PODCAST · society
IF I MAY BE SO BOLD
by Daniel Epstein
If you’re like us, you didn’t grow up in an emotionally honest home. Because of this, having healthy relationships as adults has sometimes felt impossible. On this podcast, be a fly on the wall as we, Dan and Justin (a real life couple), learn how to love each other and ourselves unconditionally. Often it’s messy: we overthink, try to control each other, and fall into old patterns. But each time we work through it, something happens on the other side— more closeness, deepening, humor, and a new understanding of the word “love”.Insta: @iimbsbEmail: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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61
Trying to Feel Better Makes It Worse
Dan wonders how to give up on pointing himself towards external recognition and find an internal compass. Then Justin tries to help him find clarity on his relationship to musical-theatre. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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60
Generation of Demure Men
Justin gets down to the center of her fear of aging and Dan explores his desire to embody "Queen" energy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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59
My Inner Critic is Way Sneakier Than I Thought
Justin explores her love of physical humor (and why The Naked Gun remake really works for her), while Dan shares what he’s been uncovering about his inner critic, and a surprising insight he had about tennis partner dynamics. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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58
Savvy But Not Wise
WE. ARE. BACK. Justin shares about reverence and having a "calling." Then she reads Dan a list of baby names that she wrote in 2014.Respond to prompts in the show by leaving us a voice message: https://www.speakpipe.com/IIMBSBINSTA: @iimbsbEmail: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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57
Our Origin Story (Start Here)
This episode is our origin story, and the best way to understand what this podcast is.How we met, nearly didn’t make it, and then found our way.If you want a feel for the spirit of the show, this is the place to begin. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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56
Raise Your Hand If You Feel Like A Scared Little Baby
Season 4 Finale! Dan talks through the shame and insecurity that has been coming up for him. Then the couple explores an uncomfortable dynamic that came up at the LA Sparks game earlier this week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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55
Gentleness is Disgusting
Dan and Justin wonder why men are turned off by CHATGPT being too sweet and nice to them. Then they explore the idea of softening in like and in relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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54
RESCUE ME FROM MY PITIFUL STUPID EXISTENCE
Justin shares about feeling closed off and unloving this week. Then the couple processes a recurring fake interaction they've been having. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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53
Have We Learned How To Fight Yet?
Dan and Justin do some role-play around a dynamic that happens between them that Justin doesn't like.INSTA: @iimbsbEmail: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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52
Being Hot Keeps The Grief At Bay
Dan talks about his past judgments towards men being outwardly loving. Then Justin explores her relationship to her looks past and present. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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51
I’ve Never Been there? Probably Doesn’t Exist
Justin asks Dan to articulate what coming out of denial feels like. Then Justin recounts how Dan’s recovery used to spin her out. INSTA: @iimbsbEmail: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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50
When It’s Me It’s Lame
Justin and Dan discuss an ugly dynamic that used to come up for them and speculate on why it's different now. Then Justin talks about feelings that have been coming up around the lineage of “victimhood” for women in her family, and her resistance to looking back on he twenties. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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49
It'll Suck and I’m Gonna Hate It The Whole Time
Dan describes how he broke through an emotional barrier with some help from ChatGPT. Then the couple shares a major announcement before we hear them work through a fight in real time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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48
Scrambling The Sacred
Dan and Justin talk about their relationship to being funny and how it's changing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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47
We Have To Get Back To The Dogs
Dan talks to Justin about the struggle he's had making contact with his inner child. They then explore the burden of feeling like it's your job to make the conversation fun, and the trap of filling up your life with responsibilities in order to feel safe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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46
Trust Me I KNOW I'm a Piece of Sh*t
Dan and Justin talk about the rabbit hole of healing and recovery work and the fear of sounding like you’ve been brainwashed to some people. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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45
He Died This Excruciating Death for Me (A Piece of Sh*t)
Dan describes his torturous and confusing process of deciding to put Rickey the dog down. Then Justin and Dan talk about having a relationship with a higher power and how it stands in contrast to their childhood experiences with religion Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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44
Do You Love The Hater In Me?
Justin and Dan talk about the New York Times article about a woman who’s in an intimate relationship with CHATGPT. Then they recount a charged experience they had this week on a zoom call with a tantra teacher. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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43
An Unstoppable Force Meets An Immovable Object
Dan tells Justin about a narrative he's been having in his head in which she's miserable right now. Then they discuss their respective relationships to spontaneity before kind of gettin into a fight right at the end of the episode! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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42
The Funniest Boy In The Group Chat
Dan and Justin discuss why they were so moved by a recent rewatch of the 2001 movie "A Beautiful Mind." Then they explore the pitfall of getting stuck in a "role self" and how it can doom an intimate partnership which leads them into reflecting back on periods of major doubt in their own relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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41
My Breath Catches and I Supress a Sob
Dan and Justin discuss if either or both of them are good in a crisis and then talk through a recurring negative cycle they used to often suffer through and why it's different now. We then hear about Dan's "cool" morning ritual and the song Justin has been singing to her inner child. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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40
Don't Ruin My Special Bath Time
Justin and Dan break down a pattern of fighting that has been happening since they returned from New York. Justin lashes out, Dan recoils, everyone loses. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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39
Throwing Up in Public
Hi! Today Justin and Dan listen to a voice memo of a real fight reconciliation of theirs and reflect back on what went down. They also revisit an uncomfortable confrontation from nearly five years ago when they had first started dating. Justin then shares her huge vomiting in public win and they recap their wildly connecting New Years Eve night out and how it shed light on past struggles. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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38
Are We Doing Good Or Are We Doing Bad?
Dan and Justin lost their close friend a few weeks ago and talk about what's been coming up around his death. Then they discuss why getting covid (and the state of their relationship) this year feels SO different than last year before rating how much they like each other and name what's been "saving their marriage." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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37
Object Of Love
Who taught YOU how to fight? What happens when we desperately cling to good feelings? Justin and Dan break down why they've struggled to have conflict in past relationships. They also talk subtle abandonment, sneaky denial, and the freedom available when you move away from codependency. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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36
Do You Wanna Fight?
After a false start, we are finally ready to give you Season 4! This season will center around Dan and Justin learning to fight. It's November and Justin is Flyinggg. She recounts a recent rough patch in which she was hating her appearance and struggling with her identity and self-esteem, and what it feels like to be on the other side of that. Then they talk through a recent incident where something Justin did upset Dan and how they both made sense of it during and afterwards. Lastly we hear about how some of Dan's trauma and hyper-vigilance has been showing up on the pickleball court. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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35
You Can't Give Your Partner Their Own Healing
OK kids we're back!Dan and Justin rate how much they like each other at the moment and give some relationship highs and lows from the recent past. Justin shares a new mantra she's been trying out and they explore what it's like to be in a relationship when both partners are in fear. Then Dan share's something that happens to him when he's around "sports guys." Thanks for being here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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34
The Evangelical Urge
Season 4 is here! Dan and Justin are back and getting more real than ever. They discuss the binary of seeking versus acceptance, Justin's Spanish teacher's feelings towards PHANTOM THREAD, the state of the relationship, and Justin wonders if it's safe for her to participate in an exercise program. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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33
Your Anxiety Doesn't have To Be My Anxiety
We got a shorty for you today. Followed by a singing voice message from Justin's mom, Justin and Dan discuss the ADHD boom/bust cycle, Dan's chaotic nightstand, and then have an honest and at times uncomfortable conversation about something that happened between them while attending a play for Justin's birthday. Anxiety! Autonomy! Parts Work! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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32
Justin Bieber's Birthday (and Letting Go of People Pleasing)
Hey! SO much has happened since last we spoke. Embracing conflict! Moving away from people pleasing behavior! Getting in the arena of life! Get in the water's warm cutie babies.@iimbsbhttps://www.patreon.com/iimbsb Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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31
S3 Finale! Getting Real About What's Not Working
Ok folks, this is the real sh*t. Justin and Dan get into it about their struggles with avoidance and disconnection in the last several months. How can they find each other when things aren't flowing? Is there a way through the struggle? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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30
Believing In Your Own Goodness (Ramesh Srivastava of Voxtrot Returns!)
Ramesh is back! And this time he is in a relationship; we dig into it. He tells Dan what he learned from his long tortured history of falling for unavailable men, and what it's like to experience committed love now that he's found it. Spoiler: it's complicated!Check out "Another Fire," Voxtrot's first new release in 14 years!If you are interested in working with Krish and/or Amana you can find them here: https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/The podcaster/therapist Ramesh references is Ken Page of the Deeper Dating Podcast: https://deeperdatingpodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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29
BREAKING: Quirky ENFP Boyfriend Turns Out To Be A Control Freak
Wow there is SO much going on in Episode 8. Justin and Dan process their respective revelations from the last week. What does it really mean to be cringe? Then they dive into the topic of CONTROL. What did control look like in each of Justin and Dan's families growing up and how is it coming into play in their connection and relationship dysfunction. Then they touch on some of the amazing merits of the 12-Step program ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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28
How Becoming A Mom Changes You (With Maya Vizvary)
We get the lowdown from our dear friend Maya Vizvary (Office On Violence Against Women at the DOJ) about her experience becoming a mom during deep covid. She tells us how having a kid changed her relationship to herself, her work, and to those close to her. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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27
Tantra Retreats, Waking Up To Life, and Friend Break-Ups (with Sarah Natsumi Moore)
With wise person Sarah Natsumi Moore, we cover a bunch or irresistible topics. She tells us about attending life-changing Tantra retreats in Brazil, dating after a marriage, the enneagram, and the power and pain of friend breakups. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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26
Dating While Trans, Being Dan’s Ex, and Wondering If Nonhierarchical Dating Is Real
We interview one of Dan's exes (ahhh!): activist and soon-to-be abolitionist lawyer Jac Lyons. We hear about Dan and Jack's relationship and breakup(s) Then we ask Jack about their journey of identity; coming out, leaving their femme presentation behind, and eventually realizing that they are trans. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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25
Wherever You Go There You Are: Temptation Island Edition
Justin shares a huge breakthrough she had at a party last weekend. Dan and Justin explore how childhood wounds are showing up in their relationship and what they believe about them. Then they check in on Season 5 of USA/Peacock's Temptation Island. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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24
Your ADHD Brain isn't Broken (With Dr. Tamara Rosier)
It’s an ADHD party! Dan and Justin welcome midwestern queen and delightful author of Your Brain's Not Broken, Dr. Tamara Rosier to the pod. We talk navigating life, relationships, and emotions with ADHD.Insta: https://www.instagram.com/dr.tamararosier/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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23
Jonah Hill, Sarah Brady, and What Could've Been
On this bonus episode, we tackle some big, juicy themes. After sharing some recent wins and realizations,(1:02) Dan and Justin weigh in and discuss the notorious screenshot texts between Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady (15:04). What do the texts say about Jonah and the power dynamic at play in their relationship? Justin and Dan then each take a crack at what Jonah could've said (35:33) to Sarah to engender intimacy and understanding around this issue they were having. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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22
Come To Temptation Island
Justin and Dan check in about Dan's depression and how they are both navigating it within the relationship. Dan and Justin visit (watch on TV) Season 5 of Temptation Island. It's juicy, it's messy, it's BOLD! We hear their thoughts on the setup of the show, the contestants, and the relationship dynamics at play. Dive in, the water's warm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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21
How Enneagram Can Save Your Relationship (With Amanda Clegg)
Our guest Amanda Clegg (@enneagraminrelationship) coaches couples through the lens of The Enneagram of Personality. She tells us how this tool can unlock some amazingly helpful insights and empower couples to understand each other more deeply. Dan and Justin also describe their respective types and some areas of difficulty they have run into recently. FREE ENNEAGRAM QUIZ: Keep in mind that the quiz isn't 100% reliable. It's helpful to do some reading about the different types to figure out yours.https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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20
If You Can Say The Thing That's Under The B*tchiness
Trouble in paradise?! Justin and Dan talk through the latest obstacles their relationship has faced and the struggle to communicate through it all. Other topics covered: Is Celsius a symbol of Pride month? Is it legal to talk about "Nature Vs. Nurture?" Being brought to tears by Shania Twain, and asshole couple behavior. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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19
Will I Be Thrown Out of The Boat if I Step on The Oar?
We are checking in as we excitedly await the start of Season 3! Dan and Justin reflect on the challenges of learning to live together and how it feels to grieve the "honeymoon period" of their relationship. They also compare notes on being diagnosed with ADHD in their 30s before Justin speaks on her struggles with adult acne. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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18
Michael and Christine
It's our season finale! This is a very special episode; an oral history of a couple as told by the couple themselves. Michael and Christine were together for 13 years before deciding to part ways 5 years ago. Today we ask them about what brought them together and the roles they each played in the relationship and its eventual unraveling as they now work towards a healthy friendship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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17
"That's Pretty Gay!"
We are joined by the iconic Shirley Braha (of @marniethedog fame) as we hear about her experience coming out as a lesbian in her late 30s. We hear about her first kiss(es), her challenges attending an Orthodox Jewish high school in Brooklyn, and dive into the astrological tensions of Princess Diana and Prince Charles. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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16
Tales From Reddit Vol. 2
In this episode Justin describes her transformative evening at the Harry Styles show before she and Dan briefly touch on the concept of "womb envy." After that, they dive back into the "Relationship Advice" Subreddit discussing a 30-something who's suspicious of an interaction she observed between her sister and husband, and an entry involving someone who's distressed over the constant feedback she gets that her boyfriend is ugly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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15
If You're Really Sorry, I Wanna See Some Of That Money In My Bank Account
In this episode we give you the second half of our chat with Hannah Smith (1:40) exploring the implications of Josh Harris's book I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. We hear how Justin and and Hannah have continued to reshape their relationships to sexuality after growing up in repressive Christian communities. In the second half (28:25), Justin and Dan dig into chapter 2 of Esther Perel's MATING IN CAPTIVITY. We look at Esther's belief that too much intimacy, closeness, and comfort can be the death of passion and sexual vitality. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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14
We Kiss, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Goodbye
In the first half of our two-part discussion, we welcome our friend Hannah Smith: host of the hit true-crime podcast THE OPPORTUNIST. As teens, Justin and Hannah both read the books of Joshua Harris including the best-selling sensation I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. Join us as we unpack the impact this book had on both Justin and Hannah when they first read it. We look at its messaging, context, and Josh Harris's pivot away from the Evangelical Christian community and renunciation of the book. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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13
Security AND Erotic Vitality
As relationships become more familiar over time, can we continue to cultivate passion, vitality, and sexual desire? With Justin's move-in date just around the corner, we give you first installment of our dive into Esther Perel's incredible book Mating In Captivity. For those of you reading along, we are covering the introduction and first chapter here. Justin and Dan take excerpts from the book and use them to examine their own dynamic and look back on times when things have not flowed as easily between them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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12
The Religious Expectation That You Have Your Sh*t Together
In this special episode, Justin sits down with her mom, artist and teacher Rebecca Waring, to talk about the evolution of their relationship. They discuss their religious upbringings, what has kept them from being close in the past, going to therapy together, and how to deal with intergenerational wounds. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
If you’re like us, you didn’t grow up in an emotionally honest home. Because of this, having healthy relationships as adults has sometimes felt impossible. On this podcast, be a fly on the wall as we, Dan and Justin (a real life couple), learn how to love each other and ourselves unconditionally. Often it’s messy: we overthink, try to control each other, and fall into old patterns. But each time we work through it, something happens on the other side— more closeness, deepening, humor, and a new understanding of the word “love”.Insta: @iimbsbEmail: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
HOSTED BY
Daniel Epstein
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