Jason and Todd Talk Through Lousy Films

Molly is a movie where Elisabeth Shue plays an autistic person. What's weird is Todd's TV just dies in the middle of the movie, and undeterred Jason and Todd switch to watching on Todd's computer, and first person they see is Todd's late father-in-law right there in the picture! Looking at Elisabeth Shue naked! Don't know what it all means, but Todd got really freaked out.

Dragged Across Concrete is a very long dirty cop thriller that has precious little of anything actually being dragged across concrete. Jason and Todd talk about this particular director's other movies, the fine line between exploitation entertainment and nazi propaganda, and how anyone who has any kind of faith in any element of the United States government isn't paying any attention. Also, racism.

Heaven is a movie about having faith and what happens when a Christian dies or something like that. It's really awful. Jason and Todd talk about why faith-based movies are so attractive for Jason, whether or not they would be surprised to find Donald Trump in heaven, and they also ponder why heaven is just a few white fences, walls, and astro turf.

Avenging Force is one of these Canon films starring Michael Dudikoff, and it's surely lousy, but damn if it isn't the most fun take on The Most Dangerous Game this side of Hard Target with Van Damme. Jason and Todd talk about the movie they were supposed to watch but it was no longer available, The Devil's Workshop starring Radha Mitchell. They really don't remember anything much about it, so they turn their attention mostly to the magnificence of the charismatic Steve James. And maybe a little about being terrified of current events, and their backs hurt. Anyway. Jason liked it.

I Am Sam is a movie starring Sean Penn as a special needs person, as supported by special needs people also playing special needs people. Jason and Todd talk about why this movie remained a punchline in other movies for years after its release, what exactly the "it factor" is, and how to be a narc in a professional entertainment industry situation. Also, they have to keep telling the cat to stop nibbling on all the damn wires.

Hobo with a Shotgun is a violently silly movie with Rutger Hauer. Jason isn't as into as Todd, which naturally leads them down a path to discuss cats, Shia LaBeouf's art installation, and whatever the name is of the guy who directed that thing that was pretty good.

Flight from Ashiya is an old movie about a rescue team led by a racist guy who hates Yul Brenner for being Japanese, which of course he is not. Jason and Todd talk about the aesthetic of model work versus cartoons, the movie Civil War which is somewhat dumb, and how weed makes it impossible to remember anything that happens in the Clint Eastwood movie called Firefox.

Fear City is an Abel Ferrara movie with Tom Berenger and a bunch of really famous actresses being exploited for cheap thrills. Jason thinks it's gross, and Todd does do, but they are watching this thing anyway. Stuff other than Fear City being discussed: Shoot to Kill starring Tom Berenger, Switchback starring Dennis Quaid which is not to be confused with Shoot to Kill, and even the dramatic implications of certain types of men's jackets.

The Reflecting Skin is a kinda vampire movie directed by the same guy who did The Passion of Darkly Noon. His titles are weird. And there's always that Viggo. But that doesn't matter, because Jason and Todd are talking about funerals, tricks for remembering names, and the trouble with greasers.

The Passion of Darkly Noon is a movie that is exactly the movie its title suggests. Jason and Todd talk about future tragedies a couple cast members would face, the fact that golden hour is not at noon, and the how important it is not to take in stray men stumbling through the forest behind your house. It's a lot to digest, but so is The Passion of Darkly Noon. So, hop on the shoe boat with us, won't you?

Life of the Party is a Melissa McCarthy movie that made $65 million at the box office. It's a kind of riff on Back to School. Jason hates it. Todd loves Melissa McCarthy no matter what. They also talk a lot about losers and what should be done with them. Spoiler alert: at the end they feel terrible.

No Safe Haven is a revenge thriller with one Wings Hauser, easily the most favored actor of this podcast. Jason's backside is bothering him and Todd is facing a professional existential crisis, so they mostly ignore Wings in order to talk about what is wrong with society and how much they would like to fix it except they have no money. Oh, and Doctor Zhivago. 

Possession is a horror movie with Sam Neil that feels like you are watching scene work from an acting class. Jason and Todd sometimes get mesmerized by the acting in this movie enough to actually talk about the movie itself, but they also talk about children's television, anal surgery, and what kinds of guns they like to shoot. Also, they breakdown the Oscar movies they've seen. Which isn't all of them. Or even that many. Jason likes Dream Scenario more than The Zone of Interest, even though the former was nominated for nothing.

Dogs is a Jaws rip-off with delightful domesticated dogs instead of a shark. It's got that guy who played Fletch's ex-wife's lawyer in those Chevy Chase movies. Anyway, Jason and Todd mostly talk about two William Friedkin films of varying quality, that guy who directed that Oscar thing that directed other movies they might have liked, and also fantasize out loud about cosmetic surgeries they wish they could afford. They do acknowledge the movie they are watching, mostly because even the attack dogs are adorably friendly and just want hugs - which they get a lot of, properly.

Dangerous Men is a DIY passion project by a guy named John Rad about a woman getting revenge on men for being total douche canoes. Its running time is an hour and twenty minutes, but this podcast lasts for more than two hours because Jason and Todd have to talk about the horrors of aging, the ups and downs of mushroom trips, and the third season of True Detective.

The Postman is a three hour Waterworld without water. Jason and Todd talk through the whole thing, mostly about our weight insecurities, the gift of Tom Petty, and the power of The Church over filmmaking. After this, they'll see you in the New Year, which is an election year. Oh yeah, they also talk about suicide.

Silverado is an 80s western that Jason hates so much he wanted to do a two and a half hour podcast about it. Of course, Jason and Todd barely talk about the movie at all, instead talking about Theresa Russell, the importance of the audition process, and then get in a debate about Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and Julianna Margulies. Also they talk about crying.

Tough Guys Don't Dance is a neo-noir picture from Norman Mailer, in which homophobic misogynists do horrible things to each other in Provincetown, MA. Jason and Todd talk about what this movie meant in their childhoods, discuss Jason's troubles operating an iPad, and Todd reminds Jason that he was once Albert Maysles' house boy for a weekend.

Airport is a movie about an airport run by incompetents. Jason and Todd talk about why they love disaster movies even though that's ghoulish, Jason discusses how various health troubles make sex uninviting, and Todd remembers his favorite shot from Airport '77. It's all right here, folks!

Blades is an 80s movie about a killer lawnmower terrorizing a golf course. Jason and Todd mostly talk about Todd's son, the homeless crisis, and how this movie is way better than any Marvel film. The effects are better.

Like Normal People is a TV movie where Shaun Cassidy plays a guy constantly referred to as a word that nobody dares use anymore. Jason thinks Shaun Cassidy is Andrew McCarthy and then spends much of the podcast fumbling around the word nobody uses anymore while Todd freely admits to getting choked up in the first act before losing interest somewhere in the second act and then not finding an actual third act. 

The Great Outdoors is a movie from the John Hughes/John Candy team up era of comedy movies. Jason doesn't like family comedies, but Todd is okay with them if they have raccoons and teen romance, and each character gets their own specific scoring. Mostly Jason and Todd talk about current event issues like homelessness and also television monologues. The movie is only 90 minutes, but this conversation runs longer. Which is what you have come to expect from this podcast.

Lost Horizon is a movie about a plane filled with rich white trash crash landing into a musical. Jason and Todd don't like musicals to begin with, but this thing really brings a new meaning to the concept of lousy films. Also, George Kennedy had hard water, and nobody ever told him about filtration systems. Doesn't matter, Jason and Todd talk about loads of other stuff, including weight loss and the inherent problems with immortality and as always - Godzilla. Jason says the c-word a lot in reference to the Dalai Lama. 

House Party is another movie called House Party made for this year, 2023. Jason doesn't like it and talks about his anal fissure. Todd reminisces about his youth when it seemed like he had a really good shot at lucrative acting gigs. He doesn't like the new House Party, either, but he loves the old ones. He saw House Party 3 in the theater! No matter, because this podcast has made a list! Here's the list: 30 Best Cult Movie Podcasts You Must Follow in 2023 (feedspot.com)

Trackdown is a movie that has Eric Estrada in it. One time, Todd saw Eric Estrada's personal locker at a cigar store in Studio City. But that's not at all what Jason and Todd talk about while watching this movie that has Anne Archer in it, they've got to talk about people with the last name Sidaris and socio-political issues they clearly don't fully understand while still finding reasons to ALMOST yell at each other about. But they don't quite yell. That's probably a disappointment, isn't it?

Stewardess School is an 80s comedy about exactly what it sounds like.  This is the kind of movie that Jason thinks is a detriment to society, and the kind of absolute garbage Todd delights in. This of course leads to discussion about impenetrable loneliness and feeling abandoned by society. Whatever, they don't watch sports, so this is all they got.

A Ghost Story is a movie about Casey Affleck standing around in a bedsheet. In other news, Jason got a colonoscopy and Todd saw a movie called Plane. As if that's not enough, there's a complete breakdown of Oscar contenders regardless of how few of them were actually seen by the two self-described idiots who talk a good twenty minutes after the movie is over. This is entertainment! 

Dead for a Dollar is a Walter Hill western that came out in 2022. Seems fitting for the last movie Jason and Todd talk through for the year. In addition to complaining about not enough gun fire, Jason dives deep into his family history, and Todd talks about the (also 2022) movie Troll. This one made Jason real mad and now he has vowed revenge.

[[:encoded, "Portland Expose is an old movie based on true facts that expose the criminal underbelly of Portland. It exposes everything. A real expose. Jason and Todd only stop to be horrified by the violence towards women while talking about nuclear war, nazis, and The Water Wars. Oh, and Blonde. They talk about Blonde."]]

[[:encoded, "Willy's Wonderland is a movie about a silent Nic Cage fighting animatronic demons. Jason thinks it's the best movie ever made, and Todd thinks it's maybe third or fourth best. No matter; they talk about lots of other things like old man health issues, David Mamet being old and having old man health issues like Republicanism, and also how hard it is to make a good lighthouse movie."]]

[[:encoded, "The White Buffalo has a magical white buffalo puppet, a magical Jack Warden, and a Charles Bronson who never takes his damn shirt off. Don't matter, though, cuz Jason and Todd talk about other things most of the time, like what their lives were like in 5th grade and how their memories are not at all dependable. They don't yell at each other at all because Todd's wife is home and she won't have it."]]

[[:encoded, "Action U.S.A. is a movie about cars blowing up and people catching fire and jumping off bridges. While this unfolds before them, Jason and Todd talk about other car movies, have a love fest over the movie The Best Years of Our Lives, and they also talked about voting for sure - although that one may have happened off mic, we don't remember. We were kinda high."]]

[[:encoded, "The Oscar is a sleazy movie about a sociopath who wants to win an Oscar real bad. While the sordid tale unravels, Jason and Todd talk about the reality of cashmere sweaters against bare skin, the difference between Valley dive bars and The Oscars, and the importance of the correct percentage of THC for editing an audio play."]]

[[:encoded, "Turkey Shoot aka Escape 2000 is another exploitative take on The Most Dangerous Game starring the magnetic Steve Railsback. It's epic and kind of wonderful but Jason and Todd mostly talk about Ukraine and their equally subjective and uneducated opinions on auteur filmmakers. And Todd complains about that same stupid commercial director again. It's as if he actually suffered some kind of trauma. Bonus: Jason relates fourteen different stories about showing up to wildly late to important events. Anyway. Lots of love here."]]

[[:encoded, "The Identical is a movie about Elvis's twin being as good as Elvis which according to this movie's music also sucks. No matter. Despite the running time of an hour forty for the movie, Jason and Todd talk for three and a half hours. Included are thoughts on this movie, other Christian movies, and then they yell fight for thirty minutes about shit (Rogan, Chappelle, groups insulted by them) they both agree for the last thirty minutes that they have no business or effect on - but at a certain point Todd literally whines, \"I am so tired and I just want to eat.\" That's it. That's the show only one hour shorter than the average Joe Rogan Experience. Sorry for the run-on sentences, but I was high when we recorded this and it is now nighttime."]]

[[:encoded, "Cosmic Sin is a movie with Frank Grillo and Bruce Willis and they are in space. There's a lot of neon and tons of giant loud laser guns, but you would think Jason and Todd can't hear it as they instead talk about Lamb (a completely unrelated movie) and the truth about COVID and comedians, both alive and not alive. 2022 begins!"]]

[[:encoded, "The Unseen is a movie about a Bond girl who stays at a bed and breakfast in Solvang whose owners keep Flounder from Animal House in their basement. It's really the perfect way to celebrate their 100th episode, and Jason and Todd barely pay attention to the murder onscreen because they are both in crisis about how horrible they were as young men. Come on and celebrate with them!"]]

[[:encoded, "The Many Saints of Newark is an HBO movie prequel to an HBO television series about gangsters with eating disorders. Jason and Todd mostly talk about the whole David Chappelle controversy despite Todd swearing he doesn't want to. Spoiler Alert! They manage to come to some kind of understanding. Sort of. No, don't talk about the movie for more than five minutes."]]

[[:encoded, "Cry Macho was made by an elderly man who only has time for single takes. Jason takes this man down. Todd laughs. Also, they talk about other things, like other movies and old man ailments."]]

[[:encoded, "Reminiscence is a movie that is two hours long. Normally when people get bored by a movie, they shut it off. But Jason and Todd, they talk through the entire thing and then keep talking for another forty minutes after that."]]

[[:encoded, "Sinbad of the Seven Seas is one of the last gasps of The Cannon Group, and it is intensely stupid. For some reason, Jason and Todd spend a lot of time talking about suicide. Kinda concerning."]]

[[:encoded, "Striptease is a movie that was marketed on one thing and one thing alone. Jason and Todd get excited and then uncomfortable watching it when they aren't yapping about what's wrong with their brains and how they keep screwing up the world with them."]]

[[:encoded, "The Shack is Christian propaganda movie with an impressive cast that still doesn't do much to clear up what exactly The Holy Ghost is. Jason and Todd talk about being terrified of getting older and bigger, Charles Grodin, and how confusing Christianity is."]]

[[:encoded, "Killer Sofa is a New Zealand movie about a murderous piece of furniture that is clearly a chair and not a sofa. No matter, because there is much to discuss, including somebody's upcoming colonoscopy. Enjoy!"]]

[[:encoded, "The Witch Who Came from the Sea is a movie about a lady who murders dudes because of a horrible thing that happened when she was a kid. No matter, Jason and Todd are just excited to have recorded their first ever live episode, and they are so stoked about it they don't shut up for an epic three whole hours. Look. They do it for them. Not you."]]

[[:encoded, "Killdozer is a movie about a bulldozer that gets possessed by an evil space rock. Jason and Todd are not sure they haven't done this movie on the podcast before, and they aren't sure they won't do it again. What they are sure of, is this movie is pure television magic. Clint Walker!"]]

[[:encoded, "Staying Alive is a sequel to Saturday Night Fever that was directed by Sylvester Stallone and ends with John Travolta telling his girlfriend to back off so he can \"strut.\" In addition to marveling about this bizarre dance movie, Jason and Todd talk about vaccine chasers, how society indoctrinates us with certain prejudices that screw up our taste in movies, and then they trade stories about turning in papers on time."]]

[[:encoded, "Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw is a movie about a former child preacher and a future Wonder Woman going on a road trip crime spree. Doesn't matter, though, because Jason and Todd talk about other stuff, like politics and feeling intellectually superior, and they don't even shut up when Wonder Woman is naked. I mean, come on, right? Happy Christmas!"]]

[[:encoded, "Intimate Agony is a TV movie from 1983 that is a lot like Jaws, except instead of a shark terrorizing a vacation island, it's a an outbreak of herpes. Be warned that Jason will discuss in detail his own experiences with VD, and Todd will probably giggle about Jason's misfortune because he is a total dick. Anyway, let truth by your Judith Light, and set down with these two idiots for a dose of it."]]

[[:encoded, "Strays is a movie starring Timothy Busfield about a bunch of murderous alley cats. Jason talks about Busfield, Todd talks about Kathleen Quinlan, and they both agree cats are too cute to be scary even though we know they will bite you right in the eyebrow out of nowhere sometimes."]]