How To Love Yourself No Matter What

Alright, folks! So today we’re diving headfirst into the wild world of self-criticism and the liberating idea that sometimes, the truth just doesn’t serve us. Picture this: you drop a glass and suddenly you’re the clumsy villain of your own story! But guess what? It’s time to flip the script! I’m here to chat with you about how our interpretations of our little blunders can spiral into a tsunami of self-loathing, and how we can break free from that cycle. We’ll unpack the notion that how we perceive our mess-ups—big or small—can shape our confidence and overall vibe in life. Trust me, realizing that life is messy and that we don’t need to play the blame game can be a total game-changer. So let’s kick that guilt to the curb and learn to be our own biggest cheerleaders instead! Ready? Let’s roll!Takeaways:Life is messy and embracing that messiness allows us to approach our emotions and experiences with more grace and understanding, instead of blame.Understanding that our perceptions of truth can often hinder our growth is vital for personal development and emotional resilience.Rather than focusing on whose fault it is when something goes wrong, we should ask ourselves how to move forward and what we can learn from the situation.Shame and guilt are unhelpful emotions that can prevent us from making progress; instead, we should learn to be kind to ourselves and focus on constructive actions.The narrative we create about ourselves in moments of failure can either propel us forward or hold us back, so we must choose our words carefully.We often believe that attributing blame leads to accountability, but in reality, it can create more negativity; let’s focus on solutions instead.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall

Alright, folks, let’s dive into some juicy family dynamics! Today, we're peeling back the layers on why family gatherings feel like stepping into a well-rehearsed play where everyone knows their lines—especially those cringe-worthy ones. The real kicker? It’s not about the events themselves; it's about the patterns we’ve been stuck in since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. We're talking about those age-old scripts we keep repeating, and trust me, they’re not as random as you think. Spoiler alert: it’s your nervous system playing tricks on you, making you time travel back to your childhood every time Uncle Bob brings up politics at the barbecue. So grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s explore how we can break those patterns without putting the blame on anyone else—because, really, who has the energy for that?Takeaways:Navigating family dynamics often unveils deep-rooted patterns that we unknowingly perpetuate, impacting our emotional well-being.The key to transforming how we interact with family involves reframing blame and focusing on personal accountability instead.Our nervous systems have been conditioned from childhood to react in predictable ways during family gatherings, leading to emotional time travel.Mastering the art of storytelling about our experiences can significantly alter our emotional responses and improve our overall happiness.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU SET A GOAL, PUSH HARD FOR A FEW DAYS—AND THEN FALL OFF AND WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?Like no matter how many times you try, you can't seem to make yourself do the things you say you want to do?If that's you, this episode is going to change how you see yourself.Because it's not that you're lazy. And it's not that you lack discipline.It's that the fuel you've been using to motivate yourself is actually working against you—and no one has ever shown you what to use instead.In this episode, I'm breaking down why accountability and motivation fail most people, what's really underneath the cycle of trying and quitting, and what it actually takes to build habits that stick long term.In This Episode, I Cover:Why motivation and accountability alone will never be enoughThe real reason you can push for a few days—but can't make it lastHow shame becomes the hidden fuel behind most "self-improvement" effortsWhy using self-hatred as motivation has a built-in breaking pointThe difference between forcing yourself and genuinely wanting to show upWhy love is a more powerful motivator than frustration, disappointment, or disgustHow to get specific about why you actually want what you wantWhy your brain resists new habits—and why that doesn't mean anything is wrong with youThe practical steps to remove barriers and make showing up easierHow to talk to yourself the night before so you actually follow throughThe toddler analogy that reframes everything about self-disciplineWhy a D-plus effort is still better than nothing—and how to own thatWhat regulated accountability actually looks like versus dysregulated forcingHow to flex when life gets in the way without quitting entirelyWhat changes when you stop using guilt and start using radical self-acceptanceKey TakeawayYou don't have a motivation problem. You have a fuel problem.Shame, guilt, and self-disgust can push you for a few days—but they will always break down. They are not a long-term solution.What actually works is getting specific about why you want what you want, removing the barriers between you and the action, and learning to redirect yourself with kindness instead of force.You don't need to be harder on yourself. You need to be more honest—and more loving.InvitationI'm running JuneTube all month inside the Love Yourself No Matter What community—weekly trainings, weekly lives, and everything you need to actually use these tools and create a different kind of summer.To get access, grab the free End Overthinking Five-Minute Reset Ritual at:👉 joinamanda.caYou'll get the audio training plus an invitation to everything happening in June.Ready to Go Deeper?If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me.We'll talk about what's going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.Book here: amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect With MeIf this episode resonated, I'd love to hear from you.Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahessOr visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.Featured on the Show:Book a free consultation call with meSend me a DM over on InstagramHelp Other Women Find This PodcastIf this episode resonated with you, or you know someone who needs to hear it, please share.Leave me a review on Apple Podcasts and let me know what topics you would like to hear.Don't miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.

What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle YouThere is a systemic failure happening in the helping industry — and nobody is talking about it.Coaches and therapists are opening emotional doors they are completely unprepared to sit in. And when you show up authentically — crying, angry, overwhelmed, resistant — instead of being held, you get shut down. Pathologized. Shamed into getting small.I'm recording this one hot, because it happened to me today. And I need you to hear it.What I cover in this episode:The $25,000 business mastermind where I was told they'd "move on" while I cried — and how it took me months to recover my confidenceBeing interrupted mid-share and told to mute myself and come back with a "more appropriate" shareBeing told by a business coach — twice — that I needed therapy, not coachingWhy this isn't a you problem — it's a capacity problem on their endWhy shutting down emotion doesn't protect the client — it retraumatizes themWhat trauma-aware support actually looks like in practiceClients who've been fired by therapists for being "too emotional" — and why that's an industry failure, not a client failureWhat it looks like when all of it is welcome: crying, anger, resistance, circling, even lying — none of it pathologizedThe truth I keep coming back to:Shame is the mechanism used to make you small. When someone in authority responds to your emotion with dismissal or redirection, the message that lands is: what you just did was wrong. And you shrink. You manage yourself. You stop showing up fully.That was never your shame to hold.You are allowed to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. There are helpers — coaches, therapists, friends, partners — who won't reject that. Your job is to find them.If this resonated:Book a free discovery call with me: amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect on Instagram: @theamandahess

Do you ever feel like there’s a version of you that wants more out of life…More joy.More confidence.More freedom.More YOU.But every time you try to move toward her, something pulls you back?In this episode, we’re talking about identity, possibility, and why becoming the woman you want to be has less to do with “fixing yourself” and more to do with what your brain believes is possible for you.I share a story from figure skating that completely shifted how I think about growth and identity, and why being around people who are already doing the things you want to do changes your brain faster than trying to force yourself to believe differently.We also talk about:Why sensitive women often stay stuck in old identitiesHow your environment shapes what feels possibleWhy your thoughts are not factsThe psychology behind seeing other people do what you want to doWhy your brain resists change (even when you WANT it)What Rick Rubin calls the “lazy brain”Why more possibility creates more freedomThe connection between anxiety, emotional heaviness, and purposeWhy you don’t need to “fix” yourself to create a different lifeHow coaching, support, and community help you expand your identityThe biggest takeaway from this episode:You are not as stuck as you think you are.Sometimes your brain just needs evidence that another way of living is possible.And when you start surrounding yourself with people, spaces, and conversations that expand what feels possible…you start becoming someone new without even realizing it.If this episode resonated and you want support applying this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me here:amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect with me on Instagram:@theamandahess

Today I’m talking about something I see constantly in women who are overwhelmed, emotionally reactive, anxious, or stuck in survival mode: the inability to slow down and be alone with themselves.So many of us are constantly doing. Working, parenting, helping everyone else, consuming self-help, listening to podcasts, journaling, trying to improve ourselves, trying to stay productive — and while none of those things are bad, eventually we lose our connection to ourselves.In this episode, I’m talking about:Why constant doing can keep us emotionally dysregulatedWhat emotional reactivity actually isHow fear of feeling keeps us stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and fawnWhy silence feels uncomfortable for so many womenThe importance of emotional safety and nervous system regulationHow to build the ability to feel emotions without becoming consumed by themSmall ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself throughout your dayThis episode is a reminder that healing is not always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about creating enough space to finally hear yourself again.Key TakeawaysEmotional reactivity isn’t just about outward behaviour — it’s when emotions are running your internal experience.Many women stay busy because being alone with themselves feels unsafe.Constant input and productivity can disconnect us from our bodies and nervous systems.Fear of emotion creates chronic fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses.Emotional safety is something we can build over time.Small moments of silence and grounding matter more than you think.Healing is not about white-knuckling your way through life.Quotes From This Episode“All of your life is not a doing problem. It’s a being problem.”“The more emotionally safe you feel, the more able you are to allow emotion.”“If everything you do is designed to get rid of emotion, you’re going to live in fear.”“We live in a society that is perpetually inputting into us — and we never give ourselves space to release it.”“Silence is a skill. Being alone with yourself is a skill.”Call to ActionIf this episode resonated with you and you’re realizing how much of your life has been spent in survival mode, I’d love to support you.You can book a free discovery call at:👉 amandahess.ca/bookacallTogether, we can look at what’s keeping you emotionally stuck, how to create more emotional safety, and whether coaching is the right next step for you.

Let me tell you, if you’ve ever felt like you just can’t shake off a past hurt, you’re in for a treat. We’re diving into the fascinating world of trauma—what it really is and why it affects us all differently. I’m talking about the sneaky ways that emotional pain can manifest in our daily lives, from the tone of someone’s voice to the way silence can feel like a punch in the gut. It turns out that our brains are wired to keep us safe, but sometimes, they misinterpret signals and lead us down a rabbit hole of anxiety and fear. We’ll unpack why trying to simply ‘think’ your way out of it is like trying to use a spoon to dig a hole—it’s just not going to work! Instead, I’ll share some insights on how to work with your nervous system to create a sense of safety and stability in your life. Plus, I’ve got a brand new free class coming up that’s perfect for anyone feeling stuck in the cycle of overthinking. It’s time to learn how to prioritize your feelings without guilt and start living a ‘fuck yes’ life—one that’s truly yours!Takeaways:You might think you're overreacting, but your brain is just processing trauma differently than others.Replaying conversations is not a flaw; it’s your brain's way of trying to create safety after emotional pain.Feeling anxious or reactive isn't a logic issue; it's a feelings problem that needs to be addressed with care.It's crucial to realize that your needs are just as important as everyone else's, not optional.Suppressing emotions only makes things worse; you need to learn how to process feelings effectively.A 'fuck yes' life is about prioritizing your own desires and needs, not waiting for others to validate you.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall

Alright friend, grab your gardening gloves because today we’re talking about something really important: how to create a life that actually blooms.The biggest takeaway from this episode?I think we spend way too much time pulling weeds and not nearly enough time planting flowers.You know how in spring we clean out our gardens? We pull out the dead stuff, clear the weeds, make space for something new. I really think we need to do the same thing mentally and emotionally too.So many women are walking around completely focused on what’s wrong. What’s wrong with them. What’s wrong with their relationship. Their body. Their job. Their life. And while yes — sometimes we absolutely do need to deal with the weeds — I don’t think healing is supposed to just be endless weeding.At some point, we also have to plant flowers.In this episode, I talk about:Why constantly “fixing yourself” can actually keep you stuckThe difference between pulling weeds and creating beautyNervous system regulation that actually feels supportive and doableWhy pleasure matters more than most women realizeHow kindness, rest, joy, and unconditional love change your lifeWhy so many women are burned out from trying to hold too many platesHow to start creating a life that feels full instead of just managedI also share why figure skating is one of the biggest nervous system regulators in my own life, and why the things that light you up emotionally are not frivolous — they’re necessary.This episode is really an invitation to stop living in constant maintenance mode and start intentionally creating a life you actually want to be inside of.Because the truth is:If all we ever do is pull weeds, we end up exhausted.But when we start planting flowers?Everything changes. 🌸Want to talk to me directly? Book a free discovery call here:amandahess.ca/bookacall

If you’ve been repeating affirmations, journaling your thoughts, and still feeling stuck… we need to talk.Because it’s not that you’re doing it wrong.It’s that these tools aren’t actually designed to create the kind of change you’re looking for.In this episode, I’m breaking down why mantras and journaling often don’t work—especially for sensitive, self-aware women—and what to do instead.Mantras can create internal conflict when your brain doesn’t believe what you’re saying.Journaling can turn into rumination that reinforces the exact patterns you’re trying to break.So if you’ve ever felt like:“I should be further along by now”“I know better, so why am I still stuck?”“I’ve done so much work, why hasn’t anything really changed?”This episode will land.I’m going to show you a different way to work with your brain—one that actually creates emotional buy-in, shifts your beliefs, and changes how you show up in your life.✨ In This Episode, I Talk About:Why mantras often feel empty (and can actually increase anxiety)How journaling can quietly reinforce negative thinking patternsThe role your survival brain is playing behind the scenesWhy your beliefs—not your thoughts—are what need to changeThe real skill that creates confidence, calm, and lasting changeHow asking better questions can completely shift your emotional state🔑 What I Want You To Take Away:You don’t need to force yourself to think positively.You need to learn how to question what you’re thinking in a way that actually opens something up.💭 Try This Instead:Next time you feel stuck, don’t reach for a mantra.Ask yourself:What if this isn’t actually true?What would be possible if I believed I was enough?How would I show up if I felt fully accepted?Let your brain answer. That’s where the shift happens.💬 Want Help With This?This is exactly the work I do with my clients.If you’re ready to stop spinning in your head and actually create change that feels real and sustainable, you can book a call with me:👉 amandahess.ca/bookacall📲 Come Say HiIf this episode resonated, DM me on Instagram or TikTok. I’d love to hear what landed for you.Links referenced in this episode:amandahessbookacalltheamandahess

If you’ve ever felt emotionally overwhelmed, mislabeled, or unsupported by traditional systems, this space is for you. I’m Amanda Hess, a trauma-informed life coach, and I’m here to help you reclaim your true identity beyond clinical labels and build radical self-trust.In each episode, I share honest conversations, practical tools, and stories that will help you create emotional safety within yourself, set boundaries that honor your unique experience, and stop trying to fix yourself. If you’re ready to break free from shame, overwhelm, and the pressure to perform, hit follow now and join me on this journey to love yourself no matter what.Interested in working with me? Sign up for a discovery call: amandahess.caWant to join the Love Yourself No Matter What Membership For Free? Join here: amanda-hess.mykajabi.com/loveyourselfCome find me on TT and IG: @theamandahess