Grief Out Loud

In 2022, Steph Tupper's two older children, Ali and Joe, were killed in a car crash. Ali was 16 and Joe was 14. Four years later, Steph is still learning how to live with the reality of losing her children while continuing to parent her youngest daughter.  In this episode, Steph talks openly about the devastating night she learned Ali and Joe had died, the ways she continues to feel connected to them, and the complicated process of building a life around an absence that will never go away. She shares what she has learned about community, judgment from others - and herself, parenting after loss, and allowing grief to unfold without a timeline.  In the last four years, Steph has learned how devastating pain and great joy can coexist, and how her capacity to carry grief continues to grow. We discuss: The shock of sudden loss  Feeling connected to Ali and Joe through signs, memories, and a sense of their presence  Parenting her daughter while grieving  The importance of community and finding other parents who have experienced child loss  The pressure and judgment people who are grieving can face  Why grief doesn't follow a timeline - and why support shouldn't either  Navigating anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, and back-to-school season  Learning to anticipate difficult seasons rather than trying to make them disappear  Making space for both joy and profound sadness  What it means to simply sit with someone's grief instead of trying to fix it  Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

When physician and writer Shanda McManus was fourteen, her mother died after living with ovarian cancer. Three years later, her grandmother - the person who became home after that loss - was killed by a drunk driver. Then, while Shanda was in medical school, her younger brother Monir was murdered on Christmas Eve.  For years, surviving meant staying busy. Planning funerals. Managing paperwork. Pushing forward. The grief itself was boxed up, held in place by what Shanda describes as an emotional tourniquet. It kept her moving, but it also kept her separated from memories of her mother, grandmother, and brother - and even from parts of herself.  In this conversation, Jana and Shanda explore what finally made it possible to take off the tourniquet. They talk about how writing became a gentle way back into grief and how reconnecting with that grief also helped Shanda reconnect with the people who had died.  Together they also explore the larger forces that shape grief: the myth of the "strong Black woman," the culture of medicine that rewards emotional restraint, the isolation that follows homicide loss, and the ways race, class, and stigma influence whose grief is witnessed and whose is questioned.  This episode considers what can happen when we stop asking grief to disappear and instead start tending to it - creating space for tears, memories, stories, and relationships that continue long after someone dies.  In this episode, we discuss: Growing up in North Philadelphia and the lasting influence of Shanda's mother, grandmother, and younger brother. Becoming the family caretaker after her mother's death at fourteen.   How repeated losses led to decades of suppressing grief in order to survive.   Why writing Brother Epistles became a pathway back to memory, relationship, and self.   The unique challenges of grieving after homicide and the stigma that often accompanies violent loss.  How racism, gender expectations, and medical culture can leave little room for grief.   What it means to tend grief rather than trying to finish it.   Finding permission to speak about the people who died as an everyday grief practice.  Connect with Shanda McManus, MD https://www.shandamcmanus.com/ @shandaMDwrites Weatherproof Substack Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

When it comes to children and grief, there's a lot we misunderstand. Adults might think they are either resilient and unaffected, too young to understand, or irreparably broken by the death of someone in their life. In reality though, their experiences of grief can be just as profound and complex as those of the adults around them.  In this episode of Grief Out Loud, Jana talks with Certified Child Life Specialist Jessica Correnti about what children actually need when someone they love dies. Drawing from more than a decade of working in pediatric hospitals and her private practice, Kids Grief Support, Jessica offers practical ways adults can help children understand death, express their feelings, and develop lifelong coping skills.   Jessica also shares the personal story of going through several miscarriages and the stillbirth of her daughter Maggie. She reflects on how her professional knowledge as a child life specialist shaped the way she and her family included their toddler son in meeting Maggie, how they continue to keep Maggie woven into everyday family life, and why simple, honest conversations help children carry grief over time rather than "move on" from it.   We discuss: What child life specialists do and why every family facing illness, injury, or death could benefit from their support.   How Jessica's own experiences with pregnancy loss transformed her understanding of grief.   Why "at least..." statements often leave people feeling more isolated.   How to prepare children for difficult experiences using clear, concrete language grounded in the 5 senses.   Why grief conversations don't need to be one big talk but can unfold through hundreds of small moments over time.   Why children aren't just naturally resilient, but need support to become resilient.  How coping strategies evolve throughout grief, for both children and adults.   The ways Jessica continues to parent Maggie through her work, writing, and advocacy.   Jessica is the founder of Kids Grief Support and author of The ABCs of Grief children's book series, resources that help children and families better understand grief, emotions, and coping.  Learn more about Dougy Center's grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings

For many, September 11th is a shared, historical tragedy. But for today's guest, it is a personal anniversary - the day his father died. David Ferrugio was twelve years old when his dad was killed in the World Trade Center. Twenty-five years later, his grief continues to unfold - from recently sitting with his father's forensic file at the 9/11 Memorial to hosting his own podcast, DEAD Talks, where he invites people into honest conversations about death, grief, and what it means to keep living.  In this conversation, David reflects on carrying his private grief through such a public loss. We talk about what it was like to be so young when his dad died, the memories he's held onto, and the new stories he's discovered through other people who also knew his father.  David talks about the ways grief found expression before he had words for it - from watching footage of the attacks over and over, to blasting Linkin Park while wearing himself out with a punching bag, to eventually finding his voice through podcasting and writing.  We discuss: What he remembers about 9/11 and getting the news his father died  Sitting with his father's forensic file twenty-five years later   Carrying personal grief through a public tragedy How memory, trauma, and grief intersect Finding connection through stories about the person who died   Why grief doesn't always begin with words  The role of movement, music, humor, and curiosity in living with grief  What talking with hundreds of people about grief has taught David about compassion, uncertainty, and hope   Learn more about David, his podcast DEAD Talks, and his upcoming book, You're Not Dead Yet: How Grief and Loss Can Teach You to Live.  Note: This episode contains some salty language. Listen with care.