PODCAST · tv
If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me
by Daniel
The Buffy podcast you need but not the one you want. Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beepmepod/support beepmepod.substack.com
Episodes
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7.22 – "Chosen"
Welcome to Boca del Infierno, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, for the final time, we come to terms with the end of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the series finale, “Chosen.” In this episode (broken into two parts), we look into the abyss and it looks back, only brighter…
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7.21 – "End of Days"
Welcome to Brekenkrieg Grimoire, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we act like lame, moronic humans who never quit and keep podcasting as we talk about the penultimate episode of Buffy: “End of Days.” In this episode, we stuff our faces with Jaffa Cakes and try not to talk...
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7.20 – "Touched"
Welcome to Illuminata, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we reach for Season 7, Episode 20: “Touched.” In this episode, we touch on: * Plot and Firsts (2:30) * Initial Thoughts (9:30) * How Are Buffy and Faith’s Plans Different? (18:30) * Being A Hostage at Fort Buffy...
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7.19 – "Empty Places"
Welcome to Uranium 235, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we hop aboard the USS Buffy Summers on her final voyage for the frustrating “Empty Places.” In this episode, we’re luckier than you to talk about: * Breaking News (3:15) * Plot and Firsts (7:20) * Initial Thoughts...
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7.18 – "Dirty Girls"
Welcome to Magic for Beginners, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we come to work part-time only to be fired again alongside “Dirty Girls.” In this episode, we sermonize on: * Plot and Firsts (3:00) * Initial Thoughts (14:45) * Running into danger / burden of leadership...
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7.17 – "Lies My Parents Told Me"
Welcome to Delothrian’s Arrow, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go boring, old, and English with “Lies My Parents Told Me” In this episode, we cover the following in a Slayer/Watcher, Spike/Mother dynamic: * Plot and Firsts — with an Angel update (2:40) * Initial...
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7.16 – "Storyteller"
Welcome to The Big Skedaddle, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, as fugitives haunted by our past, we talk “Storyteller.” In this episode, we place our thoughts in the drawer with the other utensils: Mario Asides (2:00) Plot and Firsts (7:30) Initial Thoughts (17:30)…
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7.15 – "Get It Done"
Welcome to Fisherman’s Nuggets with Cheese, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we begin our semi-annual percolation with “Get It Done.” In this episode, we get nowhere near: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (9:00) The Kennedy Grace Train Has Ended — Potential Trash,...
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7.14 – "First Date"
Welcome to Mr. Bits, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we take a huge bite of peaches and brandy and bliss out to “First Date.” In this episode, we love it when you look at us, baby: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (14:00) Chips Ahoy - Spike (18:30) First Date —...
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7.13 – "Killer In Me"
Welcome to House of Chicks, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go on a date with a teenager and talk about “The Killer in Me.” In this episode, we wonder what’s the point: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Angel Update (”Salvage”) (13:00) Initial Thoughts (17:00) Amy (29:00)…
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7.12 – "Potential"
Welcome to A Big Furry Hurry, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we oscillate between nothing special and extraordinary with “Potential.” In this episode, we we didn’t mean “Potential Sailors,” when we talk: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (10:30) Philosopher Drill...
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7.11 – "Showtime"
Welcome to Claddagh Ring, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we’re treading water stylistically as we talk “Showtime” In this episode, we offer sexual bribery to: Plot and Firsts (4:00) Initial Thoughts (11:00) Potentials (13:30) Potential Liabilities (20:30) How A Slayer...
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7.10 – "Bring on the Night"
Welcome to The Glove of Myhnegon, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we grab shovels to help in the basement at Sunnydale High in “Bring on the Night.” In this episode, we run down the backstreets of Sunnydale screaming: Plot and Firsts (3:00) Farewell to Joyce (13:00)...
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7.9 – "Never Leave Me"
Welcome to Vampy Cat, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we tie ourselves to a chair and talk about “Never Leave Me.” In this episode, we prime the pump about: Plot and Firsts (2:45) Initial Thoughts (11:30) How Does The Council? (13:30) Why Do They Hate Buffy So Much?...
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7.8 – "Sleeper"
Welcome to Orbs of Nezzla'Khan, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we dig up 634 Hoffman Terrace to see what secrets we’ve hid in “Sleeper.” In this episode, we break ground for: JAG aside (2:00) Plot and Firsts (5:30) Initial Thoughts (15:00) Spike’s Killing People, How...
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7.7 – "Conversations with Dead People"
Welcome to Cool Monster Footer, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we squeak our way through the horrors of conversations, with dead people. In this episode, we talk a lot about November 12, 2002… Plot and Firsts (2:30) Electric Meat-Jelly’s Initial Thoughts (17:00) Willow...
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7.6 – "Him"
Welcome to Chocolate Hurricane, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we put on the proverbial letterman and talk about “Him.” In this episode, we muse about: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (13:20) Does RJ Know the Jacket is Cursed/Blessed?: A Logistical Survey…
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7.5 – "Selfless"
Welcome to The Dagger of Lex, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we explore grievance, loss, betrayal and if our friends do a good enough job talking to one another. That’s right, it’s time for the hard cut of hard cuts with “Selfless.” In this episode, we examine: Plot and...
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7.4 – "Help"
Welcome to Murnenfurm Report, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we don’t rest on our laurels — it’s an episode filled with fate, futility, destiny, failure and death. (And also, Cassie!) Come along for the ride. In this episode, we hit upon: Plot and Firsts (2:40) Initial...
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7.3 – "Same Time, Same Place"
Welcome to Bristow’s Demon Index, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we flail about in metaphorical labyrinths looking for “Same Time, Same Place.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:30) Initial Thoughts (23:00) Quick Game: Willow’s Recent Misdeeds — Reasonable or...
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7.2 – "Beneath You"
Welcome to Miss Edith, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we long for forgiveness and love in “Beneath You.” In this episode, we talk Plot and Firsts (1:40) Initial Thoughts (18:00) We Gotta Talk Spike… (23:00) Our Withholding Slayer (32:20) Selective Lucidity? (37:00) Does...
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7.1 – "Lessons"
Welcome to Big Freaky Cereal Boxes of Death, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we learn some things about ourselves in Season 7’s premiere, “Lessons.” In this episode, we talk Plot and Firsts and Endurance Facts (2:45) Initial Thoughts — and a treatise on power (24:15)...
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6.22 – "Grave"
Welcome to Lesbian Gay-type Lovers, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we close out Season 6 by trying to resurrect the temple of Proserpexa in your local beer cooler! In this episode, we all, together, in the same room (!), discuss: Plot and Firsts (3:30) Initial Thoughts...
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6.21 – "Two to Go"
Welcome to Less Confusing Waffles, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we accelerate our descent into Willow’s dark heart with “Two to Go.” In this episode, we have a few points: Bill Norton, Plot and Firsts (1:40) Initial Thoughts (18:00) The Plot Demands We Talk About the...
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6.20 – "Villains"
Welcome to The Lover’s Wiccas, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we explore grief with Willow in “Villains.” In this episode, we get heated about Plot and Firsts and “Contested Facts” (2:20) Initial Thoughts + talking this episode in the era of prestige TV (21:45) We all...
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6.19 – "Seeing Red"
Welcome to The Big Pineapple, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week the episode and try not to cry… as Kelly says, “When I was 14, these two characters, Willow and Tara, meant more to me than real-life human beings…” In this episode, we waddle through: Plot and Firsts and…
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6.18 – "Entropy"
Welcome to Urn of Ishtar, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we confused entropy with atrophy and talk about a twenty year old television show. In this episode, we talk Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (10:20) Xander Unloading (17:45) Does Xander hate demons, or love...
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6.17 – "Normal Again"
Welcome to A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we create a latticework of discussion around the great “Normal Again.” In this episode, we screw up the courage to discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial…
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6.16 – "Hell's Bells"
Welcome to Interfector Mortis, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we celebrate love and loss in the wedding of the century with “Hell’s Bells.” In this episode, we vow to discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (11:20) We Can’t Go Back? Xander Harris (19:15) Oil…
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6.15 – "As You Were"
Welcome to Ferula Gemina, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go robot commando with our bestie Riley and his boo in “As You Were.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (9:30) Why does this episode exist? (13:00) Is this a fantasy? Less person...
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6.14 – "Older and Far Away"
Welcome to Twilight Compendium, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go to a “party” with new friends in “Older and Far Away” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:25) Initial Thoughts (9:00) Dawn’s shoplifting in response to abandonment? (18:15) Anya’s meltdown...
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6.13 – "Dead Things"
Welcome to Hebron’s Almanac, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we dedicate our productivity to a CLASSIC episode, “Dead Things.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:30) Initial Thoughts (9:45) False Memories (16:00) Friends better off if Buffy never came back?...
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6.12 – "Doublemeat Palace"
Welcome to Order of Taraka, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we see how well the cow and the chicken get along over at the Doublemeat Palace, in “Doublemeat Palace.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:30) Initial Thoughts (8:30) Fast Food Scandals (plus…
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6.11 – "Gone"
Welcome to The Black Chronicles, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we haunt the arcade in “Gone.” In this episode, we talk Plot and Firsts (2:30) Initial Thoughts (7:30) Invisibility (12:30) invisibility spells (21:00), invisibility tech (25:00), social invisibility…
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6.10 – "Wrecked"
Welcome to The Idol of Oofdar, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we wake up in our fucked down house and jump in a car with Willow in “Wrecked.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:45) Initial Thoughts (8:00) Operation Artichoke (12:00) Dawn (24:10) Willow (29:10)...
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6.9 – "Smashed"
Welcome to Meteors and You, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we f**k a house down with “Smashed” In this episode, we marvel at this being better than we thought: Plot and Firsts (2:30) Fun Facts, from Stacia! (6:30) Initial Thoughts (11:00) Buffy//Willow talk (20:00)...
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6.8 – "Tabula Rasa"
Welcome to Blood Rite and Sacrifice, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we lose our memories and wipe the slate clean with “Tabula Rasa.” In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (1:30) Initial Thoughts (7:00) Memory and Memory Loss (12:30) A Huge Dive into Tara, Willow,...
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6.7 – "Once More, With Feeling"
Welcome to The Book of Tarnis, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, after five years of waiting, the great “Once More, With Feeling.” In this episode, we go way too deep on: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (9:30) The TV Musical — pre-Buffy, animation, “musical” in…
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6.6 – "All The Way"
Welcome to The Sunnydale Class of ‘99, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week... In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (7:00) Mr. Kaltenbach (10:00) Candy scares, Glico (13:10) Parking with Vampires (30:45) Bad, Bad Willow (46:45) Was this the first...
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6.5 – "Life Serial"
Welcome to The Word of Valios, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we try to make ourselves productive in the workforce in “Life Serial.” In this episode, we talk Plot and Firsts (1:45) Initial Thoughts (9:30) What are jobs? Well, a job. Saturation divers (12:30) What would...
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6.4 – "Flooded"
Welcome to The Shadow Men, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we fix the leak without Tito in “Flooded.” In this episode, we discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Plumbing (11:15) Initial Thoughts (27:30) Feeling protective of Buffy (36:00) Big discussion of finances & Anya’s...
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6.3 – "After Life"
Welcome to This One Starbucks Town, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we sit in the shade as Buffy contemplates her renewed existence in "After Life." In this episode, we discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (8:00) Ghost Hunters — the Warrens (13:00) Our...
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6.2 – "Bargaining, Part 2"
Welcome to A Town-wide Epidemic of Laryngitis, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we continue the resurrection of Ms. Summers with Part 2 of "Bargaining." In this episode, we end our season premiere: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (10:00) Nikolai Fyodorovich…
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6.1 – "Bargaining, Part 1"
Welcome to Arashmahar, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we return to Sunnydale, like Buffy, with "Bargaining, Part 1" In this episode, we discuss: Plot and Firsts (3:00) Angel Update (12:00) Initial Feelings (16:00) Dadaism (21:30) Giles (31:00) Better not to resurrect...
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Season 6 – Coming soon!
Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for Buffy and Co, Beep Me Pod will be delayed for about a month. Look for weekly episodes in November as we sprint to catch up with the season! Thanks for understanding! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers…
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5.22 – "The Gift"
Welcome to Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we've finally made it to the end of Season 5, "The Gift." In this episode, we talk: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Angel Update (9:30) Initial Thoughts (20:00) Talkin' Prophecy Girl…
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5.21 – "The Weight of the World"
Welcome to I'm Not Wearing Underwear, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, the penultimate fifth season episode, "The Weight of the World." In this episode, we're disappointed in the following order: Plot and Firsts (1:30) Initial Thoughts (10:00) Ben and Glory b******t...
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5.20 – "Spiral"
Welcome to I'll Bring the Marshmallows, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we aim for the horsies in "Spiral." In this episode: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (7:00) The timeline (9:30) Knights Questions (18:00) Buffy, the realist — Scoobies on the Run (23:30)…
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5.19 – "Tough Love"
Welcome to Black Frost, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we swim with a cast of extras against some multicultural fair in "Tough Love." In this episode, we discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (9:00) Kelly thinks about Season 1 (18:00) Twinkie Defense (25:30)...
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5.18 – "Intervention"
Welcome to You Have Something Face, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we return to the robotics realm with "Intervention." In this episode, we discuss: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (11:00) Balancing humor and seriousness (14:00) Hokey Pokey (19:00) Buffy's job…
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me have?
If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me currently has 146 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me about?
The Buffy podcast you need but not the one you want. Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beepmepod/support beepmepod.substack.com
How often does If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me release new episodes?
If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me publishes regularly with 146 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me?
You can listen to If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me?
If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me is created and hosted by Daniel.
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