Home Fires

It's finally time to weigh in on the trad wife movement. Is it heading in the right direction? Is it a trap to avoid? Is it even one thing or is it several different things under one label? But before we get there, we get updates on coyote attacks, the persistent widower, dahlia trends, and more.

Sometimes a little morbidity is just what we need to live well. Abigail and Tilly discuss notes to their children in the event that either would face an untimely demise. Then they turn their attention to gardens, spring cleaning, and making sure your hospitality level is within the range of the actual life you're living everyday.

Shepherding Your Small Child with Picture Books   In this episode, Reading Rainbow meets Home fires as Tilly and Abigail each collect stacks of favorite picture books and talk through what they love about them. They also discuss abridgements, history reading, and the criteria they use for children's literature. Also, how Tilly accidentally took her husband's middle name, and why Abigail's grandmother was the coolest woman ever.   Favorite books discussed (and not discussed):   Abigail Finn MacCoul and His Fearless Wife: A Giant of a Tale from Ireland by Robert Byrd James Herriot's Treasury for Children, Illustrations by Ruth Brown and Peter Barrett One Dog Canoe by Mary Casanova, illustrated by Ard Hoyt The Story of Ping by Marjorie Flack and Kurt Wiese Night of the Moonjellies by Mark Shasha Katy and the Big Snow by Virginia Lee Burton Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel by Viriginia Lee Burton Annie and the Wild Animals by Jan Brett The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett Gilgamesh the King, by Ludmila Zeman The Revenge of Ishtar, by Ludmila Zeman The Last Quest of Gilgamesh, by Ludmila Zeman The Story of Robin Hood, illustrated by Alan Marks Seven Ways to Trick a Troll by Lise Lunge Larsen, illustrated by Kari Vick Caedmon's Song by Ruth Ashby, illustrated by Bill Slavin How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World by Marjorie Priceman The Bravest Dog Ever: The True Story of Balto by Natalie Standiford, illustrated by Donald Cook The Napping House by Audrey Wood, illustrated by Don Wood The Priest with Dirty Clothes by RC Sproul, illustrated by Justin Gerard The Barber Who Wanted to Pray by RC Sproul, illustrated by Lively Fluharty Patrick Patron Saint of Ireland by Tomie dePaola Room for a LIttle One: a Christmas Tale by Martin Waddell and Jason Cockcroft Martin Luther: A Man who Changed the World by Paul L Maier, illustrated by Greg Copeland Little Pilgrim's Big Journey by Tyler Van Halteren   Tilly Fables by Arnold Lobel Frog and Toad series by Arnold Lobel Owl at Home by Lobel Grasshopper on the Road by Lobel Mouse Tales by Lobel Mouse Soup by Lobel Aesop's Fables illustrated by Charles Santore The Velveteen Rabbit The Princess and the Goblin by MacDonald, illustrated by Alan Parry Many Moons by Thurber Illustrated My First Little House Books Billy and Blaze series by C.W. Anderson Blueberries for Sal by McLoskey Make Way for Ducklings by McLoskey One Morning in Maine by McLoskey Homer (not a picture book exactly) by McCloskey Paul Galdone books (Three Three Bears, The Three Billy Goats Gruff, etc.) Ox-Cart Man by Hall/Cooney The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig by Trivizas/Oxenbury Anatole by Eve Titus Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina The Francis books by Hoban/Hoban (esp A Bargain for Francis, Bread and Jam, Best Friends for Francis) Yellow and Pink by Steig Doctor DeSoto by steig Chanticleer and the Fox by Chaucer/Cooney Amelia Bedelia books Stellaluna by Cannon Miss Fannie's Hat by Karon The Very Hungry Caterpillar The Grouchy Ladybug The Singing Ringing Tree by Hastings/Brierley Least of All by Purdy Saint George and the Dragon Ill. by Hyman Ferdinand by Leaf/Lawson Roxaboxen by McLerran/Cooney Adventures of Little Bear by Minarik/Sendak Stone Soup by McGovern/Pels If I Built a Car by Van Dusen A Time to Keep by Tasha Tudor Imogene's Antlers by David Small Hello Ninja by N.D. Wilson Arlo and the Great Big Cover-Up by Betsy Childs Howard Anything by Beatrix Potter

In this episode, Tilly talks to James Cary, BBC sitcom writer, author, podcaster, YouTuber and stand-up theologian. They talk about what it was like for Cary to work in British television as a conservative Christian white male, as well as the writing process, shows and books that influenced each of them, and Cary's decision to homeschool in the UK of all places. It is clear from this episode that James has spaghetti brain, which we always thought was a woman thing. ... James Cary writes a funny headlines about the Bible and Church history every Thursday at The Wycliffe Papers., hosts The Standup Theologian Podcast , and tours his one man show God, the Bible & Everything in 60 Minutes. He's the author of The Gospel According to a Sitcom Writer and The Sacred Art of Joking.   ... Other books referenced in the episode (among many): Three Men in a Boat  Just William Anything by PG Wodehouse The Oxford Anthology of Humorous Prose

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly jump into a grab bag of questions recently discovered in Spotify. They discuss the latest developments in Minneapolis, handling winter storms with joy, Tilly's father's gumbo recipe, critical mothers-in-law, questions to for dads to ask potential suitors, different approaches to homeschooling, and more. 

In this first episode of the new year, Tilly and Abigail mainly just catch up. Some big things happening in Abigail's world (we won't spoil it!) and Tilly's recent experience with the young folks at Cross Con. Also a goodish amount of talk about rivers, old buildings, and the ICE Troubles in Minneapolis.

In this super practical conversation, Tilly interviews Katie Voetburg from Now That We're a Family Podcast and The Get It All Done Club. They talk about meal prepping, the 80/20 rule, to-do lists, three kinds of work/rest days, identifying "prime movers" in your home, eliminating friction around small tasks, and how Katie organizes clothing and socks/shoes with six children 8 and under.

From the wonder of children's joy in the season to stockings, stuffing, turkeys, and spreadsheets, Tilly and Abigail talk about all things holiday prep. Listen along for hosting tips and reminders of how we can grow young and new inwardly, even as we get older. Link to recipe:  https://www.simplyscratch.com/simple-herb-sourdough-dressing/

In this episode, author and Camperdown MFA Director Christine Cohen comes on to talk about story--writing it, watching it, and reading it. Tilly and Christine take a deep dive into story structure and some of the challenges of bringing a character to life. What are some of the differences between writing for the screen and writing for print? Does a basic knowledge of basic story structure help us to be more appreciative and aware as consumers of story?

Bringing order   Today, Abigail and Tilly talked about order vs chaos in homemaking. They jump off with a discussion on the "order" of a fir tree branch vs. the "chaos" of that branch deconstructed into neat little piles. What is the purpose of the items we use every day, and what does it look like to put those things into order, as a service to the people we live with? What does sloth look like when we are faced with homemaking tasks that are particularly difficult for us?

Jenni Naselli is back on Home Fires! After a brief update on her past year of life and the many changes it has brought, she and Abigail spend some time talking about the benefits of collaborative hospitality. How can you partner with others in order to accomplish more than you could alone? What resources can you bring to the table to share with others—whether your hard work, your support, your home, your expertise, your service? God has good work for us all and boy is it fun to work together!

Are you a smothering mother? Tilly and Abigail use an article by Michael Clary to jumpstart their conversation on overprotective mothers. What are the root causes of overprotectiveness? How does it look as your children grow older? How might overprotectiveness harm daughters, not just sons? The good news is, there is grace ready to help us walk by faith as moms and act toward our children as free women raising confident, free, Christian people.

This past month has put believers in contact with the death of several saints. Tilly and Abigail talk about how to respond to the news of these deaths, particularly Charlie Kirk's assassination. They discuss Erika Kirk's example of godly womanhood, why we're prone to grab at the arms of our men when they're entering the arena, and the mercy poured out on our country through God's word being proclaimed in the public square. How can we evaluate our lives in light of our mortality? What do we want to do differently as wives and mothers and Christian women? How is God humbling us through these events? And most importantly, if your life were to end soon, are you eager and ready to be in the presence of the Lord?

Secrets can be tasty, delicious, and enticing. Knowing other people's secrets can give us social standing and make us feel important. Spilling the tea can give us a form of exaltation in the moment. But how do we rightly discern when to keep a secret and when to bring something to the light? How do we grow as women of discretion? Are we good 'secret-aries' for our husband, our friends, our children? Tilly and Abigail talk all about secrets and the temptations that come with them.

Abigail and Tilly talk about immodesty, particularly the attitude of heart that is loud and shouts, "Look at me!" What is the connection between a sinful fearfulness and immodesty? In our current cultural moment, there is no opting out of battle over how women should dress and present ourselves. Our clothing, hair, and presentation has become a war of ideologies, so that even a discreet woman will be noticed because she is set against the zeitgeist of cross-dressing and gaudiness. Yet God still sees the quiet heart and regards it as very precious.

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly talk about the perverse desire--the desire for the impossible. Do women have a unique ability to desire and even demand things that are logically incompatible? What does this look like on the ground? How does it affect marriage, spiritual life, and vocation? What does Scripture have to say about desire?

Tilly Dillehay and Abigail Dodds, in this episode of Home Fires, answer Micheal Foster's question: Should women work outside of the home? The two give their thoughts on what true biblical and feminine work looks like inside the home and outside of the home. And what that means for women who are searching for careers.

Tilly and Abigail continue answering questions from listeners. First they talk about whether and how daughters should be raised with vocational training, particularly if it's similar to men's vocational training. What should an unmarried woman do in terms of a career (or not)? They touch on the invisible weights husbands carry and how learning to see these invisible weights can help a wife respect her husband and do her part. They also answer a question about how to build character into your children as they grow.

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail answer questions from the last few months. But the questions were such big topics they only got into about three: miscarriage, encouraging reluctant daters, and parenting toddlers (and teen sons). Too much to talk about; will likely get into more questions next time so feel free to submit questions in the interim!

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail talk about fashion vs. substance. They spend the first 20 minutes or so talking theory, jumping off from an article by Clint Manley on our desires being mediated by the sight of another person enjoying something. Then they move into the idea of trends, as they relate to clothing, food, worship styles, and culture building. Are trends good, bad, or neutral? How do they work in the church? Are we imitating Christ when we set trends? Who are we looking to ultimately, to discover what is attractive and enjoyable? https://dc.swosu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3341&context=mythlore

In this episode, Abigail visits with Rachel in Moscow, Idaho. They talk about common temptations for young women, sentimentalism, and facing difficult times as a mother with courage and faithfulness. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Tilly interviews Janet Aucoin, a pastor's wife, mother, and grandmother who has many years of experience in Biblical counseling. They talk about the Biblical counseling movement, discipleship in the church, being the "taste" to others without trying to be the "feast" for them, and living the Christian life with unfulfilled longings. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly discuss self-care and connect it all back to (again) marriage. What does self care even mean? What are some principles of sabbath rest and body stewardship that are worth discussing, if we reject worldly claims about self care? What does all this have to do with marriage? They also discussed the very subtle ways we try to control our husband's behavior, and the fears that might lie behind those attempts. How do you build relational capital in a marriage so that your input is actually helpful and functional? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail do another deep dive on marriage. They talk about ways of being a genuine helper, bringing ideas and concerns up in truly helpful ways. They talk about ways of talking about your husband that are helpful to both you and to other women, and matching that honor in the way you speak TO him in private. Why are men drawn to kind women of all ages? When you live in the fullness of Christ's goodness to you, how does that affect your marriage? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail are joined by Dr. Joe Rigney to talk about Lewis's essay The Inner Ring. What is the inner ring and how does it affect our friendships and relationships in the church? How does it manifest differently between men and women? What are the dangers of becoming an "inner ringer"? How should women conduct themselves in the many circles of influence they are a part of? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail talk about ways that a wife can improve her marriage. A wife has immense power in the Spirit to change the atmosphere of her marriage. But how? How specific should we be in asking for what we want? Should we offer input in the form of "helpful" questions? What is the role of thanks and gratitude in the atmosphere of a marriage? What is the role of the marriage bed? What words can we use to let our husbands know we believe he is capable of making decisions and getting things done? Are you ready to try the "three thanks a day" challenge? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

Abigail introduces her friend, Katie Semple, to the Home Fires listeners. They talk about being faithful during a season of unwanted singleness (even when navigating awkward and insensitive comments) and also how married women and unmarried women can serve alongside each other in the family of God with great fruitfulness. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Tilly and Abigail talk about self-worth and women. When people repeat the message "you are worthy" to women, citing this as the reason why Christ came and died for them, what are they trying to do? What is the proper kind of self-worth, self-esteem, self-regard? Is that even the right question? What is it about women that make us feel like we need to tell them about their worth? Bonus: Abigail gives an honest review of the Bosch oven, which may lock itself and refuse to talk to you. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly talk about social media. How do we steward social media, with all its opportunities and challenges? How do we steward our time and attention? What are the blessings that social media have brought to our lives? (Abigail and Tilly's real-life friendship is one.) How do we protect our kids from the harmful effects of early use? Is Tilly right and should we all just opt out and also move our TVs to the garage? Or is Abigail right and we should learn to use these apps on mission? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly talk continue and round out the conversation about raising creative kids. They talk about the three essential ways we set our kids up to make good art in God's name. Then they bring everything back to the domestic arts. What are the ways we foster excellence and creative skill in our homemaking, and how do we pass these skills on to daughters? Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, opening with a mini "poncert" (podcast+concert?) Tilly chats with her sisters, Callie Pittman and Phoebe Deffenbaugh, on the creatively oriented home they grew up in. Their father Morgan Cryar was a CCM artist who encouraged entrepreneurial thinking. Callie and Phoebe discuss their path into the music business, and they begin a discussion on how young people develop natural ability into real skill. Expect more on this topic in future episodes! Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this conversation the ladies talked about marrying off children without becoming Mrs. Bennett and maintaining standards without adopting worldly attitudes about marriage prospects. Also, why you should not enter pageants or give your friends homemade wine. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

This week, the Home Fires ladies talked shop about the writing process, why demons would want you to "diversify your pleasures," the temptations of aging as a woman, and fearing God as the ultimate guard against becoming the foolish older woman described in Titus 2. Check out more from Abigail, Tilly, and other Christian women on Canon+: https://canonplus.com/ 

In this episode, Abigail and Tilly get re-acquainted after two years of not podcasting together and leading very full lives, five states apart.

On this final episode of Season 4, Jenni and Abigail do their best to tackle your poignant questions about a myriad of topics. We really needed another hour or two! On a personal note from me (Abigail), thank you for listening this season and bearing with the change of host and having only me on for interviews! Thank you for being gracious and rolling with the changes, despite missing Tilly. And many thanks to Jenni for stepping in so cheerfully. God has been kind! I hope this season blessed and edified you in the Lord. I'm not sure what the next season holds or who might be in your earbuds, but for now we'll just say, "As the Lord wills!" Until next time, keep those Home Fires burning.

Abigail welcomes Rosaria Butterfield back to Home Fires to discuss her new book, Five Lies of our Anti-Christian Age. Rather than begin at the beginning of her book, we begin at the end, starting with the Lie #5: Modesty Is an Outdated Burden That Serves Male Dominance and Holds Women Back, then work our way backwards. As you would expect, Rosaria pulls no punches--she is as clear, direct, and forthright as anyone I've ever met, and I love her for it. I hope you will, too. Listening to Rosaria should be a potent reminder to Chistians everywhere that you can't love people if you aren't willing to tell them the truth. For too long evangelicals have believed that they could simply pretend the enemies of God were their friends, and have, perhaps unwittingly, lost the opportunity to actually love their enemies with the truth. Let Rosaria's unwillingness to pretend or play games with the truth of God's Word blow some clean Gospel air into your lungs.   

One question that has come up several times this season from listeners is some variation of: do you have any advice for parenting teens? Another frequent question is: do you have any advice for moms of young children?  The good news is that being a godly and faithful mother of teens starts when your children are little. The two questions really can't be pulled apart. In this episode Abigail and Jenni work through a recent talk Abigail gave alongside Tom on parenting teens. They talk about the significant changes that happen in your role as a mother as your children grow into young adults and how mothers can help press the wisdom of Christ into the corners of her growing child's life with God's help. Lastly, they look at the tale of two mothers in Scriptures and how these two mothers advised their grown children--one in the worst way imaginable and the other for the good of her daughter.   

Abigail welcomes Joe Rigney back to Home Fires to talk about his recent online course called Leadership in An Age of Anxiety. We particularly zoom in on the role of women both for good or for ill in how different communities function, such as the home, the church, friend groups, and more. How do we respond when other people are offended? What do we do with our own reactive feelings when the temperature is rising? Joe points us to the Scriptures for wisdom on how to be women with clarity of mind, stability of soul, and a readiness to act in godly ways through the many crackling, pressure-cooked situations we may find ourselves in.

Christmastime presents a lot of opportunities for shopping! But what's the point of shopping, really? How can we take what is often a wordly grab at materialism and instead shop as Christians--in a way that glorifies God?  We explore the heart of generosity that should motivate our shopping and how to avoid the pitfalls of worldliness, asceticism, and buying the false ideologies that some stores sell alongside their products.  We hope this episode encourages you in this Advent season! Whether you have a little or a lot, a big budget or a small one, we pray God will enlarge your heart as you give generously to the people he's given to you. Merry Christmas! Christ has come and he will come again, soon. 

There are few authors who so regularly produce content that has its pulse on what normal Christians need to here--either by way of encouragement or rebuke or topic. Kevin DeYoung is one of those writers.  In his new book, Impossible Christianity, he again finds a way to address a common problem among Christians--the problem of making Christianity impossible in ways that God never intended it to be. Without in any way lessening the clarion call of Christ to lose everything for his sake, Kevin reminds us of a Savior whose yoke really is easy.  I really hope you'll listen in on this conversation and go grab this book. There's no cheap grace in it--only the powerful grace of God to produce joy and good fruit in God's children.

Jenni and Abigail talk all things "education." What is education? Is education even the right word to describe what Christians are supposed to be doing with our children while they're under our instruction and care? What are our duties as mothers when it comes to educating and discipling our children?  Join us as we lean on God's word, God's truth, God's grace, and God Himself as the foundation for all real "education." And discover with us that this duty to educate our children in the Lord is not the burden some might have you think--but rather an intensely good labor of love with rewards beyond telling. And don't miss our One Big Thanksgiving prep tip. 

How do we know if something is ugly? How do we know if something is beautiful? Is it all just in the eye of the beholder? Why does it matter? Bekah Merkle helps us think about beauty by turning our thoughts to God's thoughts. And very happily for us, we discover that God has given us a vast and wide array of beauty in his created world to observe and imitate. So, while beauty is objective, it is also wonderfully expressed in in more ways than we have yet to uncover.  If you avoid decorating or tend to think you're just not good at it, this may be a great place for you start. Get inspired by thinking about the purpose of decorating and interior design! We don't have to be fancy or showy to truly and beautifully love our people with the inside of our homes. 

I’m eager to share this interview with author and pastor Michael Clary about his new book, God’s Good Design. Michael shares some of his personal story, his love for the local church, and what prompted him to write this book (spoiler: struggling young women). He also helps us connect how we’re made to the Scriptures and to our God-given purpose in life. Join us as we consider what worldly ideas masquerade as enlightenment, when in fact we need to unlearn those false ideas about men and women and learn to see and love the reality of how God has made men and women. Here's a link to Michael's worthwhile book.  

Today we're mulling over the hurdles and roadblocks to Christian hospitality. What is it that really keeps people from welcoming others in? Is the problem with our homes or with our hearts? Do some people just have the hospitality gene and others don’t? We take a close look––not just at the hurdles––but the great reward of hospitality. It is such a wonderful inheritance from the Lord to get to spend and be spent for others. Don’t miss the huge blessing hospitality is—not just for those receiving it—but especially for the ones offering it. Plus, some bonus insights on downhill skiing.

With Tilly away caring for a new baby, homeschooling littles, working behind the scenes for a new coffee shop endeavor, and generally tending her actual home fires, Jenni Naselli graciously joins Abigail and agrees to be put in the hot seat for an interview.  Jenni shares how she came to trust Christ as well as the story of how she met and married her husband, Andy. Get ready to absorb some helpful wisdom as you hear how Jenni's parents carefully and tenderly shepherded her through her young adult years. We don't have to do exactly as Jenni's parents did, but we can learn so much from the godly principles they exhibit. 

Tilly and Abigail team up to answer the great questions you all sent in. They talk about raising girls (friendships, dating, reading, and more), friendships with other couples, hospitality practices, dealing with spousal conflict, and pass right over your questions about head coverings and Christian Nationalism. Fun cap to the season!

This week, Megan Basham joins us to talk about the widely supported claim that inside and outside the church, we should "believe all women." Where did this phrase come from? What does it mean? What does it mean for the local church, the local university, the family, and the justice system?

Abigail and Tilly talk about the kinds of people we want our children to marry. How did our own experiences shape our desires for the kids? What kind of advice does a mother have to offer her son or daughter as they grow up? How can we help prepare them to be and to choose a godly spouse?

This week, Greg Morse joins the podcast to talk about the "hard words" of scripture. We read and discuss challenging statements that ask us to make hard choices: to repent or remain in sin, to worship God or worship false gods. Greg's own testimony is an illustration of how the Lord often uses "hard words" to move our hearts and change our lives.

Tilly and Abigail cozy up and chat about wisdom. What are some of the companion virtues that run in a pack with wisdom? What are counterfeit forms of wisdom that we see today? (I.e., "deep thoughts" of oversharing Christian writers, pragmatism that is really just worldly wisdom, "humor" that is really just scoffing, etc.)  They also talk about the delights of wisdom, how scripture directs us to ask for it, because it's a gift. Wisdom comes from scripture, but must be mediated through the work of the Holy Spirit.