PODCAST · society
How Can I Say This...
by Beth Buelow
The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference. Your host is Beth Buelow, PCC, founder of ZOPA Consulting and author of “The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms.” Beth’s credentialed professional coach and trained mediator. She loves finding the “Zone of Possible Agreement” (ZOPA!) in any situation that comes her way. She hosted The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast from 2010-2018. In every episode of "How Can I Say This...", you’ll find ideas about how to handle your communication conundrums; tips on feeling more confident and comfortable with conflict; opportunities to learn from real-life situations through questions shared by listeners; and ultimately, gain skills and techniques for dealing wi
Episodes
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Claiming Space with Eliza VanCort
As the vintage advertising for Virginia Slims cigarettes told women, you’ve come a long way, baby. Women have carved out a bigger seat at the table over the past 70 years. But we still have challenges when it comes to our voices being heard. Our question this episode: How can women claim their...
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Pausing and People Pleasing with Alan Heymann
There are lots of things that get in the way of our ability to successfully handle conflict. They often have to do with a limiting mindset, a leaning towards people pleasing, misidentifying the root cause of the conflict, or not creating a safe environment for feedback or different opinions. The...
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The Language of DEI with Arlene Koth
Whether we’re aware of it or not, the past year has introduced most everyone to a new language. Words that we used in one context, such as equality, equity, diversity, belonging, and systems, are now taking on new meaning and are being used in new contexts. It’s not always easy to keep up, but…
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How to Talk to Strangers (Listener Question)
We spend a lot of time thinking about how to have conversations with people we care about. After all, these are the relationships that have the biggest influence in our lives. But what if we spent as much time thinking about the conversations we have with strangers? Could there be new experiences...
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How are you? as a gateway to connection
It’s a reflexive question most of us ask when we start a conversation, and it’s one of the easiest and most challenging questions to answer: how are you? Every time it comes up, I find myself hesitating just a little. This is especially true in the past year, when it feels like an extremely…
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Calming Your Nerves (Listener Question)
It happens to all of us, no matter how many times we’ve been in a difficult conversation: we get nervous. We feel stress. That stress can show up in lots of ways: in our body language, breathing patterns, our seeming inability to put words together in a logical order. Even when we figure out what...
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Acknowledging the Good in the Bad
How can I say this? When you have a day like January 6, 2021 in the United States, it’s hard to know what to say. It left many of us speechless, then enraged, mortified, and confused. When societal norms are violated in such a violent manner, words often escape us. And then we become unable to…
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The Art of Letting Go
While every year has its ups and downs, 2020 will go down as an especially interesting year for lots of reasons. Our everyday vocabulary expanded to include words previously only used by doctors, lawyers, and politicians. And the conversations we’ve had with friends, family, and colleagues have...
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How to have meaningful virtual conversations with Jennifer Britton
For those of us that grew up with a rotary telephone glued to the wall and no answering machine, the idea of being connected 24/7 everywhere we go still has a bit of novelty to it. I still sometimes marvel that while I walk my dog or go on errands, I’m basically carrying the world in my pocket....
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Talking about Race at Work with Kwame Christian
Awkward, emotional, uncomfortable. This is how many of us feel when we try to talk about race. But we need to know how to have these conversations if we’re going to make progress toward a more equitable and high-functioning society. Negotiation expert Kwame Christian joins me to give us some...
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Using Reflective Inquiry for Better Conversations with Marcia Reynolds
A coaching client recently reminded me of a truth that’s easy to forget: if you want to have a great conversation with someone, focus on trying to be interested, rather than interesting. And how do we demonstrate interest? We ask questions. But there’s more to it than that, and not all questions...
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Couples Communication in Quarantine with Marianne van Dijk
As life in the pandemic continues, our capacity for empathy and connection can come and go. Sometimes it’s easy to be present for our loved ones, and other times, we need space and just to be left alone. Asking for what we need and having boundaries can be challenging enough during non-stressful...
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Creating a Communication-Friendly Space with Rebecca West
We all know that our physical surroundings influence our mood and ability to focus. But do we fully appreciate how much they affect our communication? How a room is arranged, what’s in the space, and how welcoming it is all contribute – or detract – from being able to have productive…
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Liars and Stonewallers: Listener Questions
If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that on the surface we talk about communication, but underneath that, we’re really talking about relationships. Caring about another person is why we are thoughtful about how we speak with one another. Today we’re going to hear from…
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Mori Taheripour Shares How to Bring Yourself to Negotiations
When we think of negotiators, we often think of people who are trying to find a bargain, job seekers, or people on the front lines of a hostage situation. Those things might be true some of the time, but there’s so much more to it than that. Life is a negotiation; and right now, it’s showing up…
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A Simple Mantra for a Complex Time
When we’re in close quarters with someone for a long time, even the strongest of relationships can be tested. In this episode, I offer you a simple mantra that can help you stay calm and compassionate while we shelter-in-place. #spaceandgrace Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and...
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Difficult Conversations with Kern Beare
It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over these past few years: there’s no point in trying to talk to them. Them is always the person with whom we have strong disagreements, or it might represent an entire group of people we’ve decided are unreachable. But there is a point; it’s just not what you...
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These 7 Words are Undermining Your Effectiveness
When we think of forming new habits, our minds go to the obvious – changing what we eat, how much we exercise, what time we go to bed or get up in the morning, deciding to meditate. Those are all good habits to pay attention to, and there’s one more to add that can change your life just as much....
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Humor: Helpful or Harmful?
There are many ways to evaluate the health of a social connection. We know to notice eye contact, body language, tone of voice and balance of listening and talking. But what about laughter? We intuitively know that when we laugh together, there’s a high probability we like one another or have...
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Overcoming Public Speaking Anxiety with Michelle Barry Franco
There’s a widely circulated saying that people fear public speaking more than death. That funny but misguided bit of trivia distracts us from the opportunity we have whenever we’re given the literal or metaphorical microphone and invited to share our thoughts. Our question this episode: what...
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Ep61: Words Create Worlds
"Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone's eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her, too." ~Gladys Taber Our words are paint strokes on the canvas of life – sounds cheesy, but it’s true. We create a certain picture with...
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Ep60: Ending the Shame Game
You’ve messed up. You feel embarrassed, you know what you did was a mistake, and you own up to it. You say you’re sorry. And even though you acknowledge it, the other person still wants to chew you out. They want to make sure you know how badly you’ve screwed up. It feels terrible, and you shut...
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Ep59: Working with Disrespectful Colleagues (Listener Question)
Being successful in our professional lives depends on lots of people agreeing on certain principles. Show up on time. Follow through. Take your responsibilities seriously. Respect your boss and your colleagues. But what do you do if those shared expectations are violated? Our question this…
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Ep58: Making Your Private Beliefs Public
On February 20, 1954, Albert Einstein said the following during an address to the Chicago Decalogue Society: “…in long intervals I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appeared to me so bad and unfortunate that silence would have made me feel guilty of complicity.” As a public...
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Ep57: Avoiding Conflict During Thanksgiving
It’s that time of year, when we look forward to food, drink, and time with people we care about. It’s also when we might dread time with people we care about, because that time is filled with talking, and that talking might go in directions that cause conflict. And no, I’m not talking about...
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Ep56: Staying Civil on Social Media
Once upon a time, if we were upset or disagreed with a person, policy or decision, our thoughts on the matter rippled out maybe as far as our second- or third-degree connections, but not much further. Things moved fairly slowly, and we could generally trust our information sources. But now…
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Ep55: De-Escalating Internal Anger
There are lots of mantras I live by, including "I’m open to outcome, not attached," and "I can handle whatever happens." I’ve recently adopted a new mantra based on some recent experiences – experiences that have found me angry and upset – and it’s such a good I have to share it. Our question…
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Ep54: Anatomy of an Interaction
How many times have you been in a conversation and the other person says or does something unexpected or hostile, and you think to yourself – where did THAT come from!? In fact, you might have thought that very thing about yourself! We might think that frustration, anger, confusion, or other...
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Ep53: When It Gets Personal (Listener Question with guest Arden Clise)
If we hang around with someone long enough, there are little things that pop up that can distract us from heart of the relationship. It might be the way another person eats, dresses, or even folds the towels. And those might seem trivial – after all, differences or annoyances in those areas…
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Ep52: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable
When we hear someone make a statement that’s not true, or express a personal opinion that cuts us to the core, it’s easy to react by lashing out and attacking that person. It’s not so easy to offer a thoughtful reply that is both respectful and direct. Our question this episode: how can we take…
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Ep51: Surviving Small Talk
Most people dread it. Some people avoid it at all costs. We’ll skip the networking events, duck behind a big display in the store, or avoid eye contact in a public place. What am I talking about? Small talk. It’s something we all have to do, but we almost universally despise. Our question this...
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Ep50: Drama Queens (Listener Question)
A listener asks: How do you deal with a drama queen when they are a close friend? How do you know it is someone being a drama queen and not you being sensitive? Those are our questions in this 50th episode of How Can I Say This.... Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com...
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Ep49: Expressing Feelings at Work with Melanie Katzman
There are lots of “F” words that we’re supposed to avoid in the workplace. Fear. Failure. Flirting. Fighting. And of course, the word to end all “F” words, which I won’t say because I like to avoid an explicit rating! But there’s another F word, and this one we avoid at our peril: Feelings. Our...
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Ep48: Two Lessons from The Art of Gathering
How many meetings or events have you attended this past week? Maybe you’ve invited people over for dinner, been to a birthday party, or you’ve gotten together in a favorite park for a hike. Chances are you’ve been in at least one work, client, or school meeting. Perhaps you’ve attended a...
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Ep47: Cultivating Conversational Intelligence with Michael O'Brien
Sometimes our journey towards greater self-awareness seems slow and ponderous. And other times, life decides to hit the fast-forward button and give us a can’t-miss catalyst for profound change. No matter which happens to you, both involve conversations. Conversations we have with ourselves, and...
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Ep46: Cross-Cultural Communication with Susan Shirley
When we think of traveling outside our native country, we usually consider the obvious differences we’ll experience: language, food, clothing, architecture. But there’s another layer of difference that’s more subtle and can dramatically affect how well we navigate our new environment. Our…
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Ep45: Poetry to Grieve By
Today is Friday, August 9, 2019, and it’s been a rough week. I’ve found that I haven’t had much to say. The news and its tragedies have overwhelmed me, as they have the world. For a podcast about how to say it, whatever “it” is, I’m finding myself at a loss. I’m not even sure I have a key…
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Ep44: Generational and Gender Communication Differences with Lee Caraher
When I tell you I’m "going to get back to you by the end of the day," what does that mean to you? And what about how you interpret “get back to you?” You might be surprised to hear that what those phrases mean to you depends on your age. And how you respond to a compliment depends on your gender,...
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Ep43: Deep Listening with Oscar Trimboli
We spend 55% of our time in an average day listening; but what are we really doing? Are we attentive? Fully present? Passive? Distracted? Waiting until the other person stops talking so we can talk? Our questions this episode: what does it mean to really listen, and how can we become better at…
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Ep42: Flipping Failure with Sarah McVanel Part 2
Failure. It’s something we avoid as adults, equating it with incompetence, lack of effort or resources, bad ideas, faulty execution, and a sign that we’re on the wrong track. But as little kids, we accepted it. Whether we were conscious of it or not, we knew that we were going to mess up on our…
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Ep41: Flipping Failure with Sarah McVanel (Part 1)
There are things we say we’re okay with, but when the rubber meets the road, we balk. Failure is one such thing. Our society often hands us contradictory messages that failure isn’t an option, while saying it’s important we learn from our mistakes. Yes, context is everything. We don’t want a...
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Ep40: Freedom of Speech Reflections
Family picnics, sparklers, and watermelon seed spitting contests. These are all part of the fourth of July fun here in the United States. While it’s an opportunity to say that funnel cake has no calories because it’s a holiday, it’s also a chance to celebrate the ideals that our country was…
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Ep39: Is It Empathy or Hijacking?
One of the ways we form connections with one another is by noticing where our experiences overlap. It’s a wonderful moment when that noticing leads to empathy and intimacy. But just like anything wonderful, there’s a flip side. Our question this episode: when does saying, “I know how you feel”...
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Ep38: Brave Interfaith Conversations in the Workplace with Zahabia Ahmed-Usmani and Kyle Kooyers
Religion ranks right up there with politics, sex and money as a subject that is mostly off-limits in the workplace. Whether it’s obviously part of someone’s identity or completely invisible to others, our spiritual beliefs inform everything from what we wear or eat, what holidays we do or don’t...
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Ep37: Ethics, Criticism and Rivals with Yonason Goldson
When we think of how we communicate on a personal level, we don’t naturally think of it in terms of ethics and responsibility. But there’s an ethical component to our relationships that is important to acknowledge and discuss. This is especially true when it comes to conversations that happen in...
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Ep36: Introverts and Extroverts in Conversation
There are lots of reasons why we get our wires crossed when communicating with others. Some of it might have to do with our mood, our assumptions, our past experiences, the nature of the relationship between us and the person we’re talking to, and even bigger picture reasons such as race, gender,...
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Ep35: Empathy in Action in Difficult Conversations
When it comes to difficult conversations, we’re often focused on what divides us. We are acutely aware of the ways in which we are different from one another. After all, that’s probably what makes the conversation difficult! But if we’re able to balance that difference with commonalities, we’ll...
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Ep34: Humility, Ego, and Civil Conversations
If we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our values and beliefs and how those apply to social and cultural issues, then we can become very attached to thinking that we’re right, they’re wrong, and that’s that. But remember: everyone feels that way, and the person you think is wrong thinks...
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Ep33: How to Talk with Kids About Tough Topics with Dakota Duncan
When a challenge is big, scary, or complex, sometimes it feels easiest to bury our heads in the sand and hope that someone else figures it all out. That might work with some things, but it doesn’t work with the stuff that affects us all, like climate change. We have to find a way to talk about…
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Ep32: How to Ask Better Questions (Part 2)
Throughout our education, we’re often so focused on being able to answer questions, we forget to pay attention to how skilled we are at asking them. But our ability to get good information from someone is directly connected to our ability to ask good questions. Our question this episode: what can...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference.
Your host is Beth Buelow, PCC, founder of ZOPA Consulting and author of “The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms.” Beth’s credentialed professional coach and trained mediator. She loves finding the “Zone of Possible Agreement” (ZOPA!) in any situation that comes her way. She hosted The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast from 2010-2018.
In every episode of "How Can I Say This...", you’ll find ideas about how to handle your communication conundrums; tips on feeling more confident and comfortable with conflict; opportunities to learn from real-life situations through questions shared by listeners; and ultimately, gain skills and techniques for dealing wi
HOSTED BY
Beth Buelow
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How many episodes does How Can I Say This... have?
How Can I Say This... currently has 81 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is How Can I Say This... about?
The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference. Your host is Beth Buelow,...
How often does How Can I Say This... release new episodes?
How Can I Say This... has 81 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
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You can listen to How Can I Say This... on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts How Can I Say This...?
How Can I Say This... is created and hosted by Beth Buelow.
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