! Claire is going through a lot. Does Martin exclusively defend villains? Why wouldn't Nina use every resource at her disposal to find her long-lost daughter? Who did Nelle marry?? (5.14.20)

Claire cannot get past the emails. Will Brook Lynn ever stop talking about how loaded Michael is? Doesn't anyone ever die accidentally? Will we find out who gets custody before the hiatus?? (5.13.20)

Claire is disappointed no one interrupted the wedding. Does Lucy even know Michael? Has J. K. Rowling ever watched General Hospital? Is Sonny the Leslie Knope of Port Charles?? (5.12.20)

Claire is not a fan of this development. Are Willow and Michael the next gen's Sam and Jason? Should Port Charles invest in a dedicated toxicologist to follow Nelle around? Will the custody hearing ever start?? (5.11.20)

Claire learns the difference between Olivia from Bensonhurst and Olivia Benson. Also, Harmony is a person? What even is time? And featuring possibly the best flashback ever?? (5.7.20)

Claire is very angry and upset. Why are Sasha and Chase going to the gym together? Can everyone please stop saying "rideshare"? Will the Davis girls please stop fighting?? (5.6.20)

Claire gets whiplash. What is up with Kristina and Sam? Can Liz get off her high horse? Did Nelle just threaten her lawyer?? (5.5.20)

Claire does not care for Franco. Is Liz not going to bring up that time Franco kidnapped her son? Does Julian have any storylines right now? Why did Ava and Nikolas get married?? (5.4.20)

Claire has a slight meltdown. Brook Lynn, what are shirttail relations? Is Sonny using his children as bait? Steve's brother and sister married each other?? (4.30.20)

One of Claire's favorite episodes yet! Does Sam really need to be this aggressive? Did Brando actually make Molly laugh? Do we even care?? (4.29.20)

Claire officially ships Brando and T.J. Can we sign Valentin up for Claire's active and empathetic listening seminar? Has Finn always been this snarky and morose? Why hasn't anyone killed Cyrus yet?? (4.28.20)

Claire has a lot of frustrations. Why are Molly and T.J. so boring? When will Brando and T.J. discover their shared love of horses?? (4.27.20)

We get to see the reveal of Sonny & Carly's new house! How dumb does Cyrus have to be to miss four DEA agents infiltrating his criminal organization? Why does Brando ever even open his mouth? Why isn't Felix getting storylines?? (4.23.20)

Claire misses Lulu and Valentin, of all people. Are Nelle and Nina...bonding? Why would Alexis call Julian to pick her up? We knew it was coming, but still, how could Willow and Michael fall for this scheme?? (4.22.20)

Claire is NOT okay. Why is Laura advocating for the man who shot her son? Will Julian go back to the mob? Is Valentin making a good parenting decision for once?? (4.21.20)

Claire does NOT like Peter. Could Ava be any more dramatic? Can Robert and Spinelli stop bickering long enough to work together? Is Valentin going to teach Charlotte morals?? (GH 4.20.20)

Claire has seen 17 episodes of GH! Julia has seen over 3,000... Is Charlotte aware of the fourth wall? Should Port Charles start using a buddy system? Molly and T.J. aren't going to marry each other...but will one of them marry Nelle?? **Trigger warning for discussion of sexual assault**  (GH 4.16.20)

Claire is growing to love GH! Why is Finn grumpy about the pinata? Does Jason ever wear anything but a black t-shirt? How did Lulu not notice her daughter carrying around a snake?? (GH 4.15.20)

Claire is enraged about bizarre parenting choices! Are Nelle and Valentin scheming together? Who is more spoiled, Violet or Charlotte? How do soap characters forgive so much?? (GH 4.14.20)

Claire pitches a GH spin-off! Who is Liesl's son? Why does Dustin want to write songs with his ex-girlfriend? Where's the bartender at this bar? Why is Jax's hair so stupid?? (GH 4.13.20)

Sometimes it's worse that Claire knows some things. Did Drew have a different face? Is Helena Cassadine actually dead? How is Frank Benson sourcing all these babies from Port Charles to raise and distribute throughout Florida?? (GH 4.9.20)

Claire finds out Jason is a Quartermaine! Why is Frank Benson such an asshole? What is up with Sonny's all-over-the-place moral compass? Is Josslyn's dad named Jax Jacks?? (GH 4.8.20)

Claire makes her first official prediction! Why does Nelle have a vendetta against grandmothers? Can we hire Jason to explain "hotel policy" to our customers? How did Brando resist bringing up horses?? (GH 4.7.20)

Claire learns that no one in Port Charles can keep a secret! Why are all these people so knowledgeable about the legal system? When will Dev join the rest of the Teenage Justice League? Why is everyone so rude about Nikolas and Ava's marriage?? (GH 4.6.20)

The least soap-y episode so far! What kind of accent is Robert supposed to have? Hasn't Molly realized she's on a soap? Will Brando ever stop talking about horses?? (4.2.20)

Claire & Julia take a look at stars who got their start on soaps! Why can't Julian mind his own business? Who do all these mystery children belong to? How did Helena procure Valentin's genetic material?  Who is Horse Man?? (4.1.20)

Claire can't get over the fact that a "former" serial killer is giving romantic advice to a child. Who is Lulu's mystery man? Why are Joss & Dev under house arrest? What is the Nurse's Ball? And who hasn't hooked up with Sonny at this point?? (GH 3.31.20)

Claire cannot get over law enforcement hanging out with the local criminal element. Why can't Molly just talk to her uncle? Why are these adults so involved in whether these teens are kissing or not? When did Jason join a 60's pop group?? (GH 3.30.20)

Claire made it through her first full week of GH! Why is Josslyn not Kristina? Why is Ava pushing Nikolas towards Liz? How is Julian still on Alexis' speed dial?? (GH 3.27.20)

We finally land on a name for our podcast! Why do so many city officials hang out with a known crime boss? What was Brook Lynn doing in Brooklyn? Is Alexis always that bad at her job? Does anyone have a last name?? (GH 3.26.20)

Claire learns some history about the Spencer & Cassadine families! How does having a brain tumor make you a great artist? Will Jason ever speak? Does Ava not know how school hours work? Why did Curtis and Jordan sit down on their coffee table?? (GH 3.25.20)

Claire didn't give up after the first episode! Why is Brook Lynn two words? When did Zenon become a soap star? Why is Nina being so mean to that nice girl,  Nelle? And how is everyone wearing red?? (GH 3.24.20)

Claire's first-ever episode of General Hospital! Should Nikolas and Ava go to marriage counseling? Does anyone care that Hayden is missing? Why is Michael Easton's voice so deep? Is there even an actual hospital?? (GH 3.23.20)