Ill-Advised with Jessica Ell

I sheepishly raise my hand and acknowledge that I have been known to repeat a cycle one too many times. I'm in awe of those of you who get burned once and stop touching the stove. How are you spending all that free time that isn't spent on wound dressing?But since I seem destined to learn the hard way, I was mercifully given the gift of being outrageously intelligent and able to learn my lessons very thoroughly. That's what this episode is about: Learning something so thoroughly that you're able to say -- for real, this time -- This Will Never Happen to Me Again.

Ever think about recapping your life by the numbers? Here's my life in October, by the numbers.

In this episode, I'm chatting with Kim Langling, a former marketing and sales director turned author and podcast host. We're delving into Kim's journey of overcoming fear, adapting during COVID-19, and launching the 'Let Fear Bounce' podcast. Kim shares her insights on making significant life changes, trusting intuition, and the power of faith and kindness. Tune in for an inspiring conversation about resilience, personal growth, and the small acts of kindness that can make a big impact.Connect with Kim - KimLenglingAuthor.com ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/SheJoin the Ill-Advised email list: jessicaell.com/join Instagram: @thejessicaelljessicaell.com

In this episode, I'm talking to Genea Barnes, a performance coach who helps entrepreneurs grow their businesses and have fun doing it by expanding their Success Zone. Genea is also the host of the Be The Wolf podcast, where she talks to inspiring entrepreneurs about how they’ve created success by being the most authentic expressions of themselves.  Tune in to our conversation about leaps of faith, life-changing decisions, believing in yourself, and the reality of what it takes to grow a business.Connect with Genea: [free guide] Grow Your Business and Love Doing it with the 3 secrets the business gurus NEVER talk about: http://ideservethisgift.com/  Website: http://bethewolfnow.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geneabarnes/  Podcast- Be the Wolf: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/be-the-wolf/id1558786918 About Genea:Genea Barnes is a Performance Coach for Entrepreneurs, a Speaker, and Podcast Host.  She helps entrepreneurs scale their businesses and have fun doing it by expanding their Success Zone. This results in solid, steady growth while working less and using fewer sales, marketing, and money-making strategies.  Her custom state-of-the-art system saved her own business from financial ruin and is based on 20 years of experience, study, and training with leading experts. She's helped hundreds of people take their businesses and lives to the next level giving them time freedom, financial breakthroughs, and more joy. She believes that when you unleash the power of YOU, humanity evolves. ---jessicaell.com

Send us a textWondering why you feel so stuck over a decision? This episode highlights three common reasons it's hard to decide. It'll help you understand your debate at a level that goes deeper than simply weighing pros and cons and moving options around the table.By the end of this episode, you’ll have more awareness on your situation, and awareness is the first step to getting out of the indecision loop. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Ha...

Send us a textThree Characteristics of a "Right" DecisionAre you feeling overwhelmed by making big, life-altering decisions? In this episode of the Ill-Advised podcast, we delve into the question: "Am I making the right decision?" Learn about the three qualities that define a right decision - timing, intuition, and values alignment - to help you make confident and courageous choices.Whether you're deciding if you should quit your job, break up, or any significant life choice, this episod...

Send us a textFeeling trapped by outside circumstances? Big decisions seem even harder when we feel trapped or at the mercy of other people and our current reality. But stuckness is often a portal to decision-making magic and alchemy.Drawing from research, client experiences, and my own difficult decisions, I’ll share three steps to using stuckness as the catalyst from indecision to action. Learn how to detach from specific outcomes, broaden your options, and find peace “even if.” ---Work wi...

Send us a textEver feel like you can argue both sides of a decision? And does it ever feel like an absolute curse? You're probably high in trait ambivalence.In this episode, we explore how to feel better in states of uncertainty and indecision, especially if you have high trait ambivalence. We touch on the Frost Indecisiveness Scale and trait ambivalence, examining their impact on life's satisfaction and anxiety levels. Discover how to leverage your ability to see multiple perspectives for be...

Send us a textDo you ever feel overwhelmed by making big, permanent decisions? This can be anything from choosing where to live or who to marry (or who to leave). Join me for this episode of Ill-Advised for another way to choose when you feel trapped by high stakes options. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/SheJoin the Ill-Advised email list: jessicaell.com/join Instagram: @thejessicaelljessicaell.com

Send us a textAre you hesitant about making a hard decision and taking a leap of faith because it might not go as planned? That's what I'm talking about with my guest today. Mercedes Collins is the owner of Neurogen Brain Balancing East Valley in Chandler, Arizona. She provides high-performance neurofeedback therapy in downtown Chandler, but before opening this business, she took a leap of faith quitting a six-figure job to start an online financial education business.Takeaways from Mercedes:...

Send us a textIn this episode, I dive into the deep pain of indecision and the struggle of walking away from something that isn’t right for you. I reflect on my personal journey, including a pivotal moment when I chose not to attend law school, despite the immense pressure and expectations. Through this story, I explore the loneliness and complexity of making difficult decisions and the importance of listening to the part of you that knows what’s right.Key Takeaways:Indecision is Painful: The...

Send us a textHow often do you overlook feelings of unease? Don't - it's one of the most important decision-making tools in your "right life" kit. Recognizing and honoring a persistent, subtle sense of unease can indicate when you're veering off your path.Key Takeaways:Unease as a Decision-Making Tool: Unease, a quiet and persistent feeling, can serve as a crucial indicator that you’re moving in the wrong direction. It's often subtle and easy to overlook but vital to acknowledge.Disting...

Send us a textOne of the most profound shifts you can make in your orientation toward life is going from the burden of doubt to existing in a state of faith. And one of the best ways to make this shift is through leaps of faith.Key Takeaways: Putting down the burden of doubt often feels like relief. Freedom feels like relief."Drop your end of the rope" to experience being whisked along by life.Most people plan prematurely to escape doubt and anxiety, only to find this is a very temporary...

Send us a textThis episode is about the discomfort of indecision, how to relieve the pressure to make the “right” decision, fear and missed opportunities, and insights on being an Enneagram 6.Key TakeawaysExhaustion from Indecision: Indecision can be exhausting and maddening. The constant vacillation between options can drain your energy and hinder progress.No Right Decision: There's no such thing as the "right" decision. Instead, making any decision helps create momentum and opens up new opp...

Send us a textLet’s talk about the Side Hustle Catch-22, where it feels like your side business would succeed if you had the time to devote to it, but your day job actually pays the bills and it’s sucking up all your time and energy. It feels like you can’t let go of the job, but you NEED to let go in order for your business to grow.In this episode, we’re talking about this tricky place that many people find themselves in–whether it’s about leaving a job or a relationship or a city. We’ll cov...

Send us a textWe're always told to go after our dreams... but HOW? HOW are we supposed to do that? I've certainly wondered that, and so do many of my clients. They feel trapped in a Catch-22; one that's usually about time and money. So in this episode, we explore the "HOW?" behind taking a leap of faith, whether that's to transform your career, start a business, leave a relationship, or move to a new city. Key Takeaways:Small steps first: It always starts with stepping off a CURB, not flingin...

Send us a textToday, we dive into the powerful and sometimes challenging process of leaving behind unfulfilled goals when what you want changes.Key Takeaways:Understand the significance of changing your mind and adjusting your goals.Learn to recognize when to let go of outdated desires.The balance between commitment and freedom to changeEmbrace new aspirations and take steps toward them, even when the path isn't clear.Quotes:"So often, we are told we have to stick with things, but sometimes y...

Send us a textToday's episode is about the infrastructure that keeps you feeling "trapped" and how to break free from the things holding you back. If you feel stuck or unable to take a leap of faith, this episode is for you.Key Takeaways:Identify Your Golden Handcuffs: Recognize what’s making you feel stuck and understand both the benefits and costs of your life infrastructure.Start with Small Steps: Begin by letting go of simple commitments or habits that no longer serve you.Build Momentum: ...

Send us a textThis episode is a little bit of inspiration for when you’re thinking of taking a leap of faith.Listen to it when you’re standing at the precipice of a major change, you’re about to jump, and you aren’t sure what things will look like on the other side or if you’ll even make it to the other side.From the other side of the cliff, my wish for you is that the next time you are at the Point of Possibility, you’ll jump.Read the Point of Possibility blog post. ---Work with me 1:1 - Jes...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about the number one advice I give about taking leaps of faith, starting a new business, moving to a new city, or basically anything else you want to do that seems "crazy":Tune out the noise.Tune out other people's opinions. Tune out social media and what other people seem to be succeeding at. Stop consuming, watching, listening to anything that infects you with doubt.For more on this, read the companion blog post: The Most Vulnerable Thing You Can D...

Send us a textI used an old blog post as the springboard for this episode on self-pride and how useful the emotion of pride can be. And then I went on a bit of a side quest…So here are the two key takeaways from this episode:Takeaway A, from the blog post: Feeling proud of yourself is the best way to maximize your productivity and make progress on your goals. The secret is asking yourself the magic question: “How can I make myself proud in this?”Takeaway 2, from the side quest: At the heart o...

Send us a textWe need to talk about what happens when you get everything you want. We spend so much time striving and efforting and wanting that we barely have time to consider what happens AFTER the “getting.” What happens when you finally HAVE all (or most of) the things you want?Not happily ever after, but that’s okay.In this episode I’m talking about what happens when you get everything you want and… it isn’t as great as you thought it’d be. I’ll leave you with two things to do when you e...

Send us a textI'm talking today about Future Regret, a concept that has radically changed the way I live my life, from the criteria I use to make decisions, the guardrails that determine my behavior, and how I feel living in an uncertain world. In your past, if you regret not taking the risk, not moving to the city, not betting on yourself, not choosing love, those are flashing neon signs about how you can do things differently today and tomorrow.Because while you can’t change past regre...

Send us a text"Stop being old before you're old," and other lessons on living a damn full life from Jane Fonda. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/SheJoin the Ill-Advised email list: jessicaell.com/join Instagram: @thejessicaelljessicaell.com

Send us a textFor the first time in my life, I'm experiencing the magic of soul-level collaboration and partnership. This episode is an unscripted, unorganized reflection on partnership, work, and how to attract magical opportunities by attracting the people who are meant for you.Informally, it's an audio celebration of my friend and collaborator and Human Design guide Jenn Gray. Book your own 1:1 Human Design reading with Jenn at www.JennGray.com. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoi...

Send us a textAre the things you're doing leading you down the road and in the direction that you meant to go in? What about the things you leave behind when you aren't discerning about how to spend your time and energy? If you easily fall prey to the seductive "just one more" lie (just one more habit, just one more spiritual practice, etc. etc.), this episode is for you! Key takeaway? Before you add more things, decide what needs to be SUBTRACTED first. ---Work with me 1:1 - J...

Send us a textToday's episode dives into the power of committing fully - like, to a 90-day relationship?? What the hell, why not?Jessica is sharing insights from a 90-day relationship experiment, emphasizing the benefits of going all-in, whether in relationships or other life decisions.Key Takeaways:The Power of Commitment: When you fully commit, “then Providence moves, too.”Find Out FAST: When you go all-in on a relationship, you find out fast whether it’s the right fit or not. That’s true o...

Send us a textIn this episode, Jessica discusses the importance of getting good at staying in uncomfortable situations before making a leap of faith. Key Takeaways:Taking leaps of faith is a skill… and so is staying when you want to leaveYou can learn to harmonize staying and leavingThe personal growth you experience by staying is wildly helpful when you do take a leap of faith ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/She...

Send us a textThis is such an easy thing to forget when you're in the thick of change (big or small), but it's KEY to your ability to keep going:Remember that CHANGE IS HARD IN THE BEGINNING.That's it. Simple and obvious, but oh-so-easy-to-forget when you're struggling to make something work.In this episode, Jessica is talking about tough beginnings, what to expect, and what NOT to do when the Dream Turbulence hits. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What...

Send us a textIn this episode, I’m questioning the “Big Why” as a prerequisite for success and the silly pressure to define a grand purpose for our goals and lives. Key TakeawaysThe Neverending Quest for Purpose - Not every ambition needs a profound reason behind it.Keep It Simple - “Because I want to” is a highly valid - if not the best - reason to do something.Start Somewhere - Honoring our desires without overanalyzing them can lead to profound self-discovery. It's okay to start with ...

Send us a textWhat does a kitchen renovation have to do with problem-solving and possibility? Everything!Key Takeaways:It’s SO important to get out of constant problem-solving mode. Instead of dwelling on limitations, wipe the slate clean and imagine the highest potential outcomes.Presume a positive outcome. By expecting the best and bringing your best self to situations, you increase the likelihood of success.Pursuing possibilities is the path to satisfaction and peace… PLUS you open yoursel...

Send us a textFinding calm and emotional neutrality during times of chaos isn’t just “nice.” It’s the most important, most USEFUL thing you can do to navigate the uncertainty of Square One.Key Takeaways:Square One is a place of upheaval and uncertainty emotionally, mentally, physically, and often financially. It often comes during times of loss, like a breakup or divorce.The impulse in Square One is to make big changes to escape the uncertainty, but now is not the time for sweeping life decis...

Send us a textMy free guidebook on starting over, “Now What?” will be out this week, so in this episode I’m talking about one of my favorite ways to approach a new beginning - coddiwompling. I chose “coddiwomple” as my Word of the Year in 2020 as my relationship was imploding. I now believe wholeheartedly that embracing uncertainty and wandering with purpose can lead to unexpected growth and opportunities in life.Key Takeaways:Embracing Uncertainty: Coddiwompling teaches us to be open to...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about starting over and the very beginning of new beginnings: Square One. Tough beginnings are par for the course when you make a major life change. You'll know you're in Square One when you look around at your life and think things like, "WTF," and "What has happened?" and "OMG" and "Now what?" Key Takeaways:Square One starts with a catalytic event, and it always involves death AND rebirthSurrender is a vibe. You can’t speed up Square One...

Send us a textI went off-script in this episode to talk candidly about what I believe. This episode is the kind of conversation we’d have over dinner or drinks - how I make sense of the world and how I understand “purpose” and “meaning” when it comes to living a rich life. Takeaways:Destiny is an experience of life that is meant for you, and it’s always there, waiting for you to align with it.“What could’ve been” is too high a price to pay to Fear.Destiny speaks to us through intuition a...

Send us a textI love it when my fiction writing and coaching overlap. In this episode, I have some fun exploring the concept of the willing suspension of disbelief and its relevance to personal growth and taking leaps of faith. Suspending disbelief can open up new possibilities and help overcome self-limiting beliefs, and you don’t even need to go Full Delulu to get the benefits. Key Takeaways:The Power of Suspending Disbelief: Willingly suspending disbelief opens up new possibilities a...

Send us a textLet’s talk about change and transformation. One thing about the process of reinvention is always the same: Bursts of change are preceded by periods of stillness. And the change you want comes when you believe you're good enough for it. If you’re impatiently waiting for the next version of you, tune in for a conversation on navigating periods of stillness, making the most of them, and ensuring that when the next level comes, you're a match for it.Key Takeaways:Major shifts e...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about my favorite way to live a life of deep, continual transformation without feeling like you're in constant chaos: Bloom where you're planted. And if you're looking for the secret to attracting better and better things into your life, it's making the best of where you are.Key Takeaways:Months and years can be spent in limbo if you're always "on to the next."Grounding into your real life by doing things as simple as hanging art can transform y...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about another major lesson learned in the first half of my thirties: I have to do things My Way. After years of following other people’s plans and instructions, I believe that the path to your most vibrant, interesting, fulfilling life is found by committing to do things Your Way. Key Takeaways:Personal success often comes from doing things your way, resisting the pressure to conform to others' plans.Adherence to someone else's system, espe...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about another major lesson learned in the first half of my thirties: style matters. Up until my early thirties, I thought style was a vapid waste of time. Now, I believe that the things we wear go far beyond clothing, influencing how we approach life and how life approaches us. Key Takeaways:Style as a reflection of self-perception and confidence.Dressing for the mood you want, not the mood you have.Symbolic significance of fashion choices ...

Send us a textTo celebrate entering the second half of my thirties, I'm sharing five lessons learned from the first five years of this decade.The first lesson: Clarity comes from action, not from thinking. You don't need to "figure things out" before you move forward--in fact, if you're trying to get clear before doing anything, you've got it backward.In this episode, I'm sharing how obsessing over clarity keeps you stuck and three practices that help me take action and keep things moving for...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about the four-stage cycle you can expect to go through when you embark on a personal or professional reinvention. Personal reinvention isn't easy (and it often isn't pleasant), but knowing what to expect can make it much easier to go through. Bookmark this episode and come back to it the next time you feel confused and bewildered (Square One), excited but hesitant (Square Two), frustrated as hell (Square Three), and happy but bored (Square...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about ending 2023 on a high note by expressing my authentic self--a version of me some might call a "b*tch." I'm sharing a couple anecdotes from my dating life to illustrate mistakes I've made by being accommodating when I wanted to be rigid, and "chill" when I wanted to be intense. I'm discussing the lesson that every time I've downplayed the tough, brazen, defiant truth of myself in order to be non-threatening, I've ended up with lukewar...

Send us a textIn this episode, I am talking about a new paradigm for setting goals that doesn't include timebound metrics or obsession with things that are not strictly under your control. If you're tired of SMART goals and the frustration of not hitting metrics, here's a new approach to experiment with.I'm sharing my own struggles with lacking holiday spirit and motivation this year, as well as frustration that my old methods of goal-setting aren't working for me anymore. Enter: Reinven...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm bringing you behind the scenes of the lessons I'm learning - RIGHT NOW - about reinvention, building a business, and going all in. I'm talking about marketing experiments, frustration, branding, and why calling experiments "failures" might actually be a good thing. AND how all of my failures and lessons can serve as a mirror for you in your pursuit of cool things.PS: Join my weekly email list if you want to stay in touch, since, as I talk about in the episod...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm sharing the best career advice I've ever gotten--and it wasn't even about my job; it was about buying my first house.Listen in for life-changing advice that you can apply to your career right now, whatever stage you happen to be in. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/SheJoin the Ill-Advised email list: jessicaell.com/join Instagram: @thejessicaelljessicaell.com

Send us a textIf you want to change your career, you have to change your career narrative. The story you tell about your work experience--and yourself--is the most powerful tool you have in creating the career of your dreams. In this episode, I discuss why it's important to write a strategic career story that is aligned with the outcome you want--using the experience you have--as well as tips and prompts to write your own effective career narrative. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJ...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking about the approach I've often taken to my career--which is to go all in on myself and my dreams. From giving up a scholarship at a top ten law school in favor of making thirteen bucks an hour as a nonprofit "events girl" to leaving behind a six-figure job to start a business from scratch, my career has been filled with leaps of faith and bets on myself. This is a conversation about career decisions that are right for you, no matter how ill-advis...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm offering a few practical tips and journal prompts so you can make the journey toward your goals as fun and easy as possible. So often, we're told we have to "enjoy the process" but aren't told HOW to do that. Here are some ways to reduce suffering, stress and overwhelm as you pursue your goals. ---Work with me 1:1 - JessicaEll.com/bookJoin my group coaching program, What She's Having - JessicaEll.com/SheJoin the Ill-Advised email list: jessicaell.com/join In...

Send us a textIn this episode, I'm talking to Human Design expert and consultant Jenn Gray. Human Design is a complex but fascinating tool to deepen self-awareness, reduce friction in your life, and learn how to act in alignment with your best destiny (rather than against it). If you frequently feel frustrated or bitter, it might be because you're working against your design. If you're interested in having Jenn walk you through your own unique Human Design chart, start with a free mini-...