PODCAST · music
HARKpodcast
by HARKpodcast
Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song.All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
Episodes
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Episode 420: The First NoWeed
Hey there, sport. (turns chair backward) We know this podcast usually makes a lot of jokes and goofs about marijuana. But here in episode 420, we want to get real with you. (turns hat backward) Don't do a drug. And don't just take it from us -- we've got two anti-drug Christmas songs to help you...
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Episode 419: Festive Holiday Jingle Bell Rockabilly Rock'n'Roll for Christmas
Lots of things are other things in this episode: the 60s are the 90s, Nashville is Paris, children are women. And freezing time? You better believe that's doing crime. What does any of that have to do with rockabilly? Tune in to find out, I guess! By request, we listen to "Sleighbell Rock" by…
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Episode 418: Merry Sad Lonely Happy Christmas Party
I know last episode was our back-to-school special, but don't take off your thinking caps just yet, because we're not done learning. This time, we're getting some international perspective with two C-Pop holiday song requests! We start with an upbeat New Year's song, "新年快乐 (Happy New Year)" by…
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Episode 417: Funducational Hanukkahtainment
Hey, does this episode have a vibe? Can you tell it's 9pm? And on a school night?? Join us to prepare for a return to school AND the return of Rosh Hashanah with some educational-adjacent Hanukkah songs! "I Got a Harmonica for Hanukkah" by Ella Jenkins educates us about income disparity and also...
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Episode 416: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Una Mentirita
It's another AGROBAR episode, and we're taking this beloved classic international! Sort of! Technically! Our first sort-of-technically international GGROBAR version is by celebrated Canadian band The Irish Rovers, followed by a not-really-international-but-at-least-multilingual rendition…
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Episode 415: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Grand Run Over Reindeer
Like a werewolf helplessly transforming into its beastial form, our podcast once again becomes all Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, all August long! Come howl along with us as we listen to two tales of revenge. "Grandpa Got Revenge On a Reindeer" by Luke McKinney gets a lot of respect, even if...
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Episode 414: July, temporarily
We're BACK... and this time? It's BIRTHONAL. In other words, it's Ian's Birthday Boy's Choice! He curates a romantic indie music Christmas in July for us with "December, forever" by Big Society, followed by "This Sky" by perennial Hark favorites, Christmas Aguilera. What a sweetie!! The ranking...
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Episode 413: Christmas in Ju(ne)(ly)
Since we'll be away from the podcast until July 22, we've got some songs specifically to hold you over until then! For the rest of the month, we hope that "Christmas in June" by AJR will satisfy your holiday music appetite - hopefully more than its protagonist satisfied his partner, hey-oh!! And...
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Episode 412: Three Lions and Plesiosaur
Despite our best efforts, the World Cup is happening again, and it's happening here. Though we were able to put it off for 400+ episodes, it's finally time for us to do some winter holiday songs about the so-called beautiful game. Ian, in particular, has a lot of say. First up, we hear "Three…
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Episode 411: Pride Intensifies
It's almost Pride Month and we're getting ready with some queer (or at least queer-adjacent) holiday songs! By request, we're listening to Girl in Red's "Two Queens in a King Sized Bed", a Christmas song featuring sapphic love and potential body horror, followed by "Happy Hanukkah (Will We Still…
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Episode 410: The Five Stages of Travel
Since we're away this week, we pre-recorded this episode! Appropriately, the theme of the requested songs is travel, and in particular, travel gone wrong at the holidays. Or maybe just being stuck in a place during Christmas? But not like a place-place, like, a liminal place. Airports, ships at...
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Episode 409: Maypole Sitta
In honour of International Workers' Day on May 1st, we're listening to two songs about the plight of those who have to work on Christmas Day. First up is an epic song about an achingly mundane world. Specifically, Seattle in the 1990s: it's "Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes)" by...
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Episode 408: Dashing Through the Weed
It's April, all. And I know you depend on us, annually, to deliver only the best winter holiday songs about marijuana. Well, good news: we have not let you down. So grab some cookies, sit back, relax, and partake with us in "Cookie Doe" by Sly Til I Die featuring Woe and "Smoked Out Santa" by Big...
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Episode 407: Death and the Opposite of Death
Just in time for Easter, we're covering two Christmas songs that are, uh, maybe kind of appropriate? The first song is about death, but also kind of about everlasting life: "I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus This Year" by Brenda Ontko Boulton. The second song is about... well, birth on one level,...
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Episode 406: Linguistic Noodles
As the vernal equinox approaches in our hemisphere, we are saying goodbye to winter with two snow-themed songs! First, by listener request, we hear "50 Words for Snow" by Kate Bush -- a real arthouse-film of a song, complete with a beloved celebrity there to impart gravitas. We pair it with...
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Episode 405: A Warning, An Apology, A Promise
Inspired by the approaching time change, we spring forward into two songs about winter sunlight and, specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder. We expect a spooky twist from Lemon Demon's "SAD", but it mostly does what's written on the tin. There's also a literal story of SAD in Sunturns' "First...
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Episode 404: Episode Not Found
ERROR: WE RECORDED AFTER 8PM CAUTION: Only listen to year-round holiday podcasts from people you trust. Ian and Jam listened to two versions of a song called "S.A.N.T.A. Dot Com". Do you wish to proceed? DETAILS: The ranking music in this episode is "I'm Gonna E-Mail Santa" by Billy Gilman.
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Episode 403: A Family Can Be a Belgian Women's Choir and Two Guys
It's almost Family Day here in British Columbia, and to celebrate, we've got a tenuously connected episode theme! By request, we listen to "Christmas Must Be Tonight" as performed by SCALA and Kolacny Brothers, a song about the son of a carpenter. Then we pair it with "Let's Make a Baby King" by...
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Episode 402: A Homeopathic Amount of Grinch
Of course we wouldn't let January pass us by without celebrating our second-most-cursed annual tradition, Grinch Rap Granuary! But, unfortunately, this is the last one. For real this time. We're scraping the bottom of the Grinch Rap barrel with "Like The Grinch" by Gucci Mane, so hopefully…
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Episode 401: If I Were a Slowking
As the twelve days of Christmas come to a close once again, we're celebrating Epiphany with two songs about three men. By listener request, we check out "We Three Slow Kings" by Electric Santa, a song that may or may not be a joke, and "If I Were a Wise Man" by Flannel Graph, an undoubtedly…
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Episode 400: The Piss Tangent of It All
In this milestone episode, Jam and Ian add the 799th (???) and 800th (!!!) songs to HARK's massive, unruly list. Jam aims for the top of the list with a near-classic and the hosts talk about Jesus for a while, with just a liiiittle heresy (as a treat). Then Ian uses his bottom pick to launch an...
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Episode 399: Chanukah, Take Me Home
Hanukkah is fast approaching! And to celebrate, we have two songs... well, OK. We have one song about Hanukkah, and one song about Not Christmas. "Chanukah in West Virginia" by Scott Simons wraps a somewhat sad sentiment in a cheerful package (for better or worse), while "Chinese Food on…
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Episode 398: Support Your Local Ugly Sweater
You may be wondering why this episode is going up on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday. Well, first of all, it's technically still Wednesday in our time zone, and this episode is all about going local! And second... we are adjacent to the ball. In this episode, we're encouraging you to shop…
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Episode 397: Birthday Boi's Choose Your Own Adventure
It's Jam's birthday! To find out the first song they selected, go to Paragraph 2 (P2). To skip ahead to the ranking music, go to P5. P2: It was "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall Out Boy! For their second selection, they give Ian two options -- past or future. If you think he should choose…
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Episode 396: Dr. Victor Kelce-stein
It's that time again! Gut that pumpkin and fill it with eggnog, because we're listening to EVEN MORE Christmas/Halloween crossover songs. Not only have we not run out of these, we've still got a few that are, you know, not terrible! We start with "Spooky Halloween Chrismtas" by Giftshop and have…
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Episode 395: Big Sincerity
After a short delay, we're back! And just in time, too. Because it's... the time of year... well, you get it. We are, after ten years of doing this dang show, finally covering "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by Andy Williams! And if you prefer the noodley 00s-era indie kinda bullshit…
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Episode 394: One Must Imagine It's October 3rd
We may never run out of holiday music, but sometimes we do run low on holidays that are funny to talk about. So in this episode, we're celebrating (by a loose definition of celebration) two holidays (by a loose definition of holiday) that fall on October 3rd, Mean Girls Day and National Boyfriend...
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Episode 393: Skanukkah Skatember
Nah, just kidding, we're not starting another annual month-long theme. Can you imagine? I mean, sure, yes, we can imagine. But we've apparently run out of ska-punk Hanukkah songs already. Until someone proves us wrong on that (email requests to harkpodcast at gmail!!), we're making do with some...
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Episode 392: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Jesus, Who Took the Wheel
Buckle up everyone, it's the final AGROBAR episode of 2025, and the guy that they put at the wheel for this one most definitely does not have a license. That's right, we're doing two Jesus-adjacent versions of GGROBAR! "Grandma Got Won Over by a Stranger" by ApologetiX might give you whiplash…
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Episode 391: Our Podcast Got Run Over by the Grandma Cinematic Universe
Unforunately, our annual tradition is back! We once again listened to two "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"-related songs, this time exploring Dr. Elmo's own sequels, "Grandma's Spending Christmas With the Superstars" and "Grandpa's Going to Sue the Pants Off of Santa". We notice some issues,...
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Episode 390: Birthday Boy's Abdication of Duty
It's Ian's birthday, and he is over it! He has passed along his birthday-boy-song-picking duties to our backlog of listener requests. At least we got to listen to an "all time weirdo" track in "Happy Holiday/It's the Holiday Season" performed by Andy Williams, as well as identifying one of our…
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Episode 389: Summer School
Before we can fully embrace the season, Ian and Jam need to turn in some overdue assignments. We finally listened to a few long-languishing requests, and this episode is our essay comparing and contrasting them! "Our Last Christmas" by Thor and "I'm Spending Christmas Alone" by Future Wife both...
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Episode 388: Tooth Horror 2 (Teeth Is Bones)
It's Jam from the present here. I've now gotten the tooth removed, so I'mma keep this short. The songs we listened to for this tooth-themed episode were "All I Want For Christmas is My Upper Plate" by Homer and Jethro and "Santa's False Teeth" by Saint Etienne. Also, it turns out teeth AREN'T...
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Episode 387: Larry Bird In a Pear Tree
Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and basketballers are basketballing. Listen, Ian knows what NBA event aligns with the release of this episode, but he's in the other room and I'm on my own here. I'm gonna say the finals? Anyway, we celebrate with two bouncy Christmas tunes: "Christmas…
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Episode 386: A Stranger's Just a Ghost Who Hasn't Died Yet
What makes someone goth? Is it wearing lots of black eyeliner? Or is it spending a lot of time thinking about what a good ghost you'd be? Hopefully it's both, because we're recognizing World Goth Day by listening to two versions of eyeliner-loving Finnish band Hanoi Rocks's "Dead By X-Mas". First...
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Episode 385: Songs About Birds About Christmas
In honour of World Migratory Bird Day, we're listening to two songs about birds! And also, Christmas! "The Gift" by Garth Brooks definitely has a bird in it, but beyond that, offers more questions than answers. "Christmas is For the Birds" by Conway Twitty and, uh, "His Little Friends", has a...
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Episode 384: Three Gees A-Maying
As May approaches, we're celebrating... May, I guess? May. Christmas songs that mention May? Yes. And no, not "May your days be merry and bright". We're talking MONTH OF MAY ONLY. First up (appropriately enough) is "First of May" by The Bee Gees. Then we hear the endearingly baffling "When Was...
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Episode 383: Keep the Weed in Weedmas
It's that time of year again! And for this rare holiday equinox which sees Easter, Passover, and 4/20 overlapping, we endeavor to cover some weed-tacular winter holiday songs with more of a religious connection than in previous years. We find great joy in the sincere silliness of "Little Dealer...
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Episode 382: Blobby Cheekmas
Blobby blobby blobby blobby! Blobby blobby? ...Blobby. Blobby blobby blobby! ...Nah, just kidding. But we did listen to "Christmas in Blobbyland" by Mr. Blobby and friends, followed by "Cheeky Christmas" by the Cheeky Girls. See ya at Nandos, I guess! The ranking music in this episode is...
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Episode 381: Pitchfork Might Break Your Heart
Let's get existential up in here!!! In this episode, we discuss two bummer songs beautifully delivered: "Christmas Eve Can Kill You" by the Everly Brothers, followed by "Christmas Will Break Your Heart" by LCD Soundsystem. The ranking music in this episode is "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House" by...
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Episode 380: Our Everybodies, Our Everyselves
International Women's Day is right around the corner, and in this episode, women are taking the mic! Uh, a few women, anyway. Performing a pretty specific sub-category of songs. And they are all from the same one country. Regardless!! First, by request, we listen to "Merry Christmas Everybody", a...
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Episode 379: Vaguely Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is almost here, and we're celebrating! Uh, sort of? Most importantly, the songs are good. They're decent. Give them a chance. In fact, "Christmas Baby" by Infinity Song is practically begging to be given a chance, for better or worse. If second chances (or lack thereof) are more...
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Episode 378: A Balm on the Bus
As Groundhog Day approaches, we recognize the cultural association of the holiday with the concept of repetition and take some repeat requester's requests! The two songs suggested by longtime listener Liam present us with two distinct flavours -- though both are very much of the year 2020, and…
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Episode 377: Vegeta Rap Vejanuary
I don't want to mislead you. We don't actually have any Dragonball Z related holiday hip-hop songs to cover. Sorry. To be clear: we're very, very open to theming an annual celebration around them if you find any! For now, all we have is "Grinch" by Jae Wes, followed by "Grinch Rap (Santa Diss)"…
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Episode 376: Danuary
It's our first annual, definitely real and permanent, mark-it-on-your-calendar-for-January-2026 feature: Danuary, a celebration of singer-songwriter Dan Wilson! You might know him (and love him) from his band Semisonic (FYI, all of Feeling Strangely Fine slaps, not just "Closing Time", and you...
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Episode 375: Proper Proper Crimbo
Our 2024 milestone episode is here! Aiming to hit the highest of holiday highs, Ian tries to select something dear to Jam's heart, but may have miscalculated. Looking for the worst of the worst, Jam does a bad music cram-session and comes up with something properly bad but also slightly...
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Episode 374: Biblically Accurate Krampus
It's almost Saint Nicholas Day, which means it's almost our anniversary, which means it's almost Krampusnacht! We're celebrating with two songs about Krampus. More specifically, we're celebrating with two songs about being a horny little freak for Krampus. Sometimes that's just how episode themes...
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Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman
With just a few short weeks until the winter holidays hit, Jam and Ian forgo Christmas music to instead ponder some questions posed by the most existential of winter symbols: snowpeople. Instead of reminding us of the inevibility of death, these snow-person songs ask us to ponder why we project…
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Episode 372: Birthday Boi's Video Game Pitch Meeting
It's time to celebrate what is surely the most important and impactful event happening this week: Jam's birthday! That means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE time, and they have chosen two songs from our favourite difficult-to-search British electro-pop charity-Christmas-single-producing duo, Christmas...
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Episode 371: Psychobilly, Qu'est-ce Que C'est?
It's Halloween and we're taking some EXTRA SPOOKY* requests! Two tracks off of the Psychobilly Christmas compilation album - "Halloween on X-Mas" by The Coffin Caddies and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" by The White Coffin Terror - attempt to inject some frights into the festive, but do they…
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does HARKpodcast have?
HARKpodcast currently has 424 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is HARKpodcast about?
Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song.All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
How often does HARKpodcast release new episodes?
HARKpodcast publishes regularly with 424 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to HARKpodcast?
You can listen to HARKpodcast on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts HARKpodcast?
HARKpodcast is created and hosted by HARKpodcast.
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