Identity Love Podcast
by Tracy Konane
Have you tried everything to be happier in your relationship... except having self-love? After losing herself in romantic relationships, not knowing how to be herself, and feeling like self-love was gross; Tracy now helps frustrated significant others to stop worrying so much about pleasing their partners -- and to actually learn how to have self-love while being in their relationship.
Episodes
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Ep.30: When you've lost yourself in a relationship
I thought I was just being the best partner I could be...but since when did being a good partner require to feel empty the moment my boyfriend walked out the door? I'd completely lost myself in my relationship, and even though everything looked great from the outside -- on the inside I was...
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Ep.29: Selfishness VS Self-love
If you've felt conflicted about whether or not you're being selfish by finally putting yourself first in your life, this episode is for you. I include the best definition I've heard yet about selfishness VS self-love, and clean up any confusion that is making you feel guilty...so you can start...
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Ep.28: Why it can feel scary to love yourself
We usually know exactly what kind of person we do NOT want to be. We live in fear of being a mean, selfish, unloving person... so we avoid doing anything that might make us come off that way. But this fear is often the very thing that is stopping us from learning how to love ourselves. I talk…
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Ep.27: Your responsibility as a significant other
As partner-pleasers, we often assume that our responsibility as a significant other is to keep our partners happy as we possibly can. When this becomes our main unspoken goal, we struggle to love ourselves, to find our own identities -- because we are so afraid of "neglecting" our partners by not...
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Ep.26: Partner-pleasing & perfectionism
I'm messy, disorganized, creative, chaotic! So I denied having any kind of perfectionist tendencies -- EVER... until I realized how much I was secretly expecting myself to be "perfect" in my relationship. I'd always thought this was a good thing for my relationship. But it was actually creating...
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Ep.25: Who do you want to be in your relationship?
When our relationship feels like an emotional rollercoaster, it's because we're giving our partner too much control. It may feel like we have no other choice but to feel and act a certain way when something happens in our relationship, but there is always a better option. The question is: what...
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Ep.24: How to balance self-love in a relationship
How do we make sure that we're not neglecting our partner, while still giving ourselves the right about of self-love? This is a common worry that we have when shifting our behavior in our relationship, and I explain it all in this episode. You'll learn what real balance in a relationship is, why...
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Ep.23: Romanticizing the right things
So, you know that living to please someone else isn't working out in your favor...but it feels so hard to stop. It feels like you're against yourself, like you need to please in order to feel better. I totally get it. There's nothing wrong with you... you're just romanticizing the wrong things!…
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Ep.22: REAL Self-Love... how to actually do it right and well
Self-love isn't just something you do, it's the WAY that you do it that makes it "work" or not. I used to feel super inspired by self-love influencers, only to feel disappointed and disillusioned while trying to do the same thing in my own life. I thought something was wrong with me -- until I...
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Ep.21: How partners react when we start putting ourselves first
A common question I get is how my boyfriend reacted and how my relationship shifted once I began to put myself first. It *is* scary and risky to change the dynamic of our relationships, but it's necessary in order to create a heathier and happier way of being. I share what happened in my own…
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Ep.20: What is the purpose of life...(if it isn't to please someone else)?
I thought it was to make my parents happy, make my partner happy, do what I was told, become what my family wanted me to do. BUT. At the same time... I really just wanted to enjoy my life. And this was a tug-of-war that went on inside me for years. Because striving to please others FELT like such…
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Ep.19: Being present while traveling (instead of partner-pleasing and constant worrying)
Traveling with boyfriends used to be a big deal in an anxiety-inducing way. I'd want everything to be perfect -- my outfits, our plans, our moods, his opinion of me... and even if things went well, I'd end up feeling robbed of my own enjoyment. Underneath all my efforts, I just wanted to have fun...
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Ep.18: When self-love feels boring and unfulfilling
Everyone talks about how good it's supposed to feel to do self-care, self-love, being your true self... so why does it feel so boring and unfulfilling at first? I missed the big exciting thrill of pleasing someone else and getting approval. This made me sad. Am I doing something wrong? Am I…
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Ep:17 When are you ACTUALLY being your true self?
If you're not being your true self while people-pleasing...when are you being your true self? Is it when you're home alone, laying on the couch and feeling exhausted? Or is it when you're around the people you're super close to? Or... is it something completely different? Being your true self is…
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Ep.16: Being a chameleon -- finding your own true colors should feel FUN
If you feel like your identity is made up of all the different people in your life… and you don’t know what it’s like to “just be yourself”… it’s not your fault! Society is set up to turn us into faded, mismatched, disjointed versions of ourselves, and no one teaches us how to resist this while...
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Ep.15: Your weird traits are important and special if you want to love yourself
If you've been doing a lot of *serious* self-help, therapy, and self-seeking...and you still feel like you don't know how to love and be yourself -- it's probably because it's time to let loose and embrace the "weird" things about yourself! The quirky, nonsensical, different, imperfect things…
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Ep.14: Turning your anger into artistry
If you're always trying to hide down your "negative" emotions in the name of putting on a perfect and happy face for everyone else... this might actually be making your moods more difficult to handle! In this episode I talk about how anger is actually a step up from sadness, how things backfired...
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Ep.13: The ART of being yourself
If you are a social chameleon, a people/partner-pleaser... you probably have a GREAT mindset for success. What?!... I know. Whether you are aware of it or not, the fact that you change yourself for others is a beautiful, empowering quality...you just have to learn how to harness it to serve...
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Ep.12: Other people's opinions about you
This is the first in a series on ✧･ﾟCONFIDENCE*✧! I've struggled with self-doubt and fear of people's opinions to the point where I felt like I would morph depending on who I was with, and I didn't know how to relax and be myself -- no matter how hard I tried. I realized that I had to first…
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Ep.11: My top secret daily practice for staying true to myself
*This one is a show-and-tell, so you might prefer to watch on Youtube! (Link below)* I often get asked about what daily practices I use to stay true to myself, and here is one of *thee* biggest ones that has been absolutely revolutionary for me. It was also something I once wanted no one to ever...
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Ep.10: How to be attracted to yourself
What does it mean to attract yourself, and feel attractive AS yourself? As partner-pleasers we spend so much time trying to be attractive for others, yet we never actually get to the place where we feel good and self-confident all on our own. In this episode I talk about what it is to feel...
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Ep.9: The truth about being your true self
Nobody teaches us how to be our true selves... in fact, they just say "be true to you!" as though it should be easy. And so we judge ourselves for struggling to understand how to do it -- which doesn't help. Here I share 5 things I learned about being true to myself that really helped me…
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Ep.8: Let your partner show you who they really are
How do you show up as your "coolest self" when you've been hurt in the past? How do you not let the baggage follow you into your new, healthier relationship? Answer: Let your partner show you who they really are. In this episode I talk about my own experience in struggling to trust again, how I...
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Ep.7: Feeling more secure in your relationship
One of the hardest truths partner-pleasers have to face is that a relationship is always a risk. There is nothing you can actually do to ensure that you'll never get hurt...which is a very scary feeling. But there is a better way to not only feel more secure, but take ownership over your security...
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Ep.6: Questioning what you believe in your relationship
No one usually teaches us how to be in a relationship -- we just gather beliefs and ideas about love by watching others, movies and shows, and our own assumptions. And then we go into a relationship just assuming that these things we believe are true. But what if they're actually creating more...
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Ep.5: Does your life make sense?
One of the biggest signs that you have lost yourself in your relationship is when your life no longer makes sense. What does it mean to have a life that makes sense? And why is it so important? And what do you do to start making a non-sensical life start making sense again? I share my own story…
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Ep.4: The wisdom of people who piss you off
Do you find yourself being annoyed at folks who are loud, picky, celebrating their accomplishments, and who don't smile back? Me too. But I realized that deep down, I was pissed off because of something that I needed more of -- not because those people needed to do less. Here's how you can use...
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Ep.3: How I went from thinking self-love was gross, to actually loving myself
Here I give you real life examples of how I used “my coolest self” to deal with my relationships in a much more loving, healthy, empowered way. I’d reached the point where I had tried everything (for my partners) in attempt to improve the relationship, and I was at my wit’s end. But there was ONE...
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Ep.2: The missing piece to self-love, confidence, and identity in our relationships
The reason why we're so needy, jealous, moody, & self-conscious is because we only feel like our "higher self" when we're with our partner. We have a human need to to self-actualize -- to reach our fullest potential. So when being with our partner makes us feel like we are becoming a higher…
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Ep.1: Permission to believe that there's a cool "you" (beyond your partner!)
I talk about how I gave myself permission when no one else around me understood, and I encourage you to start acknowledging that all your "weirdness", your quirks, your personality... are all super important cues and clues to your truest self. Watch this Episode!: https://youtu.be/rzGM31CfR3A My...
About this show
Have you tried everything to be happier in your relationship... except having self-love? After losing herself in romantic relationships, not knowing how to be herself, and feeling like self-love was gross; Tracy now helps frustrated significant others to stop worrying so much about pleasing their partners -- and to actually learn how to have self-love while being in their relationship.
Hosted by
Tracy Konane