Goat & Glaze's Podcast

Send us Fan MailIn Season 3, Episode 9 of the Goat and Glaze podcast, Goat and Glaze are joined by Corbin, who now serves as their "official unofficial producer." The crew discusses a variety of eccentric topics, including paying their production staff in pesos and bananas, the tragic story of a bullied monkey, and the strange behavior of pandas. The conversation highlights the absurd disconnect between expectation and reality, especially when assuming details without explicit confirmation, as illustrated by Glaze's experiences. Following this theme of unexpected results, Glaze shares a humorous yet horrifying story from his adult life about nearly accidentally killing himself after trying to run a window AC unit inside his apartment by setting it on a table. The hosts wrap up by addressing frustrating and entitled behavior in others, leading into a spirited "Double Side of Rant" segment.

Send us Fan MailIn Season 3, Episode 8 of the Goat and Glaze podcast, titled "Double Entendre," hosts Goat and Glaze are joined by Corbin for a high-energy session that kicks off with Glaze expressing extreme frustration over a technical failure that lost their previous 48-minute recording. The crew explores dark comedic territory regarding the afterlife, debating the lack of modern ghosts and jokingly suggesting that "ghost jobs" have a hierarchy where poor performance leads to being reincarnated as something insignificant. They introduce the "Trifecta of Fucks" segment for their friend "Hooker" and Glaze recounts stories from high school, including a protest against a book on Hinduism and the absurdity of being disciplined for "talking" to a deaf classmate using sign language. Wrapping up with a story about a friend in prison embracing paganism, the trio announces an upcoming move to YouTube to bring their unfiltered "factual" truths to a video format.

Send us Fan MailDragons, Dinosaurs, and DistrustIn this episode of the Goat and Glaze podcast, the hosts tear down the wall between "conspiracy" and "truth." What starts with a confession about "bouncing dirt" off people quickly spirals into a heated debate about why dragons are actually real—and why the government is using dinosaur skeletons to hide them.

Send us Fan MailSlapping Oil, Disgruntled Daves, and Bathroom BattlesIn this hilariously chaotic episode of Goat and Glaze, the guys settle in with some Gentleman Jack to trade stories from the front lines of parenting, prison slang, and the high-stakes world of hospitality.From decoding what it means to "slap the oil" to making public restrooms as uncomfortable as humanly possible, this episode is a masterclass in the "basic fucked up" nature of daily life.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of the podcast, the hosts (including Goat) are joined by a special guest, Korben, for a chaotic and humorous discussion that blends conspiracy theories, personal anecdotes, and a satirical deep dive into the origin of the alphabet.Key HighlightsThe Alphabet "Conspiracy": The central theme of the episode is a tongue-in-cheek exploration of the alphabet. After "fact-checking" via Google, the hosts conclude that because the alphabet evolved over thousands of years from various scripts (Proto-Sinaitic, Phoenician, Greek) rather than being invented by one person at one time, it is essentially "not real"—comparing it humorously to the moon landing.The "Gospel of Goat": Goat shares a "sermon" he wrote previously, titled "The Charlie Brown Life." It outlines the "Goat Experience," which is defined by three spiritual forces: The Woes (constant small failures), The Karma (the feeling of catching up on unknown debt), and Unjust Randomness (being the "chosen one" for things to go wrong). He uses Charlie Brown’s football and the kite-eating tree as metaphors for persistent hope in the face of certain disappointment.The Car Wash Confrontation: Goat recounts a recent awkward experience at a local car wash. While waiting for the power to be restored, he told a young employee that the local high school football team "sucked," only to find out the employee was actually a player on the field. True to the "Goat Experience," after receiving free washes for the trouble, the car wash dryer failed, leaving his car soaked.Korben's Role: Throughout the episode, Korben acts as the "hinged man" to the hosts' high-energy antics, often reacting with silence or disdain to their bizarre logic and jokes about his heritage (calling him a "human panda" due to his mixed background).

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, the hosts blend personal anecdotes, characteristic humor, and deep-dive conspiracy theories, all while sampling "Champagne Bears" (gummy bears) and discussing high-end whiskey.Falling Down and Looking UpThe episode kicks off with the hosts trading "stairs stories." One host recounts a recent "expeditious descent" where he slipped in "cartoon mode" while trying to sign for a package, resulting in multiple rug burns. This prompts a second story from years ago involving a single-wide trailer, icy wooden steps, light blue boxer briefs, and "church shoes" (slick-bottomed loafers). The host describes a cinematic fall where he hit every single step, landing in the ice while his 120-pound bulldog, Hoss, watched with complete indifference.The "Purple Bag Project" and Cultural HumorTransitioning from their usual "self-sponsored" appreciation for Crown Royal, the hosts highlight a philanthropic effort they discovered: The Purple Bag Project.The Mission: Crown Royal turns their iconic purple bags into care packages for overseas military personnel.Interaction: Users can virtually "pack a bag" on the website with items like beef jerky and nuts at no cost.The conversation then veers into a comedic list of "alternate names" for white people (e.g., "Arctic Hermano," "Cracker Attacker," and "Wonder Bread Dunderhead") and a funny story about one host attempting to order Panda Express in a "samurai voice," much to the embarrassment of his son.The "Big Hoax": The Moon LandingThe "Tough Topic" of the day focuses on the validity of the 1969 moon landing. The hosts express skepticism based on several classic conspiracy points:The Camera Work: They question who was already on the moon to film the lander and the first steps.The Technology Gap: They find it hard to believe that 1969 technology allowed for clear communication from space when modern cell signals drop between a driveway and a foyer.Modern Issues: They contrast the "flawless" 60s missions with modern astronauts getting "stuck" in space, questioning why we haven't returned if the technology was mastered decades ago.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of the podcast (Season 3, Episode 3), Double G opens the year 2026 with their usual brand of irreverent and often politically incorrect humor.Episode HighlightsMerch & New Beginnings: The hosts discuss their new intro song and promote their latest merchandise, specifically highlighting a "Braille shirt" (the "Steve's Wonder Tee"). They joke about the irony of a Braille shirt that blind people can't actually read because it isn't embossed.Observations on Accessibility: This leads to a comedic riff on the placement of Braille in public spaces. They question how blind people find Braille signs on restroom walls or why Braille is included on drive-up ATM buttons, jokingly suggesting they wait at an ATM to "rob" a blind driver.New Year’s Resolutions: They revisit their stance that "resolutions are dumb." One host tells a story about a man named Luis who joined an expensive gym ($65/month) only to go home immediately without working out."Black Chris" and the Plate of Dicks: A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a listener/friend named "Black Chris." They laugh over a photo he sent of a New Year's Eve meal involving pretzel breadsticks and ranch dressing that looked unintentionally phallic.Prison & Race Jokes: The conversation shifts to one host’s brother in prison ("the joint"), his interactions with a Hispanic inmate named Enrique, and a "Yakuza" coworker named Dave. The humor relies heavily on racial stereotypes and "petty" observations.The "Tough Topic" – Lawn Care Etiquette: The hosts eventually get to their main topic: what time is it socially acceptable to start lawn work? They complain about neighbors using leaf blowers as early as 7:45 AM on holidays and discuss the efficiency (or lack thereof) of professional landscaping crews.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode focused on tackling tough topics, Goat and Glaze are joined by "Korben Dallas" (previously Zoltar) to explore the highly unusual question: "How do blind people know what humans look like?" The discussion quickly spirals into a hilarious and surprisingly deep philosophical debate, using the previous episode's jail call as a perfect, unscripted opening.The hosts contemplate how the blind form a baseline for appearance, joking that perhaps they rely on action figures or old Raggedy Ann dolls. They question the challenges of a blind introduction where feeling someone's face is necessary, and hilariously ponder the implications of having a blind caregiver in prison.The conversation rapidly accelerates, proposing a scientific approach to blindness through echolocation (like dolphins) and questioning if the tapping of a white cane is essentially Morse code. They address crucial, unanswered life questions, such as:Who watches the child if two blind people have a kid?How would blind parents recognize autism or a gender transition in their child?How do blind people navigate apartment buildings when numbers can be inverted?This leads them to the terrifying realization that blind people, who can't see the environment changing from concrete to sand, might be the only ones who truly encounter quicksand in modern life, ending the segment on a darkly funny note. The hosts also take a side-quest to critique their beverages, finding a hard-to-believe statement on their Coke can: "Contains no dairy," and preview the next tough topic: lawn care etiquette.

Send us Fan MailAfter a mandated, three-month hiatus following a major "kerfuffle" with an authoritative agency—sparked by a complaint over a candy bag of dicks that ran parallel to a lawsuit—Goat and Glaze are officially back for Season 3, ready to tackle tough topics and share their unconventional brand of therapy. The duo recounts the absurd investigation into the prank, which included memorable lines like Goat declaring his position to be "very dick independent," and notes the suspicious clearing of the complaint immediately after Glaze settled his separate lawsuit. Kicking off their new focus on tough topics, they immediately dissect the Thanksgiving holiday, jokingly forming a "Turkey Coalition" to question why the turkey is the designated sacrificial bird. They also express gratitude for the return of reliable blue text messages and announce the launch of their new merch shop featuring "Trauma Treasures," including the "Therapy Winner Hoodie" and their own Von Valdez coffee. The episode concludes with a playful teaser for an upcoming topic: the origin and meaning of the middle finger, asking if the universally recognized gesture is a case of "finger racism."

Send us Fan MailA Return to the Mic and a Texas MisadventureAfter a brief hiatus, the guys are back to wrap up Season 2. The episode begins with a candid acknowledgment of their break, which was due to the "chaos of life" and a "felon on the run"—a joke about Goat's recent leg injury. They assure listeners they're back in the groove and ready to pick up right where they left off.The conversation quickly turns to a recent trip to Texas. The trip, originally for a florist convention, became a comedy of errors from the start. It began at the airport, where a cafe denied a breakfast order, and a fellow traveler refused to move from his seat, displaying what Glaze called "sheer fucking audacity."Upon arriving in Texas, the hosts' troubles continued. Glaze discovers his hotel, despite being near the airport, is a 20-minute drive from the conference. This led him to strike a deal with the hotel's airport shuttle drivers, bribing them with a meal to get rides. He also notes that Texans were not particularly welcoming to out-of-towners.The most notable incident of the trip occurred when Glaze's credit card company alerted him to a fraudulent charge of over $200,000, followed by another for $10,000. To top it off, his return flight involved a comical series of seven gate changes at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport.Surprise Upgrades and a Shed of ShameOn the flight home, however, his luck turns. He gets a surprise upgrade to first class, where he's treated to hot towels, a meal, and a very generous supply of rum and Cokes from a flight attendant. He even gets to take some of the small bottles with him.The episode ends with a humorous discussion of their home lives. Goat's yard has been the location of a teenage murder mystery party, complete with chalk outlines and props. He notes that his liquor had to be hidden, and that his newly installed mini-split AC unit was no match for the South Carolina heat. The conversation concludes with a discussion about how they're both slowly getting back on their feet.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of "Goat and Glaze," we dive into a truly "horrifying" personal medical experience, where one of us underwent a procedure without any pain medication, despite expectations. We compare this ordeal to a friend's much milder experience and ponder if others have had similar "road Dogg" encounters, even discussing setting up a poll on our "bookface page" to find out. We also introduce our upcoming special guest, who shall be named "Fat rat with no tail." Finally, we share a recent attempt at "paying it forward" that hilariously backfired, proving that sometimes, doing good deeds can have unexpected (and painful) consequences for others. As always, our conversations are unscripted and drawn from our real, often absurd, lives.

Send us Fan MailGoat and Glaze kick off this episode, possibly titled "FFP" (Fuckery of F**king with People), by recounting their elaborate methods of pranking scammers. Glaze describes responding to a "wrong number" text with absurd Midwest slang, detailing hydroplaning (moist yeehaw), doing donuts (whipping shitthis), U-turns (flippin' a bitch), and parallel parking (urban butt stuff).They then dive into their most epic scammer encounter: a "boss" (Elizabeth) asking for gift cards. The duo created a fake group chat, with Goat pretending to be an incompetent assistant named "Greg" who repeatedly fumbled the gift card purchase. The scammer, initially frustrated, eventually lost it when Goat "fired" his assistant and sent a Photoshopped image of their house on fire. The scam ended with the scammer completely ceasing communication after this absurd escalation. They share another story of a hot tub scam involving fake Cash App screenshots, and Goat's bizarre experience receiving unsolicited explicit photos after offering to send money to a scammer.The conversation veers into dark humor and the concept of "trauma boxes" from their previous "Grace" episodes. They discuss a recent incident where they targeted a scammer named Kate, escalating the conversation to a point where they unleashed a wild, accusatory rant about a fictional disaster involving "lab monkeys" and "Johnaldo" taking out the "wrong car," blaming Kate for "botching everything." This barrage of confusion, designed to be completely baffling, successfully drove the scammer away.Finally, Goat and Glaze touch on the confusing nature of their conversations, likening their news style to a "Glorious Gazette" that would perplex readers. They discuss an upcoming surgery for Goat, joking about potential DMX impressions while doped up, and ponder starting a "No Leg Mom" (NLM) prosthetic company, even brainstorming low-overhead ideas like using dumpster springs for limbs. They also touch on a bizarre "good meat" story involving Bologna and a customer named Greg who was caught trying to steal a train. The episode concludes with them reeling back in from their chaotic tangents, ready to discuss local bridge construction issues.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Goat and Glaze continue their "Grace" series, explaining that Grace, while temporarily absent, remains a crucial part of their therapeutic podcast journey. They highlight the importance of a support system, noting that some support is public (like the podcast) and some is private. Goat shares his personal connection to Grace's struggles, emphasizing his role in supporting her through difficulties he faced alone at her age. They discuss the evolution of their podcast from aimless "bullshitting" to a therapeutic outlet for processing real-life experiences, acknowledging the challenges of scheduling guests due to their fluid schedules.The conversation then delves deeper into the concept of trauma, particularly parental trauma. Goat recounts his shocking discovery at age 12 that the man who raised him was not his biological father, and his subsequent relationships with his biological father (who was a drug addict and died from an overdose) and his stepfather (who passed away recently). He explains how he unknowingly compartmentalized these experiences, learning about "trauma boxes" only recently through therapy. Both hosts reflect on the lack of a "parenting playbook" and the unique challenges of raising children in today's world compared to their own vastly different upbringings. Goat also shares his personal struggle with providing for his child without spoiling him, particularly concerning an anecdote about buying expensive, rare sneakers.

Send us Fan MailAlright, so, we're kicking this off with some "sugar bitch" talk, 'cause you know, you're always learning, right? We're sipping on some mead – that's honey wine for you uncultured swine – and Glaze's all about this vanilla hive blend. Says it's good, not like that fake "tastes like juice" crap.Then we're off on a tangent, naturally. We're talking about how the hell they knew about mead in 7000 BC, and if they even had bees back then. And then, of course, we're questioning the whole BC thing and how that works with the Bible. You know, the usual.But the real gold here is Glaze's Master P story. He met the No Limit soldier himself at some car show back in the day. And Glaze? He was there, looking all hard and thug-like for the photo. P was dropping knowledge and spitting straight fire, 'cause he's a legit business genius. Oh, and he played in the NBA. The more you know.Glaze is trying to get P on the show to reminisce about their epic encounter. And we're just over here, running a flower shop, dodging bees, and waiting for the phone to ring. You know, living the dream. We'll catch y'all on the next one!

Send us Fan MailWow, episode ten of season two already – it's hard to believe! This time around, it's just Glaze and me holding down the fort, as Grace will be back with us soon. We're kind of going off-script this episode, touching on some of the deeper stuff that listeners have reached out about, even though we usually approach things with our signature dark humor. But honestly, a lot of our jokes have a real foundation. For me, things came to a head where it was suggested I talk to a therapist, someone outside of my marriage. It got me thinking about my own upbringing and some of the challenges there, and how that's played out in my adult relationships, especially with my parents and siblings. It's made me realize how important it is to just talk things out, even if it's just to acknowledge what you're going through and what you need at that moment, without judgment. Because at the end of the day, focusing on yourself is okay, and it's often the first step towards figuring things out.

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Send us Fan MailWe head to Chucktown to perform an interview at a cool location (neither of which happened) and to find out if we won an award.

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Send us Fan MailFeaturing Ms Cincinnati!

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Send us Fan MailCant believe we have made it to 6 episodes! If you are this person we are discussing....you suck!

Send us Fan MailAnother banger has dropped with FedEx guy and an extra special guest that you have to tune in for.

Send us Fan MailWe are still not canceled and here to talk about a mother's day ghosting with the one and only white knitter.

Send us Fan MailWe continue to amaze ourselves by still being allowed to have a show! Have you ever boosted a bid and it backfired??? Yes? No? Find out!

Send us Fan MailDouble G are back and this week we talk little people and have 2 incredibly special guests, Zoltar and Rapunzel. Tune in to learn more and lets not make it weird

Send us Fan MailWelcome to the worst purchase of Goat's life and our first episode ever.