Hard Choices
by MeganBob
From the creators of Smash Fiction, it's horniness meets science! We examine a fictional universe and rank the f*ckability of the characters to determine the true median on our collective boner scale. Who exactly is the middle of the pack in Lord of the Rings? Who is the middle ground of sexiness in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Just where does the horniness middle fall in Game of Thrones? We bring together a diverse array of sexualities, rank the characters, crunch the numbers, and find out truly wild and surprising things about everyone's internal boner-meter along the way.
Episodes
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Hard Choices 53 - He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I downloaded Hard Choices and pressed play! It uncovered the zenith, median, and nadir of fuckability in the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe franchise, but wait, it also comes with cool accessories like our hosts! Join Kris Newton, Dan Mulkerin,...
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Hard Choices 52 - Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
Take a ride with Hard Choices to a galaxy far, far away as we revisit the Star Wars films from the 70's through the most recent installments in the Skywalker Saga. Join Annie Craton, Dan Mulkerin, James D'Amato, and MeganBob as they discover just how Force sensitive they are when it comes to...
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Hard Choices 51 - Arcane
What's it look like when a Yordle has sex? Not everyone is brave enough to ask those sorts of questions, but we here at Hard Choices fear nothing, not even getting a little addicted to humming "Enemy" over and over. Look, the opening credits to this show are compelling and we will make not...
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Hard Choices 50 - Hazbin Hotel
Hard Choices will do a lot to get laid, even go straight to Hell (let's be honest, we've been to Hell with a few of these episodes already). That's right, we've been dragged into the cartoon musical wonderland of Hazbin Hotel and we're determined to sign our souls away in our quest to find the...
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Announcements! Hiatus - GenCon 2026 - OnlyFans
Hey folks! I've got some announcements so you know what's up for the next few months and this summer. Hard Choices is going on hiatus until May 2026 Go to the Hard Choices Patreon and sign up for LOTS of bonus content that will continue to come out over the hiatus! I'm going to be at GenCon 2026!...
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Hard Choices 49 - Discworld
When Sir Terry Pratchett put pen to paper and first began to shape what would become Discworld, he could not have known that down the line, some little gang of weirdos on the internet would spend almost three hours getting scientifically horny about it. But with a world as rich, multi-layered…
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Bad Choices 5 - Shrek [Public Edition]
We're escaping the swamp and coming to you live and full of intoxicating libations because it's Bad Choices! Bad Choices is our drunk liveshow that we broadcast on Crowdcast approximately 2-3 times a year and this time we dove headfirst into one of DreamWorks' most inexplicably beloved…
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Hard Choices 48 - Power Rangers Villains
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! Turn your TV back to 1993 and settle in for a Hard Choices episode of hard-hitting, backflipping, wildly gesticulating action. That's right, it's time to power up by fucking our way through 21 of the most memorably vile villains that questionable English localization can offer!...
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Hard Choices 47 - Comic Book Villains [Live at Tucson Comic Con]
At last! We have you in our clutches, restrained and unable to do anything but sit back and listen to our objectively correct* takes on some of the most fuckable villains that comic books have to offer! You will join Dan Mulkerin, Claire Mulkerin, JoJo Seames, and MeganBob as they deliver...
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Hard Choices 46 - Final Fantasy XIV
Double-check your Item Level and apply your favorite glamours, because this month we're logging into the weird, wild, and frequently patched world of Final Fantasy XIV! Dan, Kit, and Meganbob group up with Jef from System Mastery to take a spin on the BOOTY Roulette. Which character will prove to...
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Hard Choices 45 - Homestar Runner [feat. Patrick Rothfuss, James D'Amato, Dillin Apelyan, & Annie Craton]
Everybody to the limit! Well, maybe past the limit, because yes, we're ranking the fuckability of the Homestar Runner universe. Does it matter to you if the Cheat lives in a grill? Do you care if Homestar Runner is wearing pants? Just what can Strong Bad do while wearing boxing gloves? Join…
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Announcement! Bad Choices - Shrek Livestream and Live Show at Tucson Comic Con
Join James D'Amato, Kit, Maq, and MeganBob for the Bad Choices - Shrek livestream on August 9th at 5pm Pacific! Bad Choices - Shrek Livestream registration link Join Dan, Claire, JoJo Seames, and MeganBob on Friday, August 29th at 5:20pm in room 106 at Tucson Comic Con for an episode about Comic...
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Hard Choices 44 - Comic Book Weirdos
Look, comic book superheroes have been around for a long time. Some of them get their own billion-dollar film franchises, toylines, video games, Halloween costumes, and breakfast cereals. But then there are the other guys. The ones the MCU won't touch. The ones that make Jack Kirby himself tilt…
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Medians - Season Two
This show is about so much more than getting a blowjob from a Muppet or finally knowing what Kraven the Hunter smells like. This show is about data. Only by carefully ranking fictional universes, represented by their median fuckable character, against one another can we arrive at a considered...
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Hard Choices - Mirror Universe
According to sensors, a freak ion storm has transported an alternate universe Hard Choices episode into this feed! But this is not Hard Choices as we know it. Instead, join Admiral James D'Amato, Captain Kris Newton, Agony Booth Test Subject Dan Mulkerin, and Madame Sharon Schneiderman as they…
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Hard Choices 42 - Lost
Something was in the air in 2004 and we're not entirely sure what it was. Whatever it was, ABC's Lost was chockful of it and boy howdy was the landscape of American television ever weirder because of it. Join Kam Servo of UNspoiled! The Constant: Lost and newcomers Jody Troutman of LongTallJodie...
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Bad Choices 4 - Nick at Nite Couples [Public Edition]
It's time to get in the wayback machine and revisit the characters that defined the mid-century American television landscape: Nick at Nite Couples. Bad Choices was exactly the right place to break out the fancy cocktail glasses, get fabulously dressed, and say things that would make shock our...
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Hard Choices 41 - Dragon Ball
This enormous episode is guaranteed to make you go super saiyan! Now, will it be with shock? Outrage? Sheer overwhelming horniness? You'll have to listen to find out! We cover the sexual prowess of characters from the length, breadth, and width of Dragon Ball, in search of the median, zenith, and...
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Hard Choices Bonus - Bad Choices Drinkisode
Join us for the Bad Choices - Nick at Nite Couples livestream on Saturday, November 23rd at 5pm Pacific! Kris Newton and I go over our cocktail options for a very mid-century American vibe, and give some recommendations to get you ready for a night of debauchery and fun! Any patrons of Hard…
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Hard Choices 40 - What We Do in the Shadows
Hard Choices returns once more to stalk the night in search of boners. This time, it's every fuckable fuck-up in the world of What We Do in the Shadows. That's right! You get vampires, werewolves, a zombie, a milf, it's everything you could possibly want, plus a bunch of fun vampire accents! Join...
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Bad Choices Announcement - Nick at Nite Couples
Bad Choices - Nick at Nite Couples is taking every single familiar face from mid-century American television and we're gonna get filthy with them. Saturday, November 23rd, at 5pm Pacific is when it kicks off, and you can go! All you have to do is be a patron of Hard Choices at any level. That's...
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Hard Choices 39 - Street Fighter
Hard Choices has a Hadouken of horniness for you with this thorough breakdown of the fuckability of 21 Street Fighter characters. Listen to our hosts take on the strongest woman in the world, and their conclusion that maybe handsome fighters lose some battles. Whether you're here to feel the…
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Hard Choices 38 - X-Men
In a world that hates and fears them, only four people are brave enough to stand up in public on the internet and rank the fuckability of 21 of Marvel comics most fuckable team, the X-Men. Chris Sims, Dan, Kam Servo, and MeganBob enter the bedroom with characters ranging from Cyclops to Emma…
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Hard Choices 37 - Nicolas Cage Characters: Part Two
Our thirst for Nicolas Cage cannot be quenched after just a single episode about his many starring roles. Hell, I don't know if our thirst for Cage is quenched after a second episode either, but for now, you have a fresh 2+ hours of Miles, Dan, Kit, Claire, and MeganBob peering into the dark…
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Hard Choices 36 - Firefly
This here is the horniest podcast in the 'verse. We rounded up a crew of space cowboys worthy of riding into the world of Firefly, ready to get down with anyone worth having. Join Kam, Miles Schneiderman, Rio, and MeganBob, as they take off into the black, and rank the fuckability of the Serenity...
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Hard Choices 35 - Dragons
If you've got a burning desire for enormous winged reptiles, then do we have the episode for you! In this, perhaps the most monsterfuckiest episode of Hard Choices to date, we take a look at 21 of the hottest, sexiest dragons from across media of all kinds! Well... "sexiest" may be stretching it…
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Patreon Treats - Weird Choices Cutlery [feat. Annie Craton] & Soft Choices X-Men and TTRPGs [feat. Dan Mulkerin]
Bad Choices is coming for you on Saturday, April 20th at 5PM PT and it's coming hard! As a result of all the Bad Choices hullabaloo, among other things, MeganBob couldn't pull together an episode for April in time, but this is two gems from the Patreon feed featuring Bad Choices co-hosts Annie...
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Hard Choices 34 - Our Flag Means Death
Avast, my hearties. It's time to hoist the colors and set sail for an experience that Talk Like a Pirate day really didn't prepare us for. This is Hard Choices, the podcast that ranks the fuckability of fictional characters looking for the zenith, median, and nadir in a given universe, but…
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Hard Choices 33 - Baldur's Gate
We at Hard Choices like to think we have our fingers on the throbbing pulse of pop culture, so when Baldur's Gate 3 won just about every Game of the Year award purely out of how horny it made everyone, we knew we couldn't pass up the opportunity to explore the delicious nooks and sweaty crannies…
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Hard Choices 32 - BLEACH
NOTE: You want a calendar with shirtless Irish farmers on it? Naturally, you do. Throw $4.20 at Hard Choices and get entered to win one of these three perfect pieces of useful wall art. It was just another quiet day in the Soul Society until Hard Choices rolled up, ready to find out exactly how...
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Hard Choices 31 - Parks and Recreation
Big government isn't sexy. But small government? Local government? That government where you can get right up close and see the process unfolding. That government where you can run into your city councilor at the gym? Or at the local liquor store? Or trying to bribe a raccoon for votes? That's…
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Hard Choices 30 - 80's Cartoon Icons [Live at Rose City Comic Con]
Hard Choices swept through all of the 80's cartoons you know and love to select the cream of the crop (and Allo from Dinosaucers) to make sure that this episode is peak after peak. You can expect Big Feels aplenty from Hub, Annie Craton, Meganbob, and host, Kris Newton, as they get vocal about...
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Hard Choices 29 - Cryptids
On September 3rd, 2023, four plucky perverts disappeared into the depths of the Internet while recording a podcast about their yearning to fuck cryptids. One month later, their audio was found. (Then, the editor spent three weeks making it listenable. Two of the hosts were sick and the other two...
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Hard Choices - 2023 Trailer
Can something be simultaneously wholesome, horny, and hilarious? Only if you're the Hard Choices podcast. Hard Choices looks at the bedroom skill of fictional characters and asks "how good is the sex and what is it like?" What does that sound like as a podcast? Buddy, this trailer takes you…
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Hard Choices 28 - Shakespeare
If Shakespeare were alive today, he would have a podcast. What kind, you ask? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it would feature iambic pentameter, stirring monologues, wall-to-wall dirty jokes, and flexible attitudes towards sex and gender. Holy shit, is MeganBob Shakespeare?! Maybe so, because...
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RCCC Live Show Update
We have a date and time for our Rose City Comic Con live show: Sunday, September 24th from 4-5 PM in room D135-136! Come see the show, hear us rank 80s cartoon characters, get your free gift baggie, and hang out with us!
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Hard Choices 27 - Dragon Age
From a dank jail cell, where they are being interrogated by the Seekers of Truth (who may end up learning more truths than they bargained for), MeganBob hosts Hard Choices: Dragon Age Edition! Hornier than a whole platoon of Qunari warriors, MeganBob is joined by Elven Ranger Annie Craton,...
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Hard Choices 26 - Spider-Man
We all know that with great power comes great responsibility. You know what else comes with great power? Us when we think about Spider-Man! It's not just Peter Parker who makes our web-shooters go thwip, either; he's got a huge cast of friends, foes, and supporting characters to suit every taste,...
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Hard Choices LIVE at Rose City Comic Con!
Hard Choices is coming to Portland, Oregon for Rose City Comic Con, September 22-24th! We'll pass on the information about the day and time as soon as we find out when we'll be performing. I'll update again here and on the Hard Choices social media! It's brand new and I'm still figuring some of…
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Hard Choices 25 - Gargoyles
In 1994, Disney's Gargoyles glided into the preteen hearts of the afternoon cartoon crowd, appealing to us in ways we wouldn't fully comprehend for years to come: its borrowings from Shakespeare, for example, and the unfamiliar yearning that Demona's loincloth made us feel. Nearly thirty years...
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Bad Choices 1 - Looney Tunes (Public Edition)
Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc couldn't have guessed what we'd do when we got our hands on their creations. To be honest, I'm not sure we could have guessed either. That's the power of alcohol! Join Annie Craton, Dan Mulkerin, Kris Newton, and MeganBob for a Chungus of an episode that's full of bad...
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Hard Choices 24 - Clue (C)
You arrive at the opulent podcast of Mr. MeganBob to find yourself surrounded by three of their most dubious acquaintances: Dan Mulkerin, Lillian Carlisle, and Kris Newton. Apparently, they've all been summoned to rank the fuckability of characters from the classic mystery board game (and cult...
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Hard Choices 23 - Magic The Gathering: Planeswalkers
It's time to leave the battlefield and enter the bedroom, because this episode of Hard Choices sees our hosts visiting the wide and wild multiverse of Magic: the Gathering! We've got elves, gorgons, vampires, golems, dragons, and more--and all of them are DTF! We've drawn Claire, Dan, Kit, and...
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Hard Choices 22 - The Tarot Major Arcana
The Tarot! The mystery and magic of life's journey have never been so adeptly captured in any other collection of cards, except maybe Yu-Gi-Oh. In this episode, three spirits penetrate the Tarot's mystery and make some magic as they rank the fuckability of the Major Arcana. Dan Mulkerin weaves...
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Medians - Season One
Webster's dictionary defines 'median' as "a value in an ordered set of values below and above which there is an equal number of values." Webster's dictionary doesn't define 'fuckability' because Webster was a nerd. Do you know who isn't a nerd? The four guests who stepped up to tackle every…
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Hard Choices 21 - Dragonlance
Gather round, heroes, and hear tell of the largest swords, roundest orbs, and hottest dragons ever seen in the land of Krynn! Experienced adventurers Meganbob, Miles, and Dan are joined by level 1 neophyte Neal Butler--but worry not, Neal is a dirty min-maxer and has no trouble keeping up with…
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Hard Choices 20 - Hades
You may escape the heart of the underworld, boy, but you will never escape the throbbing heart of horniness! In fact, this might be the horniest episode of Hard Choices ever, as Annie Craton, Claire Mulkerin, and Zadkiel join MeganBob in ranking the fuckability of the gods and legends from Hades,...
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Hard Choices 19 - Batman Villains
Attention, citizens of Gotham! We regret to inform you that the inhabitants of Arkham Asylum roam your streets tonight, and that your beloved hero Batman will not be coming to your rescue! But you know who WILL be coming? That's right, it's tonight's Hard Choices hosts! We may not have a lifetime...
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Hard Choices 18 - Movie Monsters
Halloween is just Valentine's Day for monsterfuckers, and a very horny Halloween it is too! To celebrate the bounty of the season, our hosts gathered up 21 of the most hair-raising horrors ever committed to screen and ranked their fuckability using the only hard science that really counts.…
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Hard Choices 17 - Mascots
It is I, the Hamburglar! Where is MeganBob? Safe and content, I assure you. True, after they plumbed the depths of their desire for commercial mascots in this episode, I whisked them away to my personal playplace in a secluded corner of McDonaldland. But, for once, I have not played the villain…
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About this show
From the creators of Smash Fiction, it's horniness meets science! We examine a fictional universe and rank the f*ckability of the characters to determine the true median on our collective boner scale. Who exactly is the middle of the pack in Lord of the Rings? Who is the middle ground of sexiness in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Just where does the horniness middle fall in Game of Thrones? We bring together a diverse array of sexualities, rank the characters, crunch the numbers, and find out truly wild and surprising things about everyone's internal boner-meter along the way.
Hosted by
MeganBob