Girlfiend & Boyfiend

HUZZAH! The audio issues end after this episode! Oh, and uh... Shit, I gotta think of one of these things now on the spot. Uh... Kazoo turns Volt into mulch? No, we did that one already. I miss when I would just steal these descriptions from YouTubers and make minimal changes. No proof in that, though. Those episodes are lost media!

Volt feels the phantom pain of a gas station pepperoni stick, and Kazoo sits in on the possibly most TMI episode of this podcast so far. AUDIO ISSUES ARE PREVALENT. ONLY ONE MORE, BARE WITH ME!

Kazoo and Volt get busted for selling narcotics to the farmer's cow population outside of backwater town's farm stationed in the middle of nowhere. AUDIO ISSUES ARE PREVALENT. DISCLAIMER: As stupid as it sounds, the cow bit is not satire. This is REAL.

Volt and Kazoo are thrown into a mulching machine, being turned into finely grated mulch and sold in a hardware store by the pound. Shockingly, nobody wanted to buy remains for their garden. AUDIO ISSUES ARE PREVALENT. https://elvis.net/

Volt and Kazoo are shot in cold blood outside of YouTube HQ for bringing up Leafy and Spoctor. Nobody stopped by to help them. It was a relatively short-lived day. AUDIO ISSUES ARE STILL PREVALENT.

Volt's microphone has been killed and replaced by a "highly intelligent" artificial replacement that seems to make the volume on her mic really quiet. DISCLAIMER: I am aware of the microphone/audio balancing issues. Unfortunately, it seems the next five episodes will be plagued with this. It will be fixed by Episode 36, which is being recorded as of the week of August 11th, 2024.

Kazoo sends Volt down into the depths of a vast canyon. In their defence, I probably deserved it.

Kazoo and Volt get to reunite for the first time in a year and hang out once before not getting to hang out again until 2025. To be fair, hanging out isn't a common occurrence. You'd be pretty shocked. Oh, also Volt's washer and dryer got broken into by a thief.

Volt, and Kazoo die in a hellfire of bullets during a botched robbery of a family-owned hardware store.

Volt, Kazoo, and Volt's grandmother go back in time and fake the moon landing.

Volt and Kazoo talk about random topics. What? Were you expecting? It'd be weird if they weren't.

Kazoo and Volt discuss their favourite multimillionaire video game conglomerate. Kazoo's hand gets stuck in a garbage disposal after reading the All for the Game series in a week. https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=the+foxhole+court

Volt and Kazoo start a satellite internet company. The company shut down after two weeks of operation.

Kazoo and Volt gets mauled by seven weird dogs that came out of an otherworldly pit. That is probably good news, to be honest.

Kazoo and Volt go skydiving, but one of them has an anvil in their backpack. Volt did not survive the outing. Oops!

Kazoo and Volt beat the Discord mascot Wumpus to death with hammers. It was messing with the servers during the episode recording date. It happens.

Kazoo and Volt do what they usually do. The bathroom Volt records in is filled with a deadly carcinogen. The apartment has the worst ventilation. UPDATE: Episodes will now be uploaded on Wednesday at 8PM Atlantic Time. Don't like that, take it up with a lawyer or something, we aren't your parents.

Volt and Kazoo play in traffic to avoid having to deal with the fact that KingCobraJFS now has had sex. Also, we talk about the current state of the education system.

Volt starts up a tax fraud office in rural Nova Scotia. Kazoo prepares to assassinate Volt from the window of the office, not by choice. A new years ends and another begins, and ultimately nothing changes - just as it should be.

(Pre-description: Sorry for the long hiatus. Kazoo's laptop broke and Volt fell into a really bad depressive spiral. We're back in action, whether you like us or not.) Volt and Kazoo are held underwater by a strong, buff man who they both happen to owe money too. The man is also not wearing any clothing. That is actually unrelated. Turns out he's a nudist. Not sure why anybody would borrow money from somebody who can't conceal a wallet. Actually, maybe he can. I don't wanna think about it further. Happy New Year.

Volt and Kazoo burn down an abandoned building that they were previously using the manufacture cocaine. This failed venture was not for profit, but for emotional growth. Do with that information as you will, the court date is set for the 28th.

Volt and Kazoo recreate the dark lord via the method shown in Once Upon a Time, much to the chagrin of any higher power. This is the FINAL EPISODE before the big rebrand of our podcast. I'm also dropping the Volt's Power Plant podcast soon, which I'll be plugging at the end of future episodes.

Volt and Kazoo become members of a multi-level pyramid scheme involving selling kitchen utensils.

CONTENT WARNING: Parasite talk. Also, A Little Life (novel) is mentioned, and listing all of the content warnings here could get us flagged. Here's a link so you can prepare yourself: https://www.booktriggerwarnings.com/A_Little_Life_by_Hanya_Yanagihara The whole episode is kinda grim, so take it piece by piece. Volt and Kazoo make the classic mistake of attempting to order food from a web service, and the chefs are not trained - whatever that actually means. Jay is now stuck in the abyss. Things don't change too much.

Volt and Kazoo start herding people in hopes of starting a religion to become tax exempt. Jay goes to the DMV to register his 2002 Accord that he just purchased off of an Irving crackhead for $75. The car is missing the VIN and the color of the doors is not consistent with the rest of the vehicle.

Volt and Kazoo get locked inside of a massive metal box. There is no exit. There is no openings for any passage of air. Their time is limited. You could possibly send the last email message they'll ever read, so spend their dwindling time wisely.

Volt and Kazoo invest money in a pyramid scheme and get picked up by a shadow organization. Volt is turned into mulch.

Volt and Kazoo sneak into a closed convenience store and drill holes in bottom of soda cans, leaving a giant sticky mess for someone else to clean. They didn't bother to think about potentially getting caught, as they tripped a silent alarm and law enforcement gunned them down. The reason for their execution is actually entirely different. It was a parking violation.

Volt and Kazoo lose both of their life savings at a shady poker table in Houston, TX.

Volt and Kazoo travel to Scotland to steal shoes and stockpile them as a make-shift cache of weaponry to sell to the highest bidder. There have been no bids.

Volt and Kazoo travel to an old mining town in Nevada and do nothing but play card games until they both expire from dehydration.

Volt and Kazoo take turns crushing their hands and feet in a vice for the entertainment of random people on the internet.

Volt and Kazoo look at the pelvic floor, alongside introducing some new interesting topics. Volt hits herself in a Panera Bread.