Episodes
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HBM159: Final Haircuts
During a moment of personal turmoil, Rocky Villanueva gets an email from a long-time client. His client is in his final weeks of life, and is getting his last wishes taken care of. One of those wishes: to look like himself when he dies. Rocky says that many hairdressers and barbers have similar...
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The Thaw & Die Grenze
Jeff walks to the edge of Berlin and explains why the Here Be Monsters feed has been quiet for so long. On the way, Jeff talks about plans for upcoming episodes, looks at the ways that moving to Berlin has changed him, and discusses a pair of films featuring Tilda Swinton: Cycling the Frame…
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HBM158: An Illusion
n the midst of a stressful move, HBM producer Jeff Emtman finds comfort in the phasing techniques developed by minimalist composer, Steve Reich. Note: this episode contains sounds that cannot be accurately represented by speakers. Please use headphones. Steve Reich compositions excerpted in this...
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HBM157: The Raw Whatever
Allen H Greenfield is a UFOlogist and occult researcher. He’s also a father of three. His first child, Alex was the subject of HBM155: Ghosts Aliens Burritos. In that episode, Alex tells stories from his childhood of chasing strange phenomena with his father. In this episode, Here Be Monsters…
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HBM156: Heavy Load-Bearing Body
Berlin’s Schwerbelastungskörper is a massive concrete structure that, today, is hidden in plain sight between a railroad and an apartment building. It’s one of just a dozen remaining pieces of Nazi Architecture in Berlin. And it’s not much to look at. It was built in 1941 as a test structure for…
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The HBM Art Exchange is Back!
The Here Be Monsters Art Exchange is back! It’s a really simple and wonderful thing where you, gentle listener, can mail a piece of art to a stranger and get a piece of art in return. It’s open to artists of all experience levels from around the world. The deadline to sign up is November 10th,...
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HBM155: Ghosts Aliens Burritos
Content Note: pervasive language, brief mentions of bigotry. Alex Greenfield says that there was no such thing as a normal day when he was a kid. His dad (Allen H Greenfield) self describes as a “researcher in the shadow world.” And his mom soon grew tired of her husband’s lifestyle, which…
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HBM154: Ancient Roman Recipes
Sally Grainger was originally a chef, but in her 20’s, she was gifted a copy of an ancient Roman cookbook called Apicius. Apicius is a bit of a fluke. It shouldn’t have survived the 2000-ish year journey into the modern era, but it did. And in this episode of Here Be Monsters, Grainger explains…
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The Straight and Narrow
In 2012, a street preacher walking three small dogs tried to convince Jeff Emtman of his way of thinking about gender and the afterlife. In this Here Be Monsters brief, Jeff shares the short essay he originally wrote about the dinner party where they attempted to make an uneasy friendship. Jeff...
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HBM153: Klänge from Berlin
The composer Pauline Oliveros thought there was a difference between hearing and listening. She defined hearing as a passive act, something done with the ears. But she defined listening as something active saying that listening happens in the brain. Sam Parker is a recordist who takes inspiration...
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HBM152: Dirt Becomes You
What do you want to happen to your body when you die? It’s a touchy topic where tradition, religion and death denial all come into play. But across much of the world, there are just two options: burial and cremation, which both have substantial ecological impacts. In 2019, Washington State passed...
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HBM151: Blowgun Time Warp
Season 10 of Here Be Monsters starts and host Jeff Emtman hallucinates his adolescence while working long hours. Scenes from middle school dances, dawn bus rides, the basement, and ( most crucially), a late-night raffle at a hardware store. Do you like Here Be Monsters? Tell your friends, support...
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Season 10 is Coming!
Season 10 is nearly here! The season starts on March 9th and episodes will be released on a rolling basis until all ten shows are published. Want to advertise on an episode? Fill out the sponsorship request form. Want to support HBM with a small monthly donation? Become a patron on Patreon. Can’t...
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Leaving Spotify
I’ve decided to remove my work from Spotify. It’s not just their recent controversies around Joe Rogan, it’s a much bigger problem with the way that Spotify treats the medium. If you listen on an app other than Spotify, you don’t need to change anything, just stay subscribed, and you’ll get all…
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HBM150: Cold Water
The origins of Julia Susara’s chronic fatigue are hard to pin down. She still doesn’t know exactly how it started but suspects that a deeply broken heart had something to do with it. She spent about three years going through some excruciating physical sensations: immense chills, brain fogs,...
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HBM149: The Daily Blast [Neutrinowatch]
A short episode from the new show Neutrinowatch: A Daily Generative Podcast. Each episode of Neutrinowatch changes a lil’ bit every day. This episode, The Daily Blast, features two computerized voices (Wendy and Ivan), who share the day’s news. To get new versions of this episode, you’ll need to...
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So What Exactly is Episode 149?
Episode 149 is an odd duck for sure. It changes every day due to some coding trickery that is happening behind the scenes. That episode is a part of a bigger project, a new podcast project that’s potentially the first of its kind. It’s called Neutrinowatch, and every day, each episode is...
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HBM148: Early Attempts at Summoning Dream Beings
As a teenager, HBM host Jeff Emtman fell asleep most nights listening to Coast To Coast AM, a long running talk show about the world’s weirdnesses. One of the guests stuck out though; one who spoke on his experiences with lucid dreaming. He’d learned how to conjure supernatural entities and...
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HBM147: Chasing Tardigrades
With much of the world shut down over the last year, HBM host Jeff Emtman started wondering if there were smaller venues where the world still felt open. In this episode, Jeff interviews Chloé Savard of the Instagram microscopy page @tardibabe about the joy of looking at small things, and…
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Theodora is @hypo_inspo
A brief follow-up to last episode: you can now follow our AI-powered friend Theodora on Twitter! She tweets several times a day, giving bad advice, good advice, and some strange poetry. Her account’s called Hypothetical Inspiration. Give her a follow.
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HBM146: Theodora
How does a computer learn to speak with emotion and conviction? Language is hard to express as a set of firm rules. Every language rule seems to have exceptions and the exceptions have exceptions etcetera. Typical, “if this then that” approaches to language just don’t work. There’s too much…
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HBM145: The Juice Library
Like so many others, Amanda Petrus got a bit lost after college. She had a chemistry degree and not a lot of direction. But she was able to find work at a juice factory in the vineyards of western New York. Her job was quality control, which meant overnight shifts at the factory, tasting endless...
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HBM144: Keeping A Place
HBM Host Jeff Emtman has always been afraid of losing his memories. Places he cares about keep getting torn down. In this episode, Jeff bikes around Seattle recording the sounds of a popping balloon to capture the sound of places he likes: Padelford Hall’s Parking Garage, The Wayne Tunnel in...
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HBM143: Laughing Rats and Dawn Rituals
Animals sometimes make noises that would be impossible to place without context. In this episode: three types of animal vocalizations—described by the people who recorded them. Ashley Ahearn: Journalist and producer of Grouse, from Birdnote and Boise State Public Radio Joel Balsam: Journalist and...
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HBM142: The Vastness of the Universe
1,420,405,751* hertz is a very important frequency. It’s the frequency that hydrogen radiates at, creating radio waves that can be detected far away. And astronomers can learn a lot about the history and shape of the universe by observing this “hydrogen line” frequency with radio telescopes...
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HBM141: Filthy Riches
When a group of broke college students start throwing lavish feasts, HBM host Jeff Emtman begins to wonder at the source of the food, initially assuming it was stolen. But he’s soon corrected. Confronted with the shocking amount of food waste in the local dumpsters, he quickly turns into a…
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Season 9 = February 17th
Season 9 will be here soon! We’ll bring you ten new episodes about fear, beauty and the unknown. We’ll see the fight for survival and beauty of the microscopic world. We’ll learn how balloons can be used to capture the souls of doomed buildings. We’ll listen for alien transmissions on a reserved...
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HBM Continues as an Independent Podcast
For the last five years, Here Be Monsters has been a part of KCRW. And in those years, we’ve put out a 100+ episodes under KCRW’s imprint. However, moving forward, HBM will no longer be associated with the station, instead continuing as an independent production. This departure leaves HBM…
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HBM140: The New Black Wall Street
There used to be a neighborhood in Tulsa where Black people were wealthy. They owned businesses, built a giant church, a public library. Some Black Tulsans even owned airplanes. Booker T Washington called it “Black Wall Street.” Others called it “Little Africa” and today, most call it…
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HBM139: Acceptable Pains
Hedonism seems pretty appealing right now—seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. On HBM137: Superhappiness, the hedonist philosopher, David Pearce imagined a future free of the systemic harms we currently experience: poverty, oppression, violence, and disease. But David thinks that even an idyllic,...
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HBM138: Did Neanderthals Bury their Dead?
There’s a large cave in the foothills of Iraqi Kurdistan. It looks out over green and yellow fields and a river far below. Starting in the 1950’s, the American archaeologist Dr. Ralph Solecki led a team who excavated a trench in Shanidar Cave, discovering the remains of ten Neanderthals who died...
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HBM137: Superhappiness
David Pearce thinks it's possible to end suffering. He’s a philosopher* who studies “hedonic zero”, the state of being which is completely neutral--neither good nor bad. He believes that, despite our momentary joys and sadnesses, most of us have a set point we tend to return to. And that “hedonic...
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HBM136: Jacob's Lost Biography
In 2012, Jacob Lemanski started writing his autobiography a few words at a time when he signed his name on the digital card readers at the grocery store. He read somewhere that the credit card companies keep the signatures on file for seven years. He thought he might report his card stolen in…
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HBM135: Dying Well
We live in a culture of “death denial”. That’s what Amanda Provenzano thinks. She sees it when medical professionals use euphemisms like ‘passing away’ instead of ‘dying’. She sees it when funeral parlors use makeup to make it look like a person is not dead but sleeping. Most often she sees it…
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HBM134: Questionable Hobbies of the Socially Isolated
Searching for something to do during government-mandated social distancing, Here Be Monsters host Jeff Emtman recently digitized his cassette collection, and re-edited them into blackout poems and proverbs. While in the process of doing this, Jeff re-discovered a mixtape he made in 1999, the...
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HBM133: Prey of Worms
Bodies are odd. Anyone who can see their own nose will tell you the same. So will anyone whose diet changed their body odor. And so will anyone who’s ever felt their phone vibrate in their pocket only to later realize it was a phantom ring. Our bodies make stuff up constantly and do plenty of...
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HBM132: Moral Enhancement
Natalia Montes was a teenager living in Florida when Travyon Martin was killed. She says his picture reminded her of her classmates, “It could have happened to any one of us.” The Trayvon Martin shooting, as well as subsequent high profile police shootings and the emergence of the Black Lives...
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HBM131: A Cure for Carsickness
Bethany Denton has a long history of carsickness. Ever since she was a little girl, long car rides made her nauseous and gave her stomachaches. Once, when she was four years old, her carsickness was so bad that she made her dad take a detour to look for a cure at the grocery store. At the time,...
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HBM130: Mother Pigeon / Sister Marta
Mother Pigeon says the wild animals of New York City are hungry. So she feeds them. Each morning, a flock of about 150 pigeons waits for her at her local park in Bushwick. She feeds them twice a day if she can afford it, and once a day if she can’t. Peas, lentils, millet and other grains, and…
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HBM129: The Underearthlings
Lars Christian Kofoed Rømer claims his red hat is mere coincidence. He wears it because his mother-in-law knit it for him 15 years ago and he quite likes it. However, it also makes him visually match the mythical underground people he spent three years studying on the Danish island of Bornholm....
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HBM128: Seeing Auras
Colby Richardson’s mom got leukemia when he was young. He has trouble remembering her. Soon after her death, Colby and his siblings wound up at a house in Hope, BC where he met Santo, a childhood friend of his mom’s. Colby remembers that Santo’s voice to be soft and extremely calm. Santo told…
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HBM127: QALYs
Most of us want to help. But it can be hard to know how to do it, and not all altruistic deeds are equal, and sometimes they can be harmful. Sometimes glitzy charities satisfy the heart of a giver, but fail to deliver results. That’s the paradox: motivating people to give often demands glitz, but...
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HBM126: Sounding the Deep
How familiar are you with the shape of the continents? What about the shape of the seafloor? If you’re unfamiliar with the contours of our planet’s underwater mountain ranges and plateaus and valleys, then you’re not alone. No one really knows what’s down there; at least, not in any great detail....
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HBM125: Deepfaking Nixon
There’s a beautifully written speech that was never delivered. Written for President Richard Nixon by Bill Safire, the speech elegizes astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong of Apollo 11, who’d become stuck on the moon, and were left to die there. In reality, Buzz and Neil made it home safely,...
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HBM124: Banana Softies
“Gene” says it started because he wanted to be a veterinarian. So he took a job as a research associate at a vivarium that studied cancer drugs. He was often alone in the lab at night with hundreds or thousands of research animals around him. The monkeys were his favorite, especially the rhesus...
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HBM123: Water Witches
Some time in the 90’s, Kathy Emtman received a gift from her husband, Rick. It was a pair of bent metal rods, each shaped into long ‘L’. Nothing special, not imparted with any kind of magic, just metal rods. Colloquially, these rods are called “witching rods” or “dowsing rods”. HBM producer Jeff...
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HBM122: Should Cows Have Names?
Mike Paros lives in two worlds. In one world, he’s an animal welfare specialist and mixed animal vet, meaning he works with both “companion” animals like cats and dogs, and large animals like horses, cows, goats, and sheep. He spends much of his time as a veterinarian working with animals that...
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HBM121: True North
Angels saved Here Be Monsters’ host Jeff Emtman once. They picked him up and took care of him after a bad bike crash. It was just one of many times that Jeff felt watched over by God. Jeff used to think he might be a pastor someday. And so, as a teenager, he made an active effort to orient his...
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HBM120: Own Worst Interest
In the fall of 1989, in Vancouver, Washington, a short, 29 year-old man named Westley Allan Dodd raped and murdered three young boys. The boys were brothers Cole and William Neer, ages 10 and 11, and four year old Lee Iseli. Content Note: Sexual violence, suicide and capital punishment A few…
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HBM119: An Episode of Pebbles and Twigs
The end of our seventh season draws near! Just one more episode until we hang up our podcasting hats for a few months. We don’t want you to miss us too much though, so on this episode, we’re tying up some loose ends, answering some questions, and sharing ways that you can stay connected with us...