Episodes
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S2 Ep373: Happy Birthday, He’s Engaged
It doesn’t feel like Halloween, doctor’s scales are liars, always thrift wool and Brian is dead. Hippos love pumpkins, being cringe on IG, maga minaj is embarrassing and age gap relationships are gross. For early and uncensored releases, weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, and live streams join us on...
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S2 Ep372: If It’s Sticky, I’m Not Buying It
I want a mannequin with lashes, lipstick, and absolutely no fucking surprises. Unfortunately, buying one used has me asking questions I never wanted to ask. Lev and I get into cheap lipstick, the phonetic alphabet I apparently missed, and why I’m not trailing behind any fucking man. Then we’re...
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S2 Ep371: Humbled by Taco Bell
A $50 Taco Bell order turns into a very humbling phone call. Pat is solo this week, talking lash-appointment panic, iced coffee at job interviews, and knowing when to apologize. Plus, more of your shadiest stories—including hidden cash, an unexpected car, and a husband who moved into the…
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S2 Ep370: You’re a Fed
Your first period, the boys are crying, Alloclae complications and Christa Pike won’t quit. No for-profit prisons, is Gypsy Rose back on her bs, self defense fashion and some kitten confessions. For early and uncensored releases, weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, and live streams join us on…
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S2 Ep369: Would You Cheat On A Murderer ?
Fall is finally here, Gloria Estefan is alive, nail glue remover is worth it and Pat will drink iced coffee from a stranger. Justice for Nolan Wells, underwear isn’t really optional, ignoring past grossness and we have a listener in a pickle. For early uncensored releases, weekly bonus episodes…
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S2 Ep368: Use Your Nose
Trust your nose, no men in gynecology, floating meditation and addictive phone games. Gas station rip offs, pray for the tenderloin, worst bday gift ever and using poop to cheat. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction...
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S2 Ep367: SilverDaddies Support Group
Welcome JP! Santana is 6, Pat and Lev are overheating, designer grandmacore, and Fat Joe is embarrassing. Adidas with another “mistake”, the Blueface circus continues, quaaludes making a comeback and some horrible cheating revelations. JP from The Grill joins Pat to talk music, moving to the Bay,...
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S2 Ep366: Lindsay Is Innocent
Pat got good biopsy news, Santana survived the dentist, Mochi is making sin biscuits and love bombing is never safe. AI is getting darker, Lexus is watching us, Blueface has a toothbrush confession, a fake 49er found love, kangaroo tail is not oxtail and maybe Lindsay is innocent? For weekly…
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S2 Ep365: Disgusting Habits
Pat had a biopsy, AIDS at the club, the Silly Summer Swap and Peez needs to fight. Praying for Chantel Brooks safe return, 20 years with Santa Muerte, flock cameras are for evil, and some really disgusting stories. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on...
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My Other Daughter ft Lil Debbie - Patreon Exclusive (bonus episode)
Welcome back Debbie! Early influencing, touring together, the music business and a manager was stealing. Getting older, quitting weed, leaving rap and transitioning to Capozzi. ❤️ Follow Debbie at Instagram.com/debbiecakes420 Instagram.com/jordan_capozzi For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early...
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S2 Ep364: Dick Doctor
Kids don’t need lashes, Pat got a unique gift, the live show is postponed, and adult humor where it doesn’t belong. Cat and Jack program, a creative paint hack, Van Gogh was a creep, and there should be a child abuse database. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams…
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S2 Ep363: P**sy Injections
Getting ready for school, Pat is a driver, a mystery biopsies are medieval and Peez has a secret. A live show is coming, hoarders are dedicated, eshays are fascinating and a fun new corner of facebook. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep362: Thursday Is Orange
Old people forget ages, object empathy might be hereditary, the kids are obsessed with Michael Jackson the Netflix trend is getting crazy. People are lying about hiking, more hygiene nightmares, new shoe scams and some good stuff to watch. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and…
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S2 Ep361: Evil Rice
Isolating is nice, a horrible discovery, old men love young girls and more stores are scanning our face. Did Kendra overreact, no more vacation excursions, is your friend’s crush off limits and will you date someone broke? For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join…
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S2 Ep360: I Got Hacked
A weird sore throat, a persistent hacker, Peez is a ballerina and Pat is blocked. Monitor your kids devices, Boosie got some karma, scary poop stories and even scarier ghost tales. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction...
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S2 Ep359: Dirty Mackin
Pat is turning into that cat lady, Lev has a new friend, July 5th is Dre Day and justice for Nolan Wells! Chris Brown is a menace, stealing sauce, stop using the robots and check your creepy friends. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep358: Meet The Host
Happy Birthday Big Juice, late night recording, some must see documentaries and a lengthy reintroduction. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction…
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S2 Ep357: Who's More Elegant
Summer camp sounds good, free cussing days, shoutout to the great dads and happy birthday Bunny!! Flower wars, no sleepovers, an internal yawn and put on a bra. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch...
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S2 Ep356: We’re Not Animals
Summer break has started, Bunny is turning 18, some wild documentaries and Peez needs a band-aid. Don’t declaw animals, no eye contact, figging not fogging and humans need two sleeps. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep355: Her Other Mom ft Natalia Durazo
Welcome Natalia! Being a true LA girly, early face tattoos, being allergic to THC and recreating hood classics. Running multiple businesses while honoring a relatable upbringing, filling a space in the party scene, creating high quality cosmetics and continuously inspiring others. ❤️ Follow…
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S2 Ep354: "Naked Woman" ft Alex Kekesi w PornHub
Welcome Alex! Surround yourself with creatives, long live Mook Life, debunking harmful PH rumors and SW is hard work. Unexplained censorship, viewers can spot a fraud, reviewing top searches and secret fun at work. ❤️ Follow Alex at Instagram.com/alexkekesi For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat…
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S2 Ep353: 7-11 Dance Off ft 2 Soliid
Welcome 2Soliid! Becoming an award winning braider, teaching incarcerated women, the importance of multiple hustles and staying out of trouble. Processing grief, social anxiety, difficult clients and HD topics that made a lasting impression. ❤️ Follow 2Soliid at Instagram.com/2soliid...
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S2 Ep352: You're Scaring The Hoes ft Abe
Welcome Abe! Home school, the Bay Area’s weird white culture, Juggalos and a respectable scam. San Francisco’s shift, gentrification, Swamp Storiez reveal and we hate Walnut Creek. ❤️ Follow Abe at Instagram.com/realbayareamemes Instagram.com/abeisabadwriter For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat,...
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S2 Ep351: Chili Finger
We’re keeping our jean jackets, tattoo is finished, medication adjustments and a wild hospital visit. Mother’s Day was rough, boys are becoming “hot”, chili trauma and pandemic concerns. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep350: Blame The Worms ft Jaymee
Welcome Jaymee! RIP Midnight, a weekend getaway, wild birthday parties and permanent effects of SSRI’s. Scotch tape is more useful than we thought, watch your mouth, bring back quick executions and we might be running out of gas. ❤️ Follow Jaymee at Instagram.com/whereisjaymee For weekly bonus...
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S2 Ep349: Zoom Out ft Mykillah
Welcome Mykillah! Stay Golden, we’re becoming the Jetsons, love makes you softer and a medication journey. Early perimenopause, loving yourself, the guilt of success and skin suits. ❤️ Follow Mykillah at Instagram.com/mykillah For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams…
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S2 Ep348: Wash Your Panties
Where are the gas boosters, too many hats, hurts to walk and our girl is getting surgery. Bring back executions, my time with a Little, don’t eat inside McDonald’s and horrible sister in laws. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep347: Crying In The Donut
They can’t arrest us all, the church is on the way, Stephanie was combative and social anxiety is crippling. Waking up to an actual nightmare, what happened to Ashlee Jenae, social unrest has been glorious and men + power is a dangerous combination. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early...
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S2 Ep346: Dicksappointed ft Jose - EXPLICIT
Welcome back Jose! Living vicariously, sniffies action shots, men catfishing and passionate making out. Making it clap, danglers, hidden glory holes and the feeling of poppers. ❤️ Follow Jose at Instagram.com/xjsilverio For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us…
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S2 Ep345: Granny Pants ft Elrod (@mexakitsch)
Welcome Elrod!! The exhilaration of a thrift score, Pat’s grown woman foot, moving to the Bay Area and understanding that failure is a lesson. Creating an arsenal of skills, serious table setting, the two rules of life and exercise your mental muscle! ❤️ Follow Elrod at Instagram.com/mexakitsch...
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S2 Ep344: Slight Flare ft Kris Staxx
Welcome Kris Staxx! Our kids are our biggest haters, the private school experience, square up and Juice Week pt 2. Hit a parlay, waiting in lines for shoes, dating as an older adult and lock up false accusers. ❤️ Follow Kris at Instagram.com/krisstaxx For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early...
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S2 Ep343: Freaky Furs ft Deltrice
Welcome Deltrice! RIP Myspace, St. Patrick’s ugly history, prayers for Lev and DJ Fresh’s keen intuition. Growing up with a natural gift, the introduction of Bella, hometown respect and Vegas pt 2 with cat and fox. ❤️ Follow Deltrice at Instagram.com/davoicestill For bonus episodes, HD chat…
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S2 Ep342: Horny Poetry ft Miss Ashleigh
Welcome Miss Ashleigh! Great minds think alike, growing up in the country, ancestry surprises and psychology studies. Radio shows, spoken word, navigating the mental side of sw and some cool prison stories. For bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S2 Ep341: Woman of Leisure ft Sexy Nelly
Welcome Nelly! Gas station hostage, sickness is going around, intro to the game and girls are sexualized EARLY. Always trust your gut, spicy online content, working for a service and something to give you nightmares. ❤️ Follow Nelly at Instagram.com/sexynellyy For bonus episodes, early releases…
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S2 Ep340: Three Day Run
Been a busy girl, unexpected visitor, great Bay Area representation and Gavin should stop talking. A local kidnapping, pray for Mexico, RIP PeeWee and don’t be rich and play poor. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and...
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S2 Ep339: Rub Maps ft Alyssa
Welcome Alyssa! We love good maintenance, are women the gross ones, men will do anything and a provider does not want your man. Don't discuss too much on the phone, creative new services, huge dad nightmares and a story of survival. ❤️ Follow Alyssa at Cry Baby Pampering...
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S2 Ep338: Not Mething Around ft Jose
Welcome Jose! Super Bowl weekend , fold your clothes, we don’t understand numbers and college is hard. Neighbors being ridiculous, driving ticket tips, Kraft singles and surprise chili dogs. ❤️ Follow Jose at Instagram.com/xjsilverio For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on...
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S2 Ep337: Not My Stud ft Jaymee
Meet niece Jaymee, another earthquake, testing Pat’s memory and 2026 is not being nice. Eat the rich, Elon is humiliating, Blueface is back and stop hiding the aliens! ❤️ Follow Jaymee at Instagram.com/whereisjaymee Tiktok.com/@whereisjaymee For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams…
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S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”
It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked, give back plastic bags, sneaky workplace fun and inappropriate grandmas. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on...
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S1 Ep335: Boston Beckham
Crystal is doing better, guest episodes are coming, Happy Birthday Stinkers and Xmas is gone. Congratulations Rubi Ro and Carmen, it costs more to be left handed, boy moms strike again and a viral snack worth trying. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S1 Ep334: Jacosta
Peez is a feisty old woman, Pat’s been cooking, Crystal made a mistake and hands off Venezuela. Abolish ICE, new holsters, a surprise protein source and stay away from mad scientists. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe…
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S1 Ep333: Happy New Year 2026
Nice coats, big cleaning plans, NYE traditions and prime thrifting. School for fun, Mochi is innocent, give us our plastic bags and the United States is an ATM. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!...
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S1 Ep332: A Christmas Miracle
Disclaimer: we’ve experienced some technical difficulties this week so our apologies for the sound quality!! They have since been corrected so next week will be great! Christmas is over, the best neighbor is gone, Crystal scored on marketplace and warn your kids before their toys pee. Mochi might...
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S1 Ep331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug
Pat is sick, telepathy is real, it’s ok to be a gremlin and the holiday party was LOVE. Christmas can be every day, let’s play QVC, POTUS finds a new low and perimenopause changes your senses! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction...
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S1 Ep330: Do A Bump
Pat is the grinch, we hate inconsiderate neighbors, check on your mom if she screams and 67 is not a devil number. Dressing for attention is over, always use the correct wipes, 304s need to up their price and actually make excellent housewives. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams...
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S1 Ep329: Dirty White Gremlin
Celebs will always let you down, don’t claim to be native unless you have proof, the holiday party is almost here and increase pay for all teachers! Cats speak English, Pat the barber, above average social skills and let’s be ants. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on...
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S1 Ep328: The San Francisco Treat
The holidays are here, eat some weevils, we love a mullet and Zach had a nice breakfast. Crystal had an oops, there’s something strange in the neighborhood, don’t flush honeydew and no more Campbell’s soup! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S1 Ep327: AC Transit Belt
Get your Holiday Hangout tickets, old episodes are crazy, Crystal loves dirty bears and grief is weird. Growing up without parents is hard, don’t gamble with Pat, some kids need hit and shoplifting class. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!...
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S1 Ep326: Christmas Committee
Earthquake! Happy Birthday Carolyn, we had a garage sale and no more pennies. Teeth are a luxury, Christmas is cancelled, churches aren’t walking the walk and art theft is so lazy. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch…
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S1 Ep325: Wiener War
Happy Birthday Will! Crystal is in disguise, daylight savings is whooping us and poor people can scam. We’re only good at war, push kids to learn phonics, Aileen didn’t get a fair trial and Crystal snuck off to the movies. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!...
About this show
A raw and hilarious dive into current events, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, navigating mental illness, gossip, and the political dumpster fire we’re all forced to live in.
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Hello Dysfunction
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