PODCAST · sports
Hands Off Those Balls
by Mike McGlinchey and Jared Berg
Tired of sports talk shows with hosts who take themselves waaaay too seriously? Interested in some light analysis of English Premier League soccer from a couple guys who admit they don’t have all the answers? Curious how many times you can laugh at them for struggling with pronouncing player names or just straight up getting them wrong? Then come join Mike and Jared as they discuss the great game of soccer, the best club team league on Earth and whatever else strikes their fancy. New fans to the game can learn things along with the guys, seasoned fans can chuckle at their ignorance.
Episodes
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Episode 50 - 5/30/2021
As the show hits its 50th episode, the guys reflect on the last several weeks with another installment of "Now What Did We F#*% Up?" to clean up some recent on-air errors. Mike tips the hat to the various clubs that have closed their seasons by winning trophies while Jared gives a preview of the...
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Episode 49 - 5/25/2021
On the final day of the 2020-2021 Premier League season, all of the drama was about qualifying for European play next year. Now that the dust has settled, Mike gives a rundown of who punched their tickets to Europe and examines the new Europa Conference League. Jared summarizes the Sunday matches...
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Episode 48 - 5/17/2021
The past week saw Manchester City clinch its fifth Premier League title in ten years and Leicester City win its first FA Cup title in the club's 137 year history. Mike compares the total points accumulated by various teams at this point last season to see whose form has improved (West Ham) and...
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Episode 47 - 5/10/2021
The tension continues between Manchester United ownership and the club's fans as an open letter from owner Joel Glazer addressing the supporters's concerns appears to have satisfied no one. As for some good news, the UK government has ordered that up to 10,000 fans will be allowed to attend…
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Episode 46 - 5/3/2021
Peaceful protests calling for an ownership change outside Old Trafford on Sunday got out of hand when a vocal minority got violent, throwing bottles, smashing a gate into the stadium and injuring two police officers. Mike and Jared discuss whether the fans truly have the power to engineer a...
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Episode 45 - 4/26/2021
That pain in your neck is whiplash from the Big Six's sudden reversal of plans regarding the ill-conceived (and now defunct) European Super League. Mike discusses the chain of events leading to the change of heart and associated apology tour the club owners have had to endure after swift and...
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Episode 44 - 4/19/2021
News of the formation of a European SUPER LEAGUE just came out, so the guys try their best to unpack what this means for the Premier League. Will the Big 6 actually have to leave the PL over this? Mike takes a moment to bid farewell (good riddance?) to Jose Mourinho, who was sacked as manager of...
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Episode 43 - 4/12/2021
This week, Jared was unavailable to join the show, so that means listeners will be left with just Mike's "unique" form of Premier League analysis (don't worry, Jared will be back soon). Mike starts things off with his very own list of the Top 5 managers in Premier League history. He follows that…
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Episode 42 - 4/5/2021
Manchester City is all but assured to win its fifth Premier League title this year, but when it comes time to defend that championship next year, the club will do so without longtime Cityzen Sergio Aguero. The striker's contract will not be renewed next season, so Mike discusses some of his…
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Episode 41 - 3/22/2021
West Ham United's score off a "quick free kick" against Arsenal had Mike so thoroughly confused that it was time for another look at the Laws of the Game, this time to find out why sometimes players have to wait for a referee's whistle before kicking and sometimes don't on free kicks. There were...
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Episode 40 - 3/15/2021
After their scoreless clash at Elland Road on Saturday, ever wonder how Chelsea and Leeds developed such an intense rivalry? Mike and Jared are here to discuss the origins of this curious grudge that gave the world, among other things, the "most brutal game" in the history of English football in...
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Episode 39 - 3/9/2021
When the guys aren't incorrectly remembering scenes from "Seinfeld" this week, they are discussing the new clarification of the handball rule issued by the International Football Association Board. Spurs fans (like Mike) can rejoice that the clarification was not in effect for last week's match...
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Episode 38 - 3/1/2021
Many 30-somethings got rare starts for their teams this weekend, so Mike and Jared take a moment to recognize these members of the Premier League's Old Guard (Actually, this was just an excuse for Mike to puff his chest out over Gareth Bale scoring a pair of goals after last week's show called on...
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Episode 37 - 2/22/2021
They seem to happen nearly once per week, so it's time for Mike and Jared to examine own goals -- the rules, if any, that govern them and the players and teams that have the dubious honor of scoring for the opposing team this season. The guys then question why their fantasy league doesn't impose...
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Episode 36 - 2/15/2021
As Liverpool falters and Manchester City rolls, sports media are going crazy that Jurgen Klopp somehow "conceded" the Premier League title by admitting that he doesn't believe his Reds can catch the Cityzens at this point. Mike and Jared discuss whether Klopp's admission is being blown way out of...
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Episode 35 - 2/8/2021
After an unscheduled week off, Hands Off Those Balls is back! This week, in response to what seemed like a surge in misconduct calls by officials, Mike looks at the grounds for issuance of a red card and the various matches that were affected the last few weeks by such bookings. Jared reviews…
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Episode 34 - 1/25/2021
Ownership can be fickle in the Premier League, and nobody is more aware of that than Frank Lampard, the (now) former Chelsea manager who got sacked after a mere 18 months on the job, which included a Champions League berth. Mike and Jared discuss whether Lampard deserved his walking papers and...
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Episode 33 - 1/18/2021
With half of the Premier League season behind us, Mike and Jared take a look into the reasons The Wolverhampton Wanderers are having a season most of their players and fans would like to soon forget. Is Raul Jimenez's injury really the only reason for their struggles? The guys then discuss some...
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Episode 32 - 1/4/2021
With the Festive Fixtures season ending, the January transfer window begins as the Premier League season approaches its halfway point. Mike takes the opportunity to test Jared's attention to the finer points of the game by giving him a quiz to match the jersey sponsor to the team (it doesn't go...
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Episode 31 - 12/28/2020
As 2020 mercifully wraps up, COVID-19 remains a problem for everyone, and the Premier League is no exception as an outbreak has forced Manchester City to postpone at least one match and the league is considering a two-week stoppage of play. Mike (finally) explains why the Manchester United-Leeds...
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Episode 30 - 12/21/2020
It's the holiday season, which means 20 Premier League matches in the span of a week! Jared shares his findings after looking into why teams occasionally wear jerseys with stomach-turning color schemes (looking at you, West Brom). Speaking of the Baggies, Mike gives a quick rundown on their new...
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Episode 29 - 12/14/2020
Because there's never a shortage of errors to choose from, Mike and Jared figure that it's a good time for another installment of everybody's favorite segment, "Now What Did We F#%& Up?" in which they recount some of the more egregious mistakes they've made on the show over the last few weeks…
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Episode 28 - 12/7/2020
The fans have returned to the stadiums!! Well, some of the fans have returned to some of the stadiums. For the English Football parks that were allowed to admit the maximum 2,000 supporters to watch their teams play this week, Mike discusses how most of the matches were a welcome return to…
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Episode 27 - 11/30/2020
The soccer world lost Argentina's Diego Maradona last week after he suffered a fatal heart attack at the age of 60. Mike and Jared reflect on his complex life and career, from his successes at the 1986 World Cup and as captain of Napoli to his struggles with drugs and alcohol. The guys also…
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Episode 26 - 11/23/2020
Tottenham Hotspur may be at the top of the table for now, but Mike and Jared discuss the team's prospects for the future given financial reporting that shows Spurs to be suffering an $85.5 million loss this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Meanwhile, Man City, the team that only recently faced...
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Episode 25 - 11/9/2020
This week, the guys take a look at The Championship to examine the financial scandal that resulted in a 6-point deduction for Sheffield Wednesday and muse about its similarities to Manchester City's "creative bookkeeping." Jared discusses the frustration that many are expressing about…
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Episode 24 - 11/2/2020
You may have noticed that several Premier League players have hyphenated names, but have you ever wondered whether you could set a Starting XI of such players? Well, Mike and Jared save you the trouble with the release of the 2020 Hands Off Those Balls All-Hyphen Team! Jared recaps several of the...
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Episode 23 - 10/26/2020
Now that Matchweek 6 is in the books, Mike and Jared figure enough of the season is over for them to make some BOLD predictions of how things will play out from here. They can think of no better way to do that than with a new segment they call "Dope or Nope," in which they evaluate whether they...
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Episode 22 - 10/19/2020
This week, Mike finishes a discussion he should have concluded last week, as he is now able to describe where the money in those massive transfer fees goes. With the end of Matchweek 5, it's also a perfect time for another installment of "Now What Did We F#@% Up?," so the guys reflect on some of...
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Episode 21 - 10/12/2020
After taking a week off with a host on Injured Reserve, Mike and Jared return just in time to discuss the end of the international transfer window. Jared then shares his concerns about some of the own goal decisions that have been made so far this season, the guys look back at a few of the...
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Episode 20 - 9/28/2020
It seems like folks from all corners of the soccer world are up in arms (pun intended) over the Premier League's implementation of the International Football Association Board's new handball rule, and Mike and Jared are no exception. Matchweek 3 saw no fewer than three of its ten matches decided…
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Episode 19 - 9/21/2020
Matchweek 2 is in the books, and Mike and Jared are here to discuss some of the new developments that have taken shape in the Premier League's first several games. Jared explains how offsides is being called somewhat differently this season, leaving the guys to wonder if the change is really all...
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Episode 18 - 9/14/2020
It would appear Mike and Jared are celebrating Festivus a little early this year, and as such we begin with the airing of grievances. The first subject to draw their ire: Mike's horrible selections for their fantasy EPL team, which resulted in a loss to a team with half its players idle. Next up:...
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Episode 17 - 9/7/2020
It may have been a short off-season, but that doesn't mean we're any less excited for the start of the 2020-2021 English Premier League season!!! Jared introduces us to the newly promoted teams joining the EPL this year and Mike discusses some of the news from the preseason like Lionel Messi's...
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Episode 16 - 8/3/2020
Now that the Court of Arbitration for Sport has issued its written decision in Manchester City's appeal of UEFA's two-year ban from European tournament play, Mike and Jared discuss the panel's reasoning and the effect the decision may have on the financing of soccer teams going forward. The guys...
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Episode 15 - 7/27/2020
The 2019-2020 Premier League season is over, and Mike and Jared are here to share their thoughts on the final week's matches and a few performances that warrant special recognition. After correcting some mistakes from last week, Mike gives a basic rundown of Europa League qualification rules and...
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Episode 14 - 7/20/2020
With only one week left before the 2019-2020 Premier League season comes to a close, Mike and Jared discuss the curious decision by Watford to fire manager Nigel Pearson with only two games left to play and spend a little time griping about handball and penalty kick rules. Mike's poor memory is...
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Episode 13 - 7/13/2020
Fresh off Man City's successful appeal of its two-year ban from UEFA competitions, Mike and Jared discuss the the ruling itself and what it means for the other teams vying for Champions League berths. They clean up some of their past errors with another installment of "Now What Did We F%©#…
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Episode 12 - 7/6/2020
A great way to enhance your English Premier League fan experience is to play in a fantasy league, so our pal Luke joins us in the studio to discuss how he got involved in such a league, what strategies have worked well for him so far and what his prospects are for winning his league in only his...
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Episode 11 - 6/29/2020
Now that Liverpool has clinched the Premier League title, Mike and Jared discuss the various records the Merseyside crew can break by season's end, why it took them 30 years to win another title and whether we can expect this to the first of many for this Reds squad. Also, they review the...
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Episode 10 - 6/22/2020
With the resumption of games, Mike and Jared break down the new protocols like manufactured crowd noise, increased substitutions and water breaks. Mike complains about Tottenham Hotspur's failure to hold a lead over Man U, Jared gives an update on promotion scenarios from the Championship and…
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Episode 9 - 6/15/2020
After a three-month hiatus, English Premier League football is BACK, and with it comes a new episode of "Hands Off Those Balls!" Mike and Jared review the protocols the League is mandating to mitigate health risks to the players, discuss the effect the suspension of play has had on player…
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Episode 8 - 3/16/2020
With games suspended due to the COVID-19 outbreak, Mike and Jared discuss how the EPL may decided to handle promotion and relegation if no more games are played this season. They also take a moment to recognize the selflessness of various folks in the sports world who are donating their time and...
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Episode 7 - 3/9/2020
Jared puts Mike in the hot seat with a two-part quiz on EPL history and team nicknames which serves as an endurance test for the "wrong buzzer." They also discuss Liverpool returning to form, Chelsea's win against a lackluster Everton and the Manchester Derby.
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Episode 6 - 3/2/2020
You know the guys get stuff wrong, and they know it too. This week, Mike and Jared celebrate their ignorance with the first airing of a new segment, “Now What Did We F%©# Up??!!” in which they remember some of their least forgivable mistakes on the show – you may notice Mike still can’t get the...
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Episode 5 - 2/24/2020
Derbies (pronounced DAR-bies)!!! Last week’s Chelsea-Spurs match gives Mike and Jared a chance to talk about all manner of Premier League rivalries and thereby bone up on English geography. Because the guys are distracted watching the Liverpool-West Ham match while they record this episode, it…
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Episode 4 - 2/17/2020
Something smells rotten in Manchester as UEFA levies a 2-year ban on Man City from Champions League play, so Mike and Jared provide their unique analysis of the situation. In addition, they also discuss some select games from the conclusion of Matchday 26.
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Episode 3 - 2/10/2020
Indirect kicks, direct kicks, free kicks, penalty kicks. The guys get their kicks discussing how each is played and why each is awarded. Also on the menu is talk of the past weekend's slate of Matchday 26 games.
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Episode 2 - 2/3/2020
Penalties are “explained” by the guys, Mike giddily recounts the Tottenham Hotspur win over Manchester City and Jared discusses just how dominant Liverpool have been this year.
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Episode 1 - 1/27/2020
New fans of English Premier League soccer Mike and Jared talk about the offsides rule and the Matchday 24 games, with the occasional interruption from Mike’s dog barking.
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Tired of sports talk shows with hosts who take themselves waaaay too seriously? Interested in some light analysis of English Premier League soccer from a couple guys who admit they don’t have all the answers? Curious how many times you can laugh at them for struggling with pronouncing player names or just straight up getting them wrong? Then come join Mike and Jared as they discuss the great game of soccer, the best club team league on Earth and whatever else strikes their fancy. New fans to the game can learn things along with the guys, seasoned fans can chuckle at their ignorance.
HOSTED BY
Mike McGlinchey and Jared Berg
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Hands Off Those Balls have?
Hands Off Those Balls currently has 51 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Hands Off Those Balls about?
Tired of sports talk shows with hosts who take themselves waaaay too seriously? Interested in some light analysis of English Premier League soccer from a couple guys who admit they don’t have all the answers? Curious how many times you can laugh at them for struggling with pronouncing player names...
How often does Hands Off Those Balls release new episodes?
Hands Off Those Balls has 51 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Hands Off Those Balls?
You can listen to Hands Off Those Balls on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Hands Off Those Balls?
Hands Off Those Balls is created and hosted by Mike McGlinchey and Jared Berg.
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