Just Tea Sundays by Come Abide Here

August 29, 2021S2:E5: Can We Bring Joy to Doing the Work of DEIB Transformation?Whether it is a systemic pattern of failing to promote people on the basis of their group identity, or an inequitable distribution of services or resources in segregated communities that result in economic violence, or a pattern of brutality that leaves specific communities living in fear of those in authority, pain is usually at the root of the situations that compel institutions to initiate DEIB programs. Focusing exclusively on pain can be exhausting and undermine commitments to sustained effort. Is there room for balance? How can one insert joy into work that is often so rooted in sorrow? My guest this week is Kate “Sassy” Sassoon. Sassy has spent over 20 years turning her passion for efficiency, effectiveness, and equity into a thriving consultancy offering facilitation, training, and organizational design to social enterprise organizations. She develops inclusive collaboration frameworks, energetic dialog spaces, and authentic connections. Her work is known for being joyous, empowering, and deeply caring. She brings all that energy and a lifetime of experience with co-ops to the role of Director of Cooperative Membership at Zebra’s Unite Co-op. She holds 2 degrees from UC Berkeley - one in art and one in science, and approaches the world (and the work) with one foot firmly in each. She delights in deep questions, unexpected connections, and doing well by doing good.Please join us this week to talk with Sassy about how to sustain positive energy and joy in the face of trauma and pain. We invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.To contact Sassy for a consultation visit her website: http://www.sassycooperates.org/

Have you ever heard of the glass cliff? One of the biggest obstacles against achieving true DEIB in your organization is the expectation that things can change without actually being different. In this installment of our series on resistance to change, we examine the ways that individuals and organizations resist change by trying to keep things the same while going through the motions of change. We use the glass cliff as an example of how this dynamic works and we also identify the one crucial element that must be present for true, substantive, transformative organizational change to happen. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

August 15, 2021Just Tea Sundays Episode 3: How to Recognize and Avoid Resistance to Change in your Organization’s PoliciesHow is it that a law intended to protect citizens became a tool that allows police officers who use force that is excessive in the opinion of conventional wisdom to be legally absolved of brutality? There are many ways by which an organization can use its policies to resist DEIB change - even unconsciously. In this episode I continue my series on unconscious resistance to DEIB change by looking at how even the best policies with the best intentions can be derailed by one specific area of unconscious bias: Whom your policies center.On today’s show I will talk about why more policies are usually not the answer and I will share the one policy-mindset shift that can neutralize attempts to co-opt your DEIB policies and revolutionize the way your policies function. I invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.How can we work with you? To contact Come Abide Here LLC please visit our landing page: https://www.comeabidehere.com/start-your-transformation-with-come-abide-here

August 8, 2021Just Tea Sundays Episode 2: 3 Steps for Creating Inclusion with your Colleagues and FriendsI was a junior associate at a Wall Street law firm when I experienced my first epiphany about how easy it is to exclude someone on the basis of their identity without even realizing it. In this case, I was part of doing the excluding! My experience opened my eyes to how colleagues can act together to create exclusion without consciously intending to, how we can reinforce exclusion and interpersonal resistance to change once we realize what is happening, and the important role that power plays in the potential consequences of unconscious exclusion. In today’s episode, the second in our series on unconscious resistance to change, I will demonstrate how it is that, as dedicated as you are to making DEIB real in your organization or company, you and your White colleagues can often make this one unconscious decision that results in your colleagues from underrepresented or marginalized communities being (and feeling) excluded. This kind of decision often defies the best intentions of DEIB policies because it happens in split-second, every-day, “normal” ways of being. I will also discuss how greater access to power makes this situation worse.This second episode of Just Tea Sundays will show you how to recognize this one decision that can determine if your organization is inclusive or hostile to your colleagues from marginalized or underrepresented communities and learn three steps that you can take to ensure that you and your colleagues are not part of the problem together. We invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

August 1, 2021Just Tea Sundays Episode 1: Are YOU The Problem? Find & Stop Resistance to Change in 3 Easy StepsThe summer of 2020 resounded with impassioned announcements from companies around the United States that roundly denounced George Floyd’s murder, declared solidarity with Black Lives Matter, and promised sweeping change regarding diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging within the organizations. One year later, how much has actually changed in your organization? Are you doing or still performing?Today’s show examines one aspect of what often stands in the way of achieving substantive change around DEIB: Unconscious intrapersonal resistance to change. Anyone, no matter how committed to DEIB, can unconsciously undermine the change efforts that they champion if they do not identify and address unconscious resistance to the changes they say they support. In this episode of Just Tea Sundays you will learn how to recognize your unconscious resistance to change and how to resolve it. We invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

July 25, 2021How to Manage the Pain of Confronting Systemic RacismConfronting systemic racism can be emotionally exhausting. How do you find strength and inspiration while doing the often painful and frustrating work of detaching from racist systems? This week I am delighted to welcome Doris Cheung to Just Lunch Live. Doris is an amazing artist and a psychologist and she will talk with us about her own experiences as an Asian woman in the United States and share with us strategies for managing the pain of confronting systemic racism. Doris holds a doctoral degree in Developmental Psychology, is happily married, and has a 12-year-old daughter. She was born in Hong Kong and is a fluent speaker of Cantonese, Mandarin, Hakka, and English. She has worked with the underrepresented population in New York City both as a college instructor and a helper in Project Liberty, which aided September 11 victims. An experienced interpreter and interpreter trainer, Ms. Cheung had provided the Mental Health Interpreter Certificate Program and the Cultural Competency Education Program in her role as Cultural Diversity Director at the Mental Health Association of the Southern Tier for almost ten years. She recruited and trained mental health interpreters from various ethnic backgrounds, and conducted cultural competence workshops for mental health providers, recipients, and the general public. She was the recipient of the New York State Office of Mental Health Journey Award in Cultural Competence in 2011. She has also volunteered to be a crisis counselor and been a member of the Sexual Assault Response Team at Crime Victim Assistance Center since 2005.We look forward to sharing tips and strategies for how you can manage the pain of confronting systemic racism. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.Please use the links below if you’d like to get in touch with Doris directly.Xylos Art and Design webpage: https://www.xylosartanddesign.com/ The Healing Creative Spa: https://www.xylosartanddesign.com/healing-creative-spa/

Discover Your White Identity: The Just Dinner ExperienceWe have covered a lot of topics on Just Lunch Live (now evolving into Just Tea Sundays) but one we have not addressed directly in a while is, what, exactly does Come Abide Here do? Why is our tagline “Come Hungry/Leave Transformed”? What can Come Abide Here offer you?In this episode I am thrilled to welcome Chris Day to Just Lunch Live's special Sunday edition. Chris is one of our original guests at Come Abide Here’s flagship opportunity, Just Dinner. We will talk about what being part of Just Dinner was like for her and how that experience continues to contribute to how she approaches thinking about and confronting systemic racism today. Just Dinner is a Come Abide Here virtual gathering that provides a safe and brave space for White people who want to better understand and connect with their identities as White people. During Just Dinner, guests explore what it means to be White in a social system built on White Supremacy. It is a perfect opportunity for White members of diversity committees, community responsibility committees, and organizational leaders who are determined to bring DEIB to their organizations to find connection and inspiration, and develop community with like-minded people. Nurturing social and cultural change requires a mindset that is confidently grounded in self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and dedication to the purpose of DEIB. That mindset ensures that champions of DEIB will be unphased by the strong resistance to change they often encounter in their organizations and communities. Come Abide Here provides Racial Intelligence Coaching dedicated to providing guidance and support for developing a DEIB mindset. We begin with Just Dinner. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

[Please excuse the poor audio quality. Pretending that you are listening to an Edison phonograph might help]. What My Parents Taught Me about Out-Smarting RacismI cannot think of a time when I was not aware of how structural racism affects . . . well . . . everything. I remember knowing, in my earliest memories, that there was an invisible yet definitely material barrier between me and White people and that the system deemed me inferior. There is a hymn we would sing in church asking the Lord to cleanse us from sin. The refrain was, “Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.” I knew that I could never be whiter than snow. I remember feeling strange about being boy crazy in kindergarten because I knew that romantic relationships between us were not allowed. I don’t remember there being any Black boys in my first grade class but there were two brown boys. That was as close to Black as I was going to get so I dutifully picked the object of my attention from between them. My parents did not teach me that. I just . . . knew. What my parents did provide was an excellent example of the sophisticated analytical and strategic approach for defeating structural racism that People of Color must develop in order to not just survive but thrive anyway. Join me this Sunday for a frank conversation with my mother about how she and my father approached teaching me and my siblings to navigate racist structures. This is sure to be a fascinating conversation. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

What does it mean for White folk to take allyship a step further? Do you know what it means to move from ally to accomplice? I am delighted to welcome this week’s guest, Ivy Summer, to Just Lunch Live. Ivy is a DEIB expert with a decade of experience who has helped hundreds of people routinely become proactive allies to marginalized and oppressed groups in a multitude of ways. She has coached folks in building a routine in their own business by doing an internal audit on company practices and procedures to make inclusion a cohesive component in a brand. Outside of her DEIB work with community-based organizations, nonprofits, and big tech, Ivy has coached yoga instructors, piano teachers, retirees, parents, social media influencers, and more to help them make incremental changes to express allyship in both business and interpersonal parts of life.Aligned with her mission to empower and enable others, she offers pre-built event plans for DEIB-themed workshops that are designed for you to facilitate in your own community.Join me and Ivy to find out how allies become accomplices. To get in touch with, Ivy please visit https://www.thatplace.rocks/services.Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

I am thrilled to welcome to Just Lunch Live Melissa Kiser and Kristina Furi, two amazing people who exemplify what real partnership for racial equity looks like. Melissa and Kristina are co-organizers of #BlackLivesMatter Cortland NY. Join us for what promises to be a fascinating conversation. We will consider why it is important for White people to join Black Lives Matter and reveal the secrets to developing and sustaining a successful partnership of mutual respect and genuine connection between People of Color and White people united in the purpose of achieving true liberty and justice for all in the United States. We welcome you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed

The great Fredrick Douglass was asked to give the Fourth of July oration at Rochester’s Corinthian Hall on July 5, 1852. Noting the paradox of being an escaped slave asked to speak of freedom when he, himself could be returned to enslavement, he asked the question, “What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July?” Douglass’s question introduced a scathing indictment of the hypocrisy that defined the character of the United States as it declared liberty and justice for all while engaged in the massive crime against humanity of enslaving African people and their descendants (not to mention dispossessing indigenous peoples of their lands, liberties, and lives). On September 22, 1862, just over 10 years later, President Abraham Lincoln issued the emancipation proclamation that declared enslaved people in the Confederacy to be free as of January 1, 1863. Enslaved people in Texas were not informed of their free status until June 19, 1865 when Union troops rode into Galveston Bay, Texas and delivered the news. The enslaved people of Texas were the last to know that they were finally free. This day became known and celebrated as Juneteenth in African American communities.In June, 2020, in the wake of George Floyd’s murder, Juneteenth finally came to national prominence in the United States. Nearly 170 years after Fredrick Douglass asked the powerful question, what is the Fourth of July to the American slave, we ask the question, what is Juneteenth to the American White person?Our guest is Graham Salinger. Graham is a mediator, coach, and restorative justice practitioner who founded Salinger Coaching Solutions. His goal as a coach is to empower managers and their teams in the face of challenges impacting their work culture, morale, and performance. Graham has run programs for juvenile offenders and school-based restorative justice projects as well as for public and private sector groups such as members of the Chamber of Commerce, Habitat for Humanity volunteers, and city employees.He also sits on the board of a foundation working to strengthen opportunities for women and children in Sudan, South Sudan and Uganda through education, farming and small businesses capacity building. Graham has a BA in Political Science and an MA in International Peace and Conflict Resolution.We welcome you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

Today we are delighted to welcome our guest, Emily Roh, to Just Lunch Live. Emily is an antiracist coach and facilitator, and she brings 15+ years of experience in education and human development to her work. As the founder of My Invisible Knapsack, LLC. Emily focuses on helping individuals and organizations heal from internalized white supremacy and reconnect to their humanity. Emily is known for being empathic, highly intuitive, and deeply reflective, and strives to embody her values of compassion, authenticity, courage, and integrity.On today’s show, Emily will share with us how she was inspired to start her practice, how she coaches her clients to heal from internalized white supremacy, and we’ll even get a demonstration as she coaches Bathabile on the show! You’ve got to see this.You can learn more and contact Emily at myinvisibleknapsack dot com.We invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed. My Invisible Knapsack – Antiracist Coaching and Consulting Services https://myinvisibleknapsack.com/

Please join us to observe the first anniversary of George Floyd’s murder. We’re going to talk about Racial Intelligence for White people and how it is necessary if we are to keep up the passion for racial transformation on a societal scale that flourished in the wake of his death. We invite you to Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

If you have trouble understanding the “systemic” in systemic racism, (or just want to know more about it) be sure to join us for this show. Today we are thrilled to welcome the legal scholar and professor emerita of law Beverly Moran. Professor Moran is a leading tax scholar, winner of numerous awards, and author of numerous publications who joined Vanderbilt Law School’s faculty in 2001. She is the first African-American woman to be granted tenure at the law school. She also was a professor of sociology at Vanderbilt.Tax day just passed for most people in the United States so we thought this would be a great opportunity to talk about how the U.S. Tax Code is not only a way to achieve social engineering but also serves to strengthen structural racism. Our conversation will help to expose the “structure” in structural racism, that part of racism in the United States that many White people often struggle to see and understand. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

We are so excited! Today’s topic is based on a question from a viewer. We love getting questions from our viewers so please send us a message with any question that you have. We meet many well-meaning people who want to express their desire to rise above prejudice and embrace people who are different from themselves. One of the ways many White people try to do that is by saying, “I don’t see color”. But for many People of Color, there is a visceral negative reaction to hearing that. Today we talk about what it actually means to many People of Color when you say, “I don’t see color” and we suggest ways to express solidarity that are more inclusive and affirming.

In this episode of Just Lunch Live we address 5 reasons why White People celebrate when BIPOC “overcome” racist barriers and what that actually means. We will tell you why we have put “overcome” in quotation marks and discuss what White people can do instead. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

The moment that news of a verdict in Derek Chauvin’s trial for killing George Floyd broke will be seared in the memories of millions of people around the world. For just over an hour millions were joined in a combination of hope and dread of the outcome. The experience of waiting for the verdict gives White people a glimpse into the experience of waiting for justice that People of Color in general and Black people in particular have done for centuries in the United States. It is that bated-breath feeling of anxiety and trepidation seasoned with a dash of hope against a systemic pattern not-guilty verdicts. People of Color endure repeated blows to expectations of fairness, justice, and a balancing of power that are inherent in the collective psyche of the People of the United States. That collective ongoing experience of violence, and the perpetual experience of being wronged that accompanies it, inflicts chronic communal trauma that results in substantive and substantial damage to people marginalized according to race. It also makes brutes of those who benefit from it. And yet there is one thing People of Color most certainly are not expected or allowed to be: Angry.On April 14, 2021, Charles M. Blow, an opinion columnist for the New York Times, wrote in a piece titled “Rage Is the Only Language I Have Left”: “A society that treats this much Black death at the hands of the state as collateral damage in a just war on crime has no decorum to project. That society is savage. . . . I’m sure that pain and trauma are present in me, but I’m choosing to subjugate their import. Rage has ascended to my position of primacy. America scoffed and was unmoved when, for years, we spoke out of our pain. So be it. Now, rage is the only language I have left.”What are the long-term effects of having to suppress rage in the face of violence that cloaks itself in truth and righteousness? Why is the verdict not enough? Corregan Brown returns to examine these questions with us.

The collective pain that many communities are experiencing in the wake of George Floyd’s killing and Derek Chauvin’s trial for committing it provides a chance to reveal and give honor to the place and function of religion, faith, and the church in Black communities. Today Corregan Brown will join Bathabile to talk about what the Black church has meant to Black folk in times of trouble, historically and in the present day. Corregan is a technologist, blogger, and an occasional musician, poet, and pundit. He writes about race, politics, faith, and current events. He grew up at the edges of the Black church, spent some time in Reformed Calvinist theology, and now makes his way down a rocky path that occasionally shows signs pointing toward Jesus.

Our special guest today is Dr. Chris Pernell. Bathabile got her first dose of the COVID vaccine yesterday but not without some trepidation. While many people in general feel nervous about getting the vaccine, for many Black people the prospect is downright frightening. Experiences of medical racism in the United States and elsewhere in the world have left many Black people and other people of color wondering whether they can truly trust the scientific community and the medical system. From enslaved Black women being used as medical guinea pigs to develop the field of gynecology to the Tuskegee studies and the birth control studies in Puerto Rico, to the Mississippi Appendectomy and the HeLa scandal, to everyday indignities at the hands of White doctors with strange prejudices, no wonder faith in the medical system is troubled in many BIPOC communities. Join us to gain clarity on the issue, understand why the COVID vaccine is safe and necessary, and to learn how you can contribute to making a difference. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

What are your Black friends hiding from you about their experiences with race and racism? Join us today as we touch on 5 things your Black friends are probably not telling you about racism and how you can use your awareness to make things better.

Paranoia: “Suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence or justification.” -Google Dictionary. All cultures have their preoccupations but the exceptional power of White culture in the United States to back up its fears with violence demands special attention. Today we consider what the recent killings of Asian women working at massage parlors and public reaction from majority communities says about fear and racialized misogyny in White communities and we consider opportunities to connect and collaborate with Asian women.

What happens when your sense of identity no longer matches your access to power where you live? Our guest today is the poet, essayist, and actor Danielle Levsky, a first generation U.S. citizen whose parents immigrated to the United States from post Soviet Russia in 1992. She joins us to query what it means to be simultaneously dominant in one place and subservient in another, what that reveals about the contrived nature of White supremacy, and the potential that uncovering White supremacy’s artificiality brings to liberating other intersecting identities from the false constructs of power in the United States. Come Abide Here. Come Hungry/Leave Transformed.

“ Paradox: One (such as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases” Merriam-Webster. While all women in leadership positions face the perceived paradox of being a woman in power, women of color, and Black women in particular, often face additional challenges just doing their jobs. In this pre-Tea episode Deane joins Come Abide Here founder Bathabile Mthombeni to talk about what makes being a Black woman in power so complicated and about how White women can better partner with Black women and other women of color in their organizations to build coalitions that resolve the perceived power paradox.